February 29, 2012

WW: Date night

Daddy had to work late so Lovie and I stopped off at Target for some shopping and then headed to the nearby Steak N Shake for dinner where a little someone charmed everyone in sight... so much so that some older lady asked to take her picture! I was so taken aback at the request that I allowed it but the more I thought about it, the more weird I thought it was. What would you have done?  The lady commented, while snapping a photo, that her daughter would love Lovie so I'm guessing the photo was to show her daughter but even so, it's just weird to me to take a picture of some stranger's kid- even if she is the cutest kid in the world. Oooh maybe the daughter is some fancy agent and we'll be getting a call today about how they need Lovie to be their next big star. But probably not since they have no info from me other than a photo of Lovie.

February 28, 2012

Be Grateful

When I was a kid, my mom and siblings would tell me that I complained a lot.

"Is that all you ever do? Complain?"

And I swear that made me complain even more.

But here's the thing: it's the only thing I was able to do that would get a response out of them. So I kept doing it. I know and understand all this now, but I didn't back then- and neither did they, apparently.

I'm not saying I don't still complain today, but I don't think I'm a Complainer. No, that would be my dad whom I really do love oh so dearly and who I, apparently, take after (according to mom who divorced him 30 years ago).

I spent many many years alone in my life. (Keep in mind, I'll be 40 this year, eh.) In my pre-teen years, I had very few friends (we moved a lot, I changed schools a lot). During my adolescent years that number was even less. I'm not exaggerating either. I was a loner, the Wallflower. Even during my 4 years at college (commuter college so I still lived at home) getting my Bachelor's, I still had very few friends. And no love life (not even close).

During those years, I spent a lot of time inside my head. Yes, I had a friend or two. Yes, I did things like go out to movies, dinner, concerts. With a friend or two. I even went to a party or two and a bar or a hundred in my time. But at the end of the day, until I met my now husband in 2000, my best friend was in my head. And on my plate, but that's a whole other story.

I think spending so much time alone, truly alone, has allowed me to really grasp some things about life... my life.  And I've learned a fuck of a lot, I think.

I'm not a perfect person in any way, shape, or form. I have so many faults it's ridiculous. But it's part of who I am. All of me. And while I don't love the size I am on the outside especially since it's getting harder to get down to Lovie's level to play, I do love who I am as a person on the inside. And at the end of the day, that's what matters the most because if I'm not in love with myself, then how can I fully love others around me and they me?

That's how I see it at least.

And I also see that I'm incredibly blessed. Life is far from perfect, but my little world is pretty damn near perfect. And I do my damndest to think about this every.single.day.

Of course there are some not-so-great moments, days, weeks... hell even years (fuck you most of the 1990's and 2008, specifically), but all those years I spent alone has really helped me move past the bad and focus on the good, focus on being grateful for what I do have.

Which is so stinkin much.

Awesome, huh?

But how do I teach this to my kid?

I know she's gonna complain because we all do. But I just hope she's not one to bitch and moan all the time.  "Life's so unfair!"   "Wah wah oh woe is me."

Again, I know we all do it. All of us. But how do I teach her that there's so much more than that? How do I teach her to focus on the good? To be grateful for what she does have?

I learned it a hard way, I think, and I have no fucking desire in this world for my daughter to repeat my life. I don't wish that kind of loneliness and emptiness on anyone (and I'm bloody well sure there's deeper and darker loneliness and emptiness out there today, sadly!).  Yes, in retrospect I am grateful for all those lonely days- because it's really helped me gain perspective today- but, nevertheless, I need for Lovie to learn another way. A better way.

I know part of it is to lead by example so I guess that's a great place to start... right?

February 27, 2012


Lovie's been taking a Gymnastics class ($) on Saturdays since the end of October. It's an excuse to get out of the house on the weekends and a great excuse to keep her active in the colder months.

The class is at a little kid gym place where there's lots of free play time with the different gym equipment (big exercise balls and smaller balls, a ball pit, trampoline, slides, stuff to climb, etc), but there's also some structured time as well. Early on in the hour, there is "circle time" where everyone sits in a big circle and says their name (or the parents do) and stretches and learns a new tumble for the week. Then there's free play, then there's some new equipment brought out that the kids go one one on with the teachers help (tumbling mat, hanging from the bar, etc). More free play. Etc, etc. Unless you go during and Open Gym class, they gear the classes to age groups and because we can only go on Saturdays, Lovie's in a class with 22 month olds- 3.5 year olds.

We went on Saturday like normal (we've only missed one or two classes and once was per Lovie's request- which was weird to us but whatevs). When we got there we took off our shoes and socks and went and played with the big exercise balls, bounced on the trampoline, etc. Daddy reminded Lovie that "circle time" was coming soon and that we'd have to join the circle soon. He did this several times because the past couple of classes, she's been making us sweat while we try keeping her in the circle. When it was time again for this week's "circle time" Lovie didn't want any part of it. Again. Sigh.

They don't require the kids to partake in circle time but I'm not sure why, we as parents who are paying for the class, wouldn't require the child to participate. I mean, why not just go to the playground if it's OK for the kid not to participate? That's how the hubs and I see it and I'm so SO grateful we're on the same page with these thoughts.

Lovie not only was trying to run free (again, normally I don't have a problem with her doing her own thing except that we're paying for this class and they're trying to teach and she needs to learn to listen even if she is only 2), she added screaming to the mix. (Coincidentally or not, during last week's class, there was a screaming child who didn't want to participate during any of the class when asked and her mom threatened they would leave but they never did and the child did as she pleased... and she's not alone; there are generally about 3 or 4 kids {out of 15-20} that are running around- so I totally understand why Lovie wants to as well.) So I immediately removed her from the circle to talk to her. She wanted a snack. I told her it wasn't snack time. I told her she could choose between going home or playing in the circle. She didn't say anything but stopped squirming so we made our way back into the circle and she started thrusting her body and screaming. I walked her right back out of the circle again and started to get her coat and shoes on. She fought it (all while DH was holding her) and said she would listen so I gave her one more shot at joining the circle. We made our way toward it just fine and just as we were about to join, she started screaming.

Lovie is truly not a screamer (thankyousweetlord).

I immediately removed her and handed her to the hubs who held her (still screaming and crying and jerking around) and talked very calmly to her while I wrestled to get her coat and shoes on (not enjoyable in the least and something I should've done the very first time around).

We left.

Lovie cried and screamed for 10 minutes at least. We calmly spoke to her through it all, assuring her that we loved her and that it was OK to play before and after the circle time and that we would try again next week.

Like I said, we've been going to this Gym for 4 months now. Lovie had her 2nd birthday party there. She loves it and talks about going and looks forward to going!

It sucks that no other parent really forces the issue with their kids so that she sees other kids playing while she's expected to listen. Of course she wants to play, too. She's 2 for crying out loud. But. She does need to learn to listen, too. And wait. And that she can't always have her way or what she wants the instant she wants it.

I know the teachers were surprised to see us leave. One of them quickly came over to us once they saw we got Lovie's shoes and coat on to ask if we were going. And I'm certain some of the parents there (or reading this) were probably bothered by the way we handled it- maybe thinking we're way too strict or something. Or maybe not. Maybe nobody even noticed we left since we removed the screaming child right away. I don't know. I don't really care to be honest. She's my kid. I'm her Mama. Yes she's just a kid. Yes she should have fun and play and explore. But she also has to learn things like listening and waiting and if we don't help show her how, then who will? And when?

February 26, 2012

Puddin' Cake

A while ago I wanted to make some kind of dessert to bring over to my mom and Oma's house... but I didn't want to measure or bake. I wanted easy. So I did some research and found Ice Box Cakes and made an Eclair one. I don't have the recipe anymore since it was insanely easy, but the other night I was in the mood for something sweet and made it again from memory.

For Lovie's sake, we call it Puddin' Cake.

You'll need:
1 box of graham crackers
1 box of vanilla instant pudding- the kind you add milk too and let chill.
1 container cool whip
2 cups milk (or however much the pudding package says!!)

What to do:
  • In a 9x12ish pan or dish, put one layer of graham crackers to cover the entire bottom. Use whole pieces as much as possible and cover the whole bottom in one layer.
  • Add the milk to the pudding mix and wisk till it thickens a bit (couple minutes).
  • Add half the container of cool whip (I used the Lite version) and wisk in.
  • Pour some of the pudding mixture atop the graham crackers and spread to cover all crackers.
  • Add another layer of graham crackers atop the pudding.
  • Pour more pudding mixture atop and spread.
  • Add another layer of crackers.
  • Pour the rest of the pudding mixture atop and spread.
  • Add a final layer of crackers.
  • Cover and chill in refrigerator overnight.
  • The next day you can eat as is (my husband and daughter love it like this) or frost the top with chocolate frosting, cut, and enjoy chilled with some milk or coffee.

 It's sooo easy and really very tasty.

February 24, 2012

Thing I've learned this week.

After 5 years of marriage (in vearly {very+early} June), 12 years together (in mid June), and 2+ years of motherhood, I'm finally becoming domesticated. Or something.

I know how to cook but I don't do it very often outside of weekend breakfasts (which I RULE I will admit). But over the weekend I had to cook something. So I made an awesome pork dish with some mashed potatoes and roasted broccoli. It was freaking awesome. And so were the leftovers. Mmmm.

Then last night... I made the eafatastiest (easiest+fastest+tastiest) dessert consisting of cool whip, vanilla pudding, and graham crackers. I cannot wait to dive into it tonight (I'll post more about it later).

By now, we all know I've succumbed to the Pink Princess crap because of the outcome when I do succumb to it. Well now, Lovie is insisting on wearing her "Red Shoes" with every outfit. I stopped her yesterday from wearing Red with the Pink, but I'm not sure I can do it again.

Psst, I adore that outfit above. The sweater dress (Old Navy) was one I was eyeing last year and she's had it since September but she hasn't worn it much. Not sure why, really. But I freaking adore it. And paired with her jean jeggings and Red shoes?! I LOVE IT. But pairing the Red Shoes with her pink crap?? Ick. But you know what? If it makes her happy, so be it! Because her happiness is mine.


There are moments in all of our lives when we experience tough times. I don't think anyone is exempt from that. And often during those tough times there's a lot of waiting: Waiting to finish school... to become an adult... to get married... to get that BFP.

Waiting can be the hardest part.

But when you have to sit by- day after day after day- and watch someone you love wither away to nothing...all while all you can do is watch and wait? That's beyond being the hardest part. It's downright cruel. It downright makes you really question so much. Oh so much. I would imagine.

A friend of mine has been doing this exact thing for too fucking long- Waiting. Waiting and watching as her mom, a mere 50-something, wastes away to nothing while ALS (Lou Gehrig's) disease takes her life away. It's disgusting that something like this exists. Disgusting.

My friend was told a couple days ago that her mom would finally find peace in the next couple of days. Her mom would find peace and maybe, after more time trying to finally and officially mourn the loss of her beloved mother, my friend could find some peace.

But she's still waiting.
Please, PLEASE pray for PEACE for these people.

February 23, 2012


Every weekday morning is the same: I open the door to her bedroom and smile as her head of curls lay resting on her bed, her body curled in a funny position or her butt sticking up in the air. She's the air I breath, my sweet Lovie.

I turn off the sound machine and push open her closet door to let the yellow closet light seep into the room.

"Morning sweet girl!"

If she doesn't stir, which she normally doesn't (it's 5:30 in the morning after all!), I go to her and rub her head, feeling the beads of curls on my hand. This morning, however, she popped right up and said, "I wear pink princess dress!"

"You wanna wear the pink princess dress today?" I asked, smiling as I noticed how her hair was all crazified (as it usually is in the morning), her binky hanging from the side of her mouth like a cigarette, one eye still shut while the other eye tried to open.

"Yes! I wear pink princess!"

"Okay sweet baby, you can wear the pink princess dress," I say as I reach for the fugly pink tutu skirt thing I got her for Valentine's Day.

"Mama, ithinkimaybereadyto throw da binky in da garbage."

I paused for a moment to reflect on our discussion last night as I gave her the binky before bed- the only time she uses it- and remembered how I said that the binky was getting old and soon it would be time to throw it in the garbage and then there would be no more binky. And when I saw the panic on her face, I quickly added that it was totally OK for this to happen because binky's are for babies and she's such a big girl now- in a really upbeat tone.

"You want to throw the binky the in the garbage?" I ask, wondering if I heard her correctly.


"OK honey, if you're ready to throw the binky in the garbage, we can do that."  She just sat there in her crib in her yellow sleeper one piece footed jammies, her hair in every crazy direction, her eyes being rubbed open, her binky still dangling like one would a cigarette. "You can throw it in the garbage but then that's it; we don't don't have any more binkies."


Yeah, right!

Smiling, I sweep her out of the crib and she latches on, putting her head on my shoulder. She's gotten so big so fast that it's hard to believe that just three years ago she didn't exist.

"Mama I wanna wear da papull princess dress," she says as I lay her on the changing table.

"Oh I thought you wanted to wear the pink one."


I get the purple skirt down and bring both to her and ask her to choose.

"Dat one!" she giggles, pointing to the purple one.

"Alright lets get you in the purple dress," I say.


"Honey, you picked the purple one, you can wear the pink one tomorrow."


"Which shoes do you want to wear?" I ask. "The brown or black ones? Or the boots?"

"No I wan' da red ones, peas."

"Sweetheart," I say bringing one of each shoe and boot for her to see (excluding the red ones- bad mama). "Which of these?"

"Dat one!" she says pointing to the black shoe. "Brown!"

I can't help but to chuckle.

My girl. The pink-loving fashionista.

I can't wait to see if she throws the binky away tonight. Ha!

1.) Capture what it’s like to spend a day or a moment talking with your kiddo. (inspired by Big Mama Cass)

February 22, 2012

WW: This is why I gave in to the fugly pink stuff.

This is the reaction I was fortunate to capture after she opened her Valentine's gift last week (Hint: part of the gift was the pink skirt which she's worn no less than 10 times since then). Her daddy had helped her put the thing on and I asked to see her in it and she turned around to walk toward me while I was snapping away just before my battery died.

Pure happiness.

My heart explodes with so much warmth and love.

linked to The Paper Mama

February 21, 2012


bring on the cuts and scratches!

just got my 20-Count BAND-AID –12 Pack order from kids.woot.com.

the Band-Aid Queen

February 20, 2012

Yesterday I cooked

and today I finally got my period. ThankGODalmighty! Maybe now the killer front and back cramps I've had the past several days will subside.

Onward to what I cooked. It was amazing.

Some friends tried it out and said it was awesome and other friends tried it out and kept saying how good it was and I was in the mood to cook which never really happens so I decided to give it a whirl. Those friends were all right. Fantastic. And easy. SCORE!

I followed the instructions and read the comments to follow even more instruction. So here's what I learned:

1 (2 pound) boneless pork tenderloin (or regular pork loin)
1 teaspoon ground sage
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 clove garlic, crushed
1/2 cup water
Glaze (I used more of all of the following to have extra nummy glaze.)
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
1/2 cup water
2 tablespoons soy sauce
not the prettiest picture, eh. go HERE to see what it looks like when taken the time to really take a pic.
Combine sage, salt, pepper and garlic. Rub over roast. Place in slow cooker with 1/2 cup water. Cook on low for 6-8 hours. You do not need to brown the pork prior to putting in crock pot though my husband says if he were to make this he'd brown it and toss it in the oven instead of making it in the crock but he's not a fan of the crock pot. About 1 hour before roast is done, combine ingredients for glaze in small sauce pan. Heat and stir until mixture thickens, which will take several minutes (you want it thick so that you can see it's thicker). Remove any access juices in crock pot!! Brush roast with glaze 2 or 3 times during the last hour of cooking. Serve with remaining glaze on the side. I highly recommend making this with mashed potatoes and maybe some greens- but definitely the potatoes to help soak up some of the amazing glaze.

February 17, 2012

Things I've learned this week.

Being able to stop off at the park on the way home from work and school when weather permits during the week, and not having to solely rely on doing things like this on the weekends, makes getting up BEFORE ANY OTHER HUMAN ON THE PLANET worth it.

February 16, 2012

throw that puppy in reverse: the reverse bucket list

1.  become a vegetarian/vegan. and give up burgers and steaks? screw that.
2.  wear a bikini. and give up burgers and steaks and french fries and cereal and chips and ice cream? screw that.

3.  run a marathon. and give up burgers and steaks and... you see a pattern? yeah, me too.
4.  weigh what i should for my height. see #'s 1-3 for proof.
5.  have my own TLC show. i just don't see it happening.
6.  be 16 and pregnant or a Teen Mom. i'm already too old, duh.

7.  wear matching outfits with the hubs and Lovie. just... no.
8.  pose in Playboy. ew. trust me.
9.  find the shows Happy Endings and Courgartown even a little funny. i've tried. i have. they suck ass.
10. get a Brazilian wax. hells to the no. i'd rather give up eating meat first.

3.) Create a reverse bucket list that names the top ten things you never want to do. (Inspired by The Hairpin)

February 15, 2012

PYHO: gifts

As expected, I got a big fat nothing yesterday for Valentine's Day. Womp-womp, wah!

No card, no flowers, no candy, no balloons, no steak and lobster dinner.

Instead, I came home with Lovie, tried taking some pictures of her in her dress (fail), cut leftover pizza in the shapes of hearts and warmed them, waited for the husband to come home with dinner (for us as Lovie generally cannot wait till we eat as we typically eat after she goes to bed).

When the pizza was done, Lovie didn't want any. Figures, eh? But as soon as Daddy got home and after she raced through the house to get to him so he could scoop her up and toss her in the air, she was all, "Look Daddy! Lookatda pizza hearts!" And she was all of sudden ready to eat.

So we all ate in the dining room last night- something we only really do on the weekends (eat dinner together) and when we have guests (eating in the dining room).

After dinner, Lovie opened up her present and was beyond excited with the pink tutu. She insisted she be able to wear it that instant. So Daddy put it on over her dress and she started dancing and twirling around, proclaiming, "I princess!" as her face exploded with happiness.

And then she started grabbing the tissue paper from the bag and started dancing with it and putting it over her head and laughing hysterically and bringing pieces of it to me and Daddy to play.

Princess Lovie is ... the greatest gift I could ever be blessed enough to receive- be it on her birthday, my birthday, Christmas, Valentine's day, etc. True friggin story. But capturing this moment with her Daddy on my phone?  That was icing on the cake and definitely made yesterday's Valentine's my best to date.

February 14, 2012

make it a happy one

I've never been a Valentine's Day celebrator. My dad would, on occasion, surprise me with some little thing- a stuffed bear, a flower, some chocolates. But he hasn't done that in a while. And that's OK. I admit it was super sweet when he did it but then as I grew older and older, it was weird; I was getting something from my dad but nobody else. No love life for a long time makes you feel like a big fat fucking capital L Loser. And getting a little treat from Daddy just doesn't help with those feelings.

Now though...  as a mom? I get it. I get what he was doing and why. He loves me. I'm his little girl. Even though I'm old and have silver hair, I'm still his little girl.

There is one Valentine's Day I do actually specifically remember from when I was like 19ish... so 20 years ago! I went out with a friend and her group of friends to go see Wayne's World in the theatre. We were all excited to see it cuz the skit on SNL was funny as shit. Plus, some of the scenes were filmed in the area this group of people lived (an area I once lived before moving for the millionth time). And we figured a group of us (I'd say there were about 10 of us) could easily get into Wayne's World on Valentine's Day of all days as it's not like it's a "date movie".

We went, we laughed, we snorted (from laughter!), then we went out for coffee (it's what we did before Starbucks) and fries and shit. And we dubbed ourselves The Lonely Hearts Club because we were all big fat fucking capital L Losers without "lovers" to go out with on Valentine's Day. Silly thing is I never really hung out with many of them again- certainly not as a huge group. And believe me, it's not cuz I found someone else to spend my next Valentine's Days with; life just happens that way.

Today, nearly 20 years later (TWENTY FUCKING YEARS?!?! Wayne's World IS TWENTY FUCKING YEARS OLD THIS YEAR?!?!), I still don't really celebrate Valentine's Day.

I mean I do but I don't.

I have a husband now but, in the 12 years (when does this shit happen?!? how can it be 12 years already? how can we be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary this year?!? SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW THIS IS POSSIBLE!) we've been together, we've never celebrated. It's no big deal either.

first Valentine's Day: 2010
Except now we've got this little girl to contend with, to love on, to nurture, to help grow, to snuggle, to smother with hugs and kisses on a daily basis. And we do... oh how we love this little girl with everything we are.

first vday CARD, 2011
Everyday is like Valentine's Day in our home. I'm not kidding. It's pretty gross, but this little girl is magic, I tell you. Magic.

from actual vday, 2011
Not everything is all hearts and rainbows every day, but the love, the hugs, the kisses... that's prevalent every single day. There's just never a shortage!

vday card 2012
So while I don't really give a shit about today being "Valentine's Day", it still is Valentine's Day. And I dressed my girl in a dress with a shitton of hearts that form flowers because of the day.  And I sent her to school with a shitton of little Valentine cards to give to her classmates- along with a couple bag of chips for her little party. And I picked up a little stuffed monkey, tights, a tutu, and a pair of slippers (all pink because that's her thing despite it making me gag) which we'll give her tonight when the three of us are home together and not rushing out the door.

taken in school this morning
Cuz it's Valentine's Day. May as well make it a happy one, eh?

February 13, 2012

a moment from the day in the life of a 2 year old

Lovetastical Listicle

Valentine's day is tomorrow... but these are thing I love all the time:

  1. Her. duh!
  2. Him.
  3. My little family.
  4. My Oma.
  5. Hearing her say "Mama"... The way she looks and smiles at me when she sees me in the morning or for the first time when I'm not right by her side... How incredibly, incredibly sweet she is.
  6. Sleep (photo is of her sleeping but I really love when *I* get to sleep this soundly).
  7. Junk food.
  8. Watching TV.
  9. the Internet.
  10. my "mom story." (please, please go check it out)

February 12, 2012

Mom Story

I did it! I posted my "mom story," my Journey to Motherhood story onto BlogHer!

I loved writing it and I love Ricki Lake. I don't really care if I win or not; I'm just proud of myself for taking a leap and hitting that publish button on BlogHer's site.

Thanks so much to Just Jennifer for her post which directed me there.

Anyway, if you can, I'd love ... LOVE ... for you to check out my story and leave me any feedback you can on the site. You can check it out by clicking THIS.

February 10, 2012

Things I've learned this week.

(Last week I did this and I kind of liked it so I think I'll do it again.)

After a fantabulous visit with relatives over the weekend- and more importantly, with my BFF/cousin- she and I have decided on a location and month to go on our Fabulous (just added heh), Fierce, and Forty trip: Naples, Florida. Specifically, The Ritz Carlton in Naples, Fla- right on the dang beach!!

The plan is to go in early August- like the first weekend. We’ll probably meet up there (she’s in NYC, I'm in Chicago) on Friday and go back home on Monday. Originally I thought to go back Sunday (mainly for cost... this is the Ritz Carlton, eh. Not cheap.) but after looking at the resort and reading all the reviews and thinking more about it, I realized I deserve at least two full days in paradise, damnit. It will be hard to leave my Lovie. So hard. I’m actually trying not to think about that part of all of this because I start to well up. Yeah, yeah, yeah everyone needs a break from their kid. It’s good to get away. For both of you. Blah blah blah. I’ve heard it all before. And while I’m sure it will be nice to get away, I have absolutely no problems getting away with my Lovie. Maybe it would be different if I was a SAHM and with her 24/7- literally. But I’m not. I have plenty of time away from her. ANYWAY...

I can’t wait. I really can’t. I’m not a beach person at all. I hate hate hate the heat and humidity and summer. Hate it.   But for some reason, I really want to do exactly this: go to the beach for a couple days with the sun beating down on me and just lay around doing nothing more than eating and drinking and maybe, just maybe even get a spa treatment. That’s it.
Ahhhh I can’t flipping wait.

Spending hour upon hour for weeks and weeks in any “spare” time I have perfecting a baby book is so friggin worth it in the end. Especially when your order is half off* and the end result is pure gorgeous. God I love Shutterfly.
*Shutterfly has no clue I'm writing about them and sharing my love for them. They didn't compensate me in any way. Their half off deal on photo books was given to everyone paying attention, but has since expired. I'm sure they'll have another great offer up and running soon, if they don't already. Cuz they kick ass like that.


I have surrendered to all things pink. I still hate the damn color but I’ve given in to it. For her.
Thanks to blogging pal, Jennifer, and her Journey to Motherhood story, I’ve discovered a new outlet to occupy my time: BlogHer. (Of course I've heard of BlogHer many moons ago, but I just never wanted to get that involved with blogging.) And I’ve been working on perfecting (haha) my own Journey to Motherhood story… fulfilling one more of the things (writing more) I want to accomplish before 40. Woot.


10 years is a long time… and enough time to make all my dreams come true.

My kid is a lot like her daddy. A lot. Not only does she look a lot like him (thank goodness for his big eyes), but she’s so incredibly smart like him, too. And a bit of a smart ass. Oy, I’m going to be in trouble.

Yesterday when I picked her from school and got her into the car seat, I noticed she had some... gunk … on her face. It kind of looked like glue or something so as I’m trying to wipe it off, I said, “What is this all over your face?” I wasn’t really wanting an answer, I was just talking, you know? Anyway she looks away from me for a second, looks back at me and says, “Nose!”

What have you learned this week? I'd love to hear about it... if you post about it, come back and hit me up with a link so I can check it out.

February 9, 2012

10 years

Ten years ago on this day, I was

...madly in love with this guy I met via an online personals ad he answered two year prior.

... kinda dreading turning 30.

... dreaming of a day when that guy would pop the question.

... dreaming of a day I'd become a mom.

... dreaming of a day I'd get the hell out of the dead end job I was in.

... worrying about, talking to on the phone with, and spending as much time on the weekends as possible with my little munchkin man booger butt 9-year-old nephew of mine.

... looking forward to when this guy I fell in love with would drive 70 miles out to my place on a Friday after work in horrendous Chicago rush hour traffic to be with me again.

... having lots of sex with this guy I fell in love with.

... unknowingly about to be surprised with a dream vacation to MAINE in October (prime foliage season, yo!) with that guy I fell in love with.

Life was pretty damn good 10 years ago. It was all still new and fresh. It wasn't anything like it is now, today, 10 years later. Nope.

Today... 10 years later... 
 all of my dreams have come true. 

What about you? What was up with you 10 years ago?

February 8, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: Boxed in

linking up with The Paper Mama

PYHO: done

I completed one of the things I wanted to get done this year before turning 40 in September: I created, ordered, and received year one of Lovie's books. (It turned out better than I thought! Thank you sweet baby Shutterfly!)

During the compilation of the book, I noticed something that I've noticed on more than one occasion... we have very few pictures of Lovie with her Daddy's side of the family.

And here's the thing: They live 20 minutes away in the same damn city as us.

Yet we visit my family, who are split up (my parents) and in completely different areas, on the weekends. I make it a priority to see my family at least once a month. That means one weekend we haul our asses an hour and a half out to the boondocks to see Oma and my mom, and another weekend we drive about 30 minutes away to visit my dad.

But when do we see the in laws?

Why don't they come over?

Why don't we go to visit them, too?

Are the answers to these questions MY responsibility? This last question is one I'm seriously asking and seriously wanting an answer to. If my husband, who is more than able to pick up the phone and arrange things with his family, doesn't attempt to see his family am I supposed to? For the sake of Lovie?

I mean, if my husband was disabled or something, I can see this being my responsibility, but he's a quite capable man.

Before Lovie was in the picture, it didn't bother me much that we rarely saw them; I really dislike going over there. (They are not bad people and I really do feel bad writing this because I'm sure it seems as if I dislike them personally- which is NOT the case. I know they love and adore Lovie and I know they probably don't mean to make it seem like they don't care...) It's always ridiculously hot, they never open a window so there's a stench in the air and that plus the temperature seem to wrap itself around your throat. Plus it's a tiny place and crammed with 30 years of crap everywhere since MIL is a bit of a hoarder. So now when we do actually get over there with Lovie, there's absolutely nothing for Lovie to do and nowhere for her to go so that her and I are huddled around the coffee table in the living room while the rest of them are in the dining room. It's stupid. I know they're family and I really do want Lovie to know ALL of her family (she knows them but she never talks about them the way she does my family because she actually sees my family at least once a month opposed to once or twice a YEAR) but it's like there's no effort made by them.

And I know they love her to pieces so pick up the fucking phone and tell your son you want to see your ONE AND ONLY grandbaby already!! Because frankly, I'm done bringing it up. Lovie's first year, I brought it up a lot; then last year, I stopped bringing it up so much; and this year... I'm just done.

February 7, 2012

All that Matters

I hate pink.

I've never been a fan of girly girls, either. You know the ones that squeal and giggle at everything? While wearing pink?

I mean, yeah I'm a female. I have big boobs and long hair, too. But I hate pink and I dislike girly girls. Always have, always will.

Except for one girly girl.


See, while I hate pink and dislike girly girls, it seems that my girl loves pink and is a girly girl. At least right now at age 2.

She loves playing dress-up in the pink princess play dress (there's also a yellow one but she has to have the pink one) they have at school. So much so that the other day when we were leaving school, she flipped out when one of her BFFs was asking the teacher for help to put on the pink princess dress. "I want pink princess dress!" Lovie shrieked as her eyebrows burrowed deeply and she latched onto one end of the dress, starting a tug of war.

She loves the color pink so much so that when I dressed her in pink jeggings (yes, I said jeggings- they're damn cute on 2 year olds) on Saturday she squealed in delight- like a girly girl- and said, "pink pants!!"

"Yes baby, pink pants. You like pink, huh?"

"Yessss!" she answered with a smile washing over her face.

"What's your favorite color?"

"Of course it is," I replied.

She wins.

The husband and I agreed from the day we found out we were having a girl that we wouldn't bring pink into the house- at least not until she started asking for it.

Well, it's time.

She hasn't really come right out and asked for pink stuff but the color makes her so happy that I'm giving in. Just yesterday during my lunch break at Walmart, I bought her some leggings, a tutu, and a stuffed monkey- all for Valentine's day and all in pink.

And when we got home, I set up her pink princess tent (check out her socks- they're pink and white striped!).

A part of me wonders if she'd still love pink so much if we had inundated her with it from birth. You know- pink sheets on the crib mattress, pink pack n play, pink pink rattles, pink onesies, pink sleep n plays, pink socks, pink bibs, pink high chair, pink car seat, pink stroller...

But the thing is... my girl?... my girly girl who loves pink and princesses?... she's happy and smart and funny, and, did I mention happy?!?

And that's all that matters to me.


February 6, 2012

Passions: the Listicle

Passions. What are my passions? What am I passionate about? Hmmm.

Obviously she's my number one passion. Clearly that's pretty obvious around here.

But so is being a mom. I'm very very passionate about being a mom. I love it. More than anything- well not more than her, but yeah. I love being a mom. It's something I waited a long time to be and it's like a dream come true for me.

Writing is another passion. Without it, I wouldn't be. I'm pretty certain of that.

And then there's Bryan Adams. Yeah, I'm sure eyes are rolling and that's fine. You have your passions, I have mine. And he's one of them.
As is my Oma. I love this woman so, so much. I just... she means so much to me. So much so that she definitely belongs closer to the top of my list.

As does my passion for kids, in general. The pureness... the innocence... the wonderment. I'm very passionate about kids and wish I could do more with kids. Like ensure that every child grow up in a loving, nurturing environment with plenty of food on the table. Oh what I wouldn't do to make that happen.

Oh how it's good to be back to the Listicle way of Mondays! Woot, woot!