April 30, 2012

PMS: a day in the life

I hate when I get like this. Especially that I feel like I have absolutely no motherfucking control over it. My body is so uncomfortable that it just sends my irritability rating through the roof. And any and everyone around me has to suffer then.

It's ridiculous and it's childish, but again, I feel like I can't control it.

I could, actually. I could take some drugs or drink till I pass out or something. Then I'll just sleep it all away but there's too much fucking crap that needs to get done: laundry, dishes, meals, laundry, laundry, "I hungry!", "I wan' milk!", "Mama?"...

I just want to fucking wither away into a corner with something tightly wrapped around my midsection to cease the cramping. I want to sleep eat cry. I want to be left alone. I don't want to hear any fucking thing- no goddamn dogs barking, cats whining, husband snoring, child laughing.

I feel like I'm on edge to doing something really awful.

When I get like this, I envision bad things happening. I think I can understand how women, in particular, do horrendous, god forsaken things to their loved ones. It MUST happen when they're PMSing. If they're not PMSing, then I can't understand.

I'm so fucking tired, so fucking irritable, so fucking angry agitated annoyed hungry sad.

I just want to fucking bleed already.

I just want to fucking bleed so heavily that I bleed through a super plus tampon and onto a pad that I have to wear at all times when I get my period lately.


It's been 30 years since I got my first fucking period and I still cannot control my... mood before I get it.

It's a cruel fucking thing to happen and it's a wonder how there aren't any more women serving murder sentences as a result.

It's these thoughts on these days that make me feel like I'm surely losing my grip on sanity.

Yeah, her smile warms me up and soothes me a bit, but... not enough. Not anymore. Not today.

Because my back hurts so fucking bad and the cramping is making me nauseous despite my hankering for chocolate peanut butter ice cream. In a waffle cone. OMG no. A shake. A thick milk shake. And a bag of potato chips.

What is it going to be like when she starts getting her period, too?

My poor husband.

Fuck him. He's on the couch snoring like I'm not in this mood, like I'm not on the verge of losing my fucking mind. The dryer is about to buzz for the fourth time today and guess who gets to go fold all the shit and put it away? Yeah, the one who's on the verge of stuffing someone into it.

Maybe I should just get out of here for a few minutes.

Maybe I should just go and get that milkshake and potato chips and drugs and alcohol.

I think I need some fucking pads and tampons anyway.

Motherfucking PMS.


(NOTE: this was written yesterday {Sunday} but I didn't hit Publish for some reason. having seen that it wasn't Published, i wasn't going to actually Publish it, but i'm still in a pisser of a mood and have no desire to Publish much else so at least now you know why. not that you care. ALSO: nobody was harmed in the making of this post. FINALLY: i never did get my chocolate peanut butter shake fix, but i did devour a greasy cheeseburger and fries and half a piece of the world's greatest key lime pie before sitting on the toilet for about an hour and shitting like i haven't shat since who knows when... glad you stopped by?? COME AGAIN! AND NEXT TIME BRING MY SHAKE AND CHIPS!)

31 comments:

  1. In solidarity (not so much with the PMS but with all my similar pregnancy shit)- LOL!

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    1. haha sorry. i have no real desire to get pg again- not b/c i felt out of control with my emotions (i was actually a very calm and happy pg lady), but because of how uncomfortable i was- especially in 3rd tri. blech.

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  2. I'm too scared to comment! :)

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  3. Jadeluxe I was thinking the same thing!! Hope your day improves.

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  4. "I just want to sleep eat cry"

    Yup. You nailed it.

    ~The G is Silent

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  5. Wow - reading your venting makes me feel like I've actually gotten something off of MY chest. That's very strange. But thank you for that - and I love chocolate peanut butter shakes!

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  6. As a guy, I feel unprepared and out of my league to try to respond.
    I can only hope for you a speedy exit from this month's trials.

    WG
    http://itsmynd.com

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  8. I feel you, Christina. You've expressed my deepest battle within :P

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  9. PMSing sure is a bitch... hang in there!

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  10. Yes. PMS makes me crazy and scary; the older I get, the worse it gets. What's UP with that?? It makes me long for "the CHANGE"!

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    1. yes EXACTLY! like i said, i've had to deal with this crap for 30 years now and i still can't seem to get control of it. it's maddening.
      i cannot wait for the Change. :)

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  11. This post was like a convo between my coworker and I. We share an office and we cycle together (I know, it's lame, but true). Mostly we eat, yell, curse and cry all day. I so hear you. I hope you're feeling better soon.

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  12. I could not stop laughing at this post because I swear you wrote everything I want to say lately about my pisser of a mood. I love this post!

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    1. awesome. :)
      i generally don't bitch too much (not like this at least) but sometimes you just gotta!

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  13. hahahaha! Oh this was good. Great to meet you via YeahWrite. You made me laugh, and feel for you and want to have a bitch session. Everyone needs a bitch session sometime!

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  14. HA! All I have to say is this. I am glad I have a good period.

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    1. ohhhh you're one of THOSE people, huh? hehe, kidding. seriously, i think a lot of women use PMS as an excuse to be a bitch but i honestly... this is truly how i get. it's TRULY a scary feeling.

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  15. Yes. Just yes. I understand...oh, boy, do I ever understand. Hope today's a little better.

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    1. shall we clink our milkshake glasses (you know- like old school days) to better periods? or better periods before our periods? ;D

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  16. Quite a purge post you have here! I hope it made you feel a little bit better - and my sympathies are with you about the PMS. Luckily, I don't get it that bad, but it's bad enough.

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    1. yeah i feel kinda bad for all the crap language and really almost didn't post this but then i thought... why not? it's how i felt at the moment (and still kinda do- argh) and i wrote to hopefully get it out of me... and maybe someone will read and think, "oh good to know i'm not alone with my insanity." or something. ;) i dunno.

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  17. As a guy, I feel like there is nothing I can say. Except that you deserve to feel better!

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    1. ha, thanks YB. sorry you had to endure that.

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  18. I agree with everyone. I don't hvae this, so whiel I can't relate I can certainly sympathize. Hope you are now bleeding like crazy and feeling better!

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    1. hahah OMG this made me chuckle; thanks for your hoping but i'm still not. UGH! ;D

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  19. Your post was worth reading for the note at the end alone! Feel better! Look on the bright side, it'll all happen again next month. (Too soon to laugh? Glad you can't kill me through the computer.) Ellen

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