My 79 year-old dad upset Taye last night at dinner out when he told him that we spoil Lovie. This isn't the first time my dad has said this and while most things my dad says (which is way too much) rolls off of Taye, this time, Taye got a little upset.
"I understand you 'have to say things' that are on your mind but you need to understand that sometimes that won't make people very happy," Taye apparently told my dad whilst I had stepped away from the table with an unruly Lovie who was overtired and wanting to go home.
"Children shouldn't be an inconvenience," my dad allegedly told Taye.
"You're right," Taye responded, very offended. "Maybe if some people like your other children didn't act so inconvenienced by their children, their children wouldn't be so screwed up. My child is not an inconvenience, she's our responsibility."
Apparently that silenced my dad- the tidbit about his other children being inconvenienced by their children.
Thing is, hearing my dad say Lovie is spoiled, doesn't really offend me much because I know he's not referring to her being spoiled in a matter that she gets absolutely whatever she wants, that she can behave in any way she wishes. No, he means she's spoiled by our love and attention. I'm certain that's what he means because guess what? She absolutely is spoiled by our love and attention.
Because as Taye told my dad last night, she's our responsibility and we're so incredibly blessed and honored- every day (and even through the unruly behaviors)- to be her parents.
So yeah. She's spoiled. Rottenly so. And it won't ever change.
No child has ever been spoiled by love and even occasional indulgence. It's lack of love that spoils a child - spoils them from being everything they are capable of being as adults. So keep indulging Lovey in your love.
ReplyDeleteParenting is inconvenient by nature, if you're doing it properly. It's a wonderful thing to spoil a child with love - because you can't.
ReplyDeleteRight on. Pour on the love! I've never met a kid who wasn't inconvenient (at least occasionally) -- it's part of the deal. If you have the patience to love them through it, everybody wins.
ReplyDeleteKudos to Taye for speaking up for himself and you. And keep on spoiling Lovie just the way you are.
ReplyDeleteGlad Taye said something. No one can be "too" loved. Or spoiled by it. Things like that come up with parents. Even my mom said something to me this summer about my indulgence of my 19 year old "boy". I reminded her that I was doing my best and I'm not perfect nor was she as a parent. I was offended because it didn't need to be said. Keep loving her up liberally as I know you are. They are your kids for life and sometimes it's inconvenient. It is ALWAYS a ton of work. Wouldn't trade it for a minute.
ReplyDeleteAmen! There's no such thing as a child who was "too loved." It's always so difficult to comment on other people's parenting and have it go well because we're all trying our damned-ist to be the best parents we can be so anything even remotely implying otherwise makes us bristle.
ReplyDeleteGood for you. I reserve spoiled for "gets whatever she wants." When my dad says my daughter is spoiled, I say "No, she's well loved." That's the truth. She doesn't have lots of toys, but she has more than enough love to make up for any stupid Barbie doll. Keep giving your girl love, love, love, love, love!
ReplyDeleteGood for Taye for speaking up about that. You cannot love a child a too much. You can't hold a baby too much. You can't pay too much attention.
ReplyDeleteOld people do tend to mistake attention for over indulgence. It's that "back in my day" generation that expects kids to be raised "seen and not heard."
ReplyDeleteYou know you're good parents. :)
Things my dad will say about our children roll off my husband much easier than me. Now that he's 85, I just try to block it out and proceed on because the older they get -- the stronger their eccentricities come out. I think it's their way of trying to exert control when they really control very little anymore.
ReplyDeleteParenting was different back in his day. Children are not spoiled by getting quality time with ppl who love them. They are developing positive attachments and social emotional competence.
ReplyDeleteI've never liked the word spoiled to be used in regard to children, never thought it was accurate. I agree with Sara above; the seen and not heard mentality is still around for our parents' generation.
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