As I was driving out to the burbs earlier to drop off Lovie at daycare and myself at work, I was listening to the radio and they were talking about some statistic stating that if your commute is over 45 minutes you're more likely to get divorced. They then had listeners call in to talk about if their commute is the biggest reason their relationship has issues. When we first married in 2007 we were living in the H's apartment only 4 miles outside of downtown. The commute was fucking awful- especially in the summer or anytime there was any kind of inclement weather. Awful. The 25 miles I drove to get out to the burbs, to work, took me 45 minutes to an hour in the morning and an hour to two hours in the afternoon to come home. It was horrible. Disgusting. Repulsive. And I wasn't the hugest fan of the apartment and the neighbors so it just wasn't a great time.
Fortunately we moved in 2009 and that move brought us more north and about 8 miles outside of downtown. While it was only a difference of 4 or 5 miles, it was a pretty significant change in my commute which went from 45-60 mins in the morning to 30-45 minutes, and from 60-120 minutes in the afternoon coming home to 45-90 minutes.
Of course changing my work schedule also helped with the new commute times... I was working 830-445 and then, when my company became more open to change, I was able to work 730-345.
Currently, I work 7am to 315pm. (I did have a chance to change my schedule again once Lovie came along, but decided not to... it's been nearly a full year since I made that decision not to make that change and I'm really glad I didn't.) And currently my commute in the morning is 20-40 minutes to Lovie's school, an hour in total to get to work (includes leaving the house, stopping for coffee, dropping off Lovie), while the evenings are generally a lot worse- 10-15 minutes from work to Lovie's school, 20-90 minutes back home. I've done it in 20 minutes before but that's on a very rare and random day. Usually it's more like 30-45 minutes. Basically I leave work at 315 and we're always home by 5- including a stop off at the playground for 15 or 20 minutes!
A typical workday looks like this for me:
445am: alarm sounds, I shower and get ready but not dressed
530-545am: wake up Lovie and get her dressed and bring her in to our bedroom to say Hi to sleeping daddy and watch some TV
545-6am: get dressed, gather bags, Lovie, etc and out the door by 6
630-640am: drop off Lovie at daycare
7am: arrive at work
315pm: leave work
330pm: pick up Lovie from daycare... if weather permits we stop at the park; if weather does not permit we may stop at Target or something but that's rare
430-5pm: arrive home and get dinner ready for Lovie... while she eats, I tidy up kitchen
530-6:15pm: Lovie watches TV, I read on the couch with breaks for spurts of tickles and giggle fests
6:15-640pm: bath time
640-7pm: pjs, milk & snack, book and/or more TV (which means SNUGGLE TIME!)
7-715pm: lights out for Lovie
720-8pm: the H and I eat dinner (he typically gets home around bath time on a good night, after Lovie's in bed on a bad night), watch TV.
830pm: fall asleep on the couch
9pm: drag ass to bed
Truth be told, I'm okay with the schedule... as okay as I can be considering working is a necessity right now. Now that Lovie is older and finally able to handle just one nap at school a day, she's awake the whole time we're together and while I may read and she may watch TV for an hour of that time (usually more like half an hour), we're together, we snuggle, we giggle, we tickle, we talk (I love deciphering her words), etc.
Had I gone with the condensed work schedule that was offered, my commute time would probably double in the evening (or come close to doubling), I don't think we'd be able to stop off at the park because she'd be starving, and there would be even less time together before she had to go to bed!! Sure the condensed week would give me all of (every other) Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with her but... the stress it would add and the time it would take away from Lovie on the other work days just isn't worth it to me. And I thoroughly enjoy spending time playing with Lovie every day as opposed to just three days.
All I have to do is look at my H, who generally gets 10 to 20 minutes with Lovie awake before bedtime maybe three times a week and know that my schedule rocks (as much as full time working schedule can rock).
So when do we clean? When do we do laundry?
Ha. Well, household stuff is just not important to us... It's just not. I tidy the kitchen when Lovie eats (fortunately we have a dishwasher ... also, we don't really cook much during the week). I tidy the living room, if it's needed (we really don't have a lot of shit and neither of us save much crap- except for Lovie's stuff), when she watches TV. Garbage is taken out by the H when I beg or it stinks up the house or it's flowing over the bin. Laundry gets done on the weekends- as do the bathrooms. Sometimes we skip a week in cleaning- and still get by. Fortunately we rent so there's no upkeep necessary of the outside (and really, I have NO idea how we'd add something more to take care of!).
So what about you? What kind of commute do you and/or your SO have? What are your schedules like? And how, HOW do you get it all done? Just please don't comment if you're able to do it all and add workouts and four course home cooked meals to your day as well! ; ) : D
We are lucky enough to live in a small town, so we don't have a commute. We ride our bikes to work (on a college campus where parking is horrible) or if the weather is bad we drive. We go to work at 7:30am and go home at 3:30pm. This give us long afternoons with the boys.
ReplyDeleteAs for cleaning, I tidy up in the evenings and save the heavy stuff for the weekends. Nick is really helpful too.
I read an article about that...the commute increases your chance of divorce 40%, and it increases again if one of the people stays home and again if the wife makes more money than the husband. I came home and told husband that we had three strikes and he better step up his game :)
ReplyDeleteEssentially we do the same. Husband does as much of the cleaning stuff during the week as he can and then we both do mainenance on the weekends. Unfortunately we have to add the lawn work in too. But if it's a choice between clean socks, or dishes in the sink and time with Pie...Pie wins every.single.time.
Wow. This totally puts my situation in perspective. We are so lucky that the nanny comes to our house (we pay an arm & a leg for it) and that both DH and I work within 2 miles of home. He walks to work every day since it is less than 1.5 miles.
ReplyDeleteThe trade off is that I do work that 4-day work week you mentioned and it is hell. Those days are, at best, 11 hours long but usually more like 12-13 (see my latest post for how I felt about this last night after a glass of wine). I hardly see Ada on these days and it stinks. I agree with you : I want to see her every day, not just 3 days. Working on changing that...
My H and I work opposite schedules, and our commutes are about 20-30 minutes. I work 7:30am-3:00pm. and he works 4pm-midnight. He has the kids during the day, and I have them at night.
ReplyDeleteIt works for us (though I know it wouldn't work for every family), and we've been able to save thousands with not having the kids in daycare.
cheerio indeed
ReplyDelete