May 22, 2012

not really Mama or Lovie related. well maybe a little.

Last year I got a little personal and told the world (all 5 of you that read this) that I was FAT.

I yammered on about how morbidly fat I am, but how I don't let it define me. While this still holds true today, my grasp on not letting it define me is growing weaker and weaker.

I still absolutely refuse to reveal any of these issues to Lovie. (Just yesterday she wanted to go to the park after school but I had to pee badly so we stopped at a Wendy's. And, of course, once she realized we were in a place with burger and fries she wanted a burger and fries. And I got her some. Because she's TWO. Because eating this shit in moderation IS ABSOLUTELY OK! Even if it's fried. Even if it's not organic. She ate 3/4 of the burger and all her fries, downed her water and barely touched her mini Frosty. And when she was done, we went to the park where she ran around for an hour.)

But, I have GOT to make some changes. I cannot allow my size to define me and I feel myself slipping toward that.

I deserve more. SHE deserves more.

I guess this is more Mama and/or Lovie related than I thought.

Anyway, I'm hoping this confession helps me get back to where I was a year ago. Actually, I'm hoping this confession helps me get back to where I was six years ago before my grandfather passed away when I was at the smallest size I'd been in all my adult life.

Pouring my Heart Out and Linking up with Shell at Things I Can't Say.


  1. I hope you get to where you want to go, and that either way, you are healthy whatever your size!

  2. Keep on keeping on with that positive mental attitude. Losing weight won't change your heart or who you are, but if it's something you want to do FOR YOU (and your family) then it's still a worthy goal.

    Small steps - lose those pounds one at a time, and celebrate every one. Good luck with making your changes.

  3. Little steps Christina, little steps. Man oh Man, Wendy's burgers are good and those Frostys..yum!

  4. You can do it and we'll cheer you on throughout the way!

  5. Found your post through Pour Your Heat Out Wednesday. I struggled with weight in my younger days and although I have stabilized it for several years, can totally identify with "fat feelings" and the shame and self criticism, if not self loathing, that can accompany poor body image. Hang in there, and I hope you achieve your goals. xo Ilene

  6. I can totally relate to this ... and recently I was successful in losing a lot of weight ... but nobody noticed ... and my pant size didn't change ... and I kind of gave up ... I need to find my inspiration again ... but a lot of mine lies in what I could be to my kids ... so hopefully I find it soon ... good luck to you :)

  7. Sounds like you are ready for a change! You can do it!


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