April 5, 2010

I hate today.

It's a shame, really. Over the weekend I was thinking about this blog and how I was thinking that the tone might finally turn around and be something more than just ugly bitterness. I thought that maybe my tone when I first started was a result of PMS and the onset of a horrible cold.

But then this morning happened and now I realize that my ugly bitterness isn't a result of PMS or not feeling well... it's a result of being a working mom who wants nothing more than to be at home with her Lovie!!

Last night was night #3 without Lovie being swaddled for the night and once again, it was a little more difficult than when she was swaddled. But that's not what I'm complaining about, actually. I mean yes, I'm ass fucking tired as a result of her waking at 2AM and not falling back asleep for a good hour or more (though she was content and not complaining but I'm a light sleeper so if she's awake, I am) and then waking again at 430 for the day (alarm is set for 5). But you add that tiredness to what happened when I dropped her off at daycare, and the start of today has turned me into that ugly bitter bitch again.

Lovie, who sleeps in the car on the way to daycare and generally remains sleeping until after I leave daycare to come to work, woke up before I left daycare. And Her Momma, who loves to snuggle with and smooch on her Lovie whenever she can, scooped Lovie up into her arms to say goodbye. Then Her Momma (me!!) gave Lovie to her teacher and as I stood in the doorway putting my shoes on, watched as the teacher, talking very sweetly to Lovie, laid her down onto a play mat and started playing with her... and Lovie, who is THE cutest child in the world (period!), smiled and cooed.

And I looked on and felt the tears rush to my eyes. So I left and came here to work.

I really hate today.

I know it sucks a little more today because it's Monday and because I just had two fun-filled days with my Lovie, but it sucks so much nonetheless.

Hate hate hate today.

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