I actually had something else planned (in my head) to write about for today's PYHO. It's been a while since I've participated and the original thing I planned was super fitting for the reason behind my lack of participation with PYHO- I just don't care much these days. But. I'll have to save that for another PYHO because I have something else to pour out of my head and heart. Something that's been bugging me for a month straight: I'm becoming quite hateful of preschool drop offs these days.
For the past two years (come March), Lovie and I have been going to school in the mornings bright and early: around 630 when the center opens.. Lovie was one of a small handful of kids to arrive that early. We would go in, the teachers would dote on Lovie, we'd chat about this and that- sometimes it even was relating to kids. The other few kids would all gather around Lovie before she could walk and then once she could walk, they'd all play together despite the fact that most were older. There wasn't ever much of a battle with dropping her off. She liked going to school.
Now... the past month especially... it's all changed. And very drastically.
And it's kind of pissing me off, to be frank.
This morning, for example, I made sure to be there at 630 on the nose so that she'd be one of the first ones there because I suspect that's why she's been freaking the F out this past month at drop offs. Because lately, there's like a dozen flippin kids there when we get there. At 630-645am. That's a lot of kids when it used to be 3 or 4 TOPS. And I swear to god most of them are all related and huddle together and stare when you walk in the room. And who likes to be stared at?
But this morning was no different than it's been for a month now. At 630 on the dot, there was already a good dozen kids already in the drop off room. Ugh.
Since realizing this is probably the reason why Lovie's been hating drop offs lately, I've been trying my best to ensure that she not know I'm irritated by it all as well. I try to stay upbeat and smiley and fun. We walk in and I say to the all the staring eyes, "Good morning!" They stare back. Lovie starts to whine and clutches onto me. I tell her how much I love her and that I'll see her after snack time like always. She starts to cry. The teacher comes over trying to coax her with cheerios or sitting at the big table. Lovie starts to scream as she reaches for me while the space between us grows. My heart breaks a little. Beady eyes all around. I force a smile, saying "I love you" as a I blow kisses as I exit the room. Her hands and arms reach for me as the tears flood her face and her scream echos inside my head all the way into work.
It sucks ass.
I know she's fine once she gets to go off into her room. But it just sucks ass that for a half hour every morning, she's got to be miserable.
I could bring her in later but then that takes away our time together that we have because it will mean working later and worse traffic which eats at our free time. And color me selfish, I enjoy being with my kid as much as possible.
Ugh, I have a headache thinking of all this.