It's been a while since I've really bitched and moaned.

Hasn't it?

Whatever.

I'm really frustrated right now. It's 530PM and my doll is sleeping.

from yesterday/picture day, hence the "little black dress" (hehe)

I picked her up at 330 and was greeted with lots of smiles, hugs, and kisses. ::HEAVEN::  I see on her sheet that she had only one nap, but at least it was longer than her normal 30 minutes (at school) and clocked in at an hour and a half! Still, it was only one nap. And she woke at 5 this morning to a wet bed.

We get in the car and she falls asleep. To be expected. It's a long ass boring drive. I wish I could nap!

We get home and she's starving. I had one of her bottles in my crotch the whole ride home trying to warm it up (see, it sometimes comes in handy to be fat) so I feed her. She guzzles all 7 ounces in five minutes flat (I timed it).

Near the end of the bottle, she could barely keep her eyes open. God is she so incredibly beautiful!!

I hold her close to me and rub her back as I stand from the kitchen chair and walk slowly to her bedroom.

I sing her one of her songs softly and sway. She gets a bit restless in my arms and wants down.

I lay her in the crib, she rolls over and goes to sleep.

Just like that.

Dreamy, right? How lovely it must be to have a baby take naps or go to bed without any real fuss? 

Guess what?! I'd love her to fuss! I'm bitching right now because she does NOT fuss for naps or bedtime.

I'm bitching because I'm fucking ass tired of getting up at 5AM and quickly getting myself ready before waking Lovie at 530 so that we both can be out the door at 6... so that she can be at school when it opens at 630...so that I can be at work by 7... so that I can get her picked up for the day by 330... so that we could be home by 5...so that we could have 2 hours before bedtime together... all just so that she can nap until that bedtime. I'm tired of it. I MISS MY BABY.

At least if she fussed for naps or bedtime, there would some sort of interaction!

My lord, this is hard.

THIS is what is hard about being a parent, people. 

Not the shitty diapers, the 2 hours of sleep, the whining, the crying, the snotty nose.  That's all gravy compared to this.  Compared to missing your baby so much it makes your heart hurt and your eyes swell with tears.

And that's where I am.

It's been nearly seven months now that she's been going to daycare full time. I'm thinking this is the way things are gonna be from herein out. I'm thinking there's no real chance she's going to adapt to napping better there so that we have more awake time before bed. I'm thinking this is exactly what it's like to be a working fucking mom.

God does it suck so hardcore to be an adult sometimes.

I miss my baby so much. And she's just in the other room.

I could keep her awake you know. I could get her all riled up and excited and have her start chasing the cats and playing with toys. I'm sure I could get her excited enough to stay fully awake these two hours before bedtime... but that's not going to help her. She needs the sleep. Clearly.

UGH. I just miss her. I miss her so stinkin much!!