June 30, 2011

blah blah blogging

3.) What do you find most challenging about blogging?

The timing of this prompt is quite ironic; I've been seriously playing around with the idea of shutting this blog down (or just limiting my posts).

I just haven't been feeling "it" much anymore. What "it" is, I'm not really sure.

It's not that I want to be the #1 blog of all blogs, because I don't. I really don't. I have no desire to go to blogging conferences or do giveaways or whatever is needed to become a top blogger. But I do want something... right? I mean if I didn't want something out of this, why not just stick with the private blog I have? Why open myself up to anyone and everyone if I didn't care about any of it?

I love taking and sharing pictures of my Lovie. I love talking about her. If it weren't for her, this blog wouldn't exist. She is the reason I am Finally Mom after all.

But it gets old sharing photos and stories with strangers and not getting much of anything in return... and I know a big part of that is my fault for trying to blog with a shit computer (meaning I was blogging and reading tons of blogs but unable to comment on their blogs because my computer would shut down). But I've got a new computer now and am trying hard to visit and post elsewhere... but I still feel like it's not helping. I still feel like I'm just not feeling "it" much anymore.

I like this blog, but it's just a blog. It's just something to pass time when I'm at work. I rarely even think of this blog on the weekends, and I don't want to.

So what gives? If I feel like this blog is just something to pass the time, then why do I feel so blah about it?

I guess we all want to be heard. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's that I've gone most of my life on the sidelines and now that I'm ready and able to actually get out there and play, it's hard when there's nobody to play with.

Or something.

June 29, 2011

PYHO: letting go of the baby

As of 120 this morning, my baby girl is a year and a half old.
hehe that 6 month pic cracks me up every time!

She’s become such a big girl in no time at all.

I’m so grateful to be her mama, to be such an imperative part of her growth and development, to be her rock and shoulder, to be her stepping stone…  She’s my everything after all.

It’s funny because I’ve always done my best to savor every moment with this little Chiquita banana. I cried the first time I felt her kick inside me, I cried the first time she really smiled at me… the first time she rolled over… the first time she sat up by herself for more than 4 seconds.  I cried because I was so happy and so proud, and, because I was a little sad, too, because that “first time” was no more.

I’ve loved everything about this journey so far and with each new development that comes our way, I become more in love and more proud of my girl- but also a bit more hesitant at what’s to come because it’s happening so incredibly fast.

I remember when the thought of her walking came to head. She wasn’t even 8 months old and pulling herself up to stand, and the next thing I knew she was letting go of what she was holding onto and just standing there and taking a step here or there; I thought for sure she’d be walking by 10 months and it saddened me. Of course I was incredibly proud of my sweet baby, but … She was growing sooo fast. And no matter how I tried to savor every single moment, I did have to sleep and shut down on occasion.  I know there are things I missed. And soon she’d be walking and then running and then what?

Well, Lovie didn’t actually start walking till closer to her11 month day. And I was sooo proud. I was proud when she took one step, then three, then six, but when she started her drunken sailor walk and put the crawling behind her?? I became uber proud. I wanted to shout from the rooftops how proud I was!

And all the sadness I felt from thinking my baby doll was growing too fast was overcome by so much warmth and even more love for this little girl. How that’s possible- to love her more every single day than the last- I don’t know. I will never understand how that’s possible because I love her more than anyone has ever loved anyone else. Ever. You hear?

Yet tomorrow I bet I love her more.

And now at a year a half old, my Lovie is nothing shy of awesome. She's such a character and makes us laugh nearly every single day. She talks and communicates with us so well. She’s a great eater and even showing signs of empathy when she plays with her baby dolls.

But once again I’m left feeling a little sad.

She’s one and a half now.  Soon she’ll be two and talking in complete sentences. Soon she’ll be potty trained (PT).

The thought of PT brings me to tears. Literally. Not because I’m afraid of cleaning up the accidents (though I definitely am not looking forward to this at all), but because to me it’s like the last phase of babyhood.

Gone are the bottles, gone are the purees, gone is the immobility, gone is the cooing baby. The only thing I have left are those damn diapers.

Of course it will be wonderful when they’re gone- the diapers. I mean, who likes to wipe a shitty, stinky (deargod the stink!) ass? But… but… will the closeness that we share when her diaper gets changed be gone too? When we look into each other’s eyes for a minute or two? When I tickle her feet and blow raspberries on her tummy? When I make funny sounds and faces because of the death that envelopes her bottom and diaper? Will all that be gone too?

I know that new fantastic times will come with every new development, milestone, and change, but it’s just hard for this old momma to let go of the baby sometimes.  I just gotta keep on reminding myself that she’ll always be my Lovie, my baby doll… even when she’s changing someone else’s diapers (hopefully not mine).

June 28, 2011

The Bouncing Boobs

It was hot and sticky that day.

I was wearing my favorite shirt at the time- a white tshirt with blue ¾ length sleeves. Under the tshirt I wore a bra to cover my growing boobs that I absolutely hated.

I was in 5th grade and we were going on a field trip to be in Nature.

My mom and I sat on the school bus together- I had the window seat, she sat on the aisle. I was new at school so I didn’t really know anyone and was glad that my mom was coming along though, thinking back, I’m not really sure why or how this came about since my mom was never really involved with me after she locked my dad out of the house the year before. Maybe she was between jobs at that point and bored? Not sure and really, not the point.

All I do know is that my boobs seemed to be growing by the second and while I hated it and them, my mother seemed to love hers.

As we sat there, I couldn’t help but notice how far out from her body her boobs… jutted. I half expected arms to extend out from them and grasp the seat in front of us at one point, they were sticking out so much and bouncing around so much. Her boobs took on a life of their own and soon there were three of us sitting on the dark green, sticky vinyl seat of the school bus: me, my mom, and her boobs.

I hugged myself, hoping to prevent my own boobs from bouncing and continued watching her boobs bounce around. She looked happy- my mom. How on earth could she be happy with those things bouncing around? But she was. And as much as I hated my boobs and marveled over hers taking on their own life, I suppose I was happy, too.

I was wearing my favorite tshirt and I was going on a field trip with my mom sitting beside me and only me (well, and her boobs, of course).

(SO excited to be trying out something new this week with The Red Dress Club!)

Woah oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh. Woah oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!

My Lovie, she loves this song as much as I do:

Yup. I have the musical tastes of a 16 year old, I admit. I love Brit Brit.  And apparently so does Lovie because when we got in the car yesterday after I picked her up from daycare, this song was on- and it was just after it fades away and comes back. I turned up the volume a little and I hear this squeal and look in the rear view mirror to see Lovie's feet kicking the back seat as her arms shot up in the air. 


Better than that though is hearing her sing along: Woah oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh.

Ha! She amuses me greatly.

June 27, 2011

Hi. How are you?

Ack, I'm bored lately.

I finally got a new computer at work and am able to visit blogs and comment more and I have been doing just that but ... there's only so much of that I can do. I guess I need more blogs to visit.

Or something.

And I'd love to do more here at my blog but ... I'm bored.

I mean I love my Lovie and the affair continues but ... I also have a private blog that I write to and for her in and I'm not a big fan of duplicating my work (plus I use real names and stuff there and I don't want to have to censor what I post here).

Is there anything you want to know about me?
About Lovie?
About being an old mom?
About being on team One and Done?
Or maybe there's just something you want to get off  your chest?!
Anything at all???

You can comment anonymously in case.

signs it's a Monday

  • dread fills your being as the alarm sounds
  • you wake before your baby
  • you smell like fried food because cooking was actually done on the weekend when there's actual time to cook- and because the smell is left lingering on clothes that were are technically clean but just smell like they aren't (blech blech blech!)
  • you leave daycare dropoff in tears- not because your child is upset (because she's not ever upset to be or go to school), but because you miss her so fucking much even though you just spent the past 48+ hours with her
  • you think of reasons to leave work early as soon as you pull into a parking spot

Feel free to add your own.

June 24, 2011

a plus to being a "Working Mom"

...at least where I work, that is: SHOPPING during lunch breaks.

Fortunately, I work very nearby an IKEA. So not only can I go there and walk around and shop, I can also go there for some downright cheap eats. What's not to love about that?!?

Today, I picked up a little table and 2 chairs for ... you guessed it... Lovie!

It's sized perfectly for the littles and comes in a set for a whopping $19.99. Yes, TWENTY DOLLARS. And because I used my debit card, I got a whopping 1% off that. ;) And that's their every day price! How can you go wrong?! Of course it's not the best quality of table and chairs and if we were even thinking about having another child, I would've gotten something of a more sturdy quality, but for just my Lovie to sit at and color at or whatever??!? PERFECTION!

I can't wait to get it home, put together, and set up for her.

Then, on my way out, I picked up two hot dogs (all beef), a bag of chips, and a diet pepsi for $2. TWO DOLLARS. As well as a 6 pack of big ass cinnamon buns (for the weekend, eh, i'm not that much of a pig) for $4. All that food for $6. SIX DOLLARS!

Oh IKEA how I love thee!!

Then, cuz I made some great time and lucked out with a close enough parking spot, I zoomed down the street, found another good parking spot, and made my way into Nordstrom Rack and scored these (also for Lovie):

Are the not fucking adorable? I mean, they're not adorable, they are fucking adorable. Say it with me: FUCKING adorable!

And for $11.90.

It's funny because I was in the same NR about seven months ago looking for shoes to go along with Lovie's 1st Birthday Party dress and saw these exact boots. And while they don't look like a size 5.5 (they're kinda narrow and my girl has had chubby feet), I decided not to get them because she was only in a size 3- barely- and I had no clue how big her feet would get in a year.

And even though we're still a good 4 or 5 months out from needing footwear for colder weather, I snagged 'em up this time cuz she's just now busting out of her 4's.

She WILL be wearing these boots. Soon. And often.

Cuz my kid? She's cool like that, yo!

Flashback Friday: TGIF and TGFMBBG

This was from (about) a year ago:

I was so in love with her- and still am. She really is the best reason in the world to wake up every morning.  She really is the reason for living. 

The other week, the H and I were discussing about when things clicked in our lives, when we realized why we're here (deep, I know)... for me, it was the day she was born and every single day since then. Hands down.

Anyway, TGIF and TGFMBBG!

June 23, 2011

in search of... something?

I'm getting quite... concerned... worried... that my happiness comes from my Lovie.

I've waited such a long time to have her and I knew I wanted her more than anything in the world and now that she's here I really couldn't be happier... but... I only feel this way when I'm with her or when I think of her.

I must sound completely loony.

I don't have any other passions in life. Not even for my marriage or my family and friends. It's like I don't give a shit about anyone or anything other than Lovie.

How can this be healthy?

I think "not giving a shit" is too big because truth be told I care a lot... but it's once I hear about or see something. I don't care enough to ask though.

I'm absolutely gone, aren't I? Wrap me in white and toss me in a corner.

I enjoy other things outside of Lovie. Like eating. I love to eat food. The badder the better. I enjoy a good book. I still love me some Bryan Adams. I love taking pics with my unprofessional, under $300 camera and I love looking at these pictures and editing them- particularly when they involve... you guessed it... my Lovie.

But that's really it.

I love being her mom. I love being a mom, but I love being her mom so stinkin much.

I could be having the shittiest day of my life with the worst attitude enveloping me and she can look at me and holy shit do I just melt right there in a big fat puddle of mush.

And I know all of that is natural (right?!??!????), but I'm sincerely worried about what happens when Lovie gets older and wants to do things that don't involve me. I'm terrified that everything else in life (my marriage, my family and friends) won't be around anymore for me to bother with. And while I feel this way, I have no real desire to rectify any of this right now.

I do not want to reach out to do things without my Lovie. I don't want to be away from her more than I am now, at work, 5 days a week.

I don't know what the hell I'm talking about or what's up my ass these days. Maybe that's my point?!?

June 22, 2011

Dear Nick Jr.,

I used to be one of those moms that said she would never plop her child down in front of the TV. And until my Lovie was about 13 months, I stuck to that vow. We played, we ate, we napped, we played, we laughed, we sang and danced... we did everything but watch TV and she was fine with that.

But then she started coming home from daycare tired and cranky and hungry and wouldn't allow me to breathe for one second let alone get her something ready to eat... unless the TV was on.

So she started watching Sprout TV and then when something came on that she didn't care for (um, hello snoozefest Driver Dan!), I would switch to you guys, Nick Jr., and she started watching and enjoying The Fresh Beat Band (FBB) to the point that she loved it. Loved. Soon, anytime the show came on, she'd instantly start
dancing and singing along and what's the harm in that? At least she wasn't a lump of potatoes on the couch (like me).

Then you went and changed time slots and put on Bubble Guppies and ... Team Umizoomi.

** TEAM UMIZOOMI pic should be here but i can't get the mofo to upload **

At first I was a little upset because of how much she seemed to enjoy every episode (even the repeats repeated time and time again) of Fresh Beat Band, but because we had seen Team Umizoomi a couple times on the weekend (when the TV is sincerely rarely on) and we both loved it, I figured Team Umi might be a good alternative to FBB (and, frankly, between you and me, Nick Jr., it was a bit of a relief not to endure another "What a great day!" episode of FBB).

Well, it didn't take long before Lovie fell MADLY IN LOVE with Team Umizoomi. Like, I'd be all, "Okay, let's go watch Team Umizoomi" after she'd eat and she'd be all BIG HUGE SMILES AND GIGGLES AND "Go go go go go!!"

And then. After a couple weeks. A mere couple of weeks. You change time slots. Again.


No, really, WTF?!? And now in its place is some crap shows that nobody cares about. (Could the Backyardigans be any more creepy?!?)
And if it wasn't bad enough that you changed up the time slots, you now taunt us both with commercials for Team Umizoomi, resulting in a very happy Lovie for 20 seconds till the clip comes to an end and then she's all YOU KILLED MY KITTY distraught again!

So why? Why why WHY did you change the time slots again?!? And sooo soon? Why get us used to the new shows and then take it away?

It's not cool. At all. Especially when we don't have a DVR or Tivo or anything.

Poo on you Nick Jr! Poo on you!

June 21, 2011

something i know for sure

my Lovie will NOT be dressed like this, singing like this, looking like this when she is 16 years old.

nor will she be marrying a 51 year old actor at 16.

no no no NO

June 20, 2011

so high it touched the sky

Friday after picking up Lovie from school, we headed to the park. But instead of going to the one we normally stop at, we stopped at one very near her school. We've never been there but I knew there was no water shooting out anywhere nearby and enticing Lovie, much like the park we normally stop at which has a little water area right next to the playground. (And Lovie's been loving the water lately- actually will laugh with glee when she sees water shooting out from anything. This is fine and dandy and fun when we're in the tub but when we're stopping at the park on the way home during the workday, I'm not in any kind of shape or mood to take her in to the water area and it's really not fair to either of us that she see this fun water park.)

This new park was huge and spacious and not very busy. I was very much happy with the decision to stop. There was a smaller playground area for the smaller kids like Lovie and then a much larger, more involved playground for the bigger kids like Lovie will be in 10 years.

Well, guess who wanted nothing to do with the Little's playground and eveyrthing to do with the Bigger's playground?

Yeah, not me. I just wanted shade and sight of Lovie... who wanted nothing to do with the Little's area.

This big playground was like nothing I'd ever seen. Every piece of apparatus was attached to the next. It was really pretty freaking rad, truth be told. But NOT for my almost 18 month old.

But she didn't care.

She wanted to play with the big kids so off she went and climbed, looking to me when she needed help.

And because I'm not in a parenting place yet where I'm OK with her doing her thing completely without me very nearby (particularly in a new open setting), I let her climb (unless a Bigger was nearby in which case, I made her wait till they flew/climbed/monkeyed over us) and helped her if needed and the next thing I knew, my normal observer (I think it took her 10 minutes of her standing just outside the car and scoping out the playground before she even attempted to go to either the Little's side or the Bigger's) climbed up one set of stairs and another and another. And then?

Then she was about to dive down a freaking slide that was so high (how high was it?) that my stomach turned when I looked up at it.

If *I* wouldn't slide down it 100 pounds ago, how on earth could I let Lovie slide down it? By herself!

Holy crap, did I freak out.

I mean, this thing had like four twists and turns it was so high- and I couldn't help but envision her flying over one of the edges instead of turning!

"No!" I shouted up at Lovie as I darted up the steps and scooped her up.

Tears. Screaming. Heart pounding so hard...so loud.

Yeah, guess we won't be going back there for a while.

June 17, 2011

post 400 (wha?!?): Dada

My father is a good, good man. He's kind, generous (when he's not being a cheapass- where do you think I got it from?!), and loves very deeply. And for as long as I've known him now, he's always been a magnet to kids.

My childhood memories (the good ones I do have) all include my dad- he took us to the park, he took us to soccer games, he bought us ice cream from the ice cream truck, and more than that, he played with us when we went to the park, he played soccer with us in the alley, he ate ice cream right alongside us when we ate ice cream. When he was around kids, it was like he became a kid.

And, once I got older and wiser and let go of the bad stuff from my youth and started wanting kids when I was in my 20s, I just couldn't wait for him to be a grandfather to my kid/s.

He was one of the few family members who constantly checked in on me during my pregnancy. And he was in the hospital with us every single day (he's retired... I had a c-section) once Lovie was born. Sure he's hounded me since Lovie's birth to see her more (like every single weekend) which grates on my nerves at times because *I* would like to spend some non-working-day time with my child, too, but it's just because he's so enamored with this little girl.

When I see them together, my heart fills up so much (and it's already on the verge of explosion because of Lovie's existence!). The love he has for this little girl... it's just so magical to see. They have so much fun together- more than I ever imagined!

Grandpa and his bella bellisima. He's SO proud of her.

Last Father's Day, I gave Grandpa a photo of his bellisima in an 8x10 frame and we went out for dinner. This year, we'll be doing pretty much the same with this photo (and dinner out on Saturday):
 going in a copper 5x7 frame, no mat (black acts as mat)

As for Lovie's Daddy...

Don't they (not sure who they are exactly) say that you end up marrying your father? As different as my H and dad are- and they are very different, they really are so much alike. Especially when it comes to loving deeply.

My H... as much as he drives me batty with some stuff, he makes up for it with his complete adoration for both me and his baby girl. He would do absolutely anything for us- and often does!

And Lovie? Oh my wow, does she love her Dada. She's a Daddy's Girl through and through... and I couldn't be happier.

Yes, she normally chooses me to snuggle up against (boobs- big ass boobs). Yes, she normally chooses me to read to her, to play with her, to get her Wawa (my work hours allow me to be with her more). But, the first thing out of her mouth in the morning? the first thing out of her mouth when I pick her up from school? the last thing out of her mouth before going Nigh' Nigh'? Dada.

going in an 11x14 black frame with a white mat- 8x10 opening

He's like a freakin' superhero and I couldn't be happier about this.

Happy Father's Day to you and yours!

June 16, 2011

take a knife and slice my beating heart

That's what it felt like today when I picked up Lovie from daycare.

I watched her from the window as she carried a baby doll around with her. She looked so ... content. Her and a baby doll. Other kids ran around the room, some coloring, some jumping around. She held the baby doll and looked over at some kids who were looking at books.

The teachers spotted me and told her, "Look who's here" as they pointed toward the window and me.

Lovie looked at one teacher who was sitting on the floor as she pointed to me, then her eyes went to the other teacher, standing, as he pointed to me. I smiled, watching her head turn from them to me and when our eyes met, I smiled super big and goofily waved.

And my girl... my life... my everything? She dropped her gaze, pouted her lips, and let out a loud cry.

I instantly welled up and tried to hold it together.

Lovie dropped her arms to her side, let go of the baby doll, and cried harder and louder.

She had no desire for me to be there. She didn't want me picking her up. She wasn't happy to see me. At all.

My heart sank. I felt incredibly crushed. And the tears welled up some more.

"That's the fun room," the director said when I looked at her deflated.  "At least you know she's having fun and likes it in there!"

Uh huh. And hates me. 

Lovie finally mustered enough strength to stop crying and made her way to me. I scooped her up and loved on her regardless and by the time we got to the car in 30 seconds, she was over it all.

The next twenty minutes driving home (to the park first, of course) was spent saying Lovie's name after she angelically sang, "Mama!" Back and forth we went and my heart immediately healed and began feeling explosive again.

commutes, schedules, laundry oh my!

As I was driving out to the burbs earlier to drop off Lovie at daycare and myself at work, I was listening to the radio and they were talking about some statistic stating that if your commute is over 45 minutes you're more likely to get divorced. They then had listeners call in to talk about if their commute is the biggest reason their relationship has issues.

This all got me to thinking about my commute, about my H's commute, about our schedules, etc.

When we first married in 2007 we were living in the H's apartment only 4 miles outside of downtown. The commute was fucking awful- especially in the summer or anytime there was any kind of inclement weather. Awful. The 25 miles I drove to get out to the burbs, to work, took me 45 minutes to an hour in the morning and an hour to two hours in the afternoon to come home. It was horrible. Disgusting. Repulsive. And I wasn't the hugest fan of the apartment and the neighbors so it just wasn't a great time.

Fortunately we moved in 2009 and that move brought us more north and about 8 miles outside of downtown. While it was only a difference of 4 or 5 miles, it was a pretty significant change in my commute which went from 45-60 mins in the morning to 30-45 minutes, and from 60-120 minutes in the afternoon coming home to 45-90 minutes.

Of course changing my work schedule also helped with the new commute times... I was working 830-445 and then, when my company became more open to change, I was able to work 730-345.

Currently, I work 7am to 315pm. (I did have a chance to change my schedule again once Lovie came along, but decided not to... it's been nearly a full year since I made that decision not to make that change and I'm really glad I didn't.) And currently my commute in the morning is 20-40 minutes to Lovie's school, an hour in total to get to work (includes leaving the house, stopping for coffee, dropping off Lovie), while the evenings are generally a lot worse- 10-15 minutes from work to Lovie's school, 20-90 minutes back home. I've done it in 20 minutes before but that's on a very rare and random day. Usually it's more like 30-45 minutes. Basically I leave work at 315 and we're always home by 5- including a stop off at the playground for 15 or 20 minutes!

A typical workday looks like this for me:

445am: alarm sounds, I shower and get ready but not dressed
530-545am:  wake up Lovie and get her dressed and bring her in to our bedroom to say Hi to sleeping daddy and watch some TV
545-6am:  get dressed, gather bags, Lovie, etc and out the door by 6
630-640am: drop off Lovie at daycare
7am: arrive at work
315pm:  leave work
330pm:  pick up Lovie from daycare... if weather permits we stop at the park; if weather does not permit we may stop at Target or something but that's rare
430-5pm: arrive home and get dinner ready for Lovie... while she eats, I tidy up kitchen
530-6:15pm: Lovie watches TV, I read on the couch with breaks for spurts of tickles and giggle fests
6:15-640pm: bath time
640-7pm: pjs, milk & snack, book and/or more TV (which means SNUGGLE TIME!)
7-715pm: lights out for Lovie
720-8pm:  the H and I eat dinner (he typically gets home around bath time on a good night, after Lovie's in bed on a bad night), watch TV.
830pm:  fall asleep on the couch
9pm: drag ass to bed

Truth be told, I'm okay with the schedule... as okay as I can be considering working is a necessity right now. Now that Lovie is older and finally able to handle just one nap at school a day, she's awake the whole time we're together and while I may read and she may watch TV for an hour of that time (usually more like half an hour), we're together, we snuggle, we giggle, we tickle, we talk (I love deciphering her words), etc.

Had I gone with the condensed work schedule that was offered, my commute time would probably double in the evening (or come close to doubling), I don't think we'd be able to stop off at the park because she'd be starving, and there would be even less time together before she had to go to bed!! Sure the condensed week would give me all of (every other) Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with her but... the stress it would add and the time it would take away from Lovie on the other work days just isn't worth it to me. And I thoroughly enjoy spending time playing with Lovie every day as opposed to just three days.

All I have to do is look at my H, who generally gets 10 to 20 minutes with Lovie awake before bedtime maybe three times a week and know that my schedule rocks (as much as full time working schedule can rock).

So when do we clean? When do we do laundry?

Ha. Well, household stuff is just not important to us... It's just not. I tidy the kitchen when Lovie eats (fortunately we have a dishwasher ... also, we don't really cook much during the week). I tidy the living room, if it's needed (we really don't have a lot of shit and neither of us save much crap- except for Lovie's stuff), when she watches TV. Garbage is taken out by the H when I beg or it stinks up the house or it's flowing over the bin. Laundry gets done on the weekends- as do the bathrooms. Sometimes we skip a week in cleaning- and still get by.  Fortunately we rent so there's no upkeep necessary of the outside (and really, I have NO idea how we'd add something more to take care of!).

So what about you? What kind of commute do you and/or your SO have? What are your schedules like? And how, HOW do you get it all done? Just please don't comment if you're able to do it all and add workouts and four course home cooked meals to your day as well! ; )  : D

Go the F**k to Sleep

read by Samuel L. Jackson.

You have seen this book, yes? Have you heard it read? If not, you MUST (and yes, the f-bomb is dropped every 30 seconds):

June 15, 2011

a revisit: Things that get my Goat

10 months ago I posted something about pet peeves... about things that were really grating on me. Well it's beyond time for a revisit on Things that get my Goat!

** Of course there are exceptions to every rule- and I do completely understand this- so please keep that in mind when reading (and before submitting hate comments- heh). **

NON-baby related (shocking, I know...hopefully you were sitting as you read that. if not, I apologize if you fainted or anything)

1)  Not responding to communication.
If I take the time out to of my day and my life to communicate with you and write up an email (because it's my main source of communication as I despise the phone), maybe even attach a photo or two, and all because YOU asked me to do so, you best take the two seconds it takes to at least respond with a "Thanks." Holy HELL is it rude if you never say anything. (And I'm not talking about responding within minutes- but a week sure oughta cover it!) It's common fucking courtesy, FFS. And if you're not responding because you think I'm going to investigate more into why you're not answering, or inquire if is something wrong and submerge myself into your pity party, think again. It just shuts me down even more and next time, my communication will be much shorter- and I won't bother asking how you're doing. I just don't have the fucking time or patience (or care, to be blunt) to deal with it. We all have problems, sista.

2)  Driving in the rain without turning your headlights on.
It's fucking rude and I can't fucking see you. So take the two mofo seconds it takes to turn/flip/pull the switch and turn your lights on!!

2a)  Not using your signal when driving.
Last I checked it didn't cost extra to get working signals when buying a car so turn on your signal when you cut me off, muthafucka!!

2b) Using your cellphone when driving. (this should really be number 1)
If our parents and their parents could drive without talking on the fucking phone or, better yet, texting, then you can do. My life and my child's life is way more fucking important than that phone call or text. Put the fucking cell phones away when you get behind the wheel!

Baby related

1) Pacifiers.
If your child is capable of walking and running and playing in the playground by himself, get the fucking pacifier out of his mouth. FFS!! (We stopped at the park yesterday for a whopping 15 minutes and not one but TWO kids showed up with pacifiers in their mouth! Both were capable of walking and climbing and playing all on their own, yet there they were sucking away. WHY?!?!?!? Lovie sees this and comes to me doing her new whine- which I can only say sounds like a dead car motor trying to turn over- because now she wants a pacifier since she sees these two other kids, both bigger than her, playing and sucking on their pacifiers. I had to finally tell her, "No you can't have a binky; it's not bedtime.")  And pictures of your wide awake, happy toddler+ kid with a pacifier in his mouth... NOT.CUTE.

2)  Feeding kids.
Once your child is old enough to eat table food, please stop asking what types of food to feed.  She's not a sick dog, she's a growing human being. She's a little human being; she eats what we eat (oftentimes better)! Is it that hard to grasp?! Sure I understand you might be concerned about softness and size and that's cool- just be sure it's on the softer side (if they don't have a lot of teeth) and about the size of your nail.  That's really all you need to worry about- I swear! And please, for the love of the Wiggles, stop giving your kid mac n cheese every day "because she likes it and it's all she'll eat and at least she's eating something." Kids will eat when they're hungry. And they'll typically eat what's given to them (in the early days at least). If you don't ever give them mac n cheese, they won't know it exists. Make sense? If you want them to eat fruits and veggies and stay clear of the dreaded McDonald's (which I love *and* give to Lovie), then do not offer McDonald's. It's really not hard. I pinky swear promise.

** Of course there are exceptions to every rule- and I do completely understand this- so please keep that in mind when reading (and before submitting hate comments- heh). **

Because I can't stop looking... and bc I haven't done one in a while: WW

The H asked why I have such a hard-on for profile shots of her. Ha! I told him it was because the girl purposely looks away when I call her name and she sees the camera. I don't have a choice but to be enamored with the profile shots of her! ;)

June 14, 2011


This past Sunday was the definition of perfection: low 60s, not a cloud in the sky. Not too hot, not too cold. Absolute dreamlike- and on a Sunday, too.


Lovie took a nap in the late morning and after she got up and we ate lunch, we all got dressed and headed on out to the park near our house (about 6 blocks away). We've been to this park several times before but the last time I was there, about a month or so ago, I was with my mom and it was about 8 in the morning and I deemed the park unfriendly to Toddlers. The playground is pretty new and marked with the ages appropriate for playing. There's a small playground for 2-5 year olds, and a larger playground for 5-12 year olds. The smaller one just isn't worth the walk to the park which is why I deemed it unfriendly to Toddlers... well, to MY toddler, at least.

This past Sunday proved me wrong though.

We spent nearly three hours at the playground.

Lovie just did her thing.

And it was really beautiful to watch.

She's grown so much. She's changing every single day. (This all makes me sad and super proud at the same time!)

Normally when we go to the park it's just her and me on our way home from school and work. But Sunday, the H... Dada... came along. And I purposely took a backseat and allowed him to keep a steady eye on her while I sat back with a more relaxed eye. (Neither of our helicopter parents but we're not lax enough to just let her totally go free in a city park with 50 other people running around. Not at 17.5 months old.)

The result was something of pure beauty.

She has never looked that happy on the swings before... or in the park before. She's never been miserable in the park, but she's normally so ... cautious and/or observant when we go that she doesn't seem to really get to enjoy playing.

But Sunday... something happened Sunday. I'm not sure if it happened before Sunday and Sunday was the first time I've seen it; regardless, there was a significant change in Lovie on Sunday. She seemed to be full of so much joy and happiness. She was squealing with such delight and maniacally laughing as she played. And the sounds and images were simply magical to me.

It really was just a perfect Sunday.

Yesterday, Lovie and I stopped at the park we normally stop at on our way home and again, the changes that I saw Sunday carried over into yesterday's visit. She seems more confident in her play. And again, the squeals and laughter... just magical.

Have you noticed any changes in your babies lately?

June 13, 2011


Guess who now pretends to sleep? : )

(oh she's not *that* much of a prankster yet... this is of her *sound* asleep for realio from some time last week.)
A little while after getting home on Friday, Lovie looked at me and said "Nigh Nigh?" I looked at her and said, "Night-Night?! Already?"

It was only 5:30.

She smiled at me and laid down on the floor of the living room and, with her eyes open, started snoring.

"Oh, OK, go Night Night then," I said, quietly. "I'll be quiet."

She got up and smiled at me and continued watching Team Umizoomi.

Saturday at the park with my dad, Lovie at one point slid down a slide and laid down at the end of it.

"Night Night," I said.

She smiled and repeated, "Nigh Nigh" and started making the snoring noise. Haha. Then grandpa came over and covered her with a towel he brought along (it had been raining for days prior). She closed her eyes as she laid at the bottom of the slide and pretended to snore.

Later when we were home and after eating our late lunch, she yawned and I asked if she was tired and she said... you guessed it... "Nigh Nigh" and put her head on the high chair tray and snored.

"Shhhhh," I said to the H. "Baby's sleeping. We have to be quiet."

She continued to lay her head snoring.

Heh. She's such a funny little thing some times.

Now if only I can get her to do that at 5 in the morning on weekends when she wakes...

June 10, 2011

Why don't you hit me with your...

Best Shot!
(Come on! Hit me with your Best Shot... Fire Away!)

The Paper Mama

The thing I love most about The Paper Mama's latest Photo Comp is that it made me rediscover this photo... and just in time for Father's Day (a little more than a week away... dearlordwheredoesthetimego?!). I actually had another picture in mind and ready to post but then as I was farting around last night trying to create something for Father's Day (a little more than a week away... I said, dearlordwheredoesthetimego?!!) for my dad and the H, I remembered this photo and pulled it back up and, well, I just had to submit it into The Best Shot of your kid comp. The absolute rawness of this photo... of this candid moment in time captured so perfectly (17+ months later and the two of them still carry on this way) *gets me* every single time I look at it (Lovie has this displayed in her room). Ack!!

June 9, 2011

That damn smoothie.

The other night while Lovie was eating some frozen peas (she loves them frozen or cooked, the weirdo) as her grilled cheese was cooking on the stove top, I blended up some yogurt with frozen berries for after dinner. She loves these smoothies and it’s nice and healthy so why not? After I got done blending it all together, I popped it in the freezer since it was about 80 degrees in the kitchen (thanks to the 100 degree temps we’re having- INSANITY! SHOOTMENOW!).

Lovie. went. ballistic.

Instant hysterics.

Crying and screaming with tears shooting out of her eyes.

I looked at her for a moment in complete disbelief. She was literally popping frozen peas into her mouth, one at a time, just one second prior and then BAM! HYSTERICS. I was confused for a brief moment and wondered if maybe a bee or something got in the house and stung her or something. It was just so incredibly random.

And then I realized she was hysterical because I put the fucking smoothie in the freezer. The nerve of me!!! Call Protective Services… stat!!

I studied her for a moment and realized how utterly pathetic she looked: Tears streaming out of her eyes which had puddles of water in the bottom of them; food glopped in her mouth, being held in by her itty bity teeth.

“Honey,” I said calmly (sidenote: I always hated when someone called me Honey when I was a kid and I think of this every time I say it to her, and want to stop, yet keep saying it. Ugh!), “We’re going to have the smoothie after dinner. The grilled cheese isn’t even ready yet.”

More hysterics and now my blood started to boil. Are you kidding me with this reaction?!? I wanted to shout, but didn’t. Not out loud, at least.

Finally I opened the freezer door and took the smoothie and placed it on the counter.

She watched, still sobbing and trying to catch her breath, and, once realizing she still wasn’t getting the smoothie right then and there, proceeded to lose it again.

I did my best to ignore it and finished cooking the grilled cheese and cut it up, giving her some pieces while taking a chunk for myself. She took a piece of the grilled cheese and inspected it through her tears and ate a piece, calming down significantly.

Before I could give her another piece (she eats more if I cut up everything bite size), she was stuffing pea after pea after pea into her mouth until it was jammed full of peas and all peas were off her tray. Because I have no desire for my girl to think that she has to eat every morsel of food presented to her (like I did/do) unless she wants to, I gave her some smoothie before giving the rest of the grilled cheese.

When we finished with the smoothie, I asked if she wanted some water. “Wawa!” she exclaimed and happily drank from her sippy cup. And as she drank, I strategically placed a couple more pieces of grilled cheese which she ate a couple of before starting to chuck the rest onto the floor.

“No,” I said sternly. “Do not throw your food.”  (Seriously. She takes the food, looks me dead in the eye, moves her arm till it extends out of the high chair, looks at me, opens her hand, and drops the food. And I've about had it!)

Tears. Everywhere. Again. Ugh.

I removed her tray and cleaned it, and unbuckled her and scooped her and her tears into my arms where she rested her wet face on my shoulder, still sobbing. She patted my back as I rubbed hers and told her that I loved her. She looked at me with tears still falling from her eyes, finger in her mouth and I quickly said, “Lemme see what’s in there,” and poked my finger in her mouth. She happily bit down gently as I felt some bottom teeth that are coming in.

“Owwww!” I exclaimed as she giggled.

I wiped her face and hands- and we lived happily ever after (for the night at least).

June 8, 2011

What's up with my kid?

Yesterday when we got home and I finally got Lovie to come inside the house (after having to literally run after her {in 100 degree temperatures-ugh!} after she spotted some big kids, definitely school aged, playing near the end of the block), she climbed the stairs and stopped at one step and asked, “Wuzzat?”

It was the same exact tiny spot (about a centimeter long) that she stopped to point to and ask “Whuzzat?” just one day prior and, again, I stated that it was just dirt.

If she does it again tonight, I'm not sure what I'll do.
Also, when she's barefoot in the house, she will always randomly stop walking or running around, sit on the floor, and start to pick the stuff off her feet and wipe her feet clean. I've caught her sitting with one foot up to her face, studying it and picking at it, for a good 10 minutes over the weekend. She'll do the same with her hands (which is why she doesn't care for sand, eh). It's all very cute to watch but... What's up with my kid?*
Is this all normal stuff or is she becoming a little ... obsessive?*
*I'm not really concerned, fyi... unless i should be

June 7, 2011

Lovie and K

My BFF/cousin (K) came to town Memorial Day weekend for a surprise (to everyone but me) visit. My grandmother was celebrating her 88th birthday and K wanted to be there to help celebrate. I was the only one who knew she was coming because she stayed with us.

She adores my Lovie to pieces and while they are technically second cousins, K is more of an auntie to Lovie than anything else. Here they are in Lovie's playroom looking at some pictures K was taking of Lovie:

The Paper Mama
I just wish she lived closer so we could all hang out more often and so that Lovie could really get to know K better.
See K and I grew up together (she's 6 months 3 days older than me) and were pretty inseparable whenever our families got together- which was just about every weekend or, at the very least, every other weekend. It's almost as if our parents planned for us to be close because aside from our closeness in age, our names are very similar as well.... Actually there's a funny story regarding our names: Apparently K's mom wanted to name her my birth name but my mom told her that if she did, she wouldn't ever speak to her again (and this was back in the day when they didn't really ever find out the sex of the baby so my mom didn't even know for sure if I was going to be a girl!). Ironic thing is that less than a decade later, K's parent's divorced (as did mine) and K's mom and my mom stopped speaking to one another until about 5 years ago! (K's dad is my mom's brother in case you were wondering how we're cousins.)

June 6, 2011

Vacation all I ever wanted. Vacation all I ever needed!

Oh how glorious it is to step away from reality for a bit... even if it for a few days.

That was our view from our room for three days and two nights. Granted during the night, it was much darker and we were sleeping but yeah. Not too shabby eh? Well, unless, of course, this is your view every day. But for us, it's not. No, our every day view is of a street with cars parked bumper to bumper on both sides of the street and iron fences and litter. My lord is the street covered with lots of litter. I don't care if "it's the city"; it's also 2011 and it repulses me that people still drop their trash out their car windows as they drive by or as they walk by.  So being surrounded by blue skies, lots of wa-wa (and iiishies) and fresh air for a short while is just so darn refreshing... revitalizing.

I could've bathed in it.

Instead I took a ton of pictures: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3.

And today? Today I'm back at work while my Lovie is at daycare. Oh boy was it hard leaving her this morning. Neither of us cried but man did I want to. I gave her an extra hundred kisses before I left but.. man, was that hard.

She was awesome on our trip. Fortunately we're "go with the flow" type of people so while we're sticklers for routine as far as napping, bedtimes, etc, during our everyday life, we're also OK with letting go of that routine when needed. And vacation is a time when letting go is needed. We didn't worry about bed times or nap times. We just wanted to have fun and wanted everyone to be happy, and everything just sort of fell in to place perfectly as far as what we saw and did.

Coming back home and getting settled back into a routine, however, was a lot harder than I thought. Finally by yesterday (Sunday), Lovie was back in her groove but up till then there were LOTS of tears come nap and bed time.. and that was something I wasn't used to, nor was I expecting to be honest. I'm just thankful that we came home on Thursday (we almost stayed longer last minute), allowing her several days to get back to normal or I'm not sure how today would've gone.

June 5, 2011

Aquarium visit #1

On Thursday (click it for Tuesdays recap; click it for Wednesdays recap), it was time to say goodbye to our hotel room and our vacation away from the big city life. Oh how I hate saying goodbye to the peace and quiet but such is life for the unfamous and unindependantly wealthy.

After loading the car up with all our stuff and checking out, we stopped at a burger joint in town that's been around for like 30 years or so for lunch and then made our way back in to the city... but there was something about the day and the fact that I just wasn't ready to end our vacation so I talked the H into stopping off at our city's hugeass Aquarium.

After parking ($16 for up to 4 hours, $19 for up to 12 hours) and unloading the stroller and Lovie, we made the longass trek to the Aquarium. Fortunately it's right on the lakefront so while it was warmer inland, it was actually a little cool despite the sun beating down on us.

We made out way into the Aquarium and opted for their cheapest package- the main floor for $8 a person (free under 2). While the main floor is pretty boring, we knew Lovie would be fascinated by all the Wawa (water) and Fishies so we went with it. (And after having to pay for parking we weren't really wanting to dish out an additional $30-35/pp to see more... especially when we really wanted to be out of the Aquarium in a couple hours time, max.)

We were right. Lovie loved all the Wawa and fishes.

On our way back to the car, we took a ton of pictures as we hung out for a bit under the picture perfect skies and in front of a Big Fish and Man statue that spits out water.

And then we packed 'er up and ended our vacation with a trip back to the car and a ridiculous amount of time stuck in rush hour. Of course.

Zoo visit #1

Wednesday, the day of our 4th wedding anniversary, we woke around 830... nice and late (since Lovie was born). The weather was supposed to be perfectly clear and a high about 70 and since we're both fans of cooler weather, we thought it would be a perfect day for a zoo visit.

After breakfast in bed and a little TV watching while we got ready, we headed out.

We were right. It was a perfect day for Lovie's first visit to a zoo. And while there are two bigger and better zoos where we live, I really enjoyed this zoo for its more intimate feeling and am glad this was Lovie's first experience. It wasn't overwhelming at all and we were actually able to walk the entire park and see all of its animals in one decent visit. And there weren't gobs of people like there are back home.

Oh how I love vacation.

June 4, 2011

Beach visit #1

We left the city Tuesday afternoon and headed a wee north crossing two state borders, yet only traveling for about 90 minutes including a stop to feed a very hungry (and unhappy as a result) Lovie. After checking into the hotel at about 5PM (we even managed to enter a different time zone!) we headed to the beach nearby.

This was the first time Lovie really experienced sand and a lot of Wawa (water). She kept saying Wawa! Wawa! over and over again. (I guess learning to say Water a couple days prior really came in handy.) But she really wasn't digging the texture of the sand much. I guess she really is a city girl already.

After playing on the playground and cleaning off the sand from our hands and feet we headed to dinner in the hotel's restaurant where we were able to dine outside.

It was a really lovely afternoon and a great start to our trip.

June 2, 2011

self portrait

The Paper Mama

Just got back in to town a bit earlier today... hoping to find some time to post something tomorrow but no guarantees as I can't even describe how beyond awesome all of this time with my Lovie and my H has been- and I want to soak in this as long as possible.