December 11, 2012

damn love/hate feelings messing with me

Although I’m pretty submerged in social media like blogging, message boards, Facebook, Twitter, it still scares the shit out of me most days. On one hand I love it all, but on the other hand I hate it. Especially Twitter and Facebook. I just hate feeling like the freaking outcast I was back in high school.
I admit that being immediately up-to-date about pretty much anything anywhere is pretty awesome. But I just don't dig the cliques. Still, I haven't given it up. Instead, I just do what I did back in high school—I withdraw. And then I get pissed at myself because I lived so much of my life on the sidelines and I just can’t do it anymore. So I don’t withdraw completely like I did back then; instead, I take a step back when things become too annoying for me and then jump back in when I'm ready. (I guess that's me just being a Big Girl.)

I concede that feeling like an outcast is of my own doing. I’m just not an outgoing person and I tend to back off when things get too intense. I’m just not passionate enough about my own ideas and beliefs, I guess. Unless it’s about my Lovie, of course.

The funny thing is that without social media, I’d never have met my husband who answered a personal ad I placed on Yahoo Personals in 2000. (Thank God for the Internet may or may not have been the theme to our wedding. No, I'm kidding; we're not that dorky.)

Seriously, there are a ton of great things about social media. I can't dispute that. I mean, through years and years of blogging and trolling posting on message boards, I’ve made some fantastic real life friends. Hell, without social media, I wouldn’t really have a social life at all.

So what’s my hang-up then?

It scares me.
There’s so much info out there available in a millisecond. I’m terrified for my child’s future. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be alive today had Facebook been available back in the late 80s when I went to high school. I’m pretty damn certain of it, actually. After all, “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" is completely non-existent today thanks to social media.

But as much as this frustrates me at times, I can’t log off, I can't delete my accounts.
I’ve backed down on participating with a lot of it, yes, but I can’t give it up completely. Because the truth of the matter is that without it, I’d be so lonely: I wouldn’t have met my husband who gave me my incredible Lovie; I wouldn’t have made some of the best friends a girl could have; I wouldn’t be able to find out that my nephew who’s struggled most of his life because of shitty parenting just got a new position as Assistant Manager; I wouldn’t be able to know that my best friend in the whole world is going through some horrifically scary times during her early pregnancy.

I do think the good outweighs the bad when it comes to social media, but it doesn’t mean I can’t be leery of it all and worry for my child’s future.

Fortunately, that guy I met and married through an online personal ad? He's a computer guru who will be able to keep tabs on Lovie’s online interactions so hopefully that will ease my worry a bit when she’s 30 and able to finally date and use the interwebz.


  1. I also met my husband online! Talk about love/hate. Just kidding. Kind of.

    I honestly try to not think about it too much. I use a pretty standard measuring stick to determine what to share: would I care if my boss saw it, would I care if the person I am writing about saw it?

    I guess one day some bully might pull up a picture of Emily and Drew in a diaper and try to make fun of them for it. "Look, your mom loved you to pieces and celebrated your every poo." To which I will say, "Shut it, *&^% face. You're just jealous that my kids are so fabulous they needed their own blog!" hahaha

  2. Social media brings out the asshole in everyone. I'm and unpopular dork now just as I was in high school, all I can do is hope my kids grow up more well-adjusted than me and that they're not too embarassed to have me for a mom.

  3. I couldnt find a place to post on your story about your desire to be a mom, but it reminded me so much of my daughter, I just had to tell you-she had the same experience with her first pregnancy-the baby stopped growing and she had to go through an awful mproceedure to get through that-she got pregnant a few years later-she is also a diabetic and delivered a beautiful little girl by c section at 36 weeks-she is now 4 1/2. My daughter is 23 weeks pregnant with daughter #2-she feels awful, nauseous, her cesarean scar is very painful, she does not look forward to being "slaughtered" again (as she calls it) being a mom meant so much to her-i was an only child-hated it-I had 6-lost one very suddenly when he was 15. I have 5 grands-one a newborn and the one yet to be born will make 6. I always wanted to be a mom too-if my age and health permitted it-who knows what I might do, best wishes, your little one is adorable! beebeesworld


speak your mind.