May 25, 2011

PYHO: disrespect

I need to change my tone, the delivery in which my words exit my mouth and enter the air toward my husband.

I’ve known for a while now that my tone has taken a dive when it comes to how I speak to my husband. And even though I know what I’m doing when I do it, and even though I know how horrible it is that I’m doing it, I still do it. Time after time. And it really really needs to stop.

There’s a complete lack of respect in my tone. And that’s not cool. Nor is it fair.

My husband loves me. All of me. All the time. Sometimes I think he loves me more than I deserve to be loved.

And yet, sometimes when I speak to him, when I ask him to do something or question something he’s done or hasn’t done, I’m a bitch about it.

He really doesn’t deserve it and I do apologize once in a while yet… I continue to be rotten at times.

It needs to stop.

Not only for our relationship as husband and wife, but also for Lovie. She’s our little Monkey See Monkey Do right now and it’s just a matter of time before she starts speaking to her Daddy the way I do. And that would kill me… to see a child speak to her Daddy, who loves her more than anything in the world, in a manner that oozes disrespect.

I’ve known this all for quite some time, but Sunday morning something happened to really drive it home that the time has come to buckle down and change...once and for all.

My mom came over later in the day on Saturday and spent the night. Sunday morning Lovie woke very early. At about 730 in the morning when Lovie and I were playing in the front of the house in her playroom, she got up and made her way toward the back of the house where the kitchen and our bedroom are. My mom and I chatted away not thinking much about it till about 30 seconds later when we hear a very loud Lovie yell, “Dada! Get up!”

My mom and I looked at each and laughed so hard and repeated, in sync, what Lovie had said.

While it was funny (and still is), it’s also not so funny because that’s how I talk to my husband and clearly Lovie can hear this and is already repeating it... at not even 17 months old.

And if she's talking to him this way now, how will it sound at 7 or 17 years old?

It's unacceptable and it's got to stop.


  1. I could have written this post word for word! Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those women who feel that I should bow down and worship the ground my husband walks on, BUT, respect is respect and my hubby certainly deserves it (and seldom gets it from me!). I never really thought about how my kids might percieve or pick up my disrespectful tone.

    Thanks for posting this! :)

  2. I have the same problem. This is a good post to open my eyes. Let's work on it together. :)

  3. It's a really hard thing not to do. Especially when your husband is your primary outlet. Mine certainly is and he gets lots of crap dumped on him that's completely unfair. Work stuff, money stuff, anything that's making me mad somehow ends up on him.

  4. I would have laughed at what she said.

    I always feel like my husband gets the worst of me. He's my safe place to vent.

  5. I could have written this same post. My poor husband is my sounding board for daily frustrations after he has worked a long day. I don't disrespect him but I don't bow down to him like the 1950's either.
    I've learned to keep my "discussions" private from the kids when the tone might not be acceptable. I don't want them to treat their dad the same way.
    Good post to share.

  6. Oh wow, this post really hits home for me. Hubby and I have been snapping at each other lately without realizing it - until the other person has hurt feelings. I definitely needed to read this today, so thank you! :)

    Stopping by from PYHO

  7. Wow. I can so relate. I've been "checking myself" a lot lately too. My five year old occasionally says the f word. It's not cool. Awesome post.


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