“You’re a virgin?” I rolled back on to my side, smiling. No way could I have scored a virgin. No fucking way!
“Well yeah, but…” she covered her face with her hands. “I’m just not that experienced with any of this.”
I gently kissed her head. “That’s fine.” Are you shitting me?
She just laid there.
“Can we... still? Kiss?” I asked. I mean, what the fuck? You’re not 12.
We started making out more and it was good and nice but really? What the fuck? This chick was 22 years old with a huge set of knockers. How the hell could she be “new to all of this?”
I didn’t deflower her for another month.
We made out a lot. We took off our clothes and came so very close more than once, but I didn’t have condoms and Princess Purity didn’t either. Fuck, I wanted to get laid so bad. And I hated fucking condoms. So I went down on her. More than once. And she gave me hand jobs. More than once. Did she go down on me? No. Little twit never went down on me. I mean, how about you give a little with all that take, right? One day after we smoked a bowl and started kissing, I even tried pushing her head down. She looked at me in horror so I told her I was kidding. But really? What the fuck? I can’t get my dick wet in your pussy or your mouth?
So I started ignoring her. Like on New Year’s. I just took off for a week with my cousins. Yeah I thought of her, she was my Beth. But she wouldn’t go down on me and there were no condoms, and I was gonna explode if I spent more time with her.
The week after New Year’s we talked in her car after work one day. She cried and told me she really cared about me but that she couldn’t take the “lack of communication.” She asked if she should drive me home and I agreed.
We got to my place and just sat for a moment with the car still running.
“Just go,” she cried. Her face was all wet, her eyes all red and puffy.
“You really want me to?”
She didn’t answer me, wouldn’t look at me.
“I love you.” What the motherfucking shit did I just say?!?
She didn’t look at me, thankfully, so I opened the door to get out and she grabbed my hand, holding it so hard I sat back down.
“Please don’t leave,” she whispered through her sobs.
We hugged and wiped each other’s tears.
This piece is a continuation of last week's piece. Both fiction. I'm stepping outside of my comfort zone big time by trying to write from a male's point of view.
Man, this makes me glad I'm not 22 anymore! You evoked the kind of immature relationship clashes that people have when they're young painfully well.
ReplyDeleteawesome. it's been a while since i've been 22 so yeah, glad it carries through.
DeleteI have to admit that the "I love you" was a surprise, because I didn't really feel that from him at the beginning. It makes me interested to see how it will affect their dynamic.
ReplyDeletei don't think he felt it either! ;)
DeleteI think you are doing a great job at this particular male's point of view. While not all of them are as sleezy as he is, I think you have done great at keeping him consistent. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteyeah i was a bit worried about getting too carried away with his douchey ways... maybe that's why he thought of her while away and why he said he loves her? i'm trying to make him more likeable- but not really. ha.
DeleteWell, more likeable? No, but at least I now identify him as an ex-boyfriend of mine. blech! I feel disgusting again. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat I liked most about this scene was the subtext in his head. My concrit is with the line "I wouldn't deflower her for another month." It seems out of place where it is, followed by the mentions of all the "almost" times. I think perhaps it could be stronger to "deflower" her after the car scene. Then we're left with wondering if he really loves her, or he just said that to get her to put out.
Again, not a fan of the protag, but I do like the way you set up the scene. And gods goulies do I really feel sorry for Beth. Well done!
thank you and i totally agree about the Deflower line; that was one of my biggest concerns with this piece- the use of that one word!
DeleteI think you did a stellar job from the male POV. You got the piggishness down right. Such conflicted feelings at that age on both sides. I also sensed he said the three little words out of necessity or desire. I agree that a deflower might occur after he says it because, unfortunately, those words are what causes people to cave sometimes. I surely hope Beth didn't, however. I enjoyed the read very much.
ReplyDeletethanks, Gina.
Deleteactually that was why i mentioned the time it took to deflower- that it was, most likely, going to occur after the car scene... i wasn't feeling right about the placement and i think you and Shelton confirmed my thoughts. Thanks!:)
I really love this story! Keep it coming!
ReplyDeleteHmmm...I don't like this guy. Maybe he loves her, maybe not. He certainly wants her to be "his". You did a good job of getting a guy's POV. He may not be likeable, but I've known men like him. I sort of hope that he gets his just desserts!
ReplyDeleteIt was good, but I couldn't help but wonder about her. She reminded me of women from my past who were certain that the communication issues were because men didn't talk and not because sometimes we talk past each other.
ReplyDelete