I'm getting quite... concerned... worried... that my happiness comes from my Lovie.
I've waited such a long time to have her and I knew I wanted her more than anything in the world and now that she's here I really couldn't be happier... but... I only feel this way when I'm with her or when I think of her.
I must sound completely loony.
I don't have any other passions in life. Not even for my marriage or my family and friends. It's like I don't give a shit about anyone or anything other than Lovie.
How can this be healthy?
I think "not giving a shit" is too big because truth be told I care a lot... but it's once I hear about or see something. I don't care enough to ask though.
I'm absolutely gone, aren't I? Wrap me in white and toss me in a corner.
I enjoy other things outside of Lovie. Like eating. I love to eat food. The badder the better. I enjoy a good book. I still love me some Bryan Adams. I love taking pics with my unprofessional, under $300 camera and I love looking at these pictures and editing them- particularly when they involve... you guessed it... my Lovie.
But that's really it.
I love being her mom. I love being a mom, but I love being her mom so stinkin much.
I could be having the shittiest day of my life with the worst attitude enveloping me and she can look at me and holy shit do I just melt right there in a big fat puddle of mush.
And I know all of that is natural (right?!??!????), but I'm sincerely worried about what happens when Lovie gets older and wants to do things that don't involve me. I'm terrified that everything else in life (my marriage, my family and friends) won't be around anymore for me to bother with. And while I feel this way, I have no real desire to rectify any of this right now.
I do not want to reach out to do things without my Lovie. I don't want to be away from her more than I am now, at work, 5 days a week.
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about or what's up my ass these days. Maybe that's my point?!?