“Are you taking your drugs?”
“Why?!” I snap, tossing the TV remote on the bed amidst the dirty laundry we’re sorting. “What did I do now?”
“Are you taking them?” A black shirt dives into the dark pile.
“Why? Have you noticed a change in me? Because I have. I don’t feel like I’m acting differently, like I’m drugged, but I know I’m behaving differently.”
We’re standing next to each other in our bedroom, before our messy bed. I pick up a pillow and speak to it: “I’m not as… annoyed as I’ve been lately.”
“I don’t mean annoyed so much as…”
“No,” he cuts me off. “I like the use of that word: Annoyed. It’s fitting.”
“But I don’t really mean you guys annoy me; I just was so … short fused. “
“Annoyed,” he chirps through a smile.
“Yeah,” I whisper.
My eyes rest upon the coins, blocks, papers, pens, crap that litter the dresser as my mind races to the Monster I was just a month ago. I compare that time to how I feel now, and I could burst into tears… tears of absolute relief.
I’m not annoyed anymore.
I feel Normal.
“I just asked,” Taye continues. “Because you didn’t flip out with the remote thing like you usually do.”
Still thinking about the difference from just one month ago, I reply, “I know! It’s so crazy to me. I would get… crazy!!”
Taye’s eyes widen and though the words never leave his mouth, I know he's thinking, Yes you would get crazy.
I drop my eyes back toward the piles on the bed, onto the TV remote I tossed moments ago. Had it been a month ago, I would’ve probably flung the damn thing to the floor. At the very least, I would’ve cussed at the remote and TV for not shutting off (seriously, you have to press the off button three times before it shuts off- DUMB!) and stormed out of the room, wanting to just run away from everything. I’m confident this would’ve happened a month ago, yet today I didn’t do that. Today, I shut the TV off and went about my business.
LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING.
Yeah, I’m a little crampy, I’m incredibly tired, and the calendar indicates the blood should be coming any day now… but, I’m not angry at the world. I’m not envisioning (maybe even hoping for) horrendous things happening.
Instead, I actually like my husband and my daughter. I love them. They make me laugh and smile. They make me feel so blessed.
Instead, life is fucking beautiful again. Every day. Not just half of the month, but the whole month; it’s beautiful.
Yeah, life is still moving forward: The days have been hot (so hot!); traffic has been horrendous on my drives home thanks to summer and the city life that everyone thinks is so grand when they don’t live and breathe it every day; Lovie's still 2 and sometimes acts as such; Taye still lets the garbage overflow; work is boring as fuck; people do and say stupid shit day in a day out.
But I’m different. I’m Normal. I don’t feel like screaming or crying. I don’t feel like finding a deep, dark hole to crawl into.
I like my life again. Every day, I like it.
So yeah I’m taking my drugs.