I’m in a weird mood.
Work was crazy busy this morning and it has nothing to do with me, yet I have to be the one to come up with the answers. Make sense? No, not to me either! Fuckers.
Went to the bathroom moments ago and saw blood. WTF? I thought I stopped bleeding last night and now there’s blood on my panties again. Seriously. It’s bad enough I gotta deal with this shit every month, can’t it just be consistent?! Bleed or don’t bleed. Don’t fucking tease me by letting me go 15 hours with no bleeding. Bitch.
Yesterday’s mail included two handwritten pieces addressed to both me and my husband. No mention of Lovie. One was an invite to a wedding shower, the other was the invite to the wedding. It doesn’t say “no kids” but it’s pretty implied, I think. I know when I got married, I was all for having kids (to me, personally, weddings are a big family thing and family means kids- and yes, we paid for our own wedding in its entirety tyvm) attend and addressed the invite to Smith Family... and since these invites in yesterday's mail were only addressed to the hubs and I, I have to assume that means no Lovie.
I know lots and lots and lots of people would jump at the chance at having a night out without the kid. But I’m not one of those people. I’ve waited such a long ass time to be a parent and I just want to parent, by god. I don’t want a break. I get one every fucking day I come to work. I miss my baby doll so much. Even when I’m with her I miss her. And now I have to miss her not once but twice coming up? WTF?!
Pre-Lovie, I would’ve thought that I just wouldn’t go to the event, but I really like the people who are getting married – well, at least the bride to be since I don’t know the groom to be. I really want to be there to show my support and share in this glorious time with them. But I also want to be with my Lovie and my Lovie comes first. Always.
Does that mean I don’t go? OMG, I don’t know!! I have to go. I want to go. But … MAN THIS GROWN UP SHIT IS HARD SOMETIMES!