TILThisW

I'm a pretty damn good gift giver when I have some time to think about it, and particularly when I think the receiver will be appreciative. See, I've never really been a fan of gift card gifts- giving or receiving. Sure they're nice, but I love getting something a little different, something where I can see the gifter put some time and thought into it. My husband has always been an amazing, unique gift giver. But he's always had a good job to be a little more frivolous, which I think is easier. Me? I've always been poor so I need to find ways to really make my gifts matter. And while I generally don't even give gifts to adults, when you're turning 40, you get a gift. And a fun one, damnit.

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Ever since DORA TOOK OVER THE WORLD, I've sort of dreaded tuning in to kids television. But then my kid started getting older and needed more down time so I started tuning in and avoided Dora (still do damnit!). Lovie quickly fell in love with Nick Jr. (no commercials) and shows like Team Umizoomi, Ni Hao Kai-Lan, and Bubble Guppies. But after seeing how Nick Jr. changed their style a bit... man, they piss me off. But what is scaring the most about all of this, is how much it bugs me. I've taken to writing about it on my blog. And yesterday, I friggin tweeted to Nick Jr. about it. What have I become?!?  I need to get a grip.

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Finishing near the bottom of the pack (#56 out of 62) isn't always so bad... especially when you find a really amazing writing community. That was my "win" this week for absolute sure (finding this community), and I'm stoked to write and read more next week.

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My dad's place is less than 15 minutes from Lovie's school. Who feels like the asshole now? This girl. See, my dad, 78, moved into an independent living community two years ago this June. He's a lonely guy, has been for some time. But he's in amazing shape- like one of the healthiest people I know. So of course he didn't want to move into an old folks home. But he did because he saw that I couldn't really be available for him as much as he wanted and needed. We do our best to make the rounds to family and friends every single damn weekend, but since my parents are divorced, it's really fucking hard to do. We're always spread so thin. So I thought why not give doing dinner with my dad during the week a whirl. Getting there was easy. Getting home was a nightmare. But it was doable. Really doable. And I'm making this promise right here and right now to do this at least once a month, if not every other week. Of course I didn't share this with my dad just yet as I don't need him hounding me in case something doesn't pan out.

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Lovie must've learned about Beaches and Water this week at school (and I keep forgetting to ask them about it- bad mama!). Every day when I pick her up she tells me, "I wanna go to da Beach." When I confirm this is what she said, she replies with, "Yes. I wanna go to da Water." And when I tell her we can do this when we go on vacation, she repeats, "I wanna go to da Beach" cuz she has no clue WTF "vacation" means. And she repeats it over and over again. :) Sometimes we still talk about the "da sun goes down, it gets dark" but for the most part, this week has been all about the Beach and Water.

Will you? Huh??

I haven't watched The Bachelor or the Bachelorette in years, but there are some people and/or things I wouldn't mind giving a rose to the way it's done on the show:

#1 My Lovie, my life, the oxygen I breathe. Will you accept this rose?

#2 My cell phone. I can’t believe I’ve become one of those people but I have a panic attack when you're not by my side at all times. You're my alarm clock, my camera and video recorder most days, and my entertainment when Lovie’s zoned in on Team Umizoomi. Will you accept this rose?

#3 The Keurig. God bless you Keurig maker(s). Will you accept this rose?

#4 The internet. I’d be a complete nothing without you. You're how I met my husband, you're how I pass the time when I’m at work, you help me tell my story every day. Will you accept this rose?

#5 The Wiggles and Laurie Berkner Band. Without either of your CD’s that play over and and over again in the car, car rides would be hellacious with a little someone known as my #1. Will you accept this rose?

#6 Food. Particularly the Junk kind that is horrible for me but yet oh so damn good and tasty and comforting. Will you accept this rose?

4.) On The Bachelor a rose is given to the women he could really see himself spending the rest of his life with. What six things in your life would you like to give a rose to and why?

Wordfull Wednesday: Hi

I can't believe I managed to get this shot with no other kids in it; the park was packed yesterday. I guess 70 degree temps in early March in Chicago will do that. ;)

We had another great visit yesterday. Lovie adores playing with kids. "Hi, da kid!" she exclaimed to a girl, about 6, who stopped to tell me how excited she was that Lovie was wearing the same jacket she has. I would really have a dozen kids if I could; I really do adore kids.

That all said, I was disturbed by something I saw. And I still can't shake it. Very early on in our visit, Lovie had gone off near the biggest slide which is near the regular swings (this park has the regular ones on one side and the baby swings totally opposite). As I hurried after her to stop her from getting pummeled by the big swings, I saw a small gang of kids near the exit of the big slide. They were all on the ground. It confused me for a second (why were they all on the ground? was someone hurt? was there a fight?) but I was trying to stop Lovie so I wasn't quite sure what I was seeing.

By the time I got Lovie and turned back toward the slide exit, I saw more clearly three boys, around 4 or 5 maybe, all on top of another child with long hair. The long haired child was taller than them, but he was under them and as I looked more closely and my heart beated a little faster, the 3 boys got up and the long haired one wiped his face clear of mulch and took off running. I couldn't make out what anyone said; it all happened in the matter of 30 seconds.

I think the three boys were trying to beat up the long haired one. But I'm not sure.

And even so, I should've said something. Even if they weren't beating him up, it seemed rather curious as to why they'd be on the ground like that... and the fact is, I really do think they were beating him up. And it really pisses me off that I didn't say anything. And where the hell were the adults in this situation?? I looked around while spotting Lovie up the platform to the big slide and saw only one or two adults sitting a ways away and there were a good 15-20 kids all over the place.

Next time I'm saying something, dammit.

Just be

We stopped off at the park yesterday, again, after work and school. It was sunny out, but cold- never reaching the 40s. Still, I thought why not take advantage of it being dry and sunny out?

The park we stopped at is on the way home; it's actually just off the expressway exit I take most days. It's a bit of a run down park, especially compared to the others we frequent, but I love how big it is. And empty. Especially when it's colder out.

This is about the third time we've stopped at this one. The first time was last year some time and I quickly discovered that it wasn't the best park for Lovie. But that was then and this is now. It's been a year and my kid rocks the playground these days. She's not intimidated by much of anything as far as playground equipment is concerned. And since this park has mulch down and not a lot of teenagers (shakes cane up in the air) around, I'm OK with letting her do own thing.

Nevertheless it was pretty kick ass to be witness to her making her way around yesterday. She climbed the metal (and cooooooold) curvy ladder thing up to a bridge with NO problems; she hesitated the first time a little and I did spot her but after that first climb, it was like she had done it forever. She walked up and down the bouncy bridge and sturdy bridge. She slid down every slide there- the one meant for littles like her (in photo), the medium sized one for kids a bit older, and the largest one meant for "big kids". The only thing I had to do was help her get up to the platform of the "big kid" slide because she doesn't have the upper body strength yet to hoist herself up- and the metal was DAMN cold. (You can see in that photo above that her hands are very red- bad mama!- because of how cold it was.)

When I was a kid (older than Lovie as I don't remember jack from when I was her age), I LOVED going to the park... I mean, what kid doesn't, right? Even so I loved it and think back fondly of my childhood park visits. But none of those memories include my mom. She just didn't really do much with me.

I hope that's different for Lovie. I hope I'm always in a place (free from work, physically capable, etc) to take her to the park if she wants....To see her face light up when she exclaims, "Ready? Goooo!" as she slides down the slides.... To watch her explore and climb and just be.

My goodness do I love watching this child just be.

 

Oh Nick Jr!!!

I've ranted about this before- how Nick Jr. will just BAM! change their schedule. It's ridiculous because it happens very often, but it's something I've come to expect.

However, this time, you've crossed the line, Nick Jr. And without any kind of warning.

Why on earth would you get rid of Moose and Zee? What the hell is the purpose of showing Dora 16 hours a day? Why is Ni-Hao, Kai-Lan being aired at midnight and not on On Demand?!?

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?

At first I thought it was me. Maybe I was overreacting. It's television for crying out loud. But then the more I looked around, the more I saw angry parents.

You could've at least warned us.

If you and yours enjoy (or enjoyed) Nick Jr's programming and are upset by the drastic changes, check out this petition: http://www.change.org/petitions/nick-jr-bring-moose-and-zee-back

Rubbish-ticle Listicle

Rubbish... Rubbish... oh how I adore the word "Rubbish." :)

10 things I'm Rubbish at include ....

Leaving my kid. I adore being with her and get enough time away from her when I’m at work so scheduling something during my off time from work that doesn’t include her by my side just doesn’t appeal to me… no matter how good it might be for me.

Eating healthy. No matter how much I know most foods I eat aren’t good for me, I can’t stop eating them... even if I want to!

Staying up to date with current events. The news generally depresses me and I’ve found that since becoming a mom, I’ve become even more emotionally reactive to all sorts of stories. So I tend to steer very clear of any current events.

Cleaning the toilet and litter box. I can wipe my girl’s bottom just fine, but I absolutely refuse to clean the toilet or litter box. Thank goodness the husband does it (usually after I beg) or ... blech!

Competing with others. It’s too tiring to be in constant competition with others, trying to constantly one up everyone. I’m more than content with who I am and don’t feel the need to keep up with anyone (other than my 2 year old).

Dressing myself. I just don’t give a shit about my appearance. I’m fat, not much is flattering on me, I have big boobs I try to hide unsuccessfully. So I just wear whatever as long as it’s (pretty) clean. (I do fully admit that this is one thing I would change and hope to change once I come into some extra money and lose some weight. I'm not a fan of looking like a slob; I do tend to feel better when I feel as if I'm dressed "nicer.")

Shopping. I hate it. I hate the crowds, I hate looking at a bunch of shit I can’t afford. I’d much rather sit my fat ass in front of the computer and do my shopping that way.

Socializing. Holy hell is this the number one thing I’m rubbish at. I’m as awkward as they come when it’s time to socializing in person… even if it’s with people I’m comfortable with (except my husband).

Remembering. I have a shit memory. It saddens me sometimes when people talk about their youth, their past and have these awesome stories and I have very few and the things I do remember aren’t funny- or fun- for that matter.

Holding my liquor. It’s pathetic, really. I get buzzed really fast and then want to do nothing but sleep. And if I keep drinking, I’ll start puking. So I just don’t drink.

Favorite photo from February

there's so much i love about this photo- how she looks like she's walking the runway, for example, despite the fact that she was just turning around to show me her new pink tutu on Valentine's Day just after Daddy helped her put it on. but more than anything, i love the way she's absolutely glowing in this photo. pure joy, pure happiness. my heart explodes with love everytime i see this photo.

linking it up with The Paper Mama

Fierce and Forty, take one: The Gift

Another edition: TILTW

* As evidenced by the above photo, Lovie still adores pink and is still as cute as friggin ever. ;)

* I'm beginning to realize exactly how it is that all those parents I've seen tune out their kids, tune them out. It used to boggle my mind when a parent would blatantly ignore their screaming, whining, snotting, whatevering child while, in my head, I was screaming and shaking the Mom to TAKE CONTROL, ALREADY!  I mean, you know and have seen (or maybe have even been) the Mom in Target who is paying her tab with one kid in the cart screaming, one kid hanging on the outside of the cart pulling the kid inside the carts hair, and one kid on her hip crying for the goldfish crackers next to the cash register- all while never once even looking at the kids or telling them to STFU. After two years of parenting, I'm finally getting it now... they don't shut up sometimes! Hehe. When Lovie learns something new and cool to her (which is everything), she talks about it. NON STOP. Last week we stopped at the park but I told her that we had to play fast and leave soon because the sun was going down. Oh man did that open up a can of worms and discussion. And now, every morning and every afternoon during our car rides (and sometimes upon first waking in the morning), I hear "Sun goes down and it gets dark." "Sun goes down and it gets dark, Mama?"  "Sun goes down and it gets dark." "Sun goes down and it gets dark, Mama?" "Sun goes down and it gets dark." "Sun goes down and it gets dark, Mama?" "Sun goes down and it gets dark." "Sun goes down and it gets dark, Mama?" "Sun goes down and it gets dark." "Sun goes down and it gets dark, Mama?" "Sun goes down and it gets dark." "Sun goes down and it gets dark, Mama?"

* I'm fortunate enough that the husband and I are on the same page when it comes to parenting.

* I'm fortunate, period. And blessed. And oh so grateful. Every day... every.day. (On that note, I'd like to say thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts from last week's need for Peaceful thoughts for my friend who lost her mom a week ago. While her mom is finally at peace and no longer having to suffer from ALS, my friend is still, very understandably, in a lot of pain. So really, any Peaceful vibes you can muster are more than appreciated. And for those of us who are fortunate enough to still have our moms or a very special loved one, try to let them know your appreciation a little more this weekend. Be grateful.)

* I gave in and finally purchased Mixed Chicks* hair product for the Loviester. Today is day 6 since her hair has last been washed (she bathes much more often, don't fret), and it still looks great. The curls are much more ... curly than when we weren't using the Mixed Chicks product. So far so good.

* Amazon Prime* (I'm a "guest" of my husband's account) is SCARY. I have to remember that this is REAL MONEY I'm using! (It's also where I purchased the aforementioned- so I paid what MC charges but didn't pay for any S&H and got the product the next day!!)

* Tomorrow is the start of the Fierceness in 2012: my BFF/cousin is turning 40! And I'm so very excited. She's having a dinner party with champagne and cupcakes to follow. :) She's such an amazing, giving person. I'm so very lucky to have had her right by my side these past (almost... for me, at least) 40 years. The gift I'm giving her is a collection of memories from our past all piled into a reusable bag. I found the perfect card to go along with it all and I've written, from my heart, a little ditty about why I've chosen the gifts I've chosen... but mainly I was able to sum up my love and gratitude for her in one phrase which I've bolded in my little ditty: I pray that Lovie has a { BFF/Cousin's name } in her life. I know I'm going to cry tomorrow because I'm already getting verklempt thinking about it... it's just that this chica has always been such an incredibly giving person, always there to listen and give advice. She's one of the most self-less people I've ever encountered and it's more than time for her to find some true happiness and peace in her own life.

* Mixed Chicks and Amazon Prime don't know who I am and have no idea I'm writing about them or linking to them; these are simply my own personal opinions stated because I want to state them.

Still hate it.

One of my favorite photos from 2011 is one I took of Lovie in the dead of summer on July 31st. We were at the park. Yet again. She was on this piece of equipment that is in the shape of a large blue circle that spins, tilted, around and around. Above the spinning circle is a circular bar that also spins. Apparently this piece of equipment (seriously anyone know WTF I'm talking about?!) is for an adult or very tall child to utilize by standing on the blue, spinning, tilted circle/platform, while holding on to the circular bar (kind of looks like a steering wheel) above and spinning. Or something.

All I know for certain is my girl LOVES this thing. She flocks to it every time we go to the park. And if she happens to be on the swings or running around by the slides and sees someone else go to the blue spinning platform thing, she scrunches up her face, points to the blue spinning platform (WTF IS IT CALLED?!?), makes eye contact with me and cries out.

Ha!

Anyway, despite that photo being my favorite, despite the fact that I really do love seeing her play at the park, I still don't miss it... Summer. I still hate it. A lot. And I'm not looking forward to it either. The sweltering heat, the sticky humidity, the sweat moistening every inch (and there's a lot of inches people) of my body. YUCK!!