September 16, 2010

It's been a while since I've really bitched and moaned.

Hasn't it?


I'm really frustrated right now. It's 530PM and my doll is sleeping.

from yesterday/picture day, hence the "little black dress" (hehe)

I picked her up at 330 and was greeted with lots of smiles, hugs, and kisses. ::HEAVEN::  I see on her sheet that she had only one nap, but at least it was longer than her normal 30 minutes (at school) and clocked in at an hour and a half! Still, it was only one nap. And she woke at 5 this morning to a wet bed.

We get in the car and she falls asleep. To be expected. It's a long ass boring drive. I wish I could nap!

We get home and she's starving. I had one of her bottles in my crotch the whole ride home trying to warm it up (see, it sometimes comes in handy to be fat) so I feed her. She guzzles all 7 ounces in five minutes flat (I timed it).

Near the end of the bottle, she could barely keep her eyes open. God is she so incredibly beautiful!!

I hold her close to me and rub her back as I stand from the kitchen chair and walk slowly to her bedroom.

I sing her one of her songs softly and sway. She gets a bit restless in my arms and wants down.

I lay her in the crib, she rolls over and goes to sleep.

Just like that.

Dreamy, right? How lovely it must be to have a baby take naps or go to bed without any real fuss? 

Guess what?! I'd love her to fuss! I'm bitching right now because she does NOT fuss for naps or bedtime.

I'm bitching because I'm fucking ass tired of getting up at 5AM and quickly getting myself ready before waking Lovie at 530 so that we both can be out the door at 6... so that she can be at school when it opens at that I can be at work by 7... so that I can get her picked up for the day by 330... so that we could be home by that we could have 2 hours before bedtime together... all just so that she can nap until that bedtime. I'm tired of it. I MISS MY BABY.

At least if she fussed for naps or bedtime, there would some sort of interaction!

My lord, this is hard.

THIS is what is hard about being a parent, people. 

Not the shitty diapers, the 2 hours of sleep, the whining, the crying, the snotty nose.  That's all gravy compared to this.  Compared to missing your baby so much it makes your heart hurt and your eyes swell with tears.

And that's where I am.

It's been nearly seven months now that she's been going to daycare full time. I'm thinking this is the way things are gonna be from herein out. I'm thinking there's no real chance she's going to adapt to napping better there so that we have more awake time before bed. I'm thinking this is exactly what it's like to be a working fucking mom.

God does it suck so hardcore to be an adult sometimes.

I miss my baby so much. And she's just in the other room.

I could keep her awake you know. I could get her all riled up and excited and have her start chasing the cats and playing with toys. I'm sure I could get her excited enough to stay fully awake these two hours before bedtime... but that's not going to help her. She needs the sleep. Clearly.

UGH. I just miss her. I miss her so stinkin much!!


  1. Stop what you're doing and go wake her up. You are my hero!!!!
    I work two twelve hour shifts a week and I start missing the babies after about 5 minutes of being out of the house.
    I feel you pain Mama! She's lucky to have such a great mommy.
    PS I'm still laughing my ass off over the bottle in crotch sentence.

  2. Christina, this WILL stop. As she gets older, she'll need less naps. I promise. PJ used to go to bed NO LATER than 8. Sometimes 730, 745. Now? I'm lucky if I get him down by 9. ;)

  3. Oh, dear. My heart aches for you, and you know I feel your pain. Hopefully my company in your misery will help some...?

    I seriously hope what LOG said is true... because being close to losing your mind missing your baby is SO NO FUCKING FUN and MAKES JACK A DULL BOY.

  4. Lovie looks gorgeous in her little black dress! And I fight the same thing, by the time I get home Pie is ready for pjs and bed. Breaks my heart...

    Fingers crossed it changes for both of us soon!

  5. It WILL get better. She will start needing a little less sleep and that one nap will be enough. I promise. I feel your pain, though. I don't even get to see my kids as much as you do during the week and it sucks. I hope this week is good for you guys!

  6. Aw Mama!! I found your blog through Suburban Chic. Love your writing style and your posts!!! This one particularly resonated with me. I'm also a working mom... and treasure the 1.5 hours of time I spend each evening (my morning doesn't count, as its spend rushing around). Its all so, so hard. Make the most of your weekend... and try not to dwell! Many hugs to you!


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