October 4, 2011

The Escape

The door bounced closed and her back kissed the inside of it, shrinking down till she was in a sitting position on the sleek linoleum. Backpack slapping the coffee table, her hands- collecting dampness- held her crumbling face.

Her body simply collapsed and folded over.

Her ears thumped, her body hiccuped to the baritone sound coming from deep within.

Soon, her back straightened so that it kissed the door again, hands now massaging the slick floor. Her water stained face pointed toward the ceiling.

Her eyes scrunched, her crooked mouth unhinged, and a maddening shrill erupted.


This week Galit asked you to conjure something. An object, a person, a feeling, a color, a season- whatever you like.  But don’t tell us what it is, conjure it. In 100 words.


Editor's note: Today's piece is a continuation from last week. Why not, right?
Written by at
Labels: , ,

18 comments:

  1. CarrieOctober 4, 2011 at 8:10 AM

    definitely not happiness coming through with this. Great job with painting that picture of frustration and anguish

    ReplyDelete
  2. angelaOctober 4, 2011 at 8:17 AM

    Oh, I just want to hug her :( That feeling of anguish and helplessness is so clear.

    ReplyDelete
  3. christinaOctober 4, 2011 at 9:27 AM

    yes- anguish,frustration, helplessness...

    ReplyDelete
  4. earlybirdOctober 4, 2011 at 9:37 AM

    I think you portrayed her feelings extremely clearly. I particularly like 'Her body simply collapsed and folded over.' It followed on perfectly from 'her crumbling face'. Her world fell apart.

    ReplyDelete
  5. JackieOctober 4, 2011 at 10:22 AM

    Poor kid. She is one very unhappy child.

    Thankfully with kids these moments are short lived.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wahzat GayleOctober 4, 2011 at 10:30 AM

    oh wow!
    love 'a maddening shrill erupted'

    ReplyDelete
  7. Karen M. PetersonOctober 4, 2011 at 1:14 PM

    Those are some great images! You did a great job of bringing out the emotion of the scene.

    ReplyDelete
  8. JackieOctober 4, 2011 at 1:32 PM

    Great imagery here!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Megan (Best of Fates)October 4, 2011 at 2:08 PM

    Beautiful. You did a fantastic job of capturing all the tiny details.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Galit BreenOctober 4, 2011 at 2:34 PM

    Oh poor thing!

    Such beautiful, poetic language and wording to describe something so scary and sad.

    So sorry. :(

    ReplyDelete
  11. KirOctober 4, 2011 at 3:00 PM

    I saw it all, felt it all...that poor little face and heart. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Jen Has A PenOctober 4, 2011 at 3:07 PM

    Poor thing! My heart is breaking for her. And for you. ;-) That has to be difficult to watch. Mom's have to be sooo tough. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  13. MayOctober 4, 2011 at 3:40 PM

    You tell it so well it played out in my mind as I read. I have had days lately when I do believe I would be willing to crumple right down beside her if I could get away with the maddening shrill at the end!

    ReplyDelete
  14. JenOctober 4, 2011 at 4:20 PM

    Such sadness..I feel so sad for her. Great job capturing it!

    ReplyDelete
  15. AnonymousOctober 4, 2011 at 8:38 PM

    Poor thing. As a mom, my heart broke with hers. As I'm sure your did. Sometime I think it's harder to watch it than experience it.

    ReplyDelete
  16. TMWHickmanOctober 4, 2011 at 9:03 PM

    I've been that kid, unfortunately. Great job with the prompt. I got choked up in sympathy for you. Too close to home, I guess.

    ReplyDelete
  17. christinaOctober 5, 2011 at 7:38 AM

    wow, i really appreciate all this fabulous feedback. sadly, this piece is actually from my own youth and not Lovie's (thankfully). i'm not sure i could bear to watch my child go thru this and pray each and every day that doesn't ever happen...

    ReplyDelete
  18. Jessica {Team Rasler}October 6, 2011 at 3:14 PM

    Wow, you definitely managed to conjure this up rather than just tell it to us. It is obviously part of a larger, painful story that you remember it so vividly. I want to hug your jr. high self.

    ReplyDelete

speak your mind.

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)