June 21, 2012


“Are you taking your drugs?”

“Why?!” I snap, tossing the TV remote on the bed amidst the dirty laundry we’re sorting. “What did I do now?”

“Are you taking them?” A black shirt dives into the dark pile.

“Why? Have you noticed a change in me? Because I have. I don’t feel like I’m acting differently, like I’m drugged, but I know I’m behaving differently.”

We’re standing next to each other in our bedroom, before our messy bed. I pick up a pillow and speak to it: “I’m not as… annoyed as I’ve been lately.”

He chuckles.

“I don’t mean annoyed so much as…”

“No,” he cuts me off. “I like the use of that word: Annoyed. It’s fitting.”

“But I don’t really mean you guys annoy me; I just was so … short fused. “

“Annoyed,” he chirps through a smile.

“Yeah,” I whisper.

My eyes rest upon the coins, blocks, papers, pens, crap that litter the dresser as my mind races to the Monster I was just a month ago. I compare that time to how I feel now, and I could burst into tears… tears of absolute relief.

I’m not annoyed anymore.

I feel Normal.

“I just asked,” Taye continues. “Because you didn’t flip out with the remote thing like you usually do.”

Still thinking about the difference from just one month ago, I reply, “I know! It’s so crazy to me. I would get… crazy!!”

Taye’s eyes widen and though the words never leave his mouth, I know he's thinking, Yes you would get crazy.

I drop my eyes back toward the piles on the bed, onto the TV remote I tossed moments ago. Had it been a month ago, I would’ve probably flung the damn thing to the floor. At the very least, I would’ve cussed at the remote and TV for not shutting off (seriously, you have to press the off button three times before it shuts off- DUMB!) and stormed out of the room, wanting to just run away from everything. I’m confident this would’ve happened a month ago, yet today I didn’t do that. Today, I shut the TV off and went about my business.


Yeah, I’m a little crampy, I’m incredibly tired, and the calendar indicates the blood should be coming any day now… but, I’m not angry at the world. I’m not envisioning (maybe even hoping for) horrendous things happening.

Instead, I actually like my husband and my daughter. I love them. They make me laugh and smile. They make me feel so blessed.

Instead, life is fucking beautiful again. Every day. Not just half of the month, but the whole month; it’s beautiful.

Yeah, life is still moving forward: The days have been hot (so hot!); traffic has been horrendous on my drives home thanks to summer and the city life that everyone thinks is so grand when they don’t live and breathe it every day; Lovie's still 2 and sometimes acts as such; Taye still lets the garbage overflow; work is boring as fuck; people do and say stupid shit day in a day out.

But I’m different. I’m Normal. I don’t feel like screaming or crying. I don’t feel like finding a deep, dark hole to crawl into.

I like my life again. Every day, I like it.

So yeah I’m taking my drugs.


  1. woo hoo for drugs! i don't know how i would make it through the day without them. so glad you're feeling better and can be more present with hubs and lovie. that makes me happy for you guys.

  2. Hooray. I am so glad you are feeling better. I know your husband must be delighted. That being said, my remote control drives me to the brink of madness sometime.


    Sorry for not commenting in so long, but I have been following along.

  4. I have never ventured your way before, but somehow I ran across Yeah Write & found this blog. This entry, bittersweet, for me, personally. I loved it. Honestly! I too suffer from an issue that requires meds, or I am sorta crazy, you can say! Great job for the changes! & I must say, your writing is eloquent. Keep it up!

  5. That's fantastic! Good for you. What peace you must feel.

  6. Drugs can be so helpful sometimes. I'm glad you found balance and are no longer "annoyed" lol.

  7. Love this post, and your honesty. You are not alone, sister!

  8. This was beautiful in a way I can't even put into words. I've been there and felt that and took the drugs. It's amazing how wonderful normal can feel.

  9. Love this. I'm not the one who takes the drugs but I can tell when the one who does, doesn't. It's amazing how a pill can make all the difference in the world. Great post.

  10. You sound so relieved -- I'm happy for you! Feeling not like yourself stinks. And what is it with remotes? Mine does the same thing -- have to press off at least three times. Darn things deserve to be cursed at and thrown...

  11. I've joined the club as well. My husband picked up my pill bottle yesterday and said, " are you on drugs?"
    "Hell, yea. Do I seem psycho anymore?"

    G-d bless happy pills.

    LOVE this post.

  12. I'm glad you're a better place now!

  13. I admire your honesty! This is such an important topic, and yet people are embarrassed to talk about being medicated, especially when it comes to PPD, depression, mental illnesses and the like.
    I am so glad that you have found something that works for you!

  14. I love how honest you are here. I know EXACTLY the feelings you are describing, because you described them perfectly.

  15. I am too! And I am grateful for moms like you who help take the stigma out of medication because it has made my life so much better.

  16. so happy that you are feeling better! i can relate.

  17. Very honest and so glad to hear you are feeling better!

  18. So glad you found what you need to help - it is like a veil being lifted to reveal the world and your true self.

  19. i'm so happy for you! i've got drugs too --and i'm a better person every day for it. don't know what i'd do without them right now. thanks for sharing this in such a public forum---GO YOU!!!


  20. Great post and glad to hear you're having a better time of things!!

  21. I really like the opening/closing connection. I'm seeing your writing evolve in these weekly posts - and that is so cool!

  22. Girl, I'm taking mine too! And it makes a huge difference! I really relate with this post!

  23. This is a great description of depression, and or, attempting to deal with emotions run amok. Sorry you were dealing with this...and also good to hear things are getting better. Very cleverly written.

  24. glad you're better!!! Happy is good. :)

  25. Very well written. Taye and Lovie are lucky to have you. Even if you get annoyed sometimes. Drugs are worth it.

  26. better living through chemistry,as the saying goes. this post would help anyone who is htinking that it would be "bad" to take meds... nice assertion, here.


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