May 21, 2013

trivial


I'm a no-frills type of girl. Always have been. I grew up loving soccer and dreamed of being the first female Pele of the world. But my body didn't agree with my heart and by the time I was 10 or so, I looked to be much older.

Melinda, seven years older, was all girl and loved boys. I don't even know how many times I came home from playing outside to see her underneath a boy on the scratchy green couch in our living room. She wore a lot of makeup and tight jeans, and loved getting attention from those of the opposite sex. She used her big boobs (clearly in the genes) to her advantage.

I found it all quite revolting.

I liked boys. I wanted to play with boys. There may have been a few I thought were cute and wouldn't mind kissing. There may have been a few that I did kiss in the alley during the summer months.

But using my body as a means to get their attention was not something I was interested in at all. Not at 10, not at 20, 30, or 40.

I think it had something to do with the undressing glances I would get from 50-year-old men when I was way too young to feel their eyes on me like that.

It didn't stop me from wearing makeup though, which started around 13 or 14. Eye makeup only. Maybe I was hoping that by highlighting my green eyes, I could get attention away from my chest.
 
As if.

Through the years I've had stages when I’d be all about wearing eye makeup to wearing none. Currently I'm in a no-makeup stage which started when Oma’s health started to decline. And now with these allergies kicking my ass and then some, it's still best to go without.

I probably look like hell to a lot of people. I'm fat (really). I'm short. I don't wear makeup. My clothes are years and years old. I rarely get a professional haircut. And my dark brown hair is being overruled with silver.

 

 

I'm sure people look at me and think, "Oh there's another one who's let herself go."

But I’m OK with that. I am. It’s so much easier not to give a shit what others think—especially about my appearance. There’s much bigger fish to fry than whether or not I’m wearing the latest trend.
 
Really, who fucking cares?

And as for the hair? It’s been a long road, but I’ve come to love my silvers. And good thing, too. Otherwise, I may have taken offense to this drawing Lovie made of me the other day.

 

 
It’s official. I’m a blue haired.










27 comments:

  1. Actually, I think you're totally adorable. It's the cherub cheeks and the glasses that make you look charming, and the curls can hide the rarity of professional haircare for quite a lot longer than straight hair could. And I never have worn the designer shit either.

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    1. :) you're too sweet. and yahoo for non-designer shit! ;)

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  2. I think you are beautiful. I love how your glasses bring out your green eyes. Makeup isn't for everyone!

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  3. Ha, regular hair is overrated. I say blue-hair is the way of the future!

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    1. ooh you might be on to something. :)

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  4. and you're smiling!! that's the best thing of all.
    and... you look fabulous! gorgeous hair, great eyes and confidence. :)

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    1. aren't you just full of so much sunshine?! thanks, love! :)

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  5. Love your hair! And you look like someone who has a great laugh to go with that smile.

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    1. hmm I've never really given much thought to my laugh. sometimes it's really loud, sometimes I do that whole body shaking thing (which is always fun on a fat lady with huge jugs) when I try to stifle it...

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  6. I think you look lovely! And definitely like some one I would want to get to know, if not be friends with.

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  7. I think you, and your hair, are beautiful!!! And your eyes are stunning! If we lived closer we would most certainly be friends. :-)

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  8. Isn't it funny how our kids see us? (Ok, maybe it's depressing and not funny). The first thing I noticed in your photo were your eyes - who cares how gray your hair is with eyes like that? And I think curly hair rocks!

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  9. Oh no no, I totally thing you look absolutely great. And your greys suit your hair type and you have a very sweet face. And as my mother says, a few pounds here and there are ok because you have an achievement to show for it - You are a mother!

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  10. Years ago, our youngest drew a picture of my mother-in-law. It included hair that held three times the height of her body (she teases her hair), and completed it with yellow teeth. What can I say? Kids!

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  11. I think you look fantastic! IMO, there's a big difference between not wearing make up, etc. and letting yourself go. Letting yourself go means you've said "Fuck it" to taking care of yourself so who cares if you're wearing a mustard stained unwashed shirt and a snarl and haven't bathed or had "me" time in a week? I think if you take care of yourself inside and out then it shines through. It certainly does in your case!

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  12. Awwww! You're radiant and so is that picture. Love it!

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  13. I'm not a make-up/fancy clothes person either, so thumbs up to that. And your curly silver hair RULES!

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  14. Love it! You're blue haired! I'm right there with you on the who cares part. I'm a 43 yo mom, if I don't want to wear make-up who the heck cares? And yes, I am no supermodel, but I'm happy! I love my boy and that's all that matters to me. Right on!

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  15. you are lovely--blue or silver haired!

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  16. You're totally beautiful! and being yourself is what matters. I don't do my hair or make-up to make others like me - I do it because it's fun for me. :)

    I love your blue hair!

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  17. How you look to HER matters the most. :) You are beautiful.

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  18. I know you weren't fishing for compliments, but I love the way the gray has taken in your hair and think that you look fresh and beautiful. Maybe it's that confidence and that I don't care attitude that comes right through your skin. :)

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