my Lovie.
I'd go on and on about all that she was learning and how fast she seemed to be growing. I'd marvel over her adorableness in photos I'd share any chance I could.
But then I kind of stopped.
It seemed like I wasn't getting as many comments when I gushed about my lovebug... not like I would when I made lists or tried my hand at fiction or other writing, which I absolutely love doing.
But the thing is, she is what makes me get up every morning.
Yeah, it used to be writing and getting all my thoughts down. And while that still does help today, there's so much more to me than writing. It's all about her.
I recently went away for three days and three nights. I left my Lovie in the hands of Taye, my husband (and her daddy). I knew she would be well taken care of. But a part of me was so afraid to leave. All the worse case scenarios popped in my head and I feared that I may not return home to my Lovie.
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| Mama, Lovie, Taye at the Wiggles show. |
But then I realized this could happen at ANY moment.
I didn't just realize it when I went away; I've known for a very long time that tomorrow is not guaranteed. I feel like I've really tried living each day believing this- that tomorrow isn't guaranteed.
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| actual view from our room |
So I went on that trip and I had the time of my life... and I missed the shit out of my Lovie. I watched kids and babies playing in the sand and water, laughing and having the time of their lives... and my heart ached to see my Lovie.
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| Lovie. with Mama poking out from behind at the Wiggles show. |
And when my flight going home was cancelled for the day and another flight couldn't be booked till the next day? I wanted to just cry. Trying to find another flight home and get a hotel voucher for the night, the lady behind me was just wanting to get the voucher for the hotel room so she could "lock her kids up" when I just wanted to get home to my kid- to wrap my arms around my kid, to smother her with kisses.
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| Lovie and me at the Wiggles show |
Lovie is my life. Plain and simple.
I am my own person, yes, but I'm her Mama. First and foremost, I. Am. Her. Mama. And there's nothing... NOTHING... in this world that could take that away from me. Nothing can make me feel guilty about wanting to watch her learn and grow every single day. Nothing can make me feel guilty for not wanting to be away from her.
Yes, my time away was very enjoyable... I slept in till 9AM one day! There was no diapers to change, no food to make for anyone. I laid on the beach and in the water for three straight days. The sun burnt my skin to the point that it's now grossly peeling. Cabana boys were at my beck and call. IT WAS FANTASTIC! I'm glad I went.
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| how we've basically spent the last several days- she's glued to me at all times. and i like it like that. |
But I was even more happier to see that Lovie of mine when I finally got home.
She is my home.
She is beautiful and I don't blame you a bit for loving her like you do :) I think it is totally appropriate that she is your world...that's what helps give kids a strong self esteem later in life!
ReplyDeleteoh wow do i hope so (strong self esteem later in life)!!
DeleteOf all the stories you have written and that I have loved to read, I always like the love--I mean, Lovie-- stories, the best.
ReplyDelete:) aww thanks so much!
DeleteI can see your delima, Finally Mom, my kids are my life too-the one I lost is still here to me- I write, think, love him a lot. The ones still here, are my joy my reason for living. I admit my articles on spiders, snakes, even the challenges get a lot more reads, but many of us moms will read the work of other moms, and I would encourage you to keep writing about your precious child. You can write about other things too, but they grow so fast, and unfortunately I know 1st hand that we aren't guaranteed tomorrow, so write away, these thoughts will be precious when you share them when your child is an adult, or a parent...beebeesworld
ReplyDeleteoh thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. and i'm SO VERY sorry about the unexpected loss of your son.
DeleteNow that I have a little Niece (turning two soon) I see how much power of life they can give you. I had my time(s) deciding and the fear of failing.
ReplyDeleteNow our Mom died, too, and whilst I broke quite down, Bro even went on holiday. When you have a wee one to care for, you have more power, I guess.
Good thing you can do both, let go for a day or two and get power from Love(i).
I am so glad you were able to enjoy your time alone, and hopefully refresh and recharge yourself.
ReplyDeleteI understand the trepidation of leaving but how much was that "me" time worth it? The photos are lovely too! Welcome back to reality Christina!
Taking care of yourself is a part of taking care of her. You're setting a good example. I'm glad you wrote about her - screw the comment count! More Lovie!!
ReplyDelete