February 28, 2013

it throbs

sorry for the downer... sadly it's not fiction. inking up with trifecta.

My head.

It throbs.

If I press against the wrinkles embedding my forehead whilst my eyes are closed, the pain lessens a bit.

In my head.

I feel like I’ve been fighting a sinus infection for months now. A sinus infection that won’t quite smack me down just yet. An infection that lurks around the corner waiting to jump out at me at the most inopportune time.


My cell phone vibrates for two seconds and stops. Then it buzzes again. Someone is calling and my heart leaps into my throat.

My head no longer hurts.

I look down and see a number I don’t know, an area code I don’t know. I hit decline and breathe a little easier.

For a moment.

My head throbs again.


The tears bled my eyes yesterday when I picked up Lovie from school. I had just learned Oma has “days” left, they believe (hospice).

So now I really wait. And think of ways to doctor my appearance the next time I’m with Lovie.

“Oma’s very sick,” I’ve been telling her.  “I need you to give her a big hug and kiss when we see her,” I told her last time I brought her for a visit a week ago. “And I really need you to look at her face, look into her eyes. Do you understand?”

She nods. “Oma’s sick?”


How will I tell her she’s gone when she finally leaves us?

My head.

It throbs.


  1. Your list of reactions do not apply for this story... It is fiction I hope... for your head. A well written account of waiting for someone to die. And then having to tell a child. I have never had to do that, and I'm thankful. I know the feeling of not answering a call to talk to someone I don't know. Good use of the prompt not to alarm the child.

  2. This is very moving. It's hard to stay strong sometimes when all you want to do is lay down and wish it all away.

  3. This is well written and poignant. I could really feel the pain this character was going through.

  4. To have to tell a child & explain that someone is no more-possibly a much loved grandparent-is heart breaking in more ways than one.This piece makes one ponder on the internal agony & conflict of a person in such a painful situation.Well voiced & I hope & pray that this is not really happening to you,tc.

  5. I hope this is fiction. The emotions are portrayed so accurately it is impossible to tell.

    I can relate to this - it's exactly what I felt when each of my grandparents died. It was harder with my grandma because the kids were old enough to know a little more. It was a bummed out Thanksgiving that year for sure.

  6. I'm so sorry about Oma, and what you have to face with Lovie.


speak your mind.