April 29, 2011

Few of my Favorite things Friday

Peanut Butter World

The H picked up a pint of this the other week from Target and I simply cannot get enough. It's absolute perfection on a spoon, in a cup if you ask me... the milk chocolate creamy ice cream, the salty peanut butter swirls, the crispy bits of chocolate cookies... perfection on a spoon. I really hope good old Ben and Jerry keep this flavor around for a long time.


I'm fucking tired lately. All day, every day. I'm sick of it, too. And why on earth is Lovie waking up every single friggin morning between 4 and 5 crying?! Why is she needing milk to go back to sleep?! Why doesn't she sleep 12 hours through like everyone claims their kid does? I'm tired, she's tired, we're all tired. So let's SLEEP!!

Viva Sleep!!

The Help

Last week's favorite book was Two Kisses for Maddy which I finished on Saturday (such a great book- just be sure to have some tissues present). Monday I picked up The Help and am so glad I did. I had some other suggestions for books to pick up (and probably still will at some point) but saw this one, read the first page (written from the POV of a maid way back when, very much reminding me of the style of writing from one of my all time favorite books, As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner), and had to buy it. I'm about 100 page in so far (I read sitting on the couch while Lovie watched TV for an hour a night) and I really do love the way it's written, and cannot wait to read more!

all images taken from google images.
all opinions are mine without anyone else's knowledge, consent or coercion.

April 28, 2011

Weirdo II

A couple weeks ago I posted about how Lovie didn't like the swings and how I found that to be so... well... weird. (She's finally OK with the swings, in case you were wondering, but much prefers the slides and roaming free.) Well the latest thing that has me calling her a weirdo is the tears that fly outta her eyes whenever I use the immersion blender.

picture courtesy of google images
I can understand being startled by the sound but she reacts like her little hand (god forbid!!) is getting blended up! :( I've been making smoothies (plain yogurt, frozen berries, a little honey) for us every night this week and every single time she flips out when I start blending.


And crying out with food spilling out of her mouth!

Yesterday it got so bad that she wouldn't finish eating and I had to actually hold her and rock her for several minutes, the poor thing.

I hope she's not scarred for life.

It's ... weird.  I can run the garbage disposal, which is even louder IMO, and get not even a glance, but as soon as the fruit goes into that cup, look out.

Oh well. It's probably for the best because all this fruit has left me... well... stinky lately. Time to retire the blender for a bit and maybe, like with the swings, she'll warm up to it in the future.

So... anything weird going on with you or yours that's leaving you scratching your head a bit??

Mother’s Day is next weekend. Already.

Last year, I knew exactly what I wanted for my very first (official) Mother’s Day. I wanted to spend the day with my Lovie, I wanted to take our moms and my grams (only grandparent still alive for both the H and I) out for brunch, and I wanted a camera bag so I could carry along my camera when I went to work or we went out.

DH made all of that happen. It turned out to be a very lovely day, actually. Sadly, I think I’ve used the camera bag three times in the last year. It’s just too much to lug around along with my bag for work and Lovie’s bag for school. Now I just take pics with the cellphone if we’re out. Whatever. I’m not gonna win any awards with my pictures but that’s not my goal in life, really, nor is it why I wanted the bag to begin with… I just want to document Lovie’s days the best I can and if that’s with a crappy cellphone, such is life sometimes.

I digress.

This year, I’m not sure what I want outside of spending the day with Lovie and DH. I almost don’t even want to do the brunch thing again this year because I would like to just be the three of us… but how incredibly selfish is that of me?! And besides, they are our mothers (and grams)!!

I dunno... I'm just in such a weird place lately.

I think it’s because the weather is getting warmer and, with that, comes less clothes and lots more disgusting sweat (lord do I hate sweating!) and, with that, comes the reminder that I’m so incredibly fat.

What I really want for Mother’s Day, my birthday, etc is for someone to wave a magic wand and for the fat to melt off my body. I’m not asking to be down to a size 4 or something… a 14 will suffice (and I realize that a 14 to a lot of folks is fat but whatever; it’s a fat I’d love to be rather than the fat I actually am).

Ugh. I try so hard not to whine about being so fat because it really is all of my doing. It’s not like I’ve got some medical condition that makes me eat cheeseburgers and fries and ice cream whenever I want; I just have no farking control sometimes. I know what I should be eating, what I should be doing… but I just can’t seem to eat/do it. (And no worries to the fat haters out there: Lovie eats very healthy and doesn’t see me consume the shit food I consume at times since that’s generally done whilst “working”.)


Maybe I’ll ask for a trip to the salon to get a pedicure (haven’t had one in a year or so) and/or to get my hair did (haven’t had a cut or color or anything done to my hair since August 2009)… maybe a little change in my appearance will spark something in me to make the rest of me do the hard work to change what’s really needing to be changed. This isn’t about me anymore, after all.

from May 2010

What do you want for Mother’s Day??

April 27, 2011


The Paper Mama

That's my current favorite picture of my Lovie. I just wish it wasn't taken with a cell phone and wasn't so fuzzy looking. Regardless it's still my current favorite because it's so... her.

When I saw The Paper Mama's challenge for this week, I instantly thought of this photo because not only is Lovie half black and half white (multicolored- get it? bad, i know), but there's the green grass, the pink, purple, blue, and ivory in her shirt- and the blue jeans belonging to my nephew standing next to her.

The funny thing about this picture is that while it looks as if she's smiling at the person taking the picture, she's not. She's much like her momma in that respect- could care less about being in a photo. No, she's smiling because I brought her her big ball (you know, the ones you find in those huge bins at Target for like $2?) which she absolutely looooves. My cousin was trying to snap a picture but Lovie was just giving her the stink eye so I bounced the ball atop Lovie's head and that smile, that adorable face, is the result.

April 26, 2011

The love affair continues.

Lovie was dressed in a shirt and leggings when I picked her up from school- as opposed to the dress she was wearing upon arriving at school early in the morning. I guess she peed all over her dress when one of the teachers were changing her.

Despite the fugly pink legging she was wearing, despite the pretty cold temperatures (for this time of year- low 40s), despite the overcast skies and threat of rain, I decided to stop at the park on the way home. She had two naps and the forecast for the rest of the week looked pretty shitty so I figured yesterday might be the best day for a visit.

We were the only ones there for the entire half hour we stayed.

We've been stopping at this park a good two dozen times in the past year and yesterday was the first time she really maneuvered around the playset- even going down the big tunnel slide for the first time- all by herself (normally she just follows other kids around and doesn't really have any interest to do anything else other than point at them and try to befriend them). She did this (the slide) twice and both times, it was head first and both times resulted in a big smile.

Before getting home, I picked up some Mickey D's chicken nuggets and fries for dinner. She devoured almost 4 once home and in her highchair. We then spent the next hour and half singing and dancing and watching TV before I read three books to her and put her to bed.

Like always, I sang the song I made up after she was born and laid her down, kissed my fingers and then touched her cheek, telling her that Daddy would give her hugs and kisses when he got home. Unlike most nights, she grabbed my fingers and pulled my hand to her face and started rubbing my fingers against her face the way she normally does with her Grandmabear. It was the sweetest thing and I just let her hold on to my fingers and hand for a good couple minutes as her eyes started to shut.

I left her room in near tears because ... I'm just so insanely blessed that this child is mine.

April 25, 2011

weekend update: shy

Had a great and busy weekend. Saturday we were busy with guests and I didn't get a chance to snap any pictures. : (  Yesterday was Easter and of course pictures were taken.

Lovie is a great kid- she's very social and sweet and friendly and, well, fucking adorable. I've been noticing that she acts super shy when she first encounters someone- even if it's someone she knows (like family). She looks at them and then, in an instant - as if the bottom of her chin and the top of her chest are magnetized - drops her chin down and looks up at them with her big brown eyes... kinda like this here:

here she is starting to let up a bit of her "shy" minute

It's adorable and people can't help but chuckle... but where did she pick this up from? I guess it's a natural reaction?? And of course, 10 minutes later, she's best buds with you.

Typical kid behavior, I'm sure.

How was your weekend? Notice anything new that your kid does or catch any of their latest quirks on film?

April 23, 2011

Little pieces of heaven

Looks yummy, right? As it sits all alone with empty coffee mugs around it, waiting for guests to pick it apart and make it disappear...

Like little pieces of heaven.

And I can assure you, this is worth the wait.

Sooo good and easy. You're welcome.

April 22, 2011

Few of my Favorite things Friday

Chocolate Cheerios

Yum. YUM! I'm not sure what it is about a bowl of Chocolate Cheerios drowning in milk, but it makes me so super duper happy to have some... and share with my little lovebug who seems to be loving them as well! COSTCO sells them in huge boxes and they had coupons so the H picked up a couple boxes the other week and we've been having Chocolate Cheerios for breakfast on weekends and for snack during the week since. Yum! And tonight, I'm making some Chocolate Cheerios Crispy Treats (think Rice Krispie treats but with CCs!). Cannot wait!

Portal 2

This is the H's fault. He's a geek and sucked me in to his world with Katamari on Playstation and then Portal on the PC. Well, Portal 2 just came out the other day and just like with Portal, it's fucking addicting and awesome. The only difference now is that Lovie exists which means we can't spend all weekend playing it.

Two Kisses for Maddy

Ever since giving in and allowing Lovie to watch TV every day when we get home, I've found myself wishing for a laptop or a better cell phone or something that would allow me to sit with her yet not watch the stupid shit that she watches (it's so damn repetitive- good for her, but enough for my eyeballs to get stuck in the back of my head permanently). Finally the other week it dawned on me: I could start reading actual books again!! So I picked up Matt Logelin's book and have been reading a bit here and there all week and have like a chapter or two to go. And I love it. So much. I knew I would because I love his blog, but yeah, it's such a great story with such emotion and heart.

April 21, 2011


from Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond on Facebook

“The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him.”
- Pablo Casals

from Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond on Facebook

“Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.”
- Richard L. Evans

April 20, 2011

PYHO: Pinkfrillyprincessyshit

I really hate the color pink.

I really hate all things Princess and frilly.

I really hate big ass flowered headbands on baby girls.

I really hate that there are toys geared specifically for baby girls... because they are pink. Why can't a girl play with a regular toy truck? Why are toy trucks even made in the color pink?

It really and truly bothers me that just because I have a girl, it's assumed that she'll like dolls or tea parties or princess shit or tutus or whateverthefuck makes something uber girly to the masses.

I have completely accepted the fact that one day in the not so distant future my Lovie may end up actually liking pink frilly princessy shit. I've come to terms with the fact that she very well may start begging for pink frilly princessy shit to wear or to play with. And I'm OK with that... if that's what she wants, if that's what makes her happy.

But until that time, keep your pink frilly princessy shit to yourself, please.

*photo of my Lovie from a year ago yesterday. it's one of my all time favorites of her. such a cutie- despite being deprived of pink frilly princessy shit and big ass flower headbands.

April 19, 2011

During the workweek

It kills me that I can't feed my baby when she cries at 4am during the workweek.

It hurts my heart that she cries as I shower.

It makes me want to cry when I hand her off to her sleeping daddy so that he can give her a bottle as I continue to get ready for work.

But, what hurts the most is when she starts crying (after having stopped once I pick her up) because I leave the room... She just wants her momma to hold her. She just wants her momma to look down at her lovingly. She just wants her momma to kiss her head and tell her she's so incredibly beautiful. She just wants to snuggle into her momma's bosom. She just wants to feel loved by her momma.

And yet I have to walk out of the room during the workweek, and while she'll get over it and adapt, it still fucking sucks ass!

But regardless how it hurts, regardless how it sucks ass, I have to grin and bear it.

I have to suck it up, put my big girl panties on, and allow her daddy to spend some alone time with her... and I have to be grateful for the life I do have. For the fact that I at least have my Lovie... for the fact that she does need me and want me... for the fact that I have her daddy in my life who can lend a hand if needed... for the fact that we live where we live, eat what we eat, do what what we do comfortably... for the fact that she won't know what it's like to buy with food stamps... for the fact that she won't know what it's like to have to boil water to take a bath because the gas bill wasn't paid.... for the fact that she's able to go to school every day and play and socialize and create art projects... for the fact that she knows how to socialize, thanks to preschool, at 15.5 months way better than her momma can at nearly 38.5 years.

April 18, 2011


We stayed home all weekend and it was fantastic... FANTASTIC.

Friday, the H had to work late so wasn't home till after 8. He missed being able to say Good Night to an awake Lovie by about 10 minutes, sadly. Maybe 20. He's had a rough week- working late three of the five nights. And when he works late, it typically means he gets no Lovie time. I honestly couldn't even fathom. But he rarely complains about it; instead he loves and dotes on her sooooo much on the weekends. It's fucking adorable to watch those two.

That said, it doesn't erase the fact that the girl is glued to me. We've surpassed Velcro. Seriously. It's so damn cute- SHE'S so damn cute, though. She just looks at me with those big brown eyes. I mean, really looks at me to the point that I sometimes wonder if she's trying to talk to me with her eyes!

I kept her up later than normal on Friday. And she was beyond adorable about it... I got her in her pj's and allowed her to nom on her binky (something normally reserved for nap/bedtime and car rides) as she, Grandmabear, and I cuddled on the couch watching one of my all time favorite shows, Friday Night Lights. I tried letting her stay up the entire episode but with 10 minutes left in the show, I could tell she needed her bed. And as soon as I laid her down in her bed, she was asleep.

Saturday, she woke around 5 and I gave her some milk and laid her back down again and she didn't get back up till 8 (glorious)! Punky and I had some Chocolate Cheerios (oh my YUM) and played until lunchtime and then Lovie took an hour nap. Again, I tried keeping her up Saturday night, but she didn't make it past 730 and come Sunday morning, she was up at 5 again for a bottle of milk, and back up again before 7.

Sunday was pretty much a repeat of Saturday- Lovie was adorable and glued to me all day despite how much I tried getting her to hang around the H. But again, she would look up at me with those big eyes and I just couldn't resist, nor could I get upset.

She's my doll, after all.

The thing is... I've come to really wonder what the fuck is going to happen when she gets older and doesn't want or need me as much. I'm serious. I mean, I will always be here for her regardless, but I'm not stupid; I know there will be a time when she wants to be with her friends or, at the very least, locked away in her room. This will happen. So then what?!?

Maybe that's the point to this blog? Maybe that's when I go back and read through all of this crap sap?

April 14, 2011


... not sure if it's because i haven't had sex since i don't know when.
... not sure if it's the result of Lovie waking at 430 every day this week and only wanting to be held by me, which i would love to do but can't because i have get to her and myself ready so that we can leave for school and work at 6 am, thereby leaving Lovie to scream and cry for an hour.
... not sure if it's because i've had it with this mofo computer at work that is at its slowest ever.
... not sure if it's PMS.
... not sure if it's the fact that i could more than afford to lose at least 100 pounds but do nothing about it and continue to stuff my face while the weather gets warmer and i get fatter and fatter.
... not sure what it is exactly, but i'm in a PICKLE of a mood.

: (

April 12, 2011

Velcro. I love Velcro.

Last night Lovie was attached to me like Velcro and while I realize how annoying it can be to have a child stuck to you like glue at times, the bottom line is that it really makes me feel good to feel like I’m needed and wanted. Yes, even when I have to pee and she wants to sit on my lap, I still don’t mind the attention. I just know that it won’t be like this forever so I really do try to absorb it as much as I can every single day right now.

At one point last night, I tried to have her sit with her daddy but it was close to bedtime and she gets extra clingy to me when she’s tired. I get it, I do; but, I know the husband wants his time with her, too. I will admit- it felt good for her to reach for me and whine “Mama” as I tried to hand her off to daddy. And I scooped her up and held her tight, too. Because, again, I know this won’t last forever. And I truly want to bathe in it right now… the hugs, the snuggles, the looks, the smiles, the laughter, the trust, the love, the need, the want.

But, I still have my moments when I get… annoyed.

Like this morning, for example. Lovie woke me about 10 minutes before my alarm did (set for 445- ugh) with her crying. I rolled my eyes as I got out of bed and made my way into her bedroom in the pitch black. I felt around the shelf where we keep her stash of binkies and felt none so I had to turn the light on and there she lay in the shape of an L, in the center of her crib, binky in mouth, crying despite her mouth being plugged. Sigh. I knew nothing but being held, being with me or her dad, would console her yet I ignored this fact and instead shhhushed her, stroked her head, softly told her it would be OK, turned off the light, turned on her Seahorse, and left the room. She immediately cried out but quieted down after a second. I creeped in to the shower, pretty much knowing she’d get pissed pretty quickly.

I got out of the shower and, sure enough, I could hear her screaming. Loudly. I opened the bathroom door so that the light would tell her she wasn’t alone, and tried drying my hair as quickly as possible. The screaming just escalated so I finally turned on her light and there she stood, binky now on the floor, grandma bear in hand, snot puddle to her chin, tears streaming down her face. My poor sweet baby doll with the mean momma.

I scooped her out of the crib and held her and she clung to me like, you guessed it, Velcro. My left arm acted as a seat to her butt as my right hand rubbed her head that lay atop my shoulder. My sweet baby doll is getting so big.

I rocked back and forth humming a song I made up to the tune of a Christmas song and she just whimpered and continued to cling to me. My poor sweet baby doll.

After several minutes, I had to get her changed for the day and she was pissed when I peeled her off of me… PISSED. Sigh.

I changed her as quickly as I could (while she screamed and cried and wiggled around), grabbed her (while she screamed and cried and wiggled around), grabbed a bottle and brought her (still screaming and crying) into the bedroom where the husband was sleeping.

“Don’t throw the baby,” he quickly said. Yeah, fuck you, too. Because throwing babies is something I do every other day. I fucking hate his stupid ass comments sometimes. (Let me just say that prior to having Lovie, he has voiced his “concern” on multiple occasions about what kind of mother I would be- commenting how I would scare our kid with my anger. Not at all kidding, not at all exaggerating. He has yet to fucking apologize for all that shit but whatever; Lovie is living proof that he can fucking suck it.)

I placed her next to him where she hysterically screamed, handed him the bottle, and left the room. Before I even closed the door, I heard … silence. Clearly Lovie was sucking down some milk.

When I got in to the bathroom to finish getting ready, I turned on the fan to drown out the cries that would ensue as soon as the bottle was drained. Let him get his fucking ass out of bed for once and get a binky. And he did just this. Heh.

When I got back in to the room to get dressed, Lovie sat there looking at me with those big brown eyes with caramel swirling throughout, sucking on a binky. I was so pissed from the screaming, from the husband’s comment that I tried not smiling but… LOOK AT THAT FACE.

I finally made my way to the bed to get my shoes on and she immediately scooted over to me, nomming on the binky and dragging her grandmabear, and put her head on my leg. I instantly welled up. She just wanted her Mama to hold her (and some milk and a binky and Sesame Street doesn’t hurt either!).

I rubbed her head as she lay on me and she kept creeping her way closer and closer to me until she was in my arms and I was holding her- stuck together like… VELCRO.

Thank God for Velcro.

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April 11, 2011

all that matters

She is.
All that matters.

She is sooo fun, sooooo cute...I'm soooooooo blessed.

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April 8, 2011

Friday Funny




all courtesy of the always wonderful someecards

April 7, 2011


My sweet girl. I love her so stinkin' much. I don't understand how that love can grow every day, but it does. I swear, sometimes I feel like I could just burst with the love I have for this child. My child. My everything. My life.

She's such an awesome little girl but there's one thing that I haven't quite figured out yet... one thing that really leaves me dumbfounded a bit...

When will she like the swings?

I've never known a child not to enjoy swinging. She loves the slide and the teeter totter (or anything like a teeter totter). Heck, she'll even climb up the slide part to slide down again (though I try to get her to climb the stairs part!). But the swing?!  Won't have any part of it (she just whines the whole time while reaching for me)! I've tried getting her to swing with me, getting her to push the swing, etc. Nothing's working- She just clings to me like velcro anytime I try getting her in one.


My weirdo. : D

Is there something your kid doesn't like to do that most other seem to love??

April 6, 2011

three words: DI.SGUS.TING

UGH. My stupid ass computer has been acting up now for months, but the past several days have been insane. I'm reminded of the days when I first got a computer and was on dial-up. It's that bad. Then I look down at my keyboard and see that there above. FUCKING GROSS. This place is gross. Do I really need to go out and buy a new keyboard?!? I've been here 8 years and, as far as I know, have been using the same shitty computer and keyboard since. Hello 2011?!? Are you listening? Come get us!!

PYHO: mini letters

Dear In-Laws,

It really bothers me that you show very little interest in your one and only grandchild. According to the husband you, MIL, have waited forever for a little girl- even telling the husband when he was wee that you wished he was a girl. You were happy when you found out Lovie was a girl, and I know you all love her dearly. There's no disputing that. I just don't understand how it's acceptable to see your one and only grandchild twice so far this year- especially when you live 20 minutes away. Why don't you call and ask to see her? I respect that you don't hound us and that you respect that this is our little family, but it just saddens me that there's no interest to see Lovie more- especially since she's your only grandchild.

Dearest Brother of mine,

I'm still waiting for a Thank You from your wife for the baby shower gift I sent two years ago. I'm still waiting for a Thank You from her (and/or you) for the birthday gift I sent for your youngest son last June. Oh, and the most unforgettable thing I'm still waiting on is a Happy Birthday anything (wish, card, etc) for Lovie's 1st birthday. I'm repulsed over this last tidbit. I know you have your own life and your own kids, but show a little respect to me and mine, huh? Prick.

Dearest Sister of mine,

I get that you're going through mid-life crisis number whatever. I understand this is your second divorce and the second time you're leaving your kids behind to live your life. Good for you. I thank you for not including me and mine in on this path, but, like with your brother, I'm still waiting for a Happy Birthday wish for Lovie's 1st birthday. Oh but wait. I'm still waiting on a Congratulations from my wedding four years ago so ... yeah.

Sometimes it's easier to express things via a letter. The above are things that have been bugging me that I needed to get out once and for all. Thank you, PYHO!

April 5, 2011

if you're on Facebook

if you have a Facebook and are on it daily and have family and/or dear friends as your "friends", do you post pictures of your kid(s)?

why or why not?

the way she starts her day at school

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