17 months

It's crazy to me that in one month, you're gonna be a year and a half. 

It's also crazy to me how fiercely my love grows for you each and every day. There's just nothing in this world that can describe it- of this, I'm certain.

 taken on 5/28, one day before turning 17 months after insisting we Go-De (go outside... duh!)

You can easily be described by a new song I made up yesterday:  

"My name is..." sung by me like Kid Rock, yo. "[Loooooo-oooooo-ooooooooooo-vie!] Talk, talk, jibber jibber, jabber jabber, jibber!"

Repeat singchantrapping over and over again whilst bobbing head and moving arms along with the beat.

Yummy in my Tummy

I was wanting some brown sugar yesterday for some reason... so I found a recipe for Brown Sugar Pancakes and that's what I made for breakfast this morning.

They turned out fabulous. Yum!

And the recipe makes enough pancakes for half a Duggar family I bet!

Speaking of brown sugar...

She's napping right now. When we got home yesterday she was so stuffy and coughing a bit. Poor thing. I could see it in her eyes that she wasn't feeling so well. She only ate a fruit pouch (well not the actual pouch, of course) for dinner- refused everything else. I have a feeling her throat was hurting her pretty bad. She cried when I kept offering other foods so I finally let it be, scooped her up and brought her to bed at 530. She looked up at me, then stood up, and wanted me to hold her. So I did. I scooped her up into my arms and held onto her as I swayed a bit. She just laid her head on my shoulder and let her whole body relax. I sat in the chair that's beside her crib and she continued to lay on me, molding into me. For 20 minutes we sat like that. My eyes closed but I didn't fall asleep... I don't think she did either. But it was enough to re-energize her a bit to hang out and watch a little tv before Daddy got home. Then about 640, she was ready for bed and was fast asleep within minutes not waking until 515 this morning. I gave her a bottle of warm milk and she drank it all and fell back to sleep until 730!

And today, fortunately, she's feeling a lot better already! Hoorah!

We'll take it easy today, just in case, because we have a picnic to go tomorrow for my grandmother's 89th birthday, then Tuesday we leave for our little annivacation. So hopefully the sickies can stay far away for a bit.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend!

And, if you ever make the brown sugar pancakes, let me know if you think they're as yummy as we do!

Amen

from Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond on Facebook:


If I had my child to raise over again -

I'd build self-esteem first and the house later
I'd finger paint more and point the finger less


I would do less correcting and more connecting
I'd take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes
I would care to know less and know to care more


I'd take more hikes and fly more kites
I'd stop playing serious and seriously play
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars


I'd do more hugging and less tugging
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often
I would be firm less often and affirm much more


I'd model less about the love of power
And more about the power of love.

packing for vacation with a toddler

We're getting ready to go away for a few days to celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary (11 years together)... and yes, we're taking Lovie with us (wouldn't have it any other way).

We did this last year, too. In fact this will be our third year in a row going to the same place. It's only a 90 minute drive (no more than) from our house, but it's sooo different than the city. We love it.

So it's time to start packing- or at least getting a list together.

My stuff (the H packs his own crap, tyvm):

clothes- panties, bras, tops, bottoms, socks, pj's, extras
shoes- gym shoes, flip flops
hair shit
toiletries- beyond hair shit (don't forget deodorant)
camera
batteries

Lovie's stuff (very random order):
Baby dolls- Grandma bear, Baby doll, Seahorse are absolute musts
PJs- footed, non footed
noise machine
diapers
wipes
sippy cups
shoes
clothes- shorts, dresses, tops, skorts, pants, sweatshirt
bathing suit
sun hat
sunblock
toys for the car
toys for the hotel room
toys for restaurants
toys for sight seeing
jacket
socks
prune juice
cheerios
frozen peas (I really don't think she can do without!)
nutrigrain bars
pacifiers
baby shampoo
comb
hair stuff
kid motrin
toothbrush
stroller!
books
floaters for pool
sand toys


OMG this is way more than we had to bring last year when she was itty bitty like this:

Now, we're gonna need two cars... and we're only going for two nights! And I'm sure I'm missing something...amiright? Help!

the dead dog

Remember this?

Lovie and her Dog, circa early December 2010.

Yeah. My girl loves this dog. Grandpa brought it over one day on a visit. It's perfect for her because it's long and skinny so it's super easy for her to grab a hold of and do what she wants with it.

Anyway, it's been storming here (and everywhere in this country it seems) and yesterday when we got inside the place and got settled, I happened to look out at the street and noticed something right outside the back door of my car. Something white and black and long and narrow.

Her doggie.

And it rained all night long.

And now, in 15 minutes, Lovie and I have to make our way out there to the car to go to school and work and somehow do this without her seeing what awful thing I've done to her poor little doggie.

Got to remember to bring a bag to dispose of the remains. Poor dead doggie.

PYHO: disrespect

I need to change my tone, the delivery in which my words exit my mouth and enter the air toward my husband.

I’ve known for a while now that my tone has taken a dive when it comes to how I speak to my husband. And even though I know what I’m doing when I do it, and even though I know how horrible it is that I’m doing it, I still do it. Time after time. And it really really needs to stop.

There’s a complete lack of respect in my tone. And that’s not cool. Nor is it fair.

My husband loves me. All of me. All the time. Sometimes I think he loves me more than I deserve to be loved.

And yet, sometimes when I speak to him, when I ask him to do something or question something he’s done or hasn’t done, I’m a bitch about it.

He really doesn’t deserve it and I do apologize once in a while yet… I continue to be rotten at times.

It needs to stop.

Not only for our relationship as husband and wife, but also for Lovie. She’s our little Monkey See Monkey Do right now and it’s just a matter of time before she starts speaking to her Daddy the way I do. And that would kill me… to see a child speak to her Daddy, who loves her more than anything in the world, in a manner that oozes disrespect.

I’ve known this all for quite some time, but Sunday morning something happened to really drive it home that the time has come to buckle down and change...once and for all.

My mom came over later in the day on Saturday and spent the night. Sunday morning Lovie woke very early. At about 730 in the morning when Lovie and I were playing in the front of the house in her playroom, she got up and made her way toward the back of the house where the kitchen and our bedroom are. My mom and I chatted away not thinking much about it till about 30 seconds later when we hear a very loud Lovie yell, “Dada! Get up!”

My mom and I looked at each and laughed so hard and repeated, in sync, what Lovie had said.

While it was funny (and still is), it’s also not so funny because that’s how I talk to my husband and clearly Lovie can hear this and is already repeating it... at not even 17 months old.

And if she's talking to him this way now, how will it sound at 7 or 17 years old?

It's unacceptable and it's got to stop.

screw the chalk

We skipped going to the park yesterday because it was in the 80s and sunny and we've already learned our lesson about when we can and can't go to the park. I did think about going though because the breeze was nice but then when Lovie started saying, "Hot" over and over again as soon as we walked out of daycare, I figured she was letting me know she didn't want to bake in the sun today.

Instead we came straight home and since the front of our house faces the east and the sun was in the back of the house at the time, I thought we could play with some sidewalk chalk.

I picked up a honkin' piece of chalk and scribbled on the ground. Lovie followed suit. Then she put the chalk down, climbed the rocky concrete steps (the curb appeal of the building we live in is embarrassing to say the least- but the inside... makes it doable... so much so that we don't plan on moving out any time soon), and made it pretty clear that she was done playing with chalk.

I call this one: "No, ma. I don't wanna play with chalk, I wanna go inside and watch the Wiggles. Pop Pop!"

Just saying...

Hiiiee

HEY!

I see... YOU!

slide slide slippity slide

just about to the top

It's been a couple months now of stopping off at the park on the way home from work and school. Basically anytime the weather's been above 40 and not rainy, we've stopped. I've lost track of the exact number of times... maybe two dozen?

There was the time a dog pissed the shit out of me- well the owner of the dog, actually. Then there was the realization that my kid was a weirdo. And then there was the time when I wasn't sure if I handled things the right way and wondered if there was such a thing as playground etiquette.

I've learned a lot over the past couple of months in regards to what type of mom I want to be when we go the playground... and what type of kid mine will be. And Lovie? She's learned a lot, too.

She now actually enjoys swinging- though she doesn't care to swing for very long and primarily only wants to swing if others are swinging.

But more than the swing triumph, my girl... well, she's conquered something she's been wanting to do since the first time she was introduced to a slide. She's learned how to climb up the slide using the slide instead of the stairs.

She did it the other day (Wednesday) for the first time and she did so without any coaxing from me. I was actually very proud of her. She slid down the slide, smiled, turned around, and started trying to climb the slide. She flopped down and slid back down several times and each time, she smiled and immediately started trying to climb. Then by her fifth or sixth try, she made it all the way to the top. (The only reason I let her continue trying is because A. this was all natural instinct to her, B. she wasn't harming herself or anyone else, C. there was only one other child in the park and he was more interested in watching her try to climb than going down the slide himself {i asked him!}.) 

So now whenever she goes down the slide with glee...

excuse the pants she's wearing- they're part of her daycare clothes if needed and she needed them yesterday

...she turns right back around and tries climbing it again. The only problem now is that when there are other kids, I have to grab her to allow them to have a turn or she'll monopolize the damn slide like she owns it or something. Which she kinda does at only (not quite yet) 17 months old.

That's my girl. She's badass like that. ; )

(second photo being submitted for the PM's Blue challenge)

Bubble bubble bubble POP!

The past several weeks, Lovie has been calling me Mama.

Before you wonder, she'll be 17 months (holy hell I had to seriously just count to make sure of this) at the end of the month. And she's just now calling me Mama.

Apparently she's been referring to me as Mama to the husband, to my dad, to everyone but me, and she's been doing so when she wants me. Like if I go to the bathroom and close the door, she'll try to get in and mumble something with Mama attached.

Or so the H has told me.

But this past week she's been calling me Mama. She's been looking me square in the eyes and saying, "Mama" and meaning me, her Mama.

I've been waiting so friggin long to hear her call me Mama and to mean it and every time she does it, I melt and get all weepy.

Last night I was sitting on the couch and she turned from the TV and pointed to the pictures we have up of the H and I when we were thin and the H and I from our wedding day and the H and I with our itty bitty Lovie the day she was born. She pointed and said, "Mama," looked me in the eyes, and smiled at me before turning back to the TV.

I sincerely choked up.

This child is so incredibly sweet. I just... sometimes she really leaves me speechless.

_______________________________________________________

Speaking of last night, it was Lovie's first bath outside of the ducky tub. My little baby doll is getting to be such a big girl.

I went in to the bathroom to start the bath and the ducky tub was against the wall (normally it's in the tub). Lovie grabbed the ducky and tried bringing it to me to put in the tub. Hehe. She's so sweet. And such a good little helper.

I told the H to take the ducky tub, along with Lovie, and go into the other bathroom and leave it in there and let Lovie know that's where it'll be.

When they came back it was time for "Naked Baby!" (we're dorks and get all hyped up about getting Lovie naked and in the tub in the hopes that by being excited, she won't fight getting undressed so much, etc)

We tried getting "Naked Baby!" in the tub but she wasn't liking it... and really, who could blame her? She's spent most of her life relaxing in the squishy, comfy confines of the ducky tub and here we were trying to sit on the hard, huge tub.

She clung to me like never before and I just let her hold on to me but kept her feet in the tub, talking softly, trying to convince her it was going to be ok as I smoothed some warm water on her itty bitty butt.

She still clung to me.

I could tell part of the problem was that it was super slippery and hard so I told the H to grab a big towel so we could put it on the floor of the tub and that way she could have a better grip.

It didn't phase her.

Then I tried squirting her with her little bath toys and that got her to stop whining and actually giggle a little but she still wouldn't leave my side.

So then... I got out the bubbles! And BAM! she sat down and played with the bubbles. Damn, I'm good, eh? ; )

I think last night's bath ended up being her longest ever! Because after she played with the bubbles for a bit, I brought her a plastic container and cup and started pouring water in and out of them until she took over and man was that the bee's knees.

I'm just super glad I waited to do the big girl tub for when the H was home because I'm not sure I could've hacked it all on my own.

____________________________________________________

Speaking of bubbles (haha what an awful segue!)... the other day, Lovie started saying/singing, "Rowh Rowh Rowh" to me. The first time I heard it, I looked at her and she looked at me, smiling. She was on the changing table. Then she did it again and I figured she might be singing Row Row Row your Boat so I started singing it and sure enough she got all happy and clapped. Then after I finished she started saying "Bahhel Bahhel."

I thought hard for a minute but had not clue what "Bahhel Bahhel" could mean so I went on to another song and asked the girls at daycare if they've been singing Row Row Row your Boat lately. And when they confirmed it with a smile, I then asked if they were singing something else that Lovie liked and they both (there's two teachers there in the morning at drop off) said, "The Bubble Song" in unison with a laugh.

One of them then sang it pretty fast because she was clearly embarrassed to do so in front of me. I couldn't catch most of the lyrics until the end: "Bubble bubble bubble. Bubble bubble bubble. Bubble bubble bubble. Bubble bubble POP!" And that's when Lovie started smiling super big and when it got time to POP! she and the two other kids in the room at the time, as well as the teachers, all clapped their hands together in one huge POP!

Too friggin cute, if you ask me (I secretly want to work in a toddler room at a daycare).

They were going to write down the words but I finally found it here:

http://www.preschoolrainbow.org/animal-rhymes.htm

There was a little turtle,
His name was tiny tim.
I put him in the bathtub to see if he could swim.
He drank up all the water,
He ate up all the soap,
And now he is in the bathtub,
With a bubble in his throat.
Bubble, bubble,bubble,
Bubble, bubble, bubble,
Bubble, bubble, bubble,
Bubble, bubble, pop!

Ack! I cannot wait to see her face later today when I sing this to her! : )

That woman.

Today I'm so happy to say that I'm being featured over at The Mom Pledge Blog.

I remember coming across the Mom Pledge not too long ago and thinking how I could totally relate to the whole bullying thing... not so much as a mom, but certainly as a child. So I took the Pledge.

The thing is that I'm guilty of being a bit of an online bully. It happened when I became part of a clique of about 60 women who met on a wedding planning message board. (My entire life I never was part of a group and had hated the popular crowd, yet here I was part of one... it was quite odd.) We all migrated over to a private forum and boy did the snark fly and boy were some individuals (on the public forum) picked on.  Fortunately things sort of blew up after a couple years on that private forum and, after voicing my absolute disgust with how some of these grown women were still behaving, I left.

I have since apologized multiple times to one of the women who was belittled and bullied on that public forum.

And I have since vowed never to allow myself to go down that road again (and to be honest, the thought of ridiculing and/or bullying someone else's parenting never even dawned on me though I do see it happening all the time- particularly on mom message boards).

I didn't need to be the follower when I was a kid, and I certainly don't need it now as an adult and as a Mom.

That's not to say that I'm not perfect, nor does it mean I don't judge. I still do pass my judgements. I think we all do. It's just what you do with those judgements and how you act on them that matters.

The fact is that I have far more important things to do with my life than picking on and bullying other moms... mainly, I've got this amazing little girl to help raise into a beautiful, confident woman who can one day hold her head high and be kind and good and secure and independent.

And in order for my Lovie to be that woman, I must be that woman.

Get Ready!!!

"Get Ready... to... W I G G L E"

The Wiggles are coming!

The Wiggles are coming!!

And Lovie, her daddy, and myself are going!! Just ordered us third row center balcony seats (just cannot justify spending a hundred dollars more for main floor seats at this point) moments ago.

ZOMG!!!!!!

I can't believe I'm doing this and that I'm so freakin excited about it. I always thought it was silly and a waste of money to take the real little kids to things like this because they won't really remember it but... in case you forgot... Lovie's very first phrase was Wiggle related. So how can I NOT take her to this?! And that blue guy is cute. And so is Captain Feathersword. And... OK... I admit... I sing along to many of the songs.

Also...unrelated... but whatchu think of my new header up there?!?!

When insecurities take over.

Lovie and I stopped at the park yesterday. It was the first time in a week we've been. In fact, one week ago we were there and she was wearing a sun dress and floppy sun hat and yesterday she was adorned in a hoodie, jean jacket, and knit hat! Gotta love Chicago weather.

Anyway, not many people were there. In fact there was only one other mom there with her two boys, probably around 3 and 6.

They spoke a different language and the mom reminded me of what Posh Spice would look like with blond hair. I felt really uncomfortable and truth be told, I wasn't a fan of the uncomfortable feeling.

Here's the thing: we pulled up and parked at the same time. She in her huge Lexus SUV with gold emblems, me in my tiny gas friendly car. We got out of the cars at the same time and unloaded our kids at the same time, too. She stood at about 5'10, very thin, bleach blond short and straight pixie style hair, expensive looking casual wear, huge bug eyed sunglasses covering half her face. Honest to god I just immediately thought of Posh. Then her boys came out wearing their GAP hooded sweatshirts with their long brown thick and wavy hair falling in their face as they ran with glee toward the playground.

And then there was me standing in at 5'4, morbidly obese, long dark brown hair with silver white streaks piled atop my fat head, wearing an old hoody sweatshirt to try to cover the large rolls that are my breasts and stomachs (yes plural) and huge mofo ass. Then Lovie looking adorable and tiny compared to my fat ass toddled beside me.

I just felt soooo huge. And poor.

It wasn't so bad until the younger boy wanted to swing on the baby swings (even though he could and was swinging on the regular swings on the other side of the playground) where Lovie and I were. That also brought the bigger boy (who couldn't even fit into the baby swings so only his ass was inside) and their mom, who finally put down her Starbucks cup and put her phone away.

She smiled at Lovie and commented that she was super cute (Lovie smiling at her smiling of course) and asked if she was 1.

Then she pushed her little boy higher and higher and higher and everyone was laughing and having a gay old time while Lovie just stared on and I continued to gently push Lovie with my fat hands attached to my fat arm attached to my morbidly obese frame that was trying to be hidden unsuccessfully under a button up hoodie.

Ugh.

I just know she wanted to know if I was her mother.

I just know she wondered if I was feeding her healthy foods or shit food that I must devour and bathe in.

I just know she wondered if Lovie would end up fat like me.

I just know she was felt sorry for Lovie because she was cute and sweet and had a fat fuck of a mother who drove a tiny car and dressed in shambles.

Blargh.

I know we all have our insecure moments. And, for the most part, I really don't have many... but when I do, boy does it bring me down and make me feel like a big pile of poop.

I need to work on this. Yes, I'm working on decreasing my size so that I can shop in regular clothing stores again, but in the meantime, I really need to work on reacting more positively when the insecurities get the best of me again because I cannot let my faults prevent Lovie from having the best Momma she deserves. 

I mean, seriously, who knows what that woman was thinking or if she even noticed me at all! And, even if she did think those thoughts, what does it matter? The only thing that matters is Lovie- and that I be the best, most secure, most loving and nurturing Momma for her... Lovie.

a shitty story

Ever since switching Lovie over to whole milk, her poop had been different... when she would poop, which wasn't very often, it would be these little marble-sized poops- and there was several occasions when she would cry as she pooped.

My poor baby girl.

We couldn't increase her water intake as she's always been a great water drinker (currently we'd estimate a good 32 ounces of water a day!!). She got plenty of fiber, too.

So one day after the girls at daycare even said that they thought Lovie was crying because she was constipated, I had the H pick up some prune juice and I poured a little in a sippy cup with some water. She didn't like it so I gave her some water and found a container of prune baby food and tried giving some of that. She gobbled up the entire container and that definitely helped!

But she was 1 and hadn't had baby food since she was 9 months old so I really didn't want to have to feed her baby food at that point. So the next time she cried when she pooped, I tried giving her prune juice again- this time with less water added. She drank it all.

I'm not sure exactly when this all started- probably around 13 or 14 months, but since then I give her about an ounce (no more than) of prune juice with about 4 ounces of water every morning. During the week, the sippy cup goes with her to school and she drinks it when we get there. And ever since then, we've had no more marbles, no more tears when crying.... because I have a 90 year old 16 month old who has prune juice every morning.
Well on Saturday, I asked the H to take care of Lovie first thing as I tried nursing some nasty cramps I got late Friday (along with Aunt Flo, the whorebag). He gave her some cheerios and prune juice and then they played for a bit before I got up (which I did so only after an hour, max, because Lovie kept crying for me and no sense in laying there with both of us unhappy).

After I got up, we played for a bit before she was ready for a nap. And when she napped, I went to nap. Thankfully.

A couple hours later, the H brings her in to bed with me and tells me he's got to change her sheets. Apparently she wet the bed and when he got her to change her, she was a hot mess of pee and poop- something that hasn't happened since the month of diarrhea when she was 10 months old.

Then Saturday night, when we got home from running errands, Lovie had leaked through another diaper with both pee and poop. It was wet and dirt-like and I had to give her a bath to get it off.

Well... yesterday morning when it was time for cheerios and prune juice, I was up with Lovie. And I noticed the once brand new, unopened container of prune juice was missing at least a cup's worth of prune juice- if not more!

"How much prune juice did you give her yesterday," I asked DH through the wall shared by the kitchen and our bedroom.

He said something but I couldn't hear so I opened the door and asked him again and he told me that she was really drinking it- like she was really thirsty so he gave her like two cups of it.

"Did you add any water?" I asked trying not to be too horrified.

"A little."

Um?!?!

Friends

FFF (Few of my Favorite things Friday)

Crazy8.com 

As I stated the other day, I love Crazy8. Their products are cute and well made, their sales are spot on, their service is fast. What’s not to love?

Hazelnut iced coffees from McDonald’s

Once temps start to get about 40, I start ordering the iced coffee so I’ve had one every morning on my way to work now for weeks. I have to order it with LIGHT cream or there’s no coffee taste, but honestly, I wonder if there isn’t crack in it or something. I crave it. I start to itch if I don’t get it (weekends).




Garnier Fructis Style Super Stiff Gel Ultra Strong

I’ve been in love with John Frieda Frizz Ease (JFFE) hair gel for a very long time. The thought of this product not being made would bring me to tears. This is not a joke or an exaggeration. My hair, without JFFE, is one huge frizz ball- be in summer, winter, rain or shine. Well… for the past several months, I’ve been seeing less and less availability of JFFE. Walmart stopped carrying the gel (still carries the other stuff in that line) all together like a year ago and now I can no longer find it at Target or even Walgreens. I’ve used other “frizz taming” products but on my hair, they ALL suck but the JFFE. And I’ve tried a good half dozen or more! Well, the other week I was out of both the JF and the other brands I’ve purchased so I went with something new- the Garnier Fructis Style Super Stiff Gel Ultra Strong. This stuff is insane. I mean, when you glob it in your hands and start rubbing it together, you can actually feel a stiffness to the gel! Then, if you pull your hands apart, the gel literally stretches. It’s intense (and pretty rad if you're 12 like me). The best part is that it WORKS. And it works WELL. So if you need to style your hair to behave in a certain fashion, buy this. Or if you need to tame those frizzies, buy this. Use this. Love this. And it’s like half the price of the damn JF shit. So… thanks Johnny boy for stopping the sale of the JFFE from hitting the shelves.

NOTE: these are all just my opinions and i'm not in any way, shape, or form being compensated or provided with anything from any of these favorites

BRING IT!

Are those not the cutest shorts you've seen? OMG even the little bows (which I normally hate) are green and white!

Could they be any cuter?? Why yes, yes they could- and they will... when Lovie wears them!

I just placed an order, moments ago, with one of my favorite places to get Lovie's clothes: Crazy8.

I ordered 3 tanks, 2 pair of shorts, 1 swimsuit, and 2 pair of jeans for... are you ready for this number?? ... $55 which includes tax and S&H. Now I'm no math geek or anything but that's 8 pieces of clothing for like ... well, a really good deal!

For real, yo.

We are Lovie is totally ready for summer now without a doubt. So to yesterday's 90 degree temps (disgusting!!), I say BRING IT! Just do so when these shorts come in, eh? :)

Seriously though, I don't even remember how I found Crazy8 since there are no stores nearby me whatsoever, but man am I glad I did. Their stuff is cute and they have fanfriggintastic deals! I got Lovie two pair of bootcut jeans (bootcut jeans. for babies!!!) last summer for this past fall and winter and I can't even tell you how many compliments I got on them and how many "Where'd you get those?"  So you best believe I snatched up two more pair just now for this fall and winter.

I love me a bargain and I love me some Crazy8!


and no, I'm not being paid or compensated in any way, shape, or form by Crazy8; I just really dig their stuff and their sales

lesson learned

May 11, 2011: Yesterday after I picked up Lovie from school, we made the mistake in stopping at the park.


No, we didn't run into any Billy's or anything like that. In fact, we had little problem with any of the kids or parents yesterday.

No, yesterday's problem was with the weather.

Specifically... the heat!

My word it was hot out there and when the sun beamed down after taking a break from hiding behind the clouds, we could've baked out there.

Not even Lovie's cute little sun hat could keep either of us out there for too long.

When we arrived, we were completely alone. Shortly after a nice mom and her two kids, a boy around 4 and a girl 19 months (and smaller than Lovie) joined us.

They didn't last long and left before we did.

Then a grandma looking type came with her two, a girl around 3 and a boy around 20 months. The white haired children and their caregiver didn't seem too phased by the sun and happily played on the playground.

Lovie, on the other hand, was going from park bench to park bench and slide to swing saying "Ha!" (hot) as she touched everything. Hehe, I guess she doesn't care for the heat much like her momma.

In fact I was ready to go as soon as the first drop of sweat fell from my forehead about 5 minutes after arriving. Seriously. It was that friggin hot out.

Needless to say, we learned our lesson yesterday. Although it's only the start of Spring, we most definitely will not be stopping at the park anytime it's about 85 (hell, 80s pushing it for me but we'll try it out). No thank you.

autograph

the H handed me this Sunday night:

front of card

card opened ~ inside

closeup of ... THE autograph

Monday a no-go

May 10, 2011: we skipped going to the park yesterday.


Turns out Lovie spent some time outside whilst at daycare so I let the impending possibility of rain sway me into driving straight home instead of stopping like we did every day last week.

Of course when we got home the sun started to come out.

I was going to bring her back down to the front "yard" with some sidewalk chalk after I peed but I needed to do some laundry, clean the kitchen, and she wanted to watch Pop Pop (Wiggles videos) as soon as we walked in the door.

So yesterday after work/school was spent indoors.

Today it's like 80 and humid (blech do I hate the humidity), but with a threat of rain. Hopefully the rain will stay away enough for us to make a stop and see what kind of adventure we can get into today!

monday morning

Friday night I baked a cake.

It was tasty and oh so easy to make.

We brought it over to my mom and grandmother's house to celebrate Mother's Day with them on Saturday.

We also checked out the flowers that are coming up.

(Lovie was mesmorized by the smoke coming from my mother's nasty cigarettes.)

After cake, coffee, a couple smoke/outside breaks, play/laugh time with Lovie, we took my mom out for dinner at a family joint she wanted to go to.

After a rough night of sleeping thanks to back teeth trying to poke through, we started our Sunday at 930 in the morning! Wow! Unfortunately I was sure Lovie was going to wake at any moment so I never really slept soundly. Such is life.

After a nice late morning start, we headed out to the in laws to pick up MIL and take her to a late (3pm) lunch at a brazillion restaurant. Lovie ate so much food and did such a fantastic job. I was so proud of her, so honored to be there with her as her Momma on Mother's Day.

Sadly no pictures were taken on Sunday.

Whatever.

And now it's Monday again, and I'm, once again, hankering to spend some time with my Lovie already!

These are the times when I really dislike you stay at home types.

Billy

May 6, 2011: Apparently I can pick 'em. Or they just flock to us. Or something.


Today when we stopped at the park, there were a handful of others already playing. Lovie, once again, took her sweet ass time scoping everyone else out before deciding to actually start playing. And when she did start playing, she chose to stand by the steering wheel where another girl, about 4, stood towering over Lovie.

Before Lovie even got both feet on the platform to stand, the girl started whining, "Noo! this is Mine!!"

I bit my tongue but I had a feeling this was going to get interesting.

I think the whining from someone twice her size startled Lovie a bit because she didn't move from her all fours position. She just looked up at this girl who moved the steering wheel with the ugliest sneer on her face. And when Lovie finally tried to stand up, the girl backed up into Lovie so that she basically stood on Lovie.

My blood boiled and my hand clenched on to the railing of the playground as I talked myself out of grabbing the girl by the hair and throwing her to the ground. Lovie looked down and started to cry.

She definitely stepped on her hand. Stupid little fucking bitch.

The girl's father was trying to watch the younger sister and commented something to the older girl, the Billy (bitch+bully), while I tried reaching to get Lovie away from the little twit. I could see this girl was a brat, plain a simple.

(Before I continue I would like to state that yesterday's visit went much smoother and Lovie actually played NICELY with the other kids that were there. Nobody whined, nobody fought over who would climb what. They all got along splendidly so I do have hope that not all kids suck ass at this park.)

Lovie must've sensed the Billy wouldn't budge so she got up and started making her way over to the bridge. Once I saw this I encouraged her on by going to the end of the playground of this bridge and playing peek a boo with Lovie, whose face lit up. While Lovie tried getting over the bridge, Billy decides she wants to go over the bridge and make her way to where I am and sure as shit, as Lovie stops moving to watch Billy huff and puff, Billy step right on Lovie's foot.

Before Lovie could even muster a tear, I snapped, "Do NOT step on her. She's much smaller than you are." I looked Billy dead in the eyes and did not waver my nasty glare. She looked down and continued on her way. I was sincerely ready to kick some ass at that point. The first time she stepped on Lovie, I wasn't 100% sure; this time, the Billy looked right down at Lovie's foot, then looked me dead in the eyes as she stomped on her.

I sincerely couldn't believe what I was seeing.

After Billy went down the rail slide (no clue what the hell it's called but it's a slide made of a shitton of cylindrical tube rails), her little sister came barreling over the bridge and stepped on Lovie in the process as well. She was smaller and was just trying to catch up to her big Billy so I didn't let it get to me as much... but how annoying was dad to say, "Watch out for the little guy in there. Or I mean girl. Sorry."

Douchebag, the girl's wearing pigtails. Sorry she's WAY cuter than your Billys but that's what happens when two fugs meet and fuck and procreate.

When Lovie made her way off the playground, she made her way over to the teeter totter where Billy was standing on one of the seats. Lovie wanted to get on it as she always loves "riding" on it. I couldn't believe she wanted to go near Billy, and while I just wanted to backhand Billy, I helped Lovie on one of the seats while the girl jumped on the opposite end.

Lovie's a fan of the thing so she enjoyed the jumping cuz it brought her up and down. Then Billy's little sister wanted to sit... and the look she gave me!! Wow.

What truly ugly kids. Not only on the outside but already on the inside, too.

How sad and unfortunate.

I'm not sure if they left or what, but Lovie and I finally made our way over to the swings where we befriended (for that visit at least) a girl seemingly in her 20s who was babysitting or nannying a 4 year old boy and a little girl a month older than Lovie. The girls swung while we chatted and the boy played in the sand box.

Not sure what happened with Billy and her clan. Good riddance, though.

3 mommas and an itty bitty girl

Four generations of women (ok more like 3 women, 1 itty bitty)

in one beautiful picture that will be cherished forever:

my mom, my Oma, me, and my Lovie

We're visiting these lovely ladies tomorrow and I'm hoping the H can capture this again- or something close to it. That will be enough Mother's Day gift to me.

Happy Mother's Day to you and yours!

xoxo

xoxo

My little copy cat is getting more boisterous these days.

Yesterday and today she kept saying Hiiiiiiiiii. She has said Hi and Bye in the past, but now she means it apparently. This morning, for example, when I went in to her room to get her up and dressed, she looked at me with a big smile and said, "Hiiiiiiii."

Man, she has a way to make me smile like no other.

And her blowing of kisses? To die for!  And her hugs and kisses? Melt me into a puddle she can almost jump in.

She's been blowing kisses for a while now, but it's become more prominent the past couple weeks. The hugging and kissing is brand new, though- but I think that's cuz I'm a dumbass and haven't really asked her to give hugs and kisses until the other day...

We went on our very first (and short) play date Tuesday after work and school. It was only in the 40s and cloudy so Lovie and I, and our play date partners- "Terri" and her boy "Dax," were the only people at the park. Lovie was so excited to have someone her size to play with on the play ground (and now I finally understand the play date appeal). She showed him how to slide down the tunnel slide head first and everything! When it was time to leave, I told her to say Bye Bye to Dax and she waved but he was being a whiny brat ;) and ignored her so then I told her (not sure why since I never have before) to give hugs to Dax. And she walked up to him to give him a hug, which he refused because he was too busy crying that he didn't want to leave. His loss.

I was astounded that she was going to hug him, though! While she's a very social baby, she's never been one to be affectionate with anyone other than me or her dad- and even when she is with us, we have to work for it sometimes!

I tested the hugs out yesterday morning when we were getting ready to leave by asking Lovie where her daddy was (she spends time with him every morning as I get ready for work- she watches TV in our bed while daddy sleeps snuggles and talks/plays with her) and when she pointed to him, giggling, I said, "Give daddy hugs." And she leaned over to him and pressed her little body into his chest and neck.

I thought he was gonna cry to be honest.

And when I said, "Give kisses!" she pushed her face up against his with her mouth open, of course, and made mmmmmmm sound.

The thing is that I'm not fond of ordering her what to do... I know it's weird since we all do it but, I just feel like such an idiot when I do do it: "Give daddy a hug." ... "Say bye bye." ...  "Blow Kisses!"

Anyway. In other, completely unrelated news, the H finally got a carseat for his car!! Happy Mother's Day to me, I don't have drive this weekend when we all go out!

PYHO: Actions speak louder than words

When Lovie is happy and content, so am I . We get along splendidly, we laugh and giggle and fart and snort. Life cannot get any better than when Lovie and I are in good spirts. But when Lovie is having an off moment or day (though I have yet to really experience an entire day off with her), so do I.

I’m pretty sure that’s all normal, but … I really don’t like it.

I don’t like feeling off when Lovie is off. She’s 1, she has reasons to lose her cool because she can’t fully communicate yet and I suspect that’s when she throws a fit. And regardless that I know this, that I acknowledge this, I can’t seem to focus on it at the time but rather start to fume inside instead. :(

When she throws her food, I get pissed and want to throw it back, though I don’t; when she stomps her feet and wails, I get pissed and want to mimic her, but I don’t.

And while I don’t do what I feel at the time and while I really do my darndest to remain calm and collected on the outside, I want to feel that way on the inside, too, because I’m TERRIFIED of losing it one day and letting what’s brewing on the inside out.

I’m TERRIFIED of scaring the shit out of my little girl.

I would never ever physically hurt her and don’t even think that might happen, but I do think that I could yell or react in a way that would negatively impact her and while I know we’re all human and shit happens sometimes, I just have no desire for that kind of shit to happen to Lovie as a result of something I did.

I want her to know and trust that no matter what, Mommy will always be there for her to turn to in good times and bad.

I want her to know and trust that she can count on Mommy no matter what.

I want her to know and trust that Mommy is and always be her rock she can lean on if needed.

I want her to have the kind of Mommy I never had but always wanted… the ones the Hallmark cards are made for.


Saying these things out loud will only do so much...Actions speak louder than words.

Playground etiquette?

We live in the city. A very big city. The third largest city in the US. In this city we live in an apartment. A big, roomy, awesome apartment we absolutely love... but an apartment nonetheless. It's the top floor unit of a 2 flat with a finished basement turned into a 3rd apartment.

That said, the outside of the apartment is pretty nonexistent... Iron fences define many houses and apartment buildings, keeping weirdos away and little ones in as they try to find some freedom; concrete walkways with crumbling rocks from years of abuse mark the way to the door and street and alley; a lonely dandelion next to the little greenery square belonging to the building; vehicles, newspapers, paper cups littering the street.

Such is (life) Spring in the big city.

It's because of our city living that Lovie and I (and sometimes dad when he can) frequent the park and playground as often as we can... and because she's older and more active than she was a year ago, I can't help but wonder if I'm handling things right.

I try not to hover. I try to let her do her own thing and explore her world. I try to let her discover ways to get up the apparatus and down... but I watch closely so she does this in a safe manner. And my girl... she, like many littles, has no fear so instead of letting her climb up the slide on the slide, we're working on climbing up the stairs first. Instead of walking in front of someone swinging, we're working on walking to an empty swing.

It's all a work in progress as we perfect our Playground Etiquette- if there is such a thing.

But are we the only ones? Or once that etiquette is perfected do the parents just go sit on the bench and completely zone out until absolutely necessary?

Friday when we stopped at the park, it was sunny and in the 60s so it was packed with the kiddos small and large.  At one point Lovie was on top of one of the playgrounds that has a tunnel going to another area on one side and a tunnel slide going in another direction. Those were your two options along with a third- a rail staircase.

Lovie was on the platform on her hands and knees. And she was trapped. One big kid was laying on TOP of the tunnel slide screaming down into the slide. Another big kid was perfecting his monkey swing from the rail that was over the slide and tunnel. A third big kid (by big, I mean about 10-12) climbed up the rail staircase and stood on the platform.

I tried to get Lovie out of the madness of the screaming kids, but she just looked up at the crazies. I don't know how they didn't crush her to be honest. I kept reaching in for her but she was out of my grasp and couldn't hear me calling for her over the big kids screaming.

After what seemed like half an hour (but was probably more like 2 minutes), I finally let out a very loud and stern, "OKAY THIS IS GETTING A LITTLE OUT OF HAND."

Finally, as I continue to reach for Lovie, I hear an adult female voice calling out, "You guys need to get down now. That's enough. There are babies in there you have to look out for."

And with that, the big kids vanished.

While it all worked out fine and nobody was hurt, I'm afraid of how I would've reacted had one of them stepped on Lovie's fingers or body or head. Should I have climbed up onto the platform and towered over the big kids as I scooped Lovie away? Should I have just let Lovie fend for herself?

Then yesterday on our way home, we stopped again at the same park (it's a nice park in a nice area on our way home and very conveniently located with off street parking). Only this time there weren't many kids- maybe a total of five. And everything was peachy until one of the kids started being a bully to Lovie and it was on the same piece of playground!

With my assistance, Lovie climbed up the rail staircase to the platform of the two tunnels except that when she got to the top, just before the platform, this white haired boy with his mouth ajar and very sad eyes just stared at her and me. I laughed trying to make it seem like I thought he was being funny when I really knew that he was being a bully and he was doing so for attention (those eyes- I won't forget them... they were sad and almost empty, somehow, at such a young age of 3, I'm guessing). He just sat on the platform with both arms on either side of the platform as to block someone from entering.

Lovie looked at him and he glared back. She made a move to go under one arm and in my head I was applauding her effort but the boy dropped his arm so, again, she was blocked. She looked at him and whined.

"Hold on, honey" I said, not really knowing what to do or say. "You have to wait your turn," I said, hoping the boy would just fucking move already. I mean why does he have to pick on my kid? Why not pick on someone his own size? Oh that's right... because he's a bully. At age fucking 3.

Finally the kid moved and just like that he was gone. Lovie got up into the platform and her face lit up as she was about to slide down the tunnel slide. I ran to the end of it to coax her down and the bully was sitting in it.

Fuck me, kid.

I didn't want Lovie sliding down in to him as he started climbing up the slide via the slide cuz I figured he'd be an asshat to her... so I ran back to the platform and grabbed her jacket to prevent her from sliding.

"Hold on," I said again. "You have to make sure nobody else is in it before you slide." I'm totally OK with telling her this as she does need to learn that she may have to take turns, but at 16 months I know she doesn't get it.

The bully made his way back up to the entrance of the tunnel slide and now he and Lovie were face to face again. He towered over her and, with his mouth open, his sad empty eyes just glared at her again as his hands reached out to either side of the tunnel slide blocking her from entering.

Lovie started let out a little WTF whimper.

"Hang on, darling," I said, trying my best not to get pissed, trying my best to sound like I thought what was happening was funny.  "You have to wait until it's empty."

The bully just glared at her, mouth ajar, as she looked back at him, mouth closed, before she inched toward him and the slide trying to get around him.  He moved his arm down and off the slide and while his hands didn't touch her, he nudged her with his shoulder.

How I didn't flip out, I don't know but I know that I can't always be there to protect her and the fact was that she was OK. And really what could I do to get this fucking kid to stop?

With the nudge, Lovie moved back and whined more and more.

"Hang on," I said again grabbing her jacket.

The bully took his place back on the entrance to the slide just glaring at Lovie and she finally had enough and started to cry.

Fucking jerk of a kid.

Finally the crying brought about the bully's mother who was standing 10 feet behind me talking to her fucking mom friends and she said, "Ian, buddy, what's going on?"

I was biting my tongue at her fucking sickening sweet tone. Bitch you're standing right there and you're gonna tell me you don't know what the fuck this shit of a kid is doing?

"Did you make the girl cry?"

No answer, just empty sad eyes and mouth open stare.

"Are you blocking the slide? I know your brothers do that to you, but you need to go down so the girl can go."

Lovie just looked at the mom studying her and I swear Lovie's face read what my head was thinking, "What the fuck."

The bully kid, mouth still fucking open, looks at his mother with the same empty sad eyes, looks at Lovie, turns around and vanishes in the tube slide. Lovie quickly moves to the slide's entrance and I run to the bottom and, with a huge smile on her face, Lovie slides down face first.

It was the last time she slid down the slide yesterday. She had no more interest in getting on that piece of playground equipment. I'm sure it was just a coincidence and I'm sure she'll experience worse, which is why I'm posting this.

What should I have done? What should I do in the future, if anything? Do you have certain guidelines or something you follow? Or is it all just trusting your gut and crossing bridges when you get to them?

Also, was that mom on a playdate? Is that how those go? You meet up with other mom(s) and the kids run wild while the moms shoot the shit, ignoring the kids?

If so, it's one more reason I'm glad not to feel the need to do Playdates with anyone other than just my Lovie. Blech.

JUMP!