things that make my hair gray

Sitting on the couch together watching TV like we do every evening, Lovie pops her head up and asks for more milk, smiles big, and lays her head full of tight curls back on my chest. I rub the beads between my fingers and tell her she’s got to get up for a minute so I can fulfill her request. She sits up and I leave her there on the couch, alone, completely trusting that I’ll return.  
 
I’m her provider of food and clothes, rest and shelter, love and guidance; I'm her Mama. When she sees something new, she always asks, “Mama! Did you see it?” When she sings to a song on the radio, she demands, "Sing, Mama!" When I cuss at another driver on the road, she scolds, "Mama!"
 
She's my world, the air I breathe. My life.
 
I remember updating my Facebook account days after first being home with her to include a quote: "This is what it's all about."
 
I meant her.
 
She's the reason I was put here on the earth…the reason I lived the shitty times…the reason I kept going. This became clear the moment she was placed in my arms.
 
I imagine that every parent feels this way, right? I mean…they must.

My mom was barely 18 when she had my sister. The first four years of my sister's life was spent with my grandparents. After my mom met and married my dad, my sister moved in with them and my dad adopted her. My parents then had my brother, and years later, me. We lived the American Dream in a suburban bungalow. When I was 9, my parents split and my mother morphed into a partyer. I became the parent while both my siblings escaped by joining the armed forces as soon as legally possible.
 
By her mid-20s, my sister had her first two kids. When they were pre-teens, she left them with her soon to be ex-husband, seeing the kids when it was convenient for her. Years passed and she remarried and had a third child whom she left when he was 11. She still has a relationship with all of her children (and a grandbaby), but, again, she’s flying solo these days.
 
My brother was a daddy by 23. Several years later, his wife left the boy with my brother and the two became inseparable. About eight years later when the boy started becoming rebellious, my brother allowed him to live with his ex-wife. My brother then moved thousands of miles away and it’s been years since he’s even talked to the boy, now 20.
  

I know these lives are theirs and not mine, yet I still can’t help but wonder if I will follow this same path. I pray daily that it stops with me.
 
It must stop with me, I think as I sit back down next to my lovebug. “Thanks, Mama!” she beams, taking the sippy cup from my hand and laying her head full of curls back on my chest.

mini LMFAO: Yeeeaah

I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT

an interview

this photo and interview took place last night- about 7 hours before she officially turned the big 2.5

(i LOVE being five, by the way.)

TILTW: 6/23-6/29

My itty bitty baby girl is TWO AND A HALF today!

Happy Half Birthday to my Lovebug!

Now we can get on with the week's recap:

* This isn't something I just discovered this week, it's something that- once again- was pounded into my head this week: Being present- really present- with your family, with your kids is what is most important.

* I really and truly am head over heels in love with Prozac. I just started my second month on it and I'm absolutely astounded at the difference. Like my OBGYN said in our follow-up visit on Tuesday, it's life-changing. You hear that? My life has changed in one month's time. And it's for the ooh so good. Praise be!!

* I've taken a risk using a brush on Lovie's hair- and it's paid off. I figured I'd give the Mixed Chicks brush a try since it's only $12 and sold by a company whose conditioner and tangle spray have saved my sanity with Lovie's hair. I'm amazed at how well it works. I don't brush often- only before I wash it a couple times a week max. And it makes washing her hair so much easier.

F.A.T. Friday

I'll be joining Ginger at (Not) Just Another Mom of Twins every Friday for her F.A.T. Friday.

6/22-Next Week's Suggested Topic: What’s your support system like? How do family and/or friends support or not support you? Do you reach out to strangers via message boards, blogs, etc.?

I’m SUPER lucky in that my husband eats low carb, too. I guess it’s a benefit of us both being obese- ha! J

Seriously though, I’m not sure where I’d be without that man. He got me into the LC lifestyle in 2004 when we both lost a ton of weight and he stuck by me all through the years and the up and down weight, even loving me when I was at my largest. I’m so very lucky to have him by my side because I’m not sure how or if I could succeed without his support. I mean, with a 2.5 year old, it’s kind of hard to eliminate all carbs so having your life partner by your side mimicking your habits is super amazing.

Also, I’ve found a lot of support through a low carb forum/message board I discovered back in 2004. I journal all of my food and weight and feelings toward it all over there so I feel like I’m being held accountable at all times. And the people there are all there for pretty much the same reason so the support is just truly wonderful.

I feel so lucky when I think about it. I mean, I feel lucky in so many aspects of my life, but having the support to change my life? Wow am I lucky. I should play the lottery!

WEIGHT: -17 Total/-3 from last week

EXERCISE: none
CHEATS: none
RANDOM THOUGHTS: Really wish I would’ve recommitted myself to this way of life sooner. I very rarely feel deprived and am never hungry after I eat, which makes eating LC so easy. It doesn’t hurt that this time around I’m OK with eating eggs and salads unlike last time.

then and now

Four months and 247 days ago... I had a case of the Blah Blah Blogging and was growing tired of the whole blogging thing.

It was that post (the comments, really) that helped me realize what I wanted to do with this blog… Write!

It’s a simple little word, no? “Write.” Yet, it can be so complex and, oftentimes, even hard to do.

Fortunately through the likes of our very own Mama Kat and other writing prompts/memes/challenges/communities, I’ve been able to write more instead of just blog. There’s a difference, I think. Sure I still blog, but I’m also paying closer attention to the crafting of it all (usually). And I love to write. It’s therapeutic and it’s a need, really.

Yeah, a lot of it has to do with the one and only and incredibly awesome Lovie, but I’ve also dabbled in some fiction and have opened up a lot about myself personally.

And it kicks ass.

I love my little corner of the blogosphere. Yeah, there are times when I almost have to work for some comments, but it all evens out, I think. For me, anyway. I have a voice, after all. And while it may not be on the best seller’s list, it’s being used and it’s being heard...

Unless that’s just another voice in my head making me think this way.

What were you blogging about a year ago?

1.) Share what you were blogging about last year at this time…what has changed?

Story time

nothing exciting going on over here

We didn't do much of anything this weekend.

I mean, it's Summertime and according to Facebook, we should be doing a lot during the summer on the weekends. We should be going to the pool, water park, or beach; we should be going to amusement parks and zoos; we should be having huge family BBQs. There shouldn't ever be a dull moment during our weekends in the summer.

Yet this weekend was, in fact, quite dull. And frankly, we like it like that.

Saturday we drove an hour and half out to visit with my ailing grandmother, stopping off for lunch at a Chile's first.

We spent 3 hours with Oma in her un-air conditioned, un-childproofed house. I parked my fat ass next to Oma on the couch and listened to her stories and opinions and memories (good and bad) for three hours while Taye kept Lovie occupied with toys and modeling clay inside, trips outside to kick a nerf ball around, play with chalk. When we got home, we ate some take-out, watched TV for a bit, and went to bed.

Yesterday we did nothing but play restaurant, hide n seek, and tea party before taking a nap and heading out to the grocery store. When we got home, we had dinner, Lovie took a bath, we watched TV, went to bed.

There was no water play, no fun rides, no new toys. It was just the three of us giggling, farting around, and enjoying each other's company.

Truth be told it was pretty damn glorious.

TILTW: 6.16-6.22

* It's been about a month now since we've gotten rid of the binky and while Lovie doesn't ever bring it up or ask about it anymore, and while she's able to go to sleep better again, she doesn't sleep as long as she did when the binky was in the crib. Now she's up and ready to go after 9 hours of sleep at the absolute max. And her naps? Ugh, she fights naps at home every single time when before she'd ask for her binky and tell us she wanted to nap. That all said, this little guy is set to arrive today and I'm hoping it helps with the early wakeups and naps. Time will tell.

* Father's Day was lovely, really lovely. I made the hubs a cup of coffee to enjoy in bed with Lovie watching cartoons. Then I made my first ever omelet (and it turned out!) and bacon which I served to him in bed. After Lovie took a nap, we picked up my dad and went to a Brazilian steakhouse and all had a great time- on me (not a cheap meal but it was Father's Day, eh). After saying bye to my dad, we visited with the in-laws for a bit before coming home and climbing in bed.

* Despite being very crampy this week, I feel mentally stable for the first time in a very very long time. THANKS TO SWEET BABY JESUS FOR PROZAC.

* A little someone has become quite addicted to this show:

I mean, like really addicted. She talks and sings along to the intro and dances along to the end, then begs for "another one?! another one?! another Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Mama?! PLEASE!" A month ago I would've said I'll probably do a Bubble Guppies theme for her birthday (yeah it's still another six months away- so what?!), but I'm beginning to lean more toward good old Mickey. She's quite smitten. Still loves her Team Umizoomi but wow does go nuts for the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (and can I just admit that a) I love the damn songs and dancing and b) the house is absolutely badass!!).

F.A.T. Friday

I'll be joining Ginger at (Not) Just Another Mom of Twins every Friday for her F.A.T. Friday. I kind of forgot about it the past couple weeks and last week's topic was really intriguing so I'm adding it before today's...

***********************************************

6/15/12

This Week's Suggested Topic Was: Write yourself a motivational reminder/letter about all the “good” things about your healthy lifestyle & why you are on this journey. This will be good to have in 10 minutes, 10 days, 10 months or 10 years from now when you need a “pick me up!”

(ending week 4)

Dear Christina,

You are amazing, strong, beautiful, kind, giving.

You are your daughter’s Mama and whole wide world right now (at almost 2.5) and she’s yours for always.

You are your husband’s partner for life- through thick and thin.

Because of all of this, you are living a low carb life because carby foods are mean to you… because you feel amazing, alive, full of life when low carbing… because you once lost 75 pounds so you know it does work… because you need to live a long long life for that girl of yours, for your husband, for YOU.

You can do it.

You WILL do it… for life.

Love,

Your healthy body

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6/22/12

Next Week's Suggested Topic: Summertime=Vacation Time=Overindulging= FUN Possible Derailment! What summer vacation(s) do you have planned and how to you plan to be proactive in staying (mostly) on the healthy living train?

(ending week 5)

A week after starting to live a clean low carb (LC) lifestyle, we went on vacation. I knew we were going on vacation when I decided to dive back into low carbing but because this has to be a lifestyle for me- for life- I figured I needed to start right then and there and not allow vacation to be an excuse. Was I as diligent when on vacation about my food as I am when not vacationing? Not completely. Did I go hog wild and eat everything in sight like my old self would’ve? Hell no.

See, I’m fortunate because my husband is doing this with me. Just like he did the first time around. So we packed a bag full of LC snacks to have on hand at all times to save us from indulging in the bad. And it worked. And when we sat down to eat, we stuck with eating as LC as possible which is not hard to do at any restaurant other than Chinese.

That’s the beauty of the LC lifestyle to me- there are so many damn good foods you can eat that staying on track usually isn’t too difficult. Plus, it really doesn’t take a lot of planning ahead when going to a restaurant as long as you stick with no bread and steamed veggies or salad. I get to eat meats (un-breaded), bacon, eggs, cheese, most veggies, nuts, salads which is pretty much available anywhere. For example, our first stop was at a Wendy’s so Lovie could have a burger and fries (she loves!) and I had a very low carb meal of a double cheeseburger (no bun) and salad.

I do have to plan ahead with snacks though- making sure I always have something available because if I start getting hungry without something LC nearby me… that's when the trouble begins. Readily available high carb foods like chips, french fries, pizza, and ice cream is impossible to stop eating once I start.

That's why eating LC is a lifestyle for me- for life. Because food is my drug; I'm a High-Carb-Foodaholic.

WEIGHT: Down 14 pounds at the start of this week (week 5).

EXERCISE: none :(