July 25, 2012

i could be making millions right now


There’s a reason why I’m not in a Nike or Gatorade ad.


There’s a reason why soccer teams are segregated into Boy and Girl teams, something that bugged me when soccer finally started getting more popular in this country. Why couldn’t a girl play just as hard as a boy? Be just as awesome? All on the same team?

Then I started thinking about my time as a little soccer star and it hit me: BOOBS.


As small kids, there was always a soccer ball being kicked around either in the basement, backyard, or on TV. And when I was 6, I was finally old enough to join a soccer league. It was the 1970s and I was the only girl in the entire league. At first it didn’t really bother me because I loved the game; plus, I was one little shit of a tomboy who wanted to prove to everyone that I could, despite being a girl, play soccer.

i NEVER wore dresses but .. you get the idea

I like to think that my love for soccer meant I kicked ass at it, but I blew the one chance I had to prove to everyone how awesome I was when I missed scoring at the most inopportune time. It was the one game where coach swapped me from the back of the field to the front in a matter of minutes.

I was on the right side of the field. There was only one opposing team player and his goalie before me, hounding me with questions: “Are you really a gur-url?” “Is it true?!”

Suddenly I heard screaming from behind and turned to see a ball flying toward me.

It was my time to shine… my time to prove to everyone that I deserved to play an offensive position.

The ball flew closer to me, and soon it was just me and the goalie; all I had to do was stretch my leg out at the right time for my foot to tap the ball past the goalie.

But instead my leg and foot completely missed the ball.



Mortified, I still kept playing and stayed with my team in that league as the only girl for several years. I was, after all, one of them; we ran laps together, we scrimmaged together, we conquered (or lost) together.

Soccer was my life.

Then one day, things completely changed: I woke up bleeding from my crotch; my stick straight, thick hair started getting curly; and I had boobs that required an actual bra opposed to an undershirt.

I was 10 years old and often got leering glances from men my father's age. It was quite disgusting and humiliating, and I soon quit playing soccer because of the lingering looks to the front of my shirt and the teasing I heard when I ran during practices and games. 

I hated my boobs so much.



34 comments:

  1. You are awesome! I love that you reworked your piece for Yeah Write. And it's really a great piece!

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  2. Oh, man... damn boobs ruined my chance of becoming a ballerina. Great piece!

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  3. Boobs are the worst when you are a kid! I got mine in full force when I was 11. Holy crap. The terror of having young boys constantly pull your bra straps is no joke.

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    1. oh gosh the pulling the bra straps! man i hated being a girl back then

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  4. Tough enough to be the only girl on the team, but then to have everyone staring at your chest. Man, oh, man! A very well-told story.

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    1. and it really was *everyone* i swear (at least in my young mind)

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  5. I hate my boobs. I still hate my boobs. I never felt the embarrassment the way you did until much later, but I got the mockery, and I hated having yet another thing to make those sons of bitches make fun of me. I'm sorry it took away the one thing you loved, though.

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    1. i'm not a fan of mine either. don't think i ever will be. truth is it's a big reason why i've been fat most of my life- because the fat doesn't make the boobs SO noticable (at least in my warped head).

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  6. I hated my boobs then I loved my boobs and now I miss my boobs. This was a great post about the way we struggle with the changes nature brings us. Womanhood - it's the gift that keeps on giving ;)

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  7. Why why WHY do our boobs give us so much grief?!? They're just boobs. They got in my way playing soccer too... especially as a goalie. Try getting nailed in one. OW. :/

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  8. And I hated not having them! Women....so silly sometimes...

    Also? Soccer is harder than it looks. ;-)

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  9. this is a tragic and true and brave post. boobs became a problem in ballet too. So sad we felt like this about our bodies. i feel like it could be different.

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    1. yup, i really hope it's different for my daughter; i hope that if she does get the curse of early development, she can handle it better than me, that i can help her better than my family helped me

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  10. Hahaha...I KNEW where this was going. I tried to join a volleyball league after Noah was born but it's hard to hold your arms out in front of you with boobs. My hair did the SAME DAMN THING. From straight to pubic hair in one summer.

    Love the new header.

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  11. I never had boobs but I was bad at team sports anyway! I am sorry your boobs deprived you of million dollar riches. Maybe you can buy a lottery ticket. I don't think boobs will interfere with that. ;)

    Great post!

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    1. hehe, right. lottery tickets. why didn't i think of that? ;)

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  12. Hmmmm. . .I just wish I had some! One woman's trash is another woman's treasure, I guess! LOVE your new header and this story.

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  13. PS: your illustrations are hilarious and your masthead...is it different? I like it alot.

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    1. THANK YOU!! i was wondering if anyone was gonna notice the drawings. :D i worked my butt off on them (while my computer had a virus and i was told to stay offline) and i love them so much. i'm no Gia of course. ;) and yeah, the header is new, too. :)

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  14. You have chutzpah. Boobs can't hold you back. Ellen (Love the header.)

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  15. I find myself wishing you wouldn't hate your boobs (though I hate mine often) and instead blame the men/boys that gave you crap for them. This made me sad and angry, but it's so stupid common. I imagine that strength is still with you, and has made a big impact on your life in other ways.

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  16. I can totally relate...I quit basketball and could never be a runner because of my overabundance.

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  17. Score another ballet loss here. I went from a t-shirt to a 32D overnight when I was 14. Bye-bye, pointe shoes. Hello, men leering at you whenever you have to wear a nametag at an event. Thanks for putting into words what so many of us go through.

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  18. I hear that is a big problem for female athletes, their boobs. Dang things!

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  19. My 8 year-old daughter sat me down and grilled me about boobs the other day. I was pleased and surprised that she asked me because as a man my knowledge of boobs is pretty...different from a womans'.

    She wanted to know when she would develop and how big they could be and I found myself getting transported back in time to the elementary school days you wrote about.

    I remember girls being teased and hope that my daughter doesn't go through all that.

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    1. ooooh i worry so much about this happening with my Lovie (only 2.5). but i think it's awesome that your daughter is already talking to you about it and maybe if you bring it up again and let her know she can always talk to you, she'll come to you if it does happen to her. that's what i'm hoping for with Lovie, at least. unfortunately for me, i entered adolescents when my parents were starting to split so it was kind of best for me to be seen and not heard so i never had anyone to talk to about this stuff.

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  20. Oh what a tough thing for an athletic girl to go through. Puberty is tough all around, but to be in your element and suddenly not part of the team on so many levels, ugh. I hope you love your rack now :)

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  21. My boobs are the bane of my existence. Can't run, can't jump, can't wear the right size shirt, can't find bathing suits, can't eat without dropping something on them, can't sleep, can't....I'm having surgery as soon as my insurance company stops being an a**hole and approves it. Sorry. Boobs are a sore spot with me. Literally.
    Great post. :-)

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  22. My boobs are big. At 15 I went from tom boy to sex magnet. Now as a woman going through the process of menopause I find that my two gals are annoying and I want to get rid of them..., but wait they still give me great orgasmic pleasure and they did work after I gave birth to my two sons... life is strange but I guess boobs have their ups and downs like everything else in life.

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  23. Sorry for the late comment! Good for you for sticking with soccer even when you were the only girl. And that year that it all changed for you, that must have been so difficult. Lots of things all at once for such a young one. Very honest post.

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  24. I´m with ya :-(
    Nature can be mean.

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