Letting Go and Growing

I'm not a fan of seeing awake babies with pacifiers in their mouths... especially when said babies can walk and talk. It really bugs me when I see this. Always has, always will. It's a pet peeve of mine, I guess.



rare photo of binked-up Lovie before bed, 4/2012

That said, on our way out of the hospital with a 3 day old baby doll in my arms, we finally gave up our ideals of a pacifier-free baby and begged the nurses for a pacifier; Lovie wouldn't stop crying unless she was on my breast or had a pacifier. (This all plays into why I gave up breastfeeding- turns out I was starving Lovie with my lack of milk which is why she was always crying {always} when she wasn't nursing.)

By the time she was 6 months old, Lovie pretty much only had a pacifier during naps/bedtime and in the car. I even had her daycare providers follow this and it wasn't really ever an issue.

The closer she got to turning 2, the more I wanted to get rid of the pacifier all together. She was always very attached to it at night and I was afraid it would carry on for years and years and start negatively affecting her teeth. Still, I let her have it at night and naps at home only (at about 20 months old, her daycare teachers were able to stop her from having it during her naps so I followed that with removing it from car trips, too), and I started telling her the Binky Fairy would come and take her binky soon to give to a baby who needed it since she was such a big girl. We talked about this a lot. A lot. And then she turned 2 and I decided to wait a week because nothing says "Happy Birthday" like taking away something that comforts you.

The thing is, when it finally came down to doing it, the thought of taking her comfort away from her really tore me up. So we decided to give it another six months. After all, it's wasn't like she was 12 and still with a binky; another 6 months should be OK, especially since she only was using it for sleeping.

Well, last month, one of her favorite teachers came back to school with her new baby girl and Lovie was smitten. And one morning she woke up and said she wanted to give her binky to the new baby- she put the binky in a box and everything. (She was down to just the one binky and I told her that it was the last one- she had chewed through two others prior and yet this one was still in tact for months and months.)

We took the binky in a box to school, but since the teacher and the baby weren't there at drop-off, I conned Lovie into allowing me to bring it later in the day when I picked her up (because I was terrified of Lovie changing her mind and then causing so much havoc that her teachers give her the binky). But when I picked her up, the teacher and baby had just left.

I didn't know what to do. The plan was we give the binky away and meet Daddy at Target to pick out a new toy. I called up the hubs to tell him I still had the b-i-n-k-y and we decided to still move forward with the plan like we gave the binky away. We met at Target and Lovie, after an hour of looking at and playing with toys, picked out a pink (of course) cash register toy.

We got home and played with it for a bit before getting ready for bed.

Not going to sugar coat it: that first night, especially, was AWFUL. She cried and screamed and flopped around like a fish out of water for an hour before settling down.

The second night took about half an hour, but with much less screaming and crying.

By the third night, Lovie was fine without the binky. She would ask for it- just before bed- but we'd ignore her or just tell her it was "all gone now that you're such a big girl." We used lots and lots of praise when telling her how big a girl she was, but we did so without EVER mentioning the binky. Even that first night of horror, we never once said the word.

It's been about a month now and the binky is definitely a thing of the past. She might say she wants her binky on rare occasion but, again, we just ignore it or tell her it's all gone and life just goes on. Bedtimes aren't as magical as they were when she had her binky (she's back to stalling stalling stalling), but they aren't anything like that first night without her binky.

Honestly, I think this has all been harder on me than anyone else. Lovie's my one and only. I'm so proud of the little girl she's turning into, but it's also so hard to let go of the baby stuff. Like the binky.

I think that's why I haven't really pushed her on potty training. I certainly don't want her in diapers in a year, but I also just am in no hurry to move her on in her childhood. This is a big reason why I'm grateful she's still cool with being in a crib.

I mean, I'm super proud of her- she's truly amazing and incredibly smart and funny and just such a character. And she really is such a big girl in so many ways- she eats with a fork, she drinks without a lid (meals at home), she remembers everything, she talks up a storm. I know she'll always always always be my baby... but still, it's hard sometimes... this letting go and growing thing.