March 4, 2011

one year

A year ago today, I started back to work from maternity leave. (I started this blog a couple days later.) I dropped my sweet baby girl off at her first full day at daycare and bawled the entire drive into work. The ugly cry, too. The one that you can’t stop no matter how hard you try. The one that produces tears and snot galore. The one that leaves you wanting to vomit.

When I got in to work, I sent out an email to my immediate coworkers asking that any communication be done via email as I was having a really hard time being back and wanted to avoid eye contact and talking. And then I hung up this picture on my cubicle wall:

It’s still hanging there, too. Along with dozens of other pictures of my lovebug from the past year.

Lots has changed since then- especially with Lovie. Of course. She’s grown so much and brings so many smiles to my face. It’s truly incredible. She’s truly incredible. And I’m so disgustingly blessed to have her.

Another significant change is that the bitterness (from having to be a working mom) that overwhelmed me a year ago has subsided a lot. Instead, I focus on Lovie and on my time with her. I get down on the floor and play with her every chance I can (at least once a day!) and watch as her face lights up as I do so. We play hard and laugh harder. We cuddle all the time and I constantly smother her with hugs and kisses. Nothing else matters when we’re together. The messy house, the emails, the telephone calls, the television shows… none of that matters when Lovie and I are both awake and together.

Thing is… I’m gonna be hella screwed in 12, 13 years when Lovie wants nothing to do with me! I just pray the upcoming years don’t fly by as fast as this past one has…

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  1. I can't believe how tiny Lovie is in those pictures! The one on the far right in the middle made me laugh out loud...what a pouty little expression.

    It really does suck to be a working mom, but I do think it helps me be more present when I'm with her because I cherish that time so much.

  2. My first day back with PJ was the same. Just seeing that empty car seat in the back was unbearable.

    Although I wish I could be home, having PJ run up to me yelling Mama Mama! when I pick him up and Maggie smiling does make it so much easier.

  3. Ohhh the bitterness... I've tried shoving that old friend into the closet many times. Sometimes it still sneaks up on me, but I let it go easier every time now.

    Good for you, friend.


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