August 1, 2012


In just a couple days I'll be going away for several nights. I'm flying into "Paradise" and meeting my BFF/cousin. Together we'll cab it to a beach location where we'll do as little as possible for three days and nights. We're doing this together because this is the year we both turn 40.

Age is just a number but for some reason, turning 40 is a big deal to me. Maybe it's such a big deal because, for the most part, I really enjoyed my 30s. I felt really true to myself in my 30s. Maybe it's such a big deal because I could be considered middle aged. Or maybe it's because I can finally, for the first time in my life when turning another century old, look back and smile.

Regardless of the whys, I've never really made a big deal about any of my birthdays, nor have I had anyone else make a big deal about it. No surprise parties or lavish gifts for me. And I wanted it to be different this time so all of that adds up to booking a trip to Paradise.

Doesn't it sound ridiculously wonderful?!?

It does, I know ... but ... I'm going alone: No husband, no child.

I love my husband and all but he's not the one I'm thinking about today. It's her. My Lovie.

I know people leave their kids all the time to do things without them. I understand that and I understand people wanting that break. But I don't. I don't want that break. I get enough of that break Monday thru Friday when she goes to school and I go to work for nine hours.

Would I feel differently if I didn't work outside of the home? Maybe, maybe not. It's tough to say because the thing is, I've waited so long to be mama to this little girl and I just want to soak up all of it. Every bit of it. The good and the bad. The screaming and the laughter. It's all a part of who she is and I want every last drop of it. Because one day, she'll be turning 40 and then what? Then she'll have her own life and want her own celebration.

I'm just a little nervous about this trip. It's only for three nights but it will be the first three nights away from her and... I already miss her.

...and I can't stop wondering about what if something goes wrong.

There, I said it.

I know that's not a good way to think but dear god almighty will she know, believe, understand, comprehend how much she meant to me if I don't return? How much she's loved and adored and cherished? Is she at the age where she could remember me if something happens? Will the photos tell a proper story of how she's absolutely everything to me? My sunshine? The air I breathe? 


  1. Happy Birthday! Have a safe but very fun travel experience!

  2. No, it's not different if you stay's worse. I worry about my kids whenever I'm away from them, even when I know the worry is ridiculous. It's just part of motherhood. Have a great trip!

  3. You'll have so much fun and you deserve this! I know she'll be just fine and be ready with a big smile and a hug when you get home!

    But I totally get weekend will be my first night away from Connor and I'm a little nervous...

  4. You will totally have a great time and she will be fine. And she knows. Believe me.

  5. I hope you can relax and have a wonderful time.

    I always have that fear in the back of my mind when I'm away from my kids- that what if something happens. But then I remind myself that anything can happen anywhere, so I can't just stay home because of that fear.

  6. my dad used to tell me 50 was his "oh no " b-day-that year was the absolute worst for me-enjoy 40 your young yet and have fun.

  7. Have a GREAT time. You deserve it. She'll be fine. And so will you. I hate leaving my children too, but I will tell you that I think it makes me a better mom. When I take time to focus on just me, I get rejuvenated. JMO.

  8. Whewww...the title of this post had me worried :-)

    You will be back soon and Lovie will greet you with big hugs and kisses!

    Happy birthday! Live it up! You deserve it!

  9. Have a great trip!! You will be back before you know it and she'll have lots of loving for you.

    Stopping by from Shell's PYHO :)


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