make it a happy one

I've never been a Valentine's Day celebrator. My dad would, on occasion, surprise me with some little thing- a stuffed bear, a flower, some chocolates. But he hasn't done that in a while. And that's OK. I admit it was super sweet when he did it but then as I grew older and older, it was weird; I was getting something from my dad but nobody else. No love life for a long time makes you feel like a big fat fucking capital L Loser. And getting a little treat from Daddy just doesn't help with those feelings.

Now though...  as a mom? I get it. I get what he was doing and why. He loves me. I'm his little girl. Even though I'm old and have silver hair, I'm still his little girl.

There is one Valentine's Day I do actually specifically remember from when I was like 19ish... so 20 years ago! I went out with a friend and her group of friends to go see Wayne's World in the theatre. We were all excited to see it cuz the skit on SNL was funny as shit. Plus, some of the scenes were filmed in the area this group of people lived (an area I once lived before moving for the millionth time). And we figured a group of us (I'd say there were about 10 of us) could easily get into Wayne's World on Valentine's Day of all days as it's not like it's a "date movie".

We went, we laughed, we snorted (from laughter!), then we went out for coffee (it's what we did before Starbucks) and fries and shit. And we dubbed ourselves The Lonely Hearts Club because we were all big fat fucking capital L Losers without "lovers" to go out with on Valentine's Day. Silly thing is I never really hung out with many of them again- certainly not as a huge group. And believe me, it's not cuz I found someone else to spend my next Valentine's Days with; life just happens that way.

Today, nearly 20 years later (TWENTY FUCKING YEARS?!?! Wayne's World IS TWENTY FUCKING YEARS OLD THIS YEAR?!?!), I still don't really celebrate Valentine's Day.

I mean I do but I don't.

I have a husband now but, in the 12 years (when does this shit happen?!? how can it be 12 years already? how can we be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary this year?!? SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW THIS IS POSSIBLE!) we've been together, we've never celebrated. It's no big deal either.

first Valentine's Day: 2010

Except now we've got this little girl to contend with, to love on, to nurture, to help grow, to snuggle, to smother with hugs and kisses on a daily basis. And we do... oh how we love this little girl with everything we are.

first vday CARD, 2011

Everyday is like Valentine's Day in our home. I'm not kidding. It's pretty gross, but this little girl is magic, I tell you. Magic.

from actual vday, 2011

Not everything is all hearts and rainbows every day, but the love, the hugs, the kisses... that's prevalent every single day. There's just never a shortage!

vday card 2012

So while I don't really give a shit about today being "Valentine's Day", it still is Valentine's Day. And I dressed my girl in a dress with a shitton of hearts that form flowers because of the day.  And I sent her to school with a shitton of little Valentine cards to give to her classmates- along with a couple bag of chips for her little party. And I picked up a little stuffed monkey, tights, a tutu, and a pair of slippers (all pink because that's her thing despite it making me gag) which we'll give her tonight when the three of us are home together and not rushing out the door.

taken in school this morning

Cuz it's Valentine's Day. May as well make it a happy one, eh?

a moment from the day in the life of a 2 year old

Lovetastical Listicle

Valentine's day is tomorrow... but these are thing I love all the time:

1. Her. duh!
2. Him.
3. My little family.
4. My Oma.
5. Hearing her say "Mama"... The way she looks and smiles at me when she sees me in the morning or for the first time when I'm not right by her side... How incredibly, incredibly sweet she is.
6. Sleep (photo is of her sleeping but I really love when *I* get to sleep this soundly).
7. Junk food.
8. Watching TV.
9. the Internet.
10. my "mom story." (please, please go check it out)

Mom Story

I did it! I posted my "mom story," my Journey to Motherhood story onto BlogHer!

I loved writing it and I love Ricki Lake. I don't really care if I win or not; I'm just proud of myself for taking a leap and hitting that publish button on BlogHer's site.

Thanks so much to Just Jennifer for her post which directed me there.

Anyway, if you can, I'd love ... LOVE ... for you to check out my story and leave me any feedback you can on the site. You can check it out by clicking THIS.

Things I've learned this week.

(Last week I did this and I kind of liked it so I think I'll do it again.)

After a fantabulous visit with relatives over the weekend- and more importantly, with my BFF/cousin- she and I have decided on a location and month to go on our Fabulous (just added heh), Fierce, and Forty trip: Naples, Florida. Specifically, The Ritz Carlton in Naples, Fla- right on the dang beach!!

The plan is to go in early August- like the first weekend. We’ll probably meet up there (she’s in NYC, I'm in Chicago) on Friday and go back home on Monday. Originally I thought to go back Sunday (mainly for cost... this is the Ritz Carlton, eh. Not cheap.) but after looking at the resort and reading all the reviews and thinking more about it, I realized I deserve at least two full days in paradise, damnit. It will be hard to leave my Lovie. So hard. I’m actually trying not to think about that part of all of this because I start to well up. Yeah, yeah, yeah everyone needs a break from their kid. It’s good to get away. For both of you. Blah blah blah. I’ve heard it all before. And while I’m sure it will be nice to get away, I have absolutely no problems getting away with my Lovie. Maybe it would be different if I was a SAHM and with her 24/7- literally. But I’m not. I have plenty of time away from her. ANYWAY...

I can’t wait. I really can’t. I’m not a beach person at all. I hate hate hate the heat and humidity and summer. Hate it.   But for some reason, I really want to do exactly this: go to the beach for a couple days with the sun beating down on me and just lay around doing nothing more than eating and drinking and maybe, just maybe even get a spa treatment. That’s it.

Ahhhh I can’t flipping wait.

 

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Spending hour upon hour for weeks and weeks in any “spare” time I have perfecting a baby book is so friggin worth it in the end. Especially when your order is half off* and the end result is pure gorgeous. God I love Shutterfly.

*Shutterfly has no clue I'm writing about them and sharing my love for them. They didn't compensate me in any way. Their half off deal on photo books was given to everyone paying attention, but has since expired. I'm sure they'll have another great offer up and running soon, if they don't already. Cuz they kick ass like that.

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I have surrendered to all things pink. I still hate the damn color but I’ve given in to it. For her.

 

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Thanks to blogging pal, Jennifer, and her Journey to Motherhood story, I’ve discovered a new outlet to occupy my time: BlogHer. (Of course I've heard of BlogHer many moons ago, but I just never wanted to get that involved with blogging.) And I’ve been working on perfecting (haha) my own Journey to Motherhood story… fulfilling one more of the things (writing more) I want to accomplish before 40. Woot.

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10 years is a long time… and enough time to make all my dreams come true.

 

 

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My kid is a lot like her daddy. A lot. Not only does she look a lot like him (thank goodness for his big eyes), but she’s so incredibly smart like him, too. And a bit of a smart ass. Oy, I’m going to be in trouble.

Yesterday when I picked her from school and got her into the car seat, I noticed she had some... gunk … on her face. It kind of looked like glue or something so as I’m trying to wipe it off, I said, “What is this all over your face?” I wasn’t really wanting an answer, I was just talking, you know? Anyway she looks away from me for a second, looks back at me and says, “Nose!”

 

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What have you learned this week? I'd love to hear about it... if you post about it, come back and hit me up with a link so I can check it out.

10 years

Ten years ago on this day, I was

...madly in love with this guy I met via an online personals ad he answered two year prior.

... kinda dreading turning 30.

... dreaming of a day when that guy would pop the question.

... dreaming of a day I'd become a mom.

... dreaming of a day I'd get the hell out of the dead end job I was in.

... worrying about, talking to on the phone with, and spending as much time on the weekends as possible with my little munchkin man booger butt 9-year-old nephew of mine.

... looking forward to when this guy I fell in love with would drive 70 miles out to my place on a Friday after work in horrendous Chicago rush hour traffic to be with me again.

... having lots of sex with this guy I fell in love with.

... unknowingly about to be surprised with a dream vacation to MAINE in October (prime foliage season, yo!) with that guy I fell in love with.

Life was pretty damn good 10 years ago. It was all still new and fresh. It wasn't anything like it is now, today, 10 years later. Nope.

Today... 10 years later... 

 all of my dreams have come true. 

What about you? What was up with you 10 years ago?

Wordless Wednesday: Boxed in

linking up with The Paper Mama

PYHO: done

I completed one of the things I wanted to get done this year before turning 40 in September: I created, ordered, and received year one of Lovie's books. (It turned out better than I thought! Thank you sweet baby Shutterfly!)

During the compilation of the book, I noticed something that I've noticed on more than one occasion... we have very few pictures of Lovie with her Daddy's side of the family.

And here's the thing: They live 20 minutes away in the same damn city as us.

Yet we visit my family, who are split up (my parents) and in completely different areas, on the weekends. I make it a priority to see my family at least once a month. That means one weekend we haul our asses an hour and a half out to the boondocks to see Oma and my mom, and another weekend we drive about 30 minutes away to visit my dad.

But when do we see the in laws?

Why don't they come over?

Why don't we go to visit them, too?

Are the answers to these questions MY responsibility? This last question is one I'm seriously asking and seriously wanting an answer to. If my husband, who is more than able to pick up the phone and arrange things with his family, doesn't attempt to see his family am I supposed to? For the sake of Lovie?

I mean, if my husband was disabled or something, I can see this being my responsibility, but he's a quite capable man.

Before Lovie was in the picture, it didn't bother me much that we rarely saw them; I really dislike going over there. (They are not bad people and I really do feel bad writing this because I'm sure it seems as if I dislike them personally- which is NOT the case. I know they love and adore Lovie and I know they probably don't mean to make it seem like they don't care...) It's always ridiculously hot, they never open a window so there's a stench in the air and that plus the temperature seem to wrap itself around your throat. Plus it's a tiny place and crammed with 30 years of crap everywhere since MIL is a bit of a hoarder. So now when we do actually get over there with Lovie, there's absolutely nothing for Lovie to do and nowhere for her to go so that her and I are huddled around the coffee table in the living room while the rest of them are in the dining room. It's stupid. I know they're family and I really do want Lovie to know ALL of her family (she knows them but she never talks about them the way she does my family because she actually sees my family at least once a month opposed to once or twice a YEAR) but it's like there's no effort made by them.

And I know they love her to pieces so pick up the fucking phone and tell your son you want to see your ONE AND ONLY grandbaby already!! Because frankly, I'm done bringing it up. Lovie's first year, I brought it up a lot; then last year, I stopped bringing it up so much; and this year... I'm just done.

All that Matters

I hate pink.

I've never been a fan of girly girls, either. You know the ones that squeal and giggle at everything? While wearing pink?

I mean, yeah I'm a female. I have big boobs and long hair, too. But I hate pink and I dislike girly girls. Always have, always will.

Except for one girly girl.

Mine.

See, while I hate pink and dislike girly girls, it seems that my girl loves pink and is a girly girl. At least right now at age 2.

She loves playing dress-up in the pink princess play dress (there's also a yellow one but she has to have the pink one) they have at school. So much so that the other day when we were leaving school, she flipped out when one of her BFFs was asking the teacher for help to put on the pink princess dress. "I want pink princess dress!" Lovie shrieked as her eyebrows burrowed deeply and she latched onto one end of the dress, starting a tug of war.

She loves the color pink so much so that when I dressed her in pink jeggings (yes, I said jeggings- they're damn cute on 2 year olds) on Saturday she squealed in delight- like a girly girl- and said, "pink pants!!"

"Yes baby, pink pants. You like pink, huh?"

"Yessss!" she answered with a smile washing over her face.

"What's your favorite color?"
"Pink!!"

"Of course it is," I replied.

She wins.

The husband and I agreed from the day we found out we were having a girl that we wouldn't bring pink into the house- at least not until she started asking for it.

Well, it's time.

She hasn't really come right out and asked for pink stuff but the color makes her so happy that I'm giving in. Just yesterday during my lunch break at Walmart, I bought her some leggings, a tutu, and a stuffed monkey- all for Valentine's day and all in pink.

And when we got home, I set up her pink princess tent (check out her socks- they're pink and white striped!).

A part of me wonders if she'd still love pink so much if we had inundated her with it from birth. You know- pink sheets on the crib mattress, pink pack n play, pink pink rattles, pink onesies, pink sleep n plays, pink socks, pink bibs, pink high chair, pink car seat, pink stroller...

But the thing is... my girl?... my girly girl who loves pink and princesses?... she's happy and smart and funny, and, did I mention happy?!?

And that's all that matters to me.

 

Passions: the Listicle

Passions. What are my passions? What am I passionate about? Hmmm.

Obviously she's my number one passion. Clearly that's pretty obvious around here.

But so is being a mom. I'm very very passionate about being a mom. I love it. More than anything- well not more than her, but yeah. I love being a mom. It's something I waited a long time to be and it's like a dream come true for me.

Writing is another passion. Without it, I wouldn't be. I'm pretty certain of that.

And then there's Bryan Adams. Yeah, I'm sure eyes are rolling and that's fine. You have your passions, I have mine. And he's one of them.

As is my Oma. I love this woman so, so much. I just... she means so much to me. So much so that she definitely belongs closer to the top of my list.

As does my passion for kids, in general. The pureness... the innocence... the wonderment. I'm very passionate about kids and wish I could do more with kids. Like ensure that every child grow up in a loving, nurturing environment with plenty of food on the table. Oh what I wouldn't do to make that happen.

Oh how it's good to be back to the Listicle way of Mondays! Woot, woot!