TILTW: 2 week edition

Last week I skipped out on TILTW so I'll combine the two... not that there's a heck of a whole lot going on or anything. Let's get on with it.

* We turned Lovie forward facing a couple weeks back and it's been really awesome. She talks non-stop (nothing new), she sings at the top of her lungs (so damn cute), it's so much easier getting her in and out of the car...

* Got an awesome shade for her window. We've gone this long without- can you believe it?  But there's been times when the sun just lays on her so I had to do something. This shade kicks ALL sorts of ass.

* Along with the shade, we ordered a water faucet extender thingie that also kicks so much ass. Lovie adores washing her hands and brushing her teeth now because she can "DO IT ALL BY MYSELF!"

* Brushing teeth has finally become just a normal thing to do. I used to have to lay her down on the floor and brush her teeth for her but now we just brush our teeth together. It's freaking adorable. I ask her to HELP ME and get my tooth brush and toothpaste and she enthusiastically does, then brushes alongside me. Someday she may even learn how to spit! ;)

* This little chica adores doing things on her own. She helps get the milk out, she takes off her clothes and puts them in the hamper, she puts her shoes away, she helps dust, she helps with laundry, etc, etc. I can't wait till she does dishes and her own laundry!! ;)

* I need to stop saying "Okay?" when I need her to do something. YES: It's time to get going now; say good-bye to Daddy. NO: It's time to go, Okay? Give dad a hug and kiss, Okay?

* I still abhor hot weather.

* I cannot freaking BELIEVE tomorrow is SEPTEMBER!

Confidence

Here's the thing: I'm not a perfect person by any shape of the imagination. Never have been, never will be. And that's OK. That's a part of who I am. But I'm also not a person who really cares much about what other people think or say or do. I mean, of course I care, especially when it's affecting me or mine, but if I can't change something, I don't really put much energy into it. (It's taken me an insane amount of time to truly live my life like this because, again, I'm not, nor have I ever been, perfect.)

 

That all said and done, I've never been one to really worry about my Parenting.

 

Again, I'm not a perfect person and this holds true in every single aspect of my life including Parenting. But just because I'm not perfect at it, doesn't mean I can't rock it. And frankly...

 

I'm a Rockstar Parent.

 

I love being a Mama. I love it with everything I have, everything I am. The moment she was placed into my arms, I knew that parenting was what I was meant to do in my life.

 

And I kick ass at it.

 

I'm not saying I know everything about Parenting. It doesn't mean I'm some expert. It doesn't mean I don't read books and blogs and articles and comments on Parenting. It doesn't mean I can't afford to learn more about Parenting.

 

But it does mean that while I don't really give a shit what the Joneses are doing, I do care about what kind of parent I am- and that's a damn good one with the confidence to say so out loud.

1.) Share something your child taught YOU about parenting.

WW: Scenes from the zoo

(i find it quite amusing that my hair matches the penguin. also, Lovie's wearing two different dresses cuz she kinda sorta peed thru the yellow-green one.)

Tales of the Spoiled one.

Lovie was never the snuggling type of baby. I mean, she loved being held when she was itty bitty but once she got a taste of rolling around at about 3 months old, she seemed to always be super content doing her own thing.

Sitting by herself at 5 months was the bee's knees of course... until she started crawling just before 7 months. Then she never sat still and rarely sought comfort in a lap or someone's arms.

It wasn't till she was about 13 months old- after walking for several months- when Lovie finally started to slow down a little bit. All of a sudden she seemed to love to snuggle- especially when she was tired or sick.

I ate it up.

I still eat it up today even though she's inching her way toward THREE (just four months and one day, people!).

Every single time we're together, she finds her way on top of me.

 

 

Even if Taye and I are home at the same time and sitting on the couch or if we have guests, mine is the lap she always chooses.

 

She jumps on me, she lays on me, she sits on top of me, she sits right next to me, she slides down my legs, she wraps her arms around me, she looks me in the eyes when she tells me something, she smiles at me, she laughs with me...

 

"Sometimes I wonder if she's too attached," I tell my husband.

 

"She loves you," he answers, looking down at his cell phone.

 

"Well, yeah, I know that and I'm really not complaining."  And I'm not. Really, I'm not.

 

She doesn't freak out (much and/or usually) when I leave her at school. She leaps into my arms most days when I pick her up. She just really seems to like to be around me as much as I love to be around her.

And I'm so damn grateful for that.

 

But then my dad will tell me that I'm spoiling her, that I give her too much attention. And I think about nephews and nieces and how they were raised. I think about the fact that I have no real concrete memories of being a kid before my parents' split.

 

And I realize that if snuggling with my child, if listening to my child, if conversing and laughing with my child, if guiding and nurturing my child, if feeding and bathing my child is spoiling, then hot damn is it gonna get stinky up in this joint.

 

Welcome to the Future

In case I forget...10 signs it's Two Thousand Twelve:

 

 

* Mr. Rogers is dead and Dora won’t shut the fuck up.

 

 

* Neil Armstrong is in the news… because he passed away. L

* Smart phone: I’m in instant contact with anyone via phone, text, email, social media; I can look anything up via google; I can order anything via Amazon, etc... All without moving more than my finger and hand.

 

* My hair is gray.

 

* A new car costs more than a new house did when I was born.

* I have friends. (Thanks be to the internet.)

* I’m married and have a kid.

 

* 21 Jump Street is (was) a movie on the big screens.

* I have a mortgage.

* Lovie can watch whatever show she wants when she wants, and can be heard saying things like “no I don’t want you to pause it” and be referring to live TV.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Retro Friday

Won't be around today...

 

Yeah sorry but the hubs, the doll, and I are taking advantage of free parking, free entrance, free dolphin show, and free lunch at the zoo today (thanks to my job).

But click on that there photo of my Lovie from a year ago and check out a post from one year ago today. (she was SO little and i thought she was so big then!)

so glad you're back!

Forever now, we've been reading to Lovie any chance we could.

It started right after we found out she was a girl and I picked up a book that soon became my favorite: I Love You So...  I read that book every night whilst Lovie curled up inside of me. And, a couple weeks after she was born (after we got into a groove with her schedule and whatnot), we started reading to her again and soon, it became part of her bedtime routine.

Shortly after learning to walk and turning one, Lovie even started requesting we read to her:

can you believe how little she once was? WOW was she cute. still is but WOW.

Which, of course, we obliged.

Happily.

Joyfully.

Life is amazing with a little one sitting in your lap listening to you read, looking at pages, etc. Amazing and beautiful and perfect.


Shortly after Lovie turned two, bedtimes became a struggle and she lost interest in us reading to her. We implemented a new routine which allowed her to do what she wanted for a couple minutes before bedtime and soon, bedtimes became less of a struggle again.

But we weren't reading.

Occasionally she'd ask us to read on the weekends but for the most part, books just sat on the shelf.

It made me sad; I really missed reading to her.


The past couple of weeks, something has changed with Lovie again. Now, she'll ask, "Can I sit in your lap and you read to me?"

"Of course, baby!" I say, scooping her up and into my lap.

She's such a big girl now. She now sits there and "reads" (or sings) along with me. She now asks questions and points to different things in the book in such a Big-Girl-no-longer-baby way.

And I love it.

Life is amazing with a little one sitting in your lap listening to you read, looking at pages, etc. Amazing and beautiful and perfect.

Welcome back!

WW: Sneek a Peak into our future

coming this October

coming this December (i think)

both images courtesy of google images

this is why i should've used the self checkout lane at the grocery store

“Is your hair naturally…”

“Yes,” I answered before the cashier finished her sentence, expecting her to be asking if it was naturally curly since I get asked that a lot.

“Gray?”

Did she just ask me if my hair was naturally GRAY? Are you fucking kidding me? Is there someone behind me?

I quickly toss my curls in a way that allows me to look behind me for a moment to make sure nobody’s there. Nope, nobody but me.

“It’s so pretty,” she continued.

Really? My GRAY hair is pretty? PRETTY? GRAY?

“Thanks,” I smiled and then admitted, “I thought you were asking if it was naturally curly, but, yes the gray is natural, too.”

I mean, do people color their hair gray ON PURPOSE (coolio celebs excluded, of course)?

“You’re very lucky. I’ve been coloring mine for 30 years now to cover the gray.”

I smiled. I am lucky but certainly not because of my GRAY hair.

“Yeah I stopped coloring mine when I got pregnant.”

“Oh are you pregnant now?” She looks down at my belly.

THIS CONVERSATION KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER!!! WILL YOU PLEASE BE MY NEW BEE EF EF?!?

“Uh no. That was 3 years ago.”

“Oh well I love it. It almost looks frosted.”

FROSTED?!? WHO FROSTS THEIR HAIR ANYMORE?!? HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM?!??

I stuff my debit card back into my wallet.

“I want to stop coloring mine but I’ve asked the colorist if it will be full gray if I stop and she says yes. So I keep on coloring.”

I smile.

“But I cheat and take those touch up boxes and have my 18 year old just add it to any gray she sees every coupla weeks.”

“Oh that’s a great idea! I’ll have to keep that in mind for when my two and a half year old is able to do that. Then maybe I’ll start coloring my hair.” Take that mother to 18 year old! My kid’s only 2.5! See, I’m really not that old after all!

“No don’t start coloring it. It’s not solid gray and it really does look so nice.”

“Well, thanks. I’ve never had anyone tell me that they actually LIKE my gray hair so I’ll take it.”

“I actually don’t LIKE gray hair,” she says giving me my receipt. “But yours is so pretty because it’s not solid. If mine could look like that I wouldn’t color it. Don’t start!”

 
Two weeks away from turning 40, guess what’s on my mind?

WHO’S GONNA WASH THAT GRAY RIGHT OUTTA MY HAIR?!?

Just kidding. I've grown to love my natural hair (until someone asks me if I'm Lovie's Grandmother).

too soon Monday

I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a homebody.

Maybe it's because I work full time outside of the home, maybe it's because I'm a lazy fuck. Whatever the reason, I thoroughly enjoy weekends when we have little planned.

This past weekend was anything but...

Saturday we took Lovie to gymnastics where I realized that 2.5 is the age to start such a class. She absolutely loves participating and learning and listening to the teachers. Watching her follow along to instructions is just so awesome to experience. There's lots of I can't do it!'s but that's always followed by excited, I did it!!'s.

She plays hard and then naps hard.

After her nap following lunch after gymnastics, Lovie and I headed out to a birthday party for a one year old boy of a friend of mine. We spent several hours there and Lovie, again, had a great time. She's just so happy and awesome. I just adore watching her interact with others.

enough already. where's MY piece of cake?

Noon yesterday (Sunday), we headed out to my cousin's house an hour and half away for another party (for my cousin's 5 year old). Lovie napped in the car and when asked if she was ready for another party, she popped her eyes open and out we went into the backyard for the rest of the day.

Despite lots of bugs and bees everywhere, a great time was had.

When we got home, it was already bedtime but I did let her watch one Little Einsteins episode (this kid is addicted to TV!).

After a couple books, it was lights out for Lovie, and soon me.

And now it's Monday. Already. That's why I like staying home and doing whatever, whenever most weekends... Mondays seem to take a bit longer getting here than when we're super busy.

TILTW: 8.11-8.17

* I can no longer eat these damn things:

* Forward Facing Lovie is so much easier than having her Rear Facing. I still feel that she'd be safer if she was rear facing and in the center, but she's getting so big and it was becoming really hard to communicate with her. I don't feel these are good reasons to forward face a one year old, but she's making her way toward three and is pretty big for her age.

* I enjoy having a clean car (after Taye moved the seat, I went and vacuumed the hell out of it).

* Lovie isn't ready to potty train quite yet. We tried last Friday - the whole day - but it was a big fat fail. I was super proud of my Lovebug; she did an amazing job of being super excited and compliant with going to the potty (hate that word) every 20 minutes. But she just doesn't care if she pees herself and won't release on the toilet. I'm not worried or anything; I think we'll give it another go Labor Day weekend.

* I really do believe Two and a Half is the bomb diggity. At least with my 2.5 year old. Her communication skills are incredible (they have been for a year now but hot damn it doesn't slow down!) and she's just a damn joy to be around. That said, the INSTANTANEOUS FREAKOUTS over who knows what are kinda nuts. Love it all, though!! :)

* I've come to terms with being "OK" if I were to get pregnant again. We're team One and Done all the way, but if it were to happen, I'm finally at a place where I'd be OK with it. Up till now, I was absolutely terrified of getting pregnant again.

* I fucking LOVE my new header... oh, and, while on the topic of the blog, I need only ONE more follower to hit 200. Who will it be??

early memories

I was 6 years old and it was my birthday.

My older brother and sister and I stood with my maternal grandparents outside of the airport waving to a huge plane off in the distance. My parents were going to Italy, we were going back home with my grandparents.

I thought we might die that day as we left the airport because my grandfather- proud, strict, and very European - ignored the 10 MPH signs that were plastered, along with skid marks, on the walls of the never ending corkscrew exit.

We did make it home and there were presents. My own little gumball machine!

When my parents came home, they gave me a big doll that laughed like a real live little girl after you threw it up into the air. I hated dolls but that one was pretty badass.


Up until very recently, this was my earliest childhood memory.

I often get jealous when I hear people talking about their childhood. I just don't remember much of anything. There are bits and pieces- riding bikes to the park, getting ice cream from the ice cream truck, fighting with my siblings- but nothing too concrete. Well, not before my parents' separation when I was 9. It's like that's when I was born or something and it sucks ass because life, for me, wasn't very much fun- or childlike- after their relationship started crumbling.

It is what is though. All I can do now is try to learn from it and move forward.

It's a big reason behind blogging for me.

The thought of Lovie growing up and having unanswered questions keeps me plugging along. There's so much shit she's going to have to go through, remembering her childhood shouldn't add to it. You know?

3.) Share your earliest childhood memory. How old were you? Why was it memorable?

Let's talk about sex, baby.

With my portable cassette player in hand, I walked through the house singing along with my latest favorite song: “I knew a girl named Nikki, I guess you could say she was a sex fiend. I met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine.”

“What did you just say?!”

Mama was standing straight as a board, her hands submerged in soapy water at the kitchen sink. Her eyes stabbed me.

I pressed the stop button on the cassette player and asked, “What?”

“What did you just say?”

“Nothing, I was singing.”

“What did you just sing?”

Thankfully her hands remained in the sink.

“Prince,” I answered. “The song about Nikki.”

“Play it back,” she demanded.

I pressed the button with the two arrows pointing to the left for a couple seconds as the machine whined a bit, then pressed the play button again.

…met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a…

“Stop it!” Mama snapped, her tone forcing me to press the stop button. “That word! What does it mean?!”

Mama’s face was getting tighter and I knew she wasn’t happy with me.

“You sing it to me,” she said, dropping her shoulders and looking back into the sudsy water.

“I knew a girl named Nikki I guess you could say she was a sex fiend. I met her in a hotel lobby masturbating…”

“That’s the word!”

“'Masturbating'?”

“What does it mean?” she asked, her hands diving in and out of the water.

I looked down at the black cassette player and pressed the eject button. The cassette door popped open and I took out the white cassette.



via google imagies

"Why don’t you look it up in the dictionary?”

“Oh mama, I don’t wanna! Can’t you just tell me what it means?”

“Christina,” she spat in her thick German accent, sounding more like Greasetina rather than Christina. “Get the dictionary.”

“Fine!”

I opened the junk drawer in the cabinet I was standing next to and found a fat, red-covered paperback book with tan pages that I fanned through.

“I don’t see it.”

“Give me the book.” She dried her hands on a towel, tossed it on the counter, and stretched out her open hand.

“It’s M. A. S. T. YOU.”  She pointed down at a word while handing the book back.

“It says ‘to practice masturbation’.”

“OK look up that word.”

I found the word and read the definition which included words like “erotic” and “genital organs” and "orgasm”. Words that were hard for me, at 12, to figure out how to say let alone read aloud… especially to my mother.

“If you don’t know what the word means, don’t use it,” Mama said, feverishly washing the dishes again.

I’m not sure when the definition finally clicked for me; I just couldn’t seem to wrap my head around how Nikki would masturbate with a magazine.

Such simple times.

so uh

...thoughts on the new header?

i loved the one previous (see below)

that had only been up for a couple weeks or so but this new one way up on top? i LOVE.

what about you?

My Home

I used to come here and gush all about her...

my Lovie.

I'd go on and on about all that she was learning and how fast she seemed to be growing. I'd marvel over her adorableness in photos I'd share any chance I could.

But then I kind of stopped.

It seemed like I wasn't getting as many comments when I gushed about my lovebug... not like I would when I made lists or tried my hand at fiction or other writing, which I absolutely love doing.

But the thing is, she is what makes me get up every morning.

Yeah, it used to be writing and getting all my thoughts down. And while that still does help today, there's so much more to me than writing. It's all about her.


I recently went away for three days and three nights. I left my Lovie in the hands of Taye, my husband (and her daddy). I knew she would be well taken care of. But a part of me was so afraid to leave. All the worse case scenarios popped in my head and I feared that I may not return home to my Lovie.

Mama, Lovie, Taye at the Wiggles show.

But then I realized this could happen at ANY moment.

I didn't just realize it when I went away; I've known for a very long time that tomorrow is not guaranteed. I feel like I've really tried living each day believing this- that tomorrow isn't guaranteed.

actual view from our room

So I went on that trip and I had the time of my life... and I missed the shit out of my Lovie. I watched kids and babies playing in the sand and water, laughing and having the time of their lives... and my heart ached to see my Lovie.

Lovie. with Mama poking out from behind at the Wiggles show.

And when my flight going home was cancelled for the day and another flight couldn't be booked till the next day? I wanted to just cry. Trying to find another flight home and get a hotel voucher for the night, the lady behind me was just wanting to get the voucher for the hotel room so she could "lock her kids up" when I just wanted to get home to my kid- to wrap my arms around my kid, to smother her with kisses.

Lovie and me at the Wiggles show

Lovie is my life. Plain and simple.

I am my own person, yes, but I'm her Mama. First and foremost, I. Am. Her. Mama. And there's nothing... NOTHING... in this world that could take that away from me. Nothing can make me feel guilty about wanting to watch her learn and grow every single day. Nothing can make me feel guilty for not wanting to be away from her.

Yes, my time away was very enjoyable... I slept in till 9AM one day! There was no diapers to change, no food to make for anyone. I laid on the beach and in the water for three straight days. The sun burnt my skin to the point that it's now grossly peeling. Cabana boys were at my beck and call. IT WAS FANTASTIC! I'm glad I went.

how we've basically spent the last several days- she's glued to me at all times. and i like it like that.

But I was even more happier to see that Lovie of mine when I finally got home.

She is my home.

Photos of heaven on earth.

Back from my trip.

A most amazing time was had... more so than I ever imagined was possible.

Flight coming home was cancelled so I didn't get home until yesterday afternoon opposed to Monday so I'm nowhere near non-vacation mode, yet. (In fact, all photos are from my cell phone as the ones on my regular camera have yet to be downloaded.)

i may or may not have gotten a wee bit too much sun on my nose and chin

But I'm home and so incredibly happy to be back with my Lovie (though would be more than happy to return back to Heaven on Earth in a heartbeat!).

TILTW: 7.28-8.3

* I'm the only person in the universe who's not going to #BlogHer12.

* That's OK cuz I'm going to #RelaxHer12. In fact, I'm on my way there right now! Holla!

* I'm also the only person in the universe who doesn't really give a shit about the #Olympics.

* That's OK cuz Samuel L. Jackson (yep, The) is on the Twitter and gives the best updates anyway so I'm clearly not missing much.

* Not too much else matters this week, except that I'll miss my sweet lovebug terribly. This isn't about guilt, it's about just wanting to be with that little girl every chance I get. But I'll come home and scoop her up into my arms and life will be better than ever.

Princess Cow Girl

Last night as Lovie and I played Grocery Store in her room for a few minutes before bed, I asked her what her favorite thing about Summer has been so far.

"Mmmm," she hummed, playing with her cash register. "Cawh Ga."

"What's your favorite thing about summer?" I asked again, not certain what the heck she was saying.

"Mmmm," she puts her finger to mouth to indicate she's thinking. "Cawh Ga!"

"Your favorite thing about summer is 'cawh ga''?"

"Nooo... Cawh. Gurl."

"Oh, COW GIRL?!"

"Yesss." Giggles.

"Your favorite thing about summer is Cow Girl?"

"Yes, cow girl. I wish I could ride a horse."

WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?!

Then it dawned on me that I've been asking her a lot lately what she wanted to be for Halloween and proving her Two-and-a-half-ness, she answered my question about Summer as if I was asking about Halloween. I guess!

"You want to be a Cow Girl for Halloween?"

"Uh huh," she says smiling super big. "And I wish I could ride a horse!"

"Hm, well okay. But what about Summer? What's something that we've done that you really like? You know, like how we went to the zoo and saw the dolphins..."

"Oh dolphins! They dance and jump to the orange ball!"

"Yes, or how we went to the beach. Did you like going to the beach?"

"I like the beach and the sand with Mama and Daddy."

"So what was your favorite?"

"Mmmm..." finger goes up to her mouth. "I wish I could be a princess."

And that was the end of the conversation about Summer and cow girls and princesses.

So... I will take it upon myself to answer the question for her since she's my kid and I know what really was her favorite thing (so far) about this hellaciously hot summer: The Dolphin Show at the zoo.

And how do I know this was her favorite thing about the summer since she insisted it was being a Cow Girl? Because of this face:

That face is what transpired as we sat in the steaming hot arena waiting for the show to officially start... as she pointed to the dolphins that were right there in front of her...swimming, dancing, jumping.

Plus, she does talk about the dolphins swimming and dancing and jumping for the orange ball on occasion, too.

So that's what Lovie's favorite thing about this Summer has been.

And now, I guess I need to start looking for a Princessy Cow Girl costume for Halloween.

Leaving

In just a couple days I'll be going away for several nights. I'm flying into "Paradise" and meeting my BFF/cousin. Together we'll cab it to a beach location where we'll do as little as possible for three days and nights. We're doing this together because this is the year we both turn 40.

Age is just a number but for some reason, turning 40 is a big deal to me. Maybe it's such a big deal because, for the most part, I really enjoyed my 30s. I felt really true to myself in my 30s. Maybe it's such a big deal because I could be considered middle aged. Or maybe it's because I can finally, for the first time in my life when turning another century old, look back and smile.

Regardless of the whys, I've never really made a big deal about any of my birthdays, nor have I had anyone else make a big deal about it. No surprise parties or lavish gifts for me. And I wanted it to be different this time so all of that adds up to booking a trip to Paradise.

Doesn't it sound ridiculously wonderful?!?

It does, I know ... but ... I'm going alone: No husband, no child.

I love my husband and all but he's not the one I'm thinking about today. It's her. My Lovie.

I know people leave their kids all the time to do things without them. I understand that and I understand people wanting that break. But I don't. I don't want that break. I get enough of that break Monday thru Friday when she goes to school and I go to work for nine hours.

Would I feel differently if I didn't work outside of the home? Maybe, maybe not. It's tough to say because the thing is, I've waited so long to be mama to this little girl and I just want to soak up all of it. Every bit of it. The good and the bad. The screaming and the laughter. It's all a part of who she is and I want every last drop of it. Because one day, she'll be turning 40 and then what? Then she'll have her own life and want her own celebration.

I'm just a little nervous about this trip. It's only for three nights but it will be the first three nights away from her and... I already miss her.

...and I can't stop wondering about what if something goes wrong.

There, I said it.

I know that's not a good way to think but dear god almighty will she know, believe, understand, comprehend how much she meant to me if I don't return? How much she's loved and adored and cherished? Is she at the age where she could remember me if something happens? Will the photos tell a proper story of how she's absolutely everything to me? My sunshine? The air I breathe?