tired

Hot. That’s how I would describe the weekend. And that’s not right…not for October in the Midwest! It should be nice and cool and crisp but instead we had to turn the damn a/c on to ease up on the damn sweat that oozed from our pores. Boo! Not a fan of summer heat as it is and then when it invades my Fall, I just wanna throw out a big “Ef You” to it.

I wonder if the heat and my hatred of it played upon my mood this weekend. I wasn’t very happy and that makes me sad. I love seeing and being with my Lovie, yet when she got up both Saturday and Sunday hours before the sun, I was angry. And that saddens me… that I was angry. I wasn’t angry at her, just that she refused to sleep in – or even play by herself in the crib for a bit. I mean I got my fat ass up and gave her some toys and turned on her closet light and told her she could stay awake… and 6 minutes later she stood hanging onto the crib rails like a prisoner and screamed. And cried. And chewed on the railing. And screamed and cried and screamed. All while the husband snored. Are you kidding me, man?!? Angrily I got up (both days) and stormed back into her room, threw the light on, scooped her up and out of the crib and placed her on the floor and placed my fat ass in the chair we have in there. And both days she looked at me, made her way to a toy, looked at me and smiled as she played.

She was so happy to be free of the crib, to be with her momma, and moments prior I was angry.

I suck!!

I’m just so tired…all the time. (Lovie has only STTN maybe a dozen times in her life- and no matter how frustrating it might be to get up, I cannot fathom letting her “cry it out”.) And the fact that I can’t seem to ever catch up on sleep just pisses me off even more. And I hate being pissed off over something like that because the fact of the matter is that I’ve never been happier in my life. Because of her. My Lovie.

She just smiles at me and it’s like … magic. I may be tired, I may be upset that I’m up before the sun while my husband snores in bed, but all she does is look at me and smiles and everything in the world is great again.

this pic is exactly (oddly enough) 2 months old
bc she's not a fan of the camera these days