February 8, 2012

PYHO: done

I completed one of the things I wanted to get done this year before turning 40 in September: I created, ordered, and received year one of Lovie's books. (It turned out better than I thought! Thank you sweet baby Shutterfly!)

During the compilation of the book, I noticed something that I've noticed on more than one occasion... we have very few pictures of Lovie with her Daddy's side of the family.

And here's the thing: They live 20 minutes away in the same damn city as us.

Yet we visit my family, who are split up (my parents) and in completely different areas, on the weekends. I make it a priority to see my family at least once a month. That means one weekend we haul our asses an hour and a half out to the boondocks to see Oma and my mom, and another weekend we drive about 30 minutes away to visit my dad.

But when do we see the in laws?

Why don't they come over?

Why don't we go to visit them, too?

Are the answers to these questions MY responsibility? This last question is one I'm seriously asking and seriously wanting an answer to. If my husband, who is more than able to pick up the phone and arrange things with his family, doesn't attempt to see his family am I supposed to? For the sake of Lovie?

I mean, if my husband was disabled or something, I can see this being my responsibility, but he's a quite capable man.

Before Lovie was in the picture, it didn't bother me much that we rarely saw them; I really dislike going over there. (They are not bad people and I really do feel bad writing this because I'm sure it seems as if I dislike them personally- which is NOT the case. I know they love and adore Lovie and I know they probably don't mean to make it seem like they don't care...) It's always ridiculously hot, they never open a window so there's a stench in the air and that plus the temperature seem to wrap itself around your throat. Plus it's a tiny place and crammed with 30 years of crap everywhere since MIL is a bit of a hoarder. So now when we do actually get over there with Lovie, there's absolutely nothing for Lovie to do and nowhere for her to go so that her and I are huddled around the coffee table in the living room while the rest of them are in the dining room. It's stupid. I know they're family and I really do want Lovie to know ALL of her family (she knows them but she never talks about them the way she does my family because she actually sees my family at least once a month opposed to once or twice a YEAR) but it's like there's no effort made by them.

And I know they love her to pieces so pick up the fucking phone and tell your son you want to see your ONE AND ONLY grandbaby already!! Because frankly, I'm done bringing it up. Lovie's first year, I brought it up a lot; then last year, I stopped bringing it up so much; and this year... I'm just done.


  1. That is sad for all of you. It would be great if your in-laws made more of an effort, and it sounds like you encouraged a connection.

    Maybe, if it's not too cost prohibitive, you could get the grandparents a copy of Lovie's book as a present. That may be the push your in-laws need to be more of a presences in their granddaughter's life.

    Good luck.

    (visiting via PYHO)

  2. After a while, you get tired of always being the one to reach out.

  3. Sorry you're going through that! My in-laws ALL live within 10 minutes of us, and we see them every couple months at the most! It's crap. We all have kids close in age, (Sep, Dec, March & May) and I NEVER get phone calls to see A.

  4. Maybe somewhere along the way Lovie's dad or grandparents will wake up but until then you can only do so much.

    (by the way, I hate taking Ada to a house where I spend the entire visit popping up out of my chair to prevent her from totally wrecking their belongings b/c the place is not at all kid friendly. My "free" time is wildly precious and this isn't my idea of a good way to spend it....)


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