today

Sunday morning I went out to meet with some friends. I left Lovie at home with her daddy. "But I'm gonna miss you," she mumbled with a frown on her face. "I know," I told her. "I'm gonna miss you too. But I won't be too long and then we can spend the rest of the day together like always."

After a couple hours, Taye texted me a photo of Lovie holding an 11x14 framed photo of the two of us (me and Lovie). "I think she misses you," the text read below the image.

My sweet love.

When I got home she ran through the house and into my arms and was stuck to me like Velcro the rest of the day, a smile tattooed on her sweet little face.

This little girl is absolutely everything to me. So much so that it hurts. It HURTS to think of life without her. It's been like this since before she was born. I honestly thought that the intensity in which I feel this would dissipate a bit by now but it absolutely hasn't. Quite the opposite actually.

I have my moments when I get tired or frustrated and wouldn't mind turning down the volume on her a bit, but those thoughts and feelings never last too long before I'm flooded with this nearly overwhelming love for her.

She makes me so proud. She's so sweet and kind. She's so smart. She's so gosh darn adorable. But it's more than all that. It's that she's a part of me. Like truly a part of my heart and soul. I just don't want to ever imagine a time when she won't want much to do with me. I know that time will come, but I just can't think of it.

Instead, I relish in the now.

Right now.

Today.

I can't wait to pick her up from school. I can't wait to see that smile fill her face when she sees me. I can't wait to buckle her safely in the back seat and give her her Nabi. I can't wait to hear the story of Cinderella or The Ugly Duckling being read to her by the Nabi for the hundredth time during our drive home. I can't wait for her to ask me if I got her a surprise snack. I can't wait for her to ask me what's for dinner. I can't wait for her to ask me to sit with her to watch TV. I can't wait for her to use me as a jungle gym while we watch TV. I can't wait for her to ask me for hot chocolate. I can't wait for her to demand one more tv show before bed. I can't wait for her to tell me she doesn't want to brush her teeth. I can't wait for her to stall at bedtime. I can't wait for her to sigh about how she'd really love some water after being tucked into bed.

I can't wait to see my sweet love.

I can't wait to do the every day, mundane things with her.

I can't wait for her hugs and kisses and snuggles.

I can't wait to tickle her and kiss her a million times till she squirms and wrestles away from me.