birthday mind vomit

Three days shy of Lovie's 10 Monthday, and I'm consumed with all things 1st Birthday.

We've pretty much decided to rent a park district's rec room nearby and most likely her party would be on Sunday, January 2nd from like 130-4. Or something. We're working on times, we're working on food. I originally wanted to do everything myself via Costco, but I'm not sure that's possible. I mean it's definitely possible as I've done it before for my dad's 65th Surprise party/Retirement party (which turned out fantastically well!!) 12 years ago. But that was with the help of my brother and no babies needing to be ... contained. :)  That said, I think we're going to have to bite the bullet and fork out even more money and get it catered in. Fortunately, I did find a pretty inexpensive caterer so we'll see. Huh, now that I put this down it just dawned on me that while they provide plates and utensils, I'm not sure they supply cups - and shit, I'm gonna have to get drinks, too!! UGH!!!

This is a 1st Birthday and not a friggin wedding reception so we really are not trying to go overboard or put on a show; this is going to be big simply because Lovie wasn't baptized or anything so there was no party for that and there are lots of family and friend who haven't even met her. That's why we have to rent a place. That's why we have to cater in. This isn't about gifts. This isn't about the fact that my child is the cutest, most wonderful thing in the world. It's about letting family meet her. Finally.

So yeah, right now the guest list is at like 60- and that includes NO friends. :(  I'm sad about that but we just cannot cater to everyone. We just do not have the money. Maybe if we were going the Costco route, but we're not. We can't.

There won't be a theme other than it's Lovie's 1st Birthday... so I wanna keep everything vibrant and colorful. I'll probably see about getting a ton of balloons and streamers to decorate but that's really about it because a) I don't really have the time or money to make sure everything matches perfectly and b) it's not like Lovie has any favorite character or anything. Unless kissing the cute baby in the mirror could be a character or theme. :D

I've been in the process of making a video for her 1st year but I'm thinking that won't be played at her party- unless they have a TV. Not sure. It's probably for the best since I'd end up losing my mind, I'm sure. That said, I think I'm going to print out a bunch of pictures and put them in some chronological order and display them for everyone to see. Maybe a banner of sorts, maybe collages on each table?  Something so that everyone can see the changes from birth to 1.

Not sure about doing any favors. I'd love to but again, time and MONEY is an issue. Maybe I'll do some chocolate covered pretzels or something simple. And easy. And cheap. But honestly, favors is the last thing I'll put any time and money into.

I don't know. It's all so overwhelming to be honest. I want the party to be awesome for Lovie and for the guests, but I also don't want to stress about it in fear that *I* won't enjoy it. Does that make sense?  I mean, I've really enjoyed these first 10 months with her. All of it. I've really made it a point to just absorb as much of it as I could because I know how fast time goes and I've listened to people complain about regrets they had early on. I don't want that to be me. I don't want to regret anything. And so far there's no chance of that happening.

This morning for example when she woke at an ungodly hour (417am), I was tired, yes, but as soon as I went in there and saw her standing and smiling at me... ack!! I scooped her up into my arms and she laid her head on my shoulder and I just hugged her, smelling her hair, holding her curly haired head in one hand while my other arm held up her bottom. She's gotten so incredibly big. She's going to walk soon. She's going to be a toddler soon.

I don't want to miss a thing. Ever!

But that's impossible. I'm already missing a ton being here at "work."

I don't want to look back at her very first birthday party and just think about how much money was spent or remember that the cake didn't match the image on her shirt. I want to think back and remember my child and her expressions and her emotions.

And now I can't help but wonder as to who will take pictures. Cripes this is insane.