November 17, 2011

On where the sap oozes and oozes

I spent a big portion of my life not wanting children because of the way my adolescent years were spent. My parents split when I was 9 and the lines of communication slammed shut. I was “just a kid” after all. I guess. Then when my siblings started having kids and I started to be around kids more and more (in my very early 20s), I realized that, for me, having kids is what “it” is all about: Life. The joy I experienced when I was with my nephews and/or nieces was something I wanted more of and I started to want to experience parenthood on my own. But I was in my mid 20’s and quite the introvert and therefore pretty much all alone.
Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, months into years. My kids, as I referred to my nephew and nieces, grew right before my eyes. From babies to toddlers to teens. And with their growth, so grew my desire to parent one of my own.

When my Lovie was born, at the end of 2009, I was 37 years old. My grandmother, mom, and sister all were grandmothers by the time they were 37 and here I was becoming a first time mom!

The moment she was born, the moment I heard her finally cry out for the first time (she was born via c-section and didn’t cry out right away), the moment my eyes finally laid upon her… my life was complete. I could’ve died that moment and felt completely fulfilled. I thank god I didn’t die because the past two years have been the most incredible, the most fulfilling, the most wonderful years of my life, but I honestly felt so absolutely complete the moment Lovie was born.

And every day since then has been one big joy after the other. I am absolutely the most blessed person in the world. Of this I am sure. Of course there are challenges (like the fact that no matter how hard I tried to get my boobs working and producing enough milk to feed my baby doll, it just didn’t work out… or like the fact that I have to go to work every day while Lovie goes to daycare… or the fact that Monday thru Friday, I’m pretty much a single mom), but it all pales in comparison to the utter joy I experience every single day of my life. When she smiles, giggles, talks, eats, breathes, sneezes…

Am I a huge sap? Absofrigginlutely! 

Is my view on motherhood, on parenting cliché? Possibly.

But I don’t care if it is and I don’t care that I’m a huge sap. The thing is that I sincerely feel as if being Mama to this little girl is what I was put on this earth to do. It’s why I was born. It’s why I was the youngest of three who always got shunned and overlooked and ignored and picked on. It’s why my parents split. It’s why my adolescent years were so screwed up (though whose isn’t, really?). It’s why I was so isolated for so long. It’s why I felt so alone and empty for many years. It’s why I helped raise one of my nephews. All of that- all of my life happened the way it did for her. For my Lovie. So that I could be an amazing Mama, an amazing parent to my Lovie.

She’s my biggest parenting joy… the fact that she exists and that I was chosen to be her Mama. It simply doesn’t get any better than that and I think about it every single day, making this whole parenting thing (right now; I’m sorta dreading the pre-teen and teen years eh) fucking awesome.

2.) Your biggest parenting challenge and/or joy.


  1. I love and enjoy this type of "oozzee"...LOL! I am so happy that you got your be a mom to an adorable, beautiful little girl!

  2. What a lovely post, and an adorable little girl!

  3. Your daughter? Positively gorgeous! There is nothing better than the love of a parent, and you're obviously doing a fantastic job!

  4. You were born to do great things and you excel at motherhood. Because you know that it is first at foremost about love!!

  5. Wonderful!

    And I too find myself wondering (almost) daily what in the world I did to deserve something as amazing and perfect as my boy.


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