TILTW: 6.15-6.21

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Near 80-year-old people who aren't computer literate, should NOT have a Facebook account. I could strangle the cousin who signed my father up for a Facebook account. Not because he has access to my personal life or anything, but because he just doesn't comprehend that every fucking update or photo posted by one of his "friends" is not directed at him personally. Holy mother of all there is I just don't know how to explain this to him. I wouldn't really be bothered by this accept for the fact that I am the person he calls to complain/whine/interrogate.

**

I absolutely love my mornings with Lovie. I can remember a time not so long ago when I felt that every morning was a shitshow, that she was always such a pill because I had to wake her and who wants to be woken up when it's still dark out? But then I read somewhere that it's good for kids to wake up slowly. It's good to hold them and softly talk with them... or just hold them and rub their back. Basically just give them some intimate one on one time for just a few minutes before getting dressed and starting the mad rush of the day. I remember thinking that I didn't have time for this, that waking at 4:45 in the morning was the absolute earliest I could do. And I still get up then, but I also still cuddle with Lovie every single morning. I scoop her into my arms and we sit on the cheap IKEA Poang chair in her room and she burrows into me like she did when she was a newborn. Only now, of course, it's like holding onto 20 of newborn Lovie's. I rub her back and we talk. The cats come in and we laugh at them when they fight. We talk about whatever and then we try to "beat the clock" and get dressed as quickly as we can before heading into bed with Daddy to watch a few minutes of TV while I get dressed-- minutes before heading out the door. As long as we have those few minutes every morning, getting out the door is a breeze. And I just love that one on one time...When she looks me right in the eye with no TV, no Daddy, no toys. It's good for both of us to get moving in the morning.

***

I really really really really like the McDonald's egg white delight breakfast.

****

I booked a flight out to visit my cousin (whom I threw the virtual baby shower for) and her 9-day (today) old baby girl. I haven't been this excited about holding a baby since Lovie was born. I've always liked babies, but I never was too keen on holding them for too long before. Sure there's some nom-licious looking babies out there, but for the first time since Lovie was born, all I can do is think of holding and nomming on this baby girl. And I'll be able to do so in just two weeks.

posting to post just because i'm feeling needy & want some comment love

check out my new Facebook page header:

while you're at it, why not like my page? it doesn't cost anything. you can always unlike if you feel the need.

it's official. i'm a Dance Mom.

 

isn't she darling? she loves ballet. it's a bit crazy to me how unlike me she is, but i absolutely love it so much. she's Lovie and that elates me so.

Lovie's been sleeping in her sleeping bag since the weekend.

on the floor. her choice. it's kinda odd but hey, she's sleeping. she's also been fighting us less since i started laying down with her every night after our bedtime routine. i tell her stories with the lights out and usually fall asleep. she says, "tell another story, mom" and wakes me. i tell another story or two before drifting off or sneaking out for the night. a part of me wants her to just go to sleep without me laying down with her but guess what? this her needing me bit won't last forever so i'm milking it for all it's worth right now. and in the mornings the past couple of days, rather than wake her and get into a fight about what to wear, etc, i wake her and scoop her into my arms and let her snuggle into me for a minute or two. she burrows right into me and it's absolute bliss. i can't even really put it into words. just so peaceful and such a welcome change from fighting about hurrying up. sure it would be great if i could just snap my fingers and have things happen but that's not reality and, again, it won't last forever so may as well enjoy the bliss while i can.

this last bit comes with no pictures... just a reason for some silence around here? i've been getting headaches every single fucking day now for weeks. since the new year really. i'm not dealing well with stuff going on. my grandmother mainly. watching her die is incredibly difficult. i just want her to experience some peace already, yet i don't want to never be able to see her again. see? INSTANT HEADACHE after typing that out. and there's other stuff, too. that's life, though i suppose. and i'm just grateful to be here another day for Lovie.

totally random, totally stolen, totally funny

my cousin posted this on Facebook with the caption: Apparently my barista believes that no caf / no fat / no whip = no fun - lol

Now while I'm not a fan of "lol", this picture warrants it.

Connect this!

Today is one of those days when I want to take my head and slam it into my computer.

oops, forgot to add my glasses.

It just is.

And the stalkers on Facebook don't help the matter.

You know... the ones who claim they're never on, yet somehow how know ALL about you, and the pictures you post (but they never see), and Aunt Joan in Timbuktu. Yeah those mofo'ers who happen to be about 90 of the 100 of my "friends" it seems.

I used to think of Facebook as a great way to connect with people I didn't get to see or hear from often... but now? Notsomuch. Now I see it as another way to keep up with the Joneses or, better yet, try to be better than them.

I guess it's just another sign of the times... my times. I'm old. In less than a month, I'll be 39. It's time to grab my cane and hang on.


At least then I can swat at the fuckers who bug the shit outta me! Right?

Yeah, I'll make a connection alright!

Secret Thursday

Last week I shared a secret on Thursday. This week, I think I'll do the same. Wouldn't it be groovy if I could do it again next week, too? And then you do it on your blog and it will be a blogging revolution that we share secrets on Thursday. Or not.

So today's juice isn't really baby related, shockingly enough. Well not all of it, at least. Ready?

Secret #1:
I think I found my old grammar school crush. I'm about 99% sure it's him, in fact. On Facebook of course. Good old Facebook.

It's funny because I've "looked" for him and others (because there were just so many others, uh huh) in the past but it's hard to know if you've found the right person if it's been TWENTY-FIVE YEARS! Fortunately this one has a more unique name and is the only one on Facebook. Not sure what possessed me to even look for him, but I did and I found him and it just brought back so many memories...

his long black hair flowing in the wind
his teeth covered in metal that sparkled when he smiled
his tight jeans and heavy metal t-shirts
his walk (like a stick was up his ass- must've been the tight jeans)
the way he'd shake my chair in class (he sat behind me, would shake chair with feet)
the way he'd tap his pencil on the desk until I'd turn around and tell him to stop
the way I tried not thinking about him but it didn't work

Ah to be 13 and in 8th grade again.

NO FUCKING THANKS!! I hated my teen years. HATED. Wouldn't go back for anything.

Anyway a part of me wonders if he would remember me. I mean, we only went to 8th grade together (I transferred in) and that was that. Like I said, it's been 25 years. A part of me would love to "friend" him and ask but I won't do it... I just don't think it's fair to my husband even though nothing ever happened between us. Plus it would be weird. I mean, it's already weird considering I'm BLOGGING ABOUT IT!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Secret #2:
Meijer, the grocery store, sells baby shoes!! They sell a lot of shit but they sell baby clothes, too. And SHOES. Baby shoes! At the Meijer (cheap!) price!

If you know anything about me, you know I'm cheap (I should put that in my About Me, huh?). And it pains me to spend lots of money on Lovie's clothes and shoes. I have no qualms with buying used- especially when it comes to baby clothes/shoes. Why not? I mean, how often do wee ones wear their clothes before outgrowing??

My biggest problem is shoes, though. It's so hard to find Lovie shoes because a) I'm cheap and b) her feet are TINY. Ugh. But I saw these cute mocs on this adorable baby in another blog and have been searching (because I was too timid to ask) for them to no avail. Well said blogger posted today about them! And I just bought two pair! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I can't wait till they come!

But. That's not at all my secret. My secret is that I found a pair of furry boots (not mocs but still furry and fucking cute!) at MEIJER of all places for ... $7.99.  Did I buy them?  Well, no - but only because I just spent $50 on two pair of mocs earlier.  We'll see what happens when they come- if I don't like, I'll return and get the cheapass boot things from Meijer for $8!!

Why didn't I know that MEIJER had baby shoes and shit? Well, now I do. And now you do, too!

So do YOU have secrets to share with the class this week??

Can you see this/help?

I had a wedding shower to go to yesterday and while I'm not one to leave my baby when I don't have to, I just didn't think a wine bar (where the shower was being held) was an appropriate place to bring my doll... so we packed up the car and headed out to grandma's (and great-grandma's)!

Mother's Day was the last time they saw my Lovie so it took her a second to warm up to them... but their smiles and kisses and hugs and complete attention made it a super easy and fast transition.

And before you know it, my Lovie was like, um, making out with grandma! It was crazy. She (Lovie) just wouldn't stop grabbing grandma's face and kissing it!

Hopefully you can see that picture because that's the only one I could take (stupid camera phone makes everything so blurry).

(Shhhh Grandma, don't tell her I gave you a million kisses or she'll want a million and one!)

I did get a 20 second video of the make-out session- the end of it- but I have no clue how to get it off my phone! Anyone know how to do this? I tried uploading to Facebook, like I do the pics I take with the same phone, but I don't see the option. Boo!

OMG was it hysterical!

TGIF and TGFMBBG

I posted this a couple weeks ago on my Facebook page: TGIF and TGFMBBG (thank God for my beautiful baby girl) who I thank God for every.second.of.every.day!

It's the truth, too. 

She's just... so... unbelievably... words can't really describe it... amazing.

Such a blessing.

Awesome.

My baby doll.

Work's been a little crazy lately, but I think about posting often. I have a lot of things rumbling around this brain and I just need to find some time to sift through it all... For now, I'll just say that my sweet Lovie was in an exceptional mood this morning. I'm guessing it has to do with the fact that she went to sleep last night at 7 without any fussing and slept the whole night through until 5am.  God, I love mornings with her.  Even if she's sound asleep and I have to wake her (which I'm not a fan of doing but don't have a choice most weekday mornings), she *always* has a smile on her face.  But this morning was a bit different. She was ... giddy, if it's possible for a baby to be giddy! Just all smiles and giggles and talking.  In fact she said her second "word" this morning after breakfast: Baba (her first was Dada on Father's Day no less!). But, again, we're pretty certain she's just making noises and not really realizing that that noise can be a word used to communicate.

Man I just love this kid.

TGIF, TGFMBBG!!

so cute

I usta take pics of Lovie every day and litter my Facebook with them nearly every day or every other. Yup, I'm one of *those* moms - and damn proud, too! ;)  And then I had to go back to work. Poop!!

So now the pictures don't get taken as much (with only a couple hours to spare from the time we get home till bedtime, can't always squeeze in too many photo ops) and only get onto Facebook or Lovie's blog on the weekends.

Such is the life of ... me. ;)
Here's a couple I found on my camera over the weekend:

(I love the drool hanging from her chin ... and her "Yeah what?!" expression.)

The wet shot was a surprise to see because my husband took it unbeknownst to me. It's one of my new favorites. She's so fucking cute. And I really like that curl at the top. Gah!

And speaking of so fucking cute: that's my Lovie... she spent the weekend squealing in absolute delight any time we looked at her or threw her in the air. The squealing and the kicking of her legs! Ack. I could just eat her up and probably would if it didn't mean I wouldn't get to see that face anymore!

The best part of the weekend (besides every part- because of her) was when we went to visit my grandmother to celebrate her 86th birthday, and how every time Lovie saw my great niece who is 3, she belly laughed so much that she had all of us in tears with laughter for about an hour straight!

Ack, fun times.

And now I'm back at work and she's in daycare. BOO!

...6.5 hours love bug

Guess how much

If you don't have a Borders card, you should. Particularly if you have kids. Nothing steams me more than finding a parent who doesn't read to their child. Like my own brother, for example.

Gross.

So to help celebrate my brother's youngest sons 1st birthday coming up next month, I'm sending him a book. TO READ. And since the near-1 year old can't read, maybe his momma or papa will. Even though they actually pride themselves as being non-readers.

Tools.

Anyway... because I'm a Borders member and signed up to get emails - something else I'd highly encourage - I got a 40% off coupon good until tomorrow. So during my lunch break I headed over to Borders and picked up three sale priced board books (I didn't see this marked anywhere but apparently they are buy 2 get 1 free so score for me!!) for my Lovie and my brothers and the full price book that I chose to have the 40% coupon be applied to is one I've been wanting to get for a while: Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney.



If you haven't read it, you should.

If you have a child you should get it for them. Now. And then read it to them over and over again and you'll create a memory for a lifetime.

Want proof?

Well that same brother I mentioned above has an older son who will be 18 tomorrow. Without going into the sordid details, my brother and nephew haven't been in contact with one another for YEARS now.

Disgusting, I know.

I lived with my brother and said nephew when the boy was 4 until he was almost 9 (long story left for another day- maybe). I read to him every single night. And every single night, before going to bed we would tell each other, "I love you." And, because of Guess How Much I Love You (really, you must read it and get it for your child), we extended that to "I love you to the moon and back and more." (My nephew added "and more.")

And even though said nephew will be 18 tomorrow, my Facebook message today wishes him a Happy Birthday and it also says, "I love you- to the moon and back and more." Actually it says "I love you TTMABAM" because it's 2010 and that's what you do to long phrases.

So there you have it: Proof that every parent (or person desperately wanting to be a parent and/or acting as a parent) should read to their child.

Guess what I'll be reading to Lovie tonight? Hint: Not Goodnight Moon! ;)



2 more hours, baby doll...

Lead by Example

Late yesterday I noticed something on my sister-in-law's Facebook. It was something I took offense to - and not in the way I think they think. Basically a picture was posted and the caption was quite stereotypical toward one race. This wasn't the first time she's joked around about stereotypes (ALWAYS toward black people). And while I haven't said anything to them directly in the past, I'm done holding my tongue now.

I'm not black, but my husband is and my daughter, therefore, is half black. I'll be damned if I'm going to sit by and let my own family spew such ignorance. So I commented, basically stating what I just said and asking that they not get defensive but rather just move on and try not posting such comments in the future where I can see.

Of course that didn't go over well. I'm not sure what the fuck I was thinking. No, actually I do know what I was thinking. I was thinking about Lovie, like I always do. I was thinking that it's a fucking shame that in 2010, with a 1/2 black President, my own fucking family can't stop with the damn stereotypes. I was thinking that I need to come up with a plan - already - as to what to teach Lovie when it comes to racism and how to handle it. I was thinking that it's fucking RIDICULOUS that I have to think about this when she's not even 4 months old!

No, my SIL didn't use the "N word". No, she didn't come right and say something derogatory toward black people. But the innuendo was there and frankly I've put up with three years (that's how long they've been married) of their utter bullshit.

So after picking up Lovie from daycare (thanks for the big smiles baby doll) and getting home, I commented on the picture and then I closed out of the computer and played with Lovie, fed her, gave her a bath, and put her to bed.

My time is her time. My life is hers.

After Lovie was asleep and after eating some dinner I tried watching American Idol but ended up falling asleep. It was barely 8. I decided to just go ahead and go to bed but had to go to the bathroom first. So whilst sitting on the pot, I checked Facebook (stupid fangled technology allowing me to go online using my cell phone!) and saw the responses from my ignorant, white trash family (just my SIL and brother- I shouldn't say 'family' and insinuate that *all* my family is as ignorant as those two are).

I got pissed. I wanted to respond for them to actually READ what I wrote as I didn't see how Lovie being beautiful has a fucking thing to do with their stereotypes not affecting her. She's 1/2 black. If you're fucking throwing negative innuendos out there toward one specific race then guess what? Whether a person be cute or talented or rich or only 1/2 of that race makes no difference! You're still talking about them! DUMB FUCKING MORONS!

Needless to say I didn't sleep well. I was steaming. I tried not thinking about it but I just couldn't let it go. I kept thinking of my rebuttal.

Then the husband came to bed at 130am and Lovie started to cry at 2am. So I was awake. And I wanted to go on Facebook but I didn't. I just laid on the couch outside Lovie's room stewing. She started fussing again at 330 and when I went in to give her a binky, she looked at me.

The trust this innocent life has in me is just so incredible.

I gave her a binky and shhhh'd softly as my hand rested on her little chest and my finger stroked her soft cheek.

She just looked at me with those big beautiful brown eyes. Her hands wrapped around my hand and held me there as she sucked away on her Binky.

I nearly cried through my smile.

I love this little being so much. It's just all so incredible.

I do believe I would actually kill for her, which is kind of scary to think about.

I just want to protect her and hold her, but at the same time, I want her to see the world and all the beauty that does exist... like the big open sky and the leaves on the trees which she watches every morning as we walk to the car.

And that's all that matters when it comes down to it: Lovie... and her happiness and her innocence and her trust and her everything.

I cannot change anyone. I can only change myself. I can only be sure to represent someone that I hope Lovie will become one day. No, I don't want her to be me... but I want her to be a good, caring, loving, respectable, open-minded, giving, honorable person. So I need to be this person. I feel I am generally this person but I can't let anger and other people's ignorance get to me because I don't want it to get to Lovie when she's older.

Lead by example.

All that said, I decided to let it go and ignore my SIL and my brother's comments. Clearly nothing I say or do will change what they think, say, or do. That's all on them now.

(Ironic thing to this posts' ending, which wasn't planned and just happened - gotta love the written word at times, eh? - the picture that my SIL posted was of her teen son and the caption that got under my skin was his words apparently and she was just being "proud" - her words, not mine - of him. LEAD BY EXAMPLE, PEOPLE.)