on turning four

Apparently Four is a big deal.

Three, two, one are fun, too, but four is ... big fun. Not just fun. Not just big. But big fun.



Saturday, the day before Lovie's actual birthday, we partied it up at a jumpy house like last year. (Taye took photos, I'm hoping, during the jumpy part. It pretty much looks like last year's party except not quite as many kids and they're bigger.)

The party was 2:30-4:30 and at 5:30 we had dinner reservations with a bunch of family. Not really in honor of Lovie's birthday, but just to gather in a calmer setting.

Then the morning of her actual birthday, Lovie woke to a (messy) room full of balloons for the fourth year in a row. It's a fun tradition I stole from the interwebs that I plan to do for as long as she lives in our home.

Besides her party, her gift from us was a pink electric guitar. Like a real one. Lovie was quite smitten and that made us quite happy. After a late breakfast and a late nap, we headed out to a kiddie place that has games that spits out tickets that you can collect to win prizes. Lovie, being the big 0-4, insisted she now can have gum, so she had her eyes set on winning a little gumball machine.

We finished off her birth day night with some ice cream at 9:30 at night... well past her bedtime, but hey, you only turn four once!

Yesterday, much like the day following Christmas, I stayed home with Lovie to relax and play with new toys. We didn't play much with anything other than the balloons though-- having balloon fights and ballet balloon (twirl balloon instead of smacking it toward your opponent). All per Lovie's request.

This morning, two days after her birthday, Lovie asked when she'd be five.

She loves being four so far and she does not want to get old like me and daddy, but I guess she wouldn't mind being five already. Me, on the other hand, I still need to catch up to this business of my baby doll being four years old already. 

Christmas recap

We cleaned. We cooked. We watched beautiful snowflakes fall Christmas Eve morning.

 

Grandpa and Cousin Joey visited in the afternoon. We ate. We opened presents. We laughed and played. We ate some more before saying good-bye to our guests. Lovie finally fell asleep around 10PM Christmas Eve and then we helped set the magical scene for Christmas morning.

 

 

Santa came and ate some cookies and drank some milk and left a big present (Barbie RV) for Lovie. Mom and dad did good with other gifts including the Nabi Jr.

The three of us spent Christmas morning together alone. Wrapping paper, boxes, plastic bands covered the floor. Piles of toys here and there. Daddy won $500 from a scratch-off lottery ticket tucked in his stocking. Mommy made easy and yummy sticky buns so that we all could just be together all morning. Just the three of us.

It really is the most magical time of the year.

to You

 

 

 

 

(words could not express how sad I am that the photographer who took these photos & created this card has closed shop)

Light

This little light of mine.

 

She's been taking ballet for nearly a full year now. Saturday was the first time we were able to sit in the studio to see all that our little ballerinas have learned. This isn't the first time I've seen her perform. No, that was last May-- on Mother's Day, actually. That's when she was in her first live dance recital after five months of lessons (different class and instructor). She was adorable, of course. She even lead the way most of the time.

This past Saturday was a bit different though. We didn't have to sit through hours of performances with only a few minutes from our little stars. This time, we got a front row seat to 45 minutes of nonstop ballet and creative movement (I didn't name the class) starring our kids only. It was freaking adorable and fun and cute and funny... and enlightening. Seems my little Lovie who shines so brightly like a star does so everywhere.

I'm gonna let it shine. 

Not just in my eyes, either. Apparently, she's the class clown, too. So everyone can see her. She makes sure of it.

I'm not really sure what, if anything, I'm suppose to do about this. She's a very attentive listener and follows instructions very well the first time given. She remembers everything. But, she, like most littles her age (no??), likes attention and she's not shy about getting it.

This little light of mine. I'm gonna let it shine...

She had the small studio laughing more than once with questions she asked the teacher or random comments she made in reference to a song or dance. Was I suppose to shush her? Should I have told her to just listen? Thing is, she does everything that's asked of her. It's not like she's not paying attention. And it's not like she's super rude about interrupting; she does say "Excuse me."

The couple of times she ran to me to give me a hug (*melt*), I did tell her how great a job she was doing and that she should keep her listening ears open, but yeah, she still made some random comments that had everyone laughing (while I glanced back at her Daddy who she's sooo much like).

Meh, I think I have my answer: I'm not dimming the shine. I won't do it. Not yet, at least.

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

Santa and the movie star

Santa visited Lovie's school yesterday for pictures.

I guess they didn't have much time with Santa-- just kind of sat each kid on his lap, snapped a photo, and on to the next. Lovie said she wasn't able to tell him what she wanted but the teacher assured her Santa would know. (We're taking her this weekend for another visit so she can be sure to have more time and tell the big guy what she wants [PINK BARBIE SHIT OF COURSE].)

This morning, on our way to school and work, she tells me, "I was kinda afraid to sit with Santa."

I asked why (she's never been too afraid before) and she said, "Because the man said I was like a movie star."

She mumbled this and looked mad. I tried not to giggle and asked what man she was talking about.

"The man."

"Do you mean Santa or the man that took the pictures?"

"No, Santa didn't say anything. He just said Good bye." Poor thing was really bothered by how quickly the "event" lasted apparently.

I figured she meant the photographer told her she looked like a Movie Star so I asked if she knew what a movie star was and again she started to sulk, so I told her he wasn't being or saying something mean or to hurt her, he just meant that she was pretty and could be in the movies.

She still sat there sulking, staring out the window of the back seat.

It kind of makes sense, though. To her, Movies = Monsters Inc and Despicable Me and Tangled and Brave. I'm guessing while she loves her pink princesses, she has no desire to be a cartoon??

These kids today. Man, they make my entire being smile.

 

 

(That's Lovie sandwiched between my great-niece (7) in the back and my great-nephew (4) leaning forward-- all on top of my nephew (21) who is Uncle to the kids except for Lovie who is his cousin.)

never enough time: welcome to December

Ah December.

We're three days in already. Pretty soon we'll be wishing everyone a Happy New Year. How does it happen like this? How does time go so fast?

I totally remember being a little kid and wishing the days away. Especially in December. I mean, man did that month take forever before you got to Christmas and got to open some presents! Now it's a whole different scenario. Now there's just never enough time in the day. Never. I hated when adults use to moan about this--that time goes by so fast. I hated it. But I get it now. I really get it.

Dammit.

So Thanksgiving this year was good. You?

We had ten adults and one little--Lovie. My in-laws, my mom, my sister all came over. I took Wednesday off from work to try to clean and prep a bit. Yeah, there's just never enough time in the day.

The food was good as was the company. It was the first Thanksgiving without Oma so there was that. But it was, overall, a really nice day.

And now the real fun begins: Christmas and Lovie's birthday and New Year's.

We got the tree up and most decorations on Friday, and Christopher Pop-in-kins came to visit on Saturday.

I love it. We all do.

Gifts have all been pretty much ordered, just need to wrap. And bake. And bake some more. And package baked goods. Ack, there's just never enough time in the day.

I'm a little stressed about Christmas Eve. It's always been ... ALWAYS ... about my mom's side of the family. Particularly Oma (and Ota). ALWAYS. Then the past two years, we've visited much earlier in the day on Christmas Eve or the weekend before, and have had my dad over Christmas Eve night. And last year my nephew and niece came, too.

Christmas Day then is spent alone at home in the morning and then we make our way to Taye's parents house.

But this year... this year, again, there's a big change. There's no Oma. I can't have my mom spend Christmas Eve alone. I could invite her over but then my dad won't come. So then he spends Christmas Eve alone?

I just don't know what to do to appease these people sometimes.

And.

There's just never enough time in the day to figure it all out.

I'M GONNA MISS HIM

This morning was a bit rough: Lovie kind of lost her shit when it was time to go to school.

"I want daddy to take me!"

"Honey, you have to let us know beforehand that's what you want so daddy can arrange for that to happen."

"I want daddy to take me!"

"Daddy can you take her?"

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I can't today."

"NOOOOO I WANT DADDY TO TAKE ME!"

This went on for several minutes. Tears flooded her face. She started to smack her hand down to emphasize that she was being serious (I guess). She was so very unhappy. And all I could do was look at the clock and get warmer and warmer because I detest running late and when I get anxious or angry or breathe, I get warm these days.

"Honey, daddy can take you another day, right daddy?"

"NOOOOO I WANT DADDY TO TAKE ME NOW!"

"I know that's what you want but we can't always get what we want." (ugh, I hated when my mother, brother or sister would say this to me... at least I didn't say, How does it feel to want? the way my asshat brother use to.)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"It's time to go."

"I DON'T WANNA!"

She just cried and wiggled herself against her dad who lay on the bed. And anytime we tried touching her or saying something, she'd just freak out even more. Finally it got to the point where if we didn't leave at that moment, I'd be very late so I just walked out of the room saying goodbye.

I know that's horrible, but it was that or scream.

Twenty seconds later I could hear the bedroom door open and I walked toward it and there Lovie stood, hand on the knob, sobbing. I got down to her level and calmly got close to her and gave her a hug and told her that I was so sorry she was so sad and upset. I told her daddy really wanted to take her but he had to do some work before going to work. I scooped her into my arms and held her tight for a minute. She just sobbed. She wasn't angry or yelling anymore. She was just... sad.

And boy did that make me sad.

I took her to the bathroom so she could go potty and that's where she revealed, "But I'm gonna miss him."

My heart just about split in half.

"Oh baby," I said. "It's okay to miss daddy, he's gonna miss you too. I bet he misses you already. But you still have to go to school, he still has to go to work."

"But I'm gonna miss him."

The tears dropped into the palms of her hands on her lap.

"Sweetheart, let's go give him big hugs and kisses and then you can tell him that you'll miss him."

So we did just that. And she burrowed her head into him and they hugged and hugged and he told her how he was going to spend a lot of extra time with her tonight when he got home.

And that was that. She was fine. She stood up and jumped into my arms like she always does in the morning and off we went to get our coats on and leave.







So it's Tuesday and Hey, it's my husband's birthday, too!

I honestly don't know what's going on with me, but I'm really trying to stay focused and keep writing but it's not easy. It's just not. I'm going to blame it on the fact things always get so damn crazy and busy end of year. 

Lovie and Zoe, taken the night before Zoe died. We had no idea. Besides me, Lovie is the only person Zoe ever allowed to get close to her. She was kind of a mean cat like that. Heh.

My cat Zoe died last Saturday. I could write about that, I suppose but-- and this will get me plenty of side eyes and what not-- I'm just not that upset. Sure I shed some tears, but they were mainly a result of Lovie's reaction to it all. Sure it was a ridiculous shock, but... she was a cat. She lived a good life with us. And now she's gone and now we're stuck with the one cat that makes a bunch of noise crying all the time.

I made this in Picmonkey! for FREE. I'll be printing it out and attaching it to lollipop sticks and popping it into her cake as a cake topper.

Lovie's birthday is coming up in... 41 days. A couple months ago, I found a company that does parties dressed as Disney Princesses. For less than what it would cost to have a jump house party, I could get Rapunzel or Ariel or whomever to come to my house for 90 minutes and be all princess-y and girly with Lovie and her friends. As much as I detest princesses, I had a feeling Lovie would be over the moon with a "real" princess sitting in her living room. Alas, she's been insisting on another jump house party and since it's her birthday, she gets to choose. She's also decided within the past couple weeks that she'd like a Paw Patrol cake and goodie bags. At least it's not Dora.

Speaking of birthdays, today is my husband's birthday. Lovie colored him a card last night and made a heart and signed her name inside it and gave it to him this morning. Then she had him read her a book we just took out from the library last night. Yay, it's your birthday, read to me. On the way home from work and school, Lovie and I will stop off for a cake for tonight. And then Saturday? Eek, Saturday the Tayester and I will be going to a hotel. Overnight. Alone. Together alone. Without Lovie. That's my gift to him. It'll be our first night together without our Lovie.

on this day one year ago

...I posted a little story about Boating Voting!

It made me giggle reading it just now so I thought I'd share the giggle with you. Go forth now and enjoy. ;)

a gorgeous Sunday in Fall

There's so many things I love about this photo below:

As you can see, it's not a gorgeous image or anything. There's nothing special about it, really. Not to the average person. But to me, there's so much I love: the colors from the trees, the fact that the sun is getting ready to slumber, the awesome playground structure, and, of course, the people jumping into action.

I took the photo with my cell phone this past Sunday. We had just gotten done eating a late lunch after a little photo shoot by a lake. It was quite chilly out, but beautiful. Gorgeous, really. A gorgeous Sunday in Fall. Lovie asked if we could stop at the park and we obliged. Why not, right?

Turns out we were the only ones there, which was fine by me. Lovie generally only wants to play with other littles when we go to the park these days, but she was quite content with just hanging with us for some reason. Which we ate up. Taye especially.


We've been together for 13 years now-- Taye and me. There have been hot moments and some downright bitter cold moments. The first year after Lovie was born, things were a little rough. I was so damn tired. I still am but it's different now. Life is different. Lovie is different. I'm different. Watching the two loves of my life interact... it just truly warms my entire soul. And that's what I got to do Sunday during our park visit. I got to sit and watch and take photos and laugh. Man, did I laugh. Because these two are like two peas in a pod. Neither of them needs much sleep, both of them are super damn funny and chatty and outgoing. And they both adore one another.


Lovie and Taye are leaping from the sidewalk on the playgrounds' edge, steps from where I was sitting on a bench. They were being superheroes. I had called for help -- my Kitties were in danger because they made their way to the Monster under the bridge (per Lovie) -- and Superdaddy and Superbaby (I can't believe she still lets us call her Baby. We don't tell her she's a baby because she's not, but we do call her Baby instead of her name most of the time and I'm just really surprised she hasn't yet put the kibosh on that. I hope she never does.) were off to rescue them! Over and over again and again. Poor Taye was exhausted, but kept up with Lovie quite well. I was pretty impressed.



These are them. These are the moments I cherish with all my heart. This is life right here. This is living. I never dreamed it could be this damn beautiful. Stunning, really.

Halloween: I don't think anything will ever out-cute the year of the Monchichi

Girl be pissed looking in 2010-- Quack, quack.

So this kid of mine...

So this kid of mine...

 

this child who makes a smile cover my face just when I think of her... this child who is so much more than I ever imagined... this child who is so damn smart and funny... this child who is quickly approaching 4... this child who is going to be a Pirate tomorrow for Halloween despite not allowing us to leave Costco one day last month without a Rapunzel costume (and wig)... this child who is worried that my hair is still white... this child who can't wait to have a baby come from her tummy one day... this child who is the essence of life, of beauty, of innocence, of purity...

She's said some fun things this year that I haven't really recorded here but probably should. Unfortunately I only started posting her quips to Facebook the other month so this is all I have:

Lovie: Mama can I have some hot chocolate?

Me: How about some warm milk?

Lovie: Well hot chocolate is made with milk so how about some hot chocolate?

 
**********************

Lovie: Mama why is your hair white?

Me: Because I'm getting old.

Lovie: Does that mean you're gonna be dead?

Me, wanting to scoop her into my arms forever: No baby, hopefully not for a long time.   

 

*********************
  
obviously this isn't a real conversation... not really:

Hi my name is Lovie and I'm so excited today is Saturday because that means we're having our tea party!! So because I'm so excited it took me extra long to fall asleep last night and then at 4:30 this morning I got up and came into my mommy and daddy's room because IT'S SATURDAY AND THAT MEANS WE'RE HAVING A TEA PARTY!!!! So what if the party isn't till 3 pm? IT'S SATURDAY AND THAT MEANS TEA PARTY DAY!!!!

**********************

Me: [Lovie], can you pick up the popsicle stick from the floor?

 

Lovie: popsicle?? Did somebody say popsicle?

 

Me, looking at used stick on floor from popsicle she consumed minutes prior: Yes, can you please pick up the popsicle stick and throw it away?

 

Lovie: popsicle?? Yeah sure I'll have another popsicle.

**********************

 

Me: So what do you want for Christmas?

 

Lovie, sitting upright in bed: A baby. I want a baby in my tummy (she pats her belly) because I haven't had a baby come from my tummy yet so that's what I want for Christmas.

 

Me, looking at her and then quickly back down to the books we were reading: Oh honey, it's going to be a long, loooong time before you can have a baby in your belly.

 

 

 

 

 

the pumpkin farm: 2010-2013

very random and emotional

I sit at my desk at work and look at pictures of Lovie-- from her birth announcement to a black and white printout of a shot from the other week's tea party.

I can't help but see how most of the photos are from photo cards with Lovie plastered on them: Easter/Spring, Christmas, Mother's Day, New Year's, Valentine's Day. And then it dawns on me that I haven't done a photo card in quite some time.

It's mid-October. I believe the last photo card I sent was last Christmas.

It's a symbol of the year I've had, I think.

Oma's passing in late March occupied so much of me-- both physically and emotionally, of course. It's been some time since I've last reflected on her (here on the blog). I've shed so many tears, felt so much heartbreak and poured it all out here.

Right now I'm crying... the tears flow once again.

I miss my Oma.

She loved getting the photo cards of Lovie. Any time I would visit her (and my mom), I would see the latest card displayed and I'd always find the others tucked in other places around the house as well.

My Oma and My Lovie: the two most important females in my life.

Wow, I'm incredibly sad right now. I'm not sure why to be honest, but the tears are making it quite difficult to compose this post. The tears and the shaking from trying to hold back the tears.

It's been a while... a long while since I've last reflected on Oma. I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. Just odd that it's happening on such a random fall day.

I guess that's life though, huh?

Freezing time

Bliss is watching your child glow from doing something they absolutely love to do but don't get the chance to do it too often.

This past Saturday we took a long drive out to a friends house for a birthday party for a brand new 3-year-old. The weather, while threatening to rain, actually ended up being quite perfect. Especially for two hours of pony rides. There was Dolly (left) who was bigger and so pretty and then there was Macaroni (right) who was dolled up like a unicorn, of course. What birthday party is complete without a unicorn?!

Lovie was in heaven during all of the party. Aside from the two hours of pony rides, there were leaves with kid-size rakes to be raked, pizza and cake, and a sandbox.

But the absolute highlight was seeing her face washed with a smile around those ponies.

***************************

Bliss is watching a lonely old man realize how loved and cared for he really is.

This past Sunday we threw a surprise party for my dad's 80th birthday. It wasn't very lavish and there were only about 25 people (local family) in attendance, but it was perfect because the surprise was an absolute success-- in the end.

My dad almost ruined the surprise by driving downtown instead of being home when my nephew went to pick him up, but luckily my nephew called him and ordered him back to the burbs where the party was being held in a pizza place near Lovie's school. We all watched from the party room (located upstairs) when my dad finally arrived and started frantically waving his arms around while his face got red because of whatever he was bitching about to my poor nephew. Something about how he had to rush everywhere because  "nobody can-ah answer the phone-ah when [he] calls-ah."

Seeing his reaction after he opened the door to the party and after everyone shouted SURPRISE made my heart fill with so much warmth. He looked so happy, so pleasantly surprised, as everyone lined up to give him a hug and wish him a Happy Birthday.

There was lots of laughter, running around, frosting being thrown, tickles... We had calamari, spinach dip and tortilla chips, salad, pasta, pizza and pop.

Several people told me how great it was for me to throw the party and while that was sweet of them to say, I just don't understand why it's a big deal. The man turned 80. Granted 80 isn't 100, but 80 is still a big friggin deal. Why not let someone know you care about them today before it's too late?!

I mean, I didn't throw it to be thanked. I didn't throw it because it was expected. I threw it because a) he's old and turned EIGHTY, b) he needs to understand that people really do still care about him even though he's living in a retirement home and doesn't always hear from us. And all of that was very much accomplished so yay!

***************************

Bliss is feeling your baby girl's hand reach for your hand to hold onto while she drifts to sleep.

This love of mine did just that this morning at about 4:30 after she came in our room because she had to go potty. After she did her business, she sleepily said, "I go sleep in mama and daddy's bed now" while she slumbered into her room to grab her pillow and Grandmabear. She climbed up into our bed and planted herself in the middle between Taye and me, and a couple minutes later, she took my hand, which was near my face, and held onto it while she brought it closer to her. Slowly I could feel her grip lessen as she drifted off to sleep.

***************************

There are times when you wish you could just freeze time. These are some of mine lately. What are some of yours?

a couple conversations and a quick tea party review

"Mama, am I still three and a half?"

"Yes, baby. You've got a couple more months till you're four. Remember, first there's Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then right after Christmas is..."

"My birthdaaaaaaay!"

"Yup."

"And for my birthday, I want to hang a pinyana at the jumpy house."

"A piñata?"

"Yes, a pinyana. Because yesterday the other day when we went to Target to get you coffee, Daddy and me saw the pinyana and that's what I want at my birthday party in the room with the pizza and cake not by the jumpy things."

"You got it, love."

"Mama, your hair is still white."

"Yes, you're right. It is. Why?"

"Well you can't be my mommy wif white hair."

"I will always always always always be your mommy, you hear?"

"But if your hair isn't like mine then you can't be my mommy."

"Well maybe I'll color it green."

Lovie looks at me, mouth ajar as I smile.

"I'll still be your mama with green or white or no hair."

 

****************************************

The Bitty Baby Tea Party was quite the success.

 

Seven little girls, all dolled up with their baby dolls. Tea party sets to play with. Finger foods. Cupcakes.

Lots of pink and purple, lots of giggles (and a little drama), lots and lots of fun.

i never in all my life dreamed i'd ever talk so much about pink and dolls and girly stuff

When I was a young girl, I wasn't a big fan of being a girl. I wanted to be a boy. I refused to wear dresses. I hated playing with dolls. I wanted to ride a BMX bike and play soccer. I wanted little girly girls everywhere to quit whining and acting so damn ... girly.

 

And then, a lifetime later, I found out I was going to be having a girl of my own. My dreams of becoming a mom were about to come true and they would involve Momming a girl.

 

A GIRL.

 

Both Taye and I agreed on limiting the pink stuff. We both agreed she would be who she was and not on the account of what we or the media tells her to be.

 

So her room was very gender neutral--yellow and green and brown. Her clothes and books and toys had very little pink in them. It wasn't easy to stay clear of pink, but it was doable for sure.

 

Then, this little baby started growing, and she started talking and walking and conveying to the world what she liked, who she was:

 

A pink-loving, baby doll-doting, dress/tutu-wearing girly girl.

 

At first, I cringed at all the pink she insisted on. She wanted pink toys, pink books, pink dolls, pink dresses, pink shoes, a pink bike. The more pink she was submerged in, the happier she was.

 

While I cringed at the infiltration of pink in my life, seeing my baby grow into the person she is made the pink very much okay. I can deal with it. The pink, the dolls, the dresses, the ballet, the squeals, the drama. I can deal with it all while wearing a huge smile on my face because I know my girl is who she is because that's who she wants to be. Yes, I've heard her say things like, "Oh that's a boy show" or something, but I've always told her there really wasn't such things only for boys or only for girls. If she wanted to wear boots and play in the mud, she could. If she wanted to wear a tutu and have a tea party, she could. I would and will support her in whatever she likes.

 

So when I saw that House Party was having an American Girl doll party that would provide the chosen hosts with a Bitty Baby doll in exchange for the host throwing a tea party... I absolutely knew this was something I had to do. So I applied and I was giddy. And then I was chosen to host, and I felt these waves of warm sunshine enrapture me because I knew my girly girl would be ecstatic.

 

 

 

 

For weeks now I've been telling Lovie how we were going to have a tea party with her little friends and her new baby doll that would be coming soon. And yesterday, she finally got to meet her new baby.

And a week from tomorrow, we'll finally have our tea party--our pink infused tea party.

And I can't wait!



*Neither House Party nor American Girl asked me to write this. There is no charge to join House Party. I paid nothing for the box of goodies I received. I'm simply stating my opinion on the horrid color of pink and whatever else is posted here. ;)

Daddy's Girl

These two:

They own my heart.

Especially when I see them together.

Last night Taye got home maybe 10 minutes after Lovie and me. This doesn't happen often. Maybe once every other month. More than not, Taye doesn't get home till after Lovie is in bed. Maybe once a week, he makes it home right at bedtime.

Last night we knew Taye wasn't going to be late, but we didn't know how early he'd be. So when Lovie saw him standing there in the laundry room (where the back entrance is)... it was like the heavens had opened up and shined a light on just the two of them. She screamed DADDY! and ran and leapt into his arms and just hugged him and hugged him. Then she looked over at me with the hugest smile before squeezing Taye again. They stood in the doorway hugging for at least four minutes. I should've gotten a camera because it was truly such a beautiful moment but I didn't think it would last as long as it did.

They both were so incredibly happy to just be there in that moment in time. Nothing spectacular going on in the day, no special reason. Just Daddy getting home from work a little early and his baby girl happy to see him.

This is what it's all about. These tiny little insignificant moments.

gush

“She seems so much older than three.”

 

I’ve been hearing this a lot lately.

 

Granted Lovie is just three months shy of four, but still, she’s three.

 

 

The girl has quite the vocabulary and can talk your ear off. She’s been like this since before two, believe it or not. Now though, she’s added spelling and writing her name and a few other words to the mix. And she absolutely loves all books (still), including books on CD in the car and at bedtime.

 

She’s a very smart girl who catches on immediately. She absorbs everything. And I do mean everything (as do most littles).

 

So I think that’s why people have been saying that she seems older than she is.

 

taking over piano duty at the grocery store

 

 

I generally just smile when people interact with her; I find it quite entertaining to watch when it happens, which is pretty much wherever we go. If you give her the time of day, she’ll find something to chat about. She’s a lot like her dad in that respect.

 

 

 

 

I’m glad she’s so social and verbal and communicative. I really am. I’m so proud of her I can’t even put it into words.

 

And my love for her? It truly does expand each and every day. How that’s possible, I have no freaking idea, but it truly does.

 

 

 

Still, when I hear people comment that she seems so much older than she is, a part of me worries. I suppose that’s because I’m a natural born worrier--people have been telling me all my life that I worry too much.

 

I just really want her to love life and live life to the fullest. I don’t want her to seem older because her youth was snatched from her.

 

I don’t want her to become me.

 

But I know she’s not me. I know she’s oh so different than me. She likes pink and dresses and princesses and ballet and tea parties and ponies.

 

 

 

She’s super outgoing and so much fun.

 

So it’s okay that she seems older. Because I know her childhood is still intact. I know her innocence and sense of wonder still remains. And I will do all that I can to ensure that it remains for a long, long time.

 

 

 

It’s just that I want her to remember jumping on the bed...having a popsicle for breakfast on Sunday morning...watching one more episode of Team Umizoomi before bed.

 

I want her to look back fondly on her youth.

 

I want a smile to shine on that gorgeous face when someone talks about childhood and she starts to reminisce.

 

 

I just need to let go of my insecurities from my own childhood, and try not to read into what people say about Lovie.

 

She seems older, yes, but she’s three and a half. Just ask her, she’ll tell you.

 

 

Throwback Thursday: yeah, she's definitely mine.

There's no denying this little is mine.

 

On the left are photos of photos of me when I was itty bitty, once upon a time, 41 years ago (so glad they had color back then!). On the right are photos of my sweet Lovie from three years ago. As you can see, she's kinda my mini me. 

But that's really the only things that are similar between us. She's all girl, all dresses and skirts, all pink, all the time. I'm not anything like that. It's odd how very different she is... but it's also freaking awesome. I love that, at only 3 years and 8 months, this little chica knows who she is and loves who she is: All Girl.

My girl.

so in love

I fell in love with my nephew Jordan when he was around Lovie's current age (3.5+). Of course I loved him when he was born 21+ years ago, but I fell in love with him around 3.5 or 4. I'm guessing that's partly due to the fact that his parents were very much wrapped up in their own turmoil and paid no mind to the children at that time. You know, because kids are so clueless and all.

Then when Jordan was barely 4 and his mom left, I took over as mom. I just had to do it because I promised myself that I would never allow a child in my life (biologically mine or not) to be poorly effected by divorce. I knew I wasn't a cure-all, but I also knew that I would do anything I could to protect their innocence.

I learned a lot from the four years I lived with Jordan... but most importantly, I learned about unconditional love and guidance and nurturing. And how children are incredibly amazing little sponges. I also realized that I absolutely had to become a parent one day. 

It's been over three and a half years now since all of my dreams have come true. Honest to god. No, it's not all roses and puppy dogs and sweet snuggles and giggles. But, overall... it kind of is.

these two & this picture ... what's not to love?

Lovie is my absolute everything, and while Jordan is "only" my nephew and not technically my child, there will always be a special place for him in my heart.

Being a mom is the greatest gift ever. I feel immensely blessed on a daily basis.