Bigger { - FICTION - }

I’m 12 years old.

I don’t know why that sticks out so much but it does.

I think it’s because I’m missing my granddaddy today a lot more than normal and he’d always tell me, each and every time I saw him, how easy it was to remember how old I was because I was born in the year 2000. And since it’s now 2012… well, you get the idea.

I think I miss him so much because I know he’d be able to help make me feel better. He always did. He always made me feel important. He always talked to me and asked questions and really listened to my answers. He was so strict, but he also had this amazingly big laugh that rumbled through the room. But it wasn’t a scary laugh. It was warm, inviting.

His hugs were amazing, too. And even though I’m a guy, I can admit that I loved hugging him. And I miss hugging him.

He just seemed to always know how I was feeling. And, he always seemed to care. Like, genuinely.

I miss him so much.

I bet he’d look across the table at my dad during a Sunday visit and give him a disapproving look to show him that what he’s doing isn’t right. Mom and dad aren’t even divorced yet and he let that lady move into the house. And with her stupid dog. She’s nice and all, but she’s not my mom. She seems to like me just fine, but it’s just not fair that she’s there and mom isn’t. It’s been like a month since I’ve last seen mom, too, and I just don’t understand why Marianne sees me every day but my own mom doesn’t.

I don’t even know when this all happened or why. I just know that I’m tired of it all. And angry.

I moved here when I was 3 years old so I don’t remember Florida. I only remember my life here. And I remember my granddaddy. He’s been gone now for half my life, but I still remember him. And I still miss him so very much.

I’m sure he would tell my dad that he’s an idiot for letting Marianne move in with us with Oscar. I bet he would’ve stopped it from happening.

He probably would’ve even stopped my mom from leaving us.

I don’t know…

If the first 12 years of my life have been like this, what’s going to happen the next 12?

Will there even be a next 12?

I miss my mom and my granddaddy. My mom’s at least still alive.

Granddaddy was right when he said “Bigger problems come with bigger people” when I would always tell him how I wanted to be bigger. Now that I'm finally bigger, I have bigger problems.

Life kind of sucks.