July 22, 2010
When I was a kid, I never thought I’d ever get married- or have kids for that matter.
My parents split when I was about 9 years old and explained nothing to us, to me (I’m the youngest of three), which left me wondering and soon believing that their demise was because of me. I was 9. What else was I supposed to think?!
Life was rough after they split. Not only was our family crumbling, but so was everything else around us: the house I had known my whole life was going into foreclosure because my parents wouldn’t come together and at least continue to provide for us; there were days and nights we didn’t have electricity or hot water; there were times I was sent to the store to buy cereal with the green and black lettering on it because it was the cheapest (generic) and had to pay for it with food stamps (back when food stamps were literally stamps) and eat it with powdered milk mixed with water; my older sister left to join the armed forces; my brother was never home; my father went a little insane and had to be arrested in front of me once for breaking into the house to get some of his stuff… Just a shitton of crap that a young girl on the cusp of adolescence should not really witness.
And it all left me with an awful taste in my mouth regarding marriage and kids. I mean sure I liked little kids and babies, but why on earth would anyone want to get married and have kids if ruining their lives is the end result?!
By the time I was full fledged teenager, I still pretty much hated life. I was angry, hostile, and just not happy. We were moving every year, I had no friends, my siblings were gone, my parents seemed to forget how to parent. What was the point? I immersed myself in music and writing. It was my only escape. I could get lost in the music and dream of a better day and I could release some of the angst through my writing. But I still didn’t want to get married, still didn’t want to have kids. I sincerely didn’t think I would live to see 20 years old. I hated life that much.
And then I found out that Bryan Adams would be touring (1986) and I adored him and his music. I picked up his latest album at the time, Into the Fire, and purchased concert tickets the day they went on sale and listened to the album over and over again to sort of prepare for the concert (haha the mind of a 14 year old!). That’s when things started to turn around for me. His song Into the Fire touched me in a way that made me feel like maybe I wasn’t so alone in this world after all.
So I held on for his show… and more.
A couple years later, I met my oldest nephew and finally saw that there really was more to life than sorrow- and maybe there was a future for me after all. From that point on, anytime things got to be too dark, I listened to Bryan Adams and thought about “my kids” (nephews and nieces) and wrote.
That’s why today, at nearly 38, I say that Bryan Adams saved my life- and I mean it, too. And it’s also the reason behind his song Heaven being the song the husband and I danced to as our first dance as husband and wife.
1984 (the year Heaven was a hit) meet 2007 (the year we got married).
I’m one lucky lady!
I have an adoring husband who danced to a 23 year old Bryan Adams song on our wedding day, who gave me the greatest gift ever imaginable (Lovie), and who has taught me and proved to me that the past doesn’t always dictate the future.
I really am in Heaven.