I don't even know where to begin... a part of me feels sick to my stomach, a part of me wants to cry with joy, a part of me just doesn't believe it quite yet. But just in case it's true, I need to start this blog up today.
According to an online Due Date Calculator I found, I very well could be having a baby around January 1, 2010!
Right now, I have tears forming. Oh my God!
This isn't the first time I've been down this road... a road where we hope and pray that with every passing cycle, AF would skip town and I would be pregnant with our first child. Sadly, the first time we went down this road, I was blessed with four weeks of falling more and more in love with someone that I would never meet. Thursday will mark nine months since we had to say goodbye. It's been one of most trying roads I've ever traveled in my 36 years of life. And I pray to God that I don't have to go down that path again.
That said, you'd think that I would know the "rules" by now: A line is a line is a line is a line! The thing is that this has been such a crazy cycle (my temp took a dive for two days and I had four days of spotting). Plus the HPT I took this morning, just 2 and a half hours ago, had a very faint line and last time I got a very faint line, I ended up having to have a d and c four weeks later.
I'm scared, I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm .... everything right now.
I want this more than anything and I actually do feel like this is it: I'm pregnant and I'm having a New Year's baby.
A New Year's Baby! It's funny because as every month escaped and got closer and closer
to 2010, I started hoping that we could conceive in time for a 2010 baby - the first one of the year. And then when I checked the online
calculator and matched it to my chart, by God it very well could happen! Ha!
I told S just before I left this morning. He's still sleeping when I leave so I crawled in bed with the test and gave him smooches like I normally do and told him that I was trying not to get too excited but that I thought I was pregnant. He pried open an eye to look at me and gave me a hug. I told him the test was the cheapie Dollar Store test, and the line was extremely faint like the last time.
"Do you think this could be it?" I asked him.
"I always think there's a chance you could be pregnant," he answered.
I wiped the tears and told him I would continue to temp the next couple days and if it's still high, then I would test with a digital at the end of the week.
Dear God, please please please please please let our
dreams come true and grant us this amazing gift which we promise to take care of like no other.
And gloriously, that line on a pregnancy test turned into this miraculous beauty just 8 months and 2 days later:
My life has never been more complete.