focus

I'm pretty fortunate.

As much as I don't want to be at work (who does?), I've got it made pretty good here.

I had my review yesterday and I was a little afraid of what might be said because ever since Lovie's been born... I've changed. Quite a bit. And it's effecting my work life, too.

See, I don't really give a shit about anyone or anything- other than Lovie- anymore.

She's everything to me.

I realize how ... insane ... that may sound. So I'm hoping because I realize it's a little crazy- my absolute addiction to this child- that means I'm not really insane. KWIM? I mean, do crazy folk know they're crazy?

Yeah anyway, I've fucked up several times since coming back to work in early March. Several times. I went from never screwing up (seriously) to fucking up more than once. And that's costly for us.

You add that to the fact that things in the department have drastically changed and we don't make but half of what we used to and I'm really surprised I still have a job.

That's why I'm pretty fortunate.

Bossman happens to be a dad of 3 and he's one of those really involved dads... like, he's off on Halloween if it falls during the workweek.  I was hoping this would work well for me, and it has. Thankfully.

We talked about how it's been since being back and it's really the first time I've really thought about it and realized how much I've changed. (Of course I didn't tell him that I could give a rat's ass about what I do and if I fuck up. I mean, I don't like fucking up, but it's not like I'm saving lives here. There's really nothing to stress over. It's not like I can go back in time and fix what I broke.)  And admitting that out loud to him- that I've changed and "lost focus"??? That was some hard shit to say out loud to my Boss! I actually welled up! (But I'm a wuss so really that wasn't so shocking.)

But he was really cool about it... telling me that he understood, telling me that they were there to work with me, that they don't expect things to be perfect all the time, that we're all only human, that if I need to take time off (I have very little due to using it all during maternity leave) to let him know, etc.  I was really kind of touched.

Too bad I still don't give a rat's ass.

I just want my Lovie.