[Warning: cussing below.]
I was perusing baby names for a friend and started looking at baby names that celebrities have named their kids and came across a whopper of one: Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence Geldof. She's the teen daughter of the late INXS rocker, Michael Hutchence (and looks just like him!) and the late Paula Yates.
I loved INXS. I mean LOVED. I remember seeing them when I was like 17 or so and holy hot hell did Michael Hutchence know how to make all the girls in the crowd swoon as he glided across the stage. And then he had a kid. And then he offed himself. Stupid fucker.
Okay so I don't know for sure if he killed himself or if he was just found hanging. I remember hearing that he died during some sex act where you, the man, chokes yourself in more than one way. Regardless if it was an accident or on purpose, I remember feeling a bit ticked off. He had this little baby at home, damnit!! (I remember feeling even more pissed off when I heard of Kurt Cobain's suicide. And I don't give a shit what direction anyone points me in, he definitely killed himself. Selfish fucking bastard. Sorry but when you bring a kid into this world, it's not about you and your selfish ass anymore. I don't give a shit how motherfucking distraught and sad you are, you find a way to move past it and RAISE YOUR KID.)
So anyway as I'm looking at baby names I come across this one- Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence Geldof- and then I started looking for pictures of the now Tiger Lily (I guess she legally changed her name, dropping the first two names and adding the adoptive father's last name), which then led me to this video:
And that video, folks, made me cry. Like for real. (And I don't even have sound here so it's just the images that got to me.)
I don't know this child, I didn't know her parents, but I just can't fathom the utter sadness she must feel (or have felt at some point??) over the loss of not one but both of her parents. And I know that this happens in life and it's not just to the famous and it all just makes me sad. So very sad.
This poor girl's dad was found hanging when she was like 1 and her mother was found dead due to an overdose!! WHAT.THE.FUCK?!!!
I look at Lovie every single fucking day. I study her. Every single day. I'm not exaggerating here, folks. Every day I study her; I watch as her little fingers barely touch her lovey when she sits with me on the couch just before bed watching Blues Clues. I watch how her plump little mouth turns into a smile when something goofy happens. I rub her head and feel the tight curls form little balls in my fingers. Every day, I watch and study and smile and remember and cherish and wonder and worry and... then when my thoughts drift to bad ones where I think about dying children, the tears instantly well in my eyes and heart and I quickly think of something- anything- else.
I don't watch the news anymore. Ever.
If I hear any kind of negative toned story on the radio, I quickly change the channel.
I'm clueless when it comes to the current world outside of Lovie.
I know that may not be the healthiest lifestyles to lead, but the mere brushing of thought of her leaving my world scares the ever loving shit out of me. I honestly have no doubts- none whatsoever- that my life would be over if hers would end.
And I'm guessing most, if not all parents think this way.
But I rarely think of what will happen to her when I leave. I mean, I have a private blog dedicated to her that I plan on turning into a book(s) so that she can read herself how deeply I love her... but is that enough?
I have no fucking clue who would care for her if her dad and I died tomorrow. She has no godparents. We have no will. (Partly because we have no clue who to have as her godparents or put into the will!!!) As an only child, this could be a problem. Especially if we die soon!
Gosh, I'm just so sad right now thinking about all of this. So very sad.
I mean, at least Tiger Lily had someone else to look out for her when both of her asshat parents left her... Lovie has nobody but us. And even though we're not self-loathing/destructive people, wouldn't that be like Murphy's Law or something to fuck with us and get us killed leaving Lovie an orphan?!
We need to figure this out soon. For Lovie.