so many photos, so little time

Late last week I read an article about printing out photos for your children's children. It was a great reminder that just because I may currently have a gazillion more photos of my Lovie than my parents had of all three of their kids combined, doesn't mean that Lovie will get to any of them if I don't get them printed.

I have an ABC book printed with images from Lovie’s first 15 months, as well as another book printed documenting her first year, but that’s it. Every other photo since then sits in my computer. Sure it's all labeled by year and month. Sure looking through the photos in order details her life pretty awesomely well. But. What happens if my computer crashes?

I have nothing other than her first year and a half in print (and a couple of canvases up on the wall).

This needs to change. Soon.

 

For Father's Day I took Taye and my dad out to eat to this Italian joint way out in the burbs. I called up my nephew Jordan to see if he wanted to join us since the restaurant was near where he lived (and since he doesn’t really “do” Father’s Day since he and his dad/my brother haven’t had a relationship since about 2005).

All of us met in the parking lot of the restaurant and when I saw Jordan, a smile immediately erupted on both of our faces. Man, I love that kid.

"I got something for you," I told him getting out of my car while he approached, arms stretched out.

"Yeah?" he asked, sucking on a lip ring. "The time capsule?"

"Dammit, no, I'm sorry. I couldn't find it yet but I do have something probably even better."

I opened the hatch to my car and found a big, brown photo album and pulled it out and handed it to him before sifting through other crap to find a second photo album, smaller and gray.

"You gotta promise me something first," I told him. "These are yours. This is your life so these are yours to do with what you want, but please, please don't destroy anything."

Jordan's eye brow rose as he chewed on both of his black lip rings.

I opened the brown album he held and pointed to the green Sharpie writing: May 1992 - 1998. Opposite the writing were three photographs tucked behind clear plastic. All three photos were of Jordan as a newborn.

"Holy shit," he said.

"Yeah," I answered. "This one," I said, opening the gray album I held and pointing to the green Sharpie writing on the inside cover "is from ninety-eight to two thousand."

He looked at me a bit stunned before looking at his girlfriend who smiled at him.

"I've been holding on to them for a while and since I couldn't find the time capsule, I thought I'd give them to you now. But, there's pictures of him in there...”

“I haven't touched these in years so there's pictures of everyone,” I quickly added.

He stood there for a moment flipping through some pages. Pages with photos of him as a baby, a toddler; photos of him with his young, smiling-yet-tired looking parents; photos of people who are no longer alive; photos of some really great times, no matter how ordinary they were then.

“Thank you,” he said giving me a hug. “I didn’t think anything like this existed for me.”

I smiled, “You’re just lucky you were born before I got a digital camera.”

 

cutest sponge

This little girl is something else.

Every day she amazes me. Every day is such a gift. Every day I tell her Daddy that we are so blessed to have her. Every day her Daddy and I smile at her and each other.

It's not all rainbows and puppy dogs but, it kind of is. I mean, she has her moments when she flips out over the most odd things... Just this morning she held a nickel in the back seat of the car and it fell. She started whining. I told her I'd get her another, it wasn't a big deal. I give her one and she starts screaming in hysterics: I DON'T WANT ONE COIN! I DON'T WANT ONE!!! "Would you like a couple more coins?" I calmly asked remembering that just yesterday she was enamored over holding three nickels. YES! I hand a couple over, and all was good in the world again.

But then there are other times when she's just ... she just kind of blows me away.

She's a sponge this one. She loves learning and is constantly asking what things are that she sees for the first time or hears about for the first time. We've never really hit a "Why" stage with her, though. She seems pretty content with our answers most of the time. And she absorbs it all and it sticks like glue in that head of hers.

Currently she can spell her first name, Dad, Mama, Stop (that was the first one thanks to the stop signs), Cat. She knows her birthday is December 29. And as of just yesterday, she now knows her address! She's known for a while that we live in Chicago but now she knows the damn street number and name too! (I'd like to teach her our phone number but am unsure which to teach her: my cell, Taye's cell, home/land line??)

She's a sponge!

I mean yeah it's all from memorizing it, but still. Sweet, right?! And if you ask her how she knows all that she'll tell you, "Cuz I'm smart."

Heh, that's my girl.

My girly girl who screams, cries, and runs away at the sight of bugs... but who's also enamored with all things Poop lately.

Summer: it's just not for me

 

Sweaty boobs smooshed together. 

Air condition on full blast.

Mama’s cranky. 

Lovie’s energy’s infinite.

 

“LESS GO TO DA PARK!”

 

"It’s closed."

 

“I WANNA PLAY WIF DA BIG KIDS!”

 

“I have to pee first.”

It's been a while (again), but I couldn't resist participating in this one from Trifecta.

TILTW: 6.8-6.14

 

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I suck at being sick and not being able to breathe and not being able to control my cough.

**
Lovie and I now use the same hair product in our hair: Kinky-Curly Curling Custard. Stuff is awesome. Too bad it's not cheaper.

***
Did I mention I hate having summer colds?

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Still looking for Father's Day gift ideas? Check out THIS easy, memorable one.

Father's Day gift idea!

tell me this isn't adorable. i dare you!

i can't wait to get this printed and put into a frame. this was not hard to do at all and was totally free. simply create a collage on picmonkey.com. don't upload anything but make the color all the same (i made it all gray).  save. then start editing a new photo and upload what you saved (the gray collage), then upload YOUR OWN overlay (the pic you want) and fade it a bit. save. then enter whatever text you want (i like the different size text) after interviewing your child.  boom.

TILTW: 6.1-6.7.13

 

THINGS I LEARNED THIS WEEK

june 1 to june 7, twenty-thirteen

 

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No matter how hard I try (which, I admit, isn't too hard), I just don't understand people who don't enjoy a good steak every now and again.

**
Double rainbow!

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Playing in the sand beside your near 3.5 year old at the beach kicks ass even if it is barely 50 degrees and wind tries knocking you over.

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Playing in the sand when it's sunny out and a 20 degrees warmer is even more fun. (Thank you for no 90 degrees!)

*****
Watching your child take to something with such glee is beyond awesome. Lovie is a big big fan of swimming (whilst being inside a small inner tube).

******
Vacationing with a near 3.5 year old is so SO much fun! Looks like next time we have to extend our stay or maybe go again in the fall.

*******
Take Lovie to the bathroom before you go anywhere no matter what. Don't ask, just take her... or she may end up pissing herself and the sand she's standing on before you get to the water's edge. Or something.

********
This portable potty thing is absolutely invaluable. (But you still need to sit your kid on the toilet before going anywhere or after a long drive.)

*********
I still don't care for kid tattoos.

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TILTW: 5.25-5.31

(It's been too long since I've done one of these)

On Sleeping: My girl could quite possibly pull an all-nighter already if I allowed, and, especially if TV is involved. I'm astounded at her ability to watch TV and stay awake. That said, she needs to sleep. We all do. And I've come to terms that she currently only will sleep 9 hours at night. I might try to cut out the nap but I'm afraid. She really needs more than 9 hours of sleep in a day. Not because of anything other than her crappy attitude and demeanor when she doesn't get a good 11 hours in a full day. So I've accepted (relented) that I need to lay with her on school nights in order for her to fall asleep. It's not ideal, but if it gets her to sleep within an hour of bedtime opposed to the minimum two hours we've been dealing with for months, I give. And the thing is, there will come a time--probably sooner rather than later--when she won't even want me in the room with her anymore, let alone lying on the floor telling her stories and singing songs while we hold hands and both fall asleep. She's my baby. Always will be. But she's growing so fast so may as well relish in these peaceful times.

On Learning: Earlier last week, Lovie spelled out S T O P. When I asked her what she spelled (whilst sitting at a stop sign), she said, "Stop." (We're city folk so she's seen plenty of stop signs.) As we drove on, I asked her to spell "Stop" again and she did: "S.T.O.P."  I asked her if she could spell her (real) name and she said no and continued to look out the window. She knows what letter her (real) name starts with but that's about it. Well, yesterday we left school and the skies opened up on us. Driving through a monsoon with a 3 year-old is fun times, oh yes it is. To keep myself calm and not get her fearful of the lightening striking near us, I started asking her to spell things again. She spelled Stop and then I asked her to spell her name. She started with the first letter but that's it (there are 7 letters in her real name, 3 syllables). I started spelling it in a sing-song way. Over and over. She started repeating it. And by the time we got home, she could spell her name. Also, by the time we got home, she could spell Mama and Dad. She's so proud of herself, as am I. She loves learning and proving that she's learning and that elates me. I got her this workbook for PreK kids and pulled it out when we got home. She started tracing the letters. This is SO the time I wish I could be at home with her more during the day. Being a working away from home mom won't stop me from doing these things with her, but I do wish there was more time for it. How thrilling it is to witness your child learn and grow at such a rapid speed. Bittersweet times.

On Growing: Lovie's 4T pants are starting to get short on her. They're way too big around her waist, especially now that she's in undies, but they're getting to be too short. Same with her 4T dresses. I'M NOT READY FOR SIZE 5 YET. I know it's just clothes but jeez kid, SLOW DOWN! Also, her feet. She was in a size 4 shoe forever. Then a 5 forever. Then a 6 forever. Then last year in the summer, she moved into a size 7. In the past two months, I've had to buy her new shoes- size 9!- and pack away a bunch of size 7 and 8's that she's barely worn, if at all! HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN SO FAST?!

On Potty Training: I was always told she'll get it when she was ready. TRUTH. This chica doesn't even need night-time pullups anymore! She even gets up in the middle of the night to pee and goes right back to sleep. LIKE A PERSON!

On Rules: This chica seems to thrive on rules. The other week we went to the grocery store and I experienced the worst tantrum by her ever. Like I was shaking by the end of it as she sat in the car screaming and thrashing about, climbing her way into my hatch and banging on the back window as she shrieked, "LET ME OUT!" All because the store didn't have a kid shopping cart or a large racecar cart for her. All because she either had to walk with me to get the few items we were going for or ride in a regular cart. All because I couldn't magically get what she wanted to appear at that moment. I gave her a couple warnings that if she (the whining and actual crying) didn't settle down, we would have to leave. By the third warning, I had to make good on my promise and that's when she lost her mind. (I believe the entire "episode" lasted about an hour- from the time we got to the store, I got her out, I got myself into the car after calming down, and we got home and she got herself calmed down enough to go in the house.) NOW when we go anywhere, like a store, there are rules that are discussed even before we get there. During the drive, we'll talk about the rules: where we're going, why we're going there, the behavior that will and will not be tolerated. Honest to god, I haven't had a problem since. Granted, it's only been a couple of weeks but now anytime we go somewhere she will ask about the Rules. And she knows... she knows... I will follow through.

yyeeeeeaaaaaah

Been in funk.

And then this happened: MY KID IS ON THE HUFF POST.

It might have something to do with this (from nearly a year ago):

Maybe I'll try brushing her hair out again and seeing how much bigger it is these days for comparison. Nearly 3.5 years old and still haven't even trimmed her hair (though I did have to cut out a dreadlock a couple months back).

being an adult sucks ass sometimes.

Monday would've been Oma's 89th birthday. I'd known since she passed two months ago that I'd visit on her birthday. I visited on Mother's Day as well, but the stone wasn't in place as her "end date" hadn't yet been engraved.

Oma purchased the grave site and stone 30-plus years ago when her own parents passed away. She wanted to be in the same cemetery as them and she and my grandfather wanted to be buried next to each other. So purchase a site and stone years before they would pass they did.

I didn't know about any of this till Ota passed away in 2005. That's when I saw that the grave site was wider than most. That's when I noticed the gravestone had both Ota and Oma's names, birth year, and birth city and country already engraved. I'm not sure if Ota's "end date" was already there at his funeral; I just know Oma's wasn't there until just recently.

I've had two months to "get used" to her being gone. It wasn't so bad, truth be told. I'd get waves of emotions, but it just wasn't too bad.

Until Monday.

Until I pulled up to the area where their graves reside.

Until I got out of the car and walked a bit to locate the stone and site.

Until I saw the "end date" under Oma's name.

And that's when I lost it.

I stood at their site for a while, tears streaming down my face and onto my chest, gasping for breath while trying not to scream out loud. I stood there atop the grass and ground above their coffins looking at the engraved stone. The year 2013 under Oma's name wasn't as dirty as the rest of the engraving. Bird poop soiled the stone in a couple areas, quite noticeably in the A in their shared last name. I forgot to bring flowers. Oma loved flowers and I forgot to bring her some. I was pissed at myself. Even though I was constantly told not to get flowers because they'd be removed and tossed when the cemetery closed at night, I still wanted to bring some and I forgot.

Instead there was fucking bird poop on the stone.

Finally I took in a deep breath and exhaled and headed back to the car that held Lovie and Taye. I wanted more time with Oma but, really, what was the point? I can go back another time. Or not. It doesn't really matter. Especially since I forgot the flowers.

"Can we go see doggies now, Mama?" Lovie, barely awake, asked from the back seat.

"Yeah baby," I said putting on my seat belt. "Less go find some dogs."

I let me foot off the brake to coast away and as we were passing their site, Taye asked me to stop for a minute. I could feel him look past me toward their stone from the passenger seat of my car. I just stared ahead and stated, "There's bird poop on the stone."

Then I continued: "I didn't have anything to get it off. And I forgot flowers. I wanted to get flowers for her and I forgot to stop."

"Okay," Taye said.

"I can't believe I forgot the flowers."
"You can go now."

I took my foot off the brake again. Lovie soon closed her eyes to sleep. I drove in silence for several miles.

I'm still pissed I forgot the flowers. And that I didn't have anything to wipe off the damn bird poop. Stupid fucking birds.

how Doc McStuffins inspired me

If you're not familiar with the Disney Jr. show and its songs, this won't mean much to you. Just putting that out there.

Doc's patients often break out into song after she fixes them:

I feel better, so much better

Thank you Doc for taking all the ouchies away!

My version not related to the show in any way other than the singing along to the tune of aforementioned song:

I'm so tired, so very hungry

Thank you PMS for taking my sanity away!