It's my Monday today, but it's really Wednesday. Super cool. Something else that's cool is that I have another edition of Come Play with Me Guest Post series and today's piece is written by one of my favorite bloggers and friend, Monica from Peeper Summarized. I swear to you, every time I click into her blog, I end up in tears in one way or the other because her writing is that touching, that moving, that emotional, that beautiful. And her love of motherhood is sooo inspiring.
Anyhow, let's get on with Monica's take on 2012...
When Christina asked who might like to write a little somethin' about what they learned this year or what they were looking forward to for next year I shot her an email right away. Duh! Of course! I could knock this out in a heartbeat. New Years is my thing.
It's not the Auld Lange Syne, party horns and champagne aspect of the new year that I love so much. It's the fresh start. Who doesn't love the opportunity to turn over a new leaf? Granted, this is a completely made-up time point and on January 1 none of us wakes up fundamentally any different than we were when we fell asleep on December 31. But possibility towers over every failed attempt and discouragement in our past. We get reacquainted with the idea of our own potential and that is what I love.
So imagine how stymied I was to sit down day after day and find that I wasn't inspired to write ANYTHING. There's been plenty going on so that wasn't the problem. Or maybe it was the problem: too busy to reflect about the past and future. For the past few years a theme or mantra, if you will, for the coming year just finds me. This isn't something that I have to consciously think about - something rich just filters out of all the reflection that seems to occur so naturally around this time of year. Usually, the theme/mantra/battle cry is something absolutely revolutionary to me. It drives the coming year in a way that New Years resolutions just can't do.
For example, in 2010 I was overwhelmed with gratitude. All I could think about as the new year rang in was how grateful I was that me, my daughter and my husband were alive and healthy.
In 2011 there was a lot of work to be done: history was waiting to be written. I had a necklace made with this exact phrase printed on it. I wore that necklace every time I anticipated a difficult day or any time I needed to be reminded that with every passing moment I was in control of which part of me would show up - and I wanted it to be good.
This year we did all that work and the reward for it is that in the coming year nearly everything we know is going to change. For a control freak like me, this is disquieting at best and paralyzing at worst. Even good changes are still changes ... but that makes for one crappy mantra.
Tonight after Ada was in bed I lay covered up on the couch thinking about all the stuff I should be doing. Early pregnancy fatigue has settled in heavily and I'm dragging myself around to get the bare minimum basics taken care of - it's a miracle if I stay up much past 9:30. Laziness has it's silver lining though. In the middle of all that stillness a little voice in my head said something and it all clicked. Angels sang, clouds parted and I knew what 2012 would be all about for me. The little voice that represents the steadier side of me whispered confidently:
"You are exactly where you are meant to be."
Some people have known this their whole lives but this was a freaking revelation for me! From Buddhist reading I know, like, in-my-head-know-it, that this is what a good buddha should strive to know. But knowing it in your thoughts and really knowing it in your soul are such completely different things. This isn't the kind of thing that you can try to know either - your life experience just has to bring it to you. Once you realize it though... Click! you really know it. And my God, that is one incredibly freeing thing to realize. The guilt and angst of always feeling the need to be somewhere else doing something else has vanished. What an amazing gift.
It's OK to have been wherever you were - it was the right thing then.
It's OK to be headed somewhere intentionally - that's how we create our lives.
But it's also OK to be right where you are right now.
This is exactly where you are meant to be.
Turns out that there is a sweet prayer attributed to St. Therese of Lisieux that sums it all up so nicely:
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.
Happy New Year to all and may you find your battle cry for 2012!
See what I mean? Does she not have a way with words?!
Please go on over to Peeper Summarized and check out more about Monica and her family and become as infatuated with her place (blog) as I am! I dare you NOT to.
Thanks for playing, Monica! : )