June 28, 2013

TILTW: 6.22-6.28

I still hate summer, even when there's a pool involved. Okay, maybe it's not too bad if I can submerge my body in water all day long, but the reality is I can't do that every day so I still hate summer.

It's not just the heat and humidity I hate, it's the fucking bugs. I hate bugs. Especially when they bite me and make my feet swell and leave strange markings on my body while creating itching itching itching... which results in a trip to Immediate Care for steroids and antibiotics.

Fuck summer.

We're halfway to Christmas!! : ) and halfway (tomorrow) to Lovie turning F O U R!!!


June 26, 2013

i hate beer

So I decided to start a new blog. I'm NOT shutting this one down because the world would be so unhappy without Lovie updates and pictures, this I know. Rather, I'll post non-Lovie-related stuff on this other blog called, Other Than Lovie.

It's on Wordpress which I haven't used in like 10 years so ... this could all be very interesting.

Feel free to check it out. Or not.

It will mostly contain writings that don't really have to do with Lovie. I know there's lots of stuff here on Finally Mom that doesn't really pertain to her, but now maybe I can feel more open to my non-Lovie-related writing.

Only time will tell.

Anyway, I submitted a post to the fine folks at Yeah Write via the new blog. It's a little ditty that kind of might explain my disdain for beer.

June 25, 2013

teacher thank you gift

On Friday, one of the teachers at Lovie's school told me that her last day would be Wednesday (tomorrow). I looked at her and nearly cried. She looked at me and told me, "This is going to be so hard and I'm going to be such a mess on Wednesday."

: (

Miss Alice has been there since we started when Lovie was 9 weeks old. She's loved on Lovie from the get-go because she reminded her a lot of her baby boy, who happens to be a mere one week older than Lovie. But more than that, Miss Alice has been an amazing constant in Lovie's life at this school. She always has the biggest smile on her face, she always greets the kids with such warmth and love. And Lovie's always adored her.

I needed to let Miss Alice know how much we appreciate her and how much we're going to miss her so I searched Pinterest, of course, and found some cute stuff. Lots of cute stuff. And then I came up with this:

I stupidly neglected to get a gift bag to put the S'MORES in, so I had to reuse a shoe bag. Oh well.
I wanted Lovie to be involved with this as much as possible (she made the S'more suggestion too!) so I had her make a card, which is tucked inside the gift bag:
While the world definitely could use S'MORE teachers like Miss Alice, I decided to change the wording just a bit... as well as have Lovie recite the directions to make S'mores (thank you Angie for the brilliant idea!) and answer some questions about Miss Alice (much like I did for Father's Day):
My intention is to say thank you but wow is this kind of sad. I mean, do you see that last bit of detail from my interview with Lovie when she told me she'd "be's sad when Miss Alice leaving"? I hope we don't make her cry, but I also hope she understands what kind of impact she's had on Lovie the past 3.5 years.

While tomorrow is her last day, I had Lovie bring it to school to give it to her today. And that's when I learned another favorite teacher is leaving end of July!

No fun!

June 21, 2013

third time's the (not so) charm(ing)

Emptiness hinders hope.
Suffocates it.
Whiskey alone won’t release her.
with thick scars mutating her wrist,
she reaches for the bottle of pills,
slams them into her mouth.
she’d be free.

TILTW: 6.15-6.21


Near 80-year-old people who aren't computer literate, should NOT have a Facebook account. I could strangle the cousin who signed my father up for a Facebook account. Not because he has access to my personal life or anything, but because he just doesn't comprehend that every fucking update or photo posted by one of his "friends" is not directed at him personally. Holy mother of all there is I just don't know how to explain this to him. I wouldn't really be bothered by this accept for the fact that I am the person he calls to complain/whine/interrogate.


I absolutely love my mornings with Lovie. I can remember a time not so long ago when I felt that every morning was a shitshow, that she was always such a pill because I had to wake her and who wants to be woken up when it's still dark out? But then I read somewhere that it's good for kids to wake up slowly. It's good to hold them and softly talk with them... or just hold them and rub their back. Basically just give them some intimate one on one time for just a few minutes before getting dressed and starting the mad rush of the day. I remember thinking that I didn't have time for this, that waking at 4:45 in the morning was the absolute earliest I could do. And I still get up then, but I also still cuddle with Lovie every single morning. I scoop her into my arms and we sit on the cheap IKEA Poang chair in her room and she burrows into me like she did when she was a newborn. Only now, of course, it's like holding onto 20 of newborn Lovie's. I rub her back and we talk. The cats come in and we laugh at them when they fight. We talk about whatever and then we try to "beat the clock" and get dressed as quickly as we can before heading into bed with Daddy to watch a few minutes of TV while I get dressed-- minutes before heading out the door. As long as we have those few minutes every morning, getting out the door is a breeze. And I just love that one on one time...When she looks me right in the eye with no TV, no Daddy, no toys. It's good for both of us to get moving in the morning.


I really really really really like the McDonald's egg white delight breakfast.


I booked a flight out to visit my cousin (whom I threw the virtual baby shower for) and her 9-day (today) old baby girl. I haven't been this excited about holding a baby since Lovie was born. I've always liked babies, but I never was too keen on holding them for too long before. Sure there's some nom-licious looking babies out there, but for the first time since Lovie was born, all I can do is think of holding and nomming on this baby girl. And I'll be able to do so in just two weeks.

June 20, 2013

sibling rivalry

My favorite hiding place was under the front porch of the bungalow on 60th Court where I was brought to live after being born. It’s been nearly 30 years, 15 moves since living there and I still remember the address, phone number, yellow rotary dial phone stuck to the yellow and black tiled wall in the hallway between the kitchen and dining room, opposite the one and only bathroom in the 3-bedroom home.

And, of course, I remember my secret hiding place under the front porch.

It was my own private little space, my own little club—a club for sad little girls whose parents were divorcing, whose brother and sister (especially) hated her, whose life was crumbling down—that I didn’t really discover until only a couple years before moving. Until it started calling out to me as I walked aimlessly around outside just to get away from the people inside.

It was dark and musty under there. And empty and lonely.  

It was the perfect place for me to hide out and stash my secret box, which included pen and paper, pictures, a lighter.

One of the pictures was that of my whole family with my sister’s face scratched out.

She hated me—my sister. So I scratched her face off in the photo. At least I didn’t burn it with the lighter, right?

No, my mom did that.

She burned the photo and doused it out with water from the kitchen sink when my sister found the damn picture in MY space, MY box, MY club.

We never really did get along. Not before then, certainly not after. It was like she was in this elusive club that she wouldn’t allow me part of or something.

And people wonder why I’m “one and done.”

June 19, 2013

so many photos, so little time

Late last week I read an article about printing out photos for your children's children. It was a great reminder that just because I may currently have a gazillion more photos of my Lovie than my parents had of all three of their kids combined, doesn't mean that Lovie will get to any of them if I don't get them printed.

I have an ABC book printed with images from Lovie’s first 15 months, as well as another book printed documenting her first year, but that’s it. Every other photo since then sits in my computer. Sure it's all labeled by year and month. Sure looking through the photos in order details her life pretty awesomely well. But. What happens if my computer crashes?

I have nothing other than her first year and a half in print (and a couple of canvases up on the wall).

This needs to change. Soon.


For Father's Day I took Taye and my dad out to eat to this Italian joint way out in the burbs. I called up my nephew Jordan to see if he wanted to join us since the restaurant was near where he lived (and since he doesn’t really “do” Father’s Day since he and his dad/my brother haven’t had a relationship since about 2005).

All of us met in the parking lot of the restaurant and when I saw Jordan, a smile immediately erupted on both of our faces. Man, I love that kid.

"I got something for you," I told him getting out of my car while he approached, arms stretched out.

"Yeah?" he asked, sucking on a lip ring. "The time capsule?"

"Dammit, no, I'm sorry. I couldn't find it yet but I do have something probably even better."

I opened the hatch to my car and found a big, brown photo album and pulled it out and handed it to him before sifting through other crap to find a second photo album, smaller and gray.

"You gotta promise me something first," I told him. "These are yours. This is your life so these are yours to do with what you want, but please, please don't destroy anything."

Jordan's eye brow rose as he chewed on both of his black lip rings.

I opened the brown album he held and pointed to the green Sharpie writing: May 1992 - 1998. Opposite the writing were three photographs tucked behind clear plastic. All three photos were of Jordan as a newborn.

"Holy shit," he said.

"Yeah," I answered. "This one," I said, opening the gray album I held and pointing to the green Sharpie writing on the inside cover "is from ninety-eight to two thousand."

He looked at me a bit stunned before looking at his girlfriend who smiled at him.

"I've been holding on to them for a while and since I couldn't find the time capsule, I thought I'd give them to you now. But, there's pictures of him in there...”

“I haven't touched these in years so there's pictures of everyone,” I quickly added.

He stood there for a moment flipping through some pages. Pages with photos of him as a baby, a toddler; photos of him with his young, smiling-yet-tired looking parents; photos of people who are no longer alive; photos of some really great times, no matter how ordinary they were then.

“Thank you,” he said giving me a hug. “I didn’t think anything like this existed for me.”

I smiled, “You’re just lucky you were born before I got a digital camera.”


June 18, 2013

cutest sponge

This little girl is something else.

Every day she amazes me. Every day is such a gift. Every day I tell her Daddy that we are so blessed to have her. Every day her Daddy and I smile at her and each other.

It's not all rainbows and puppy dogs but, it kind of is. I mean, she has her moments when she flips out over the most odd things... Just this morning she held a nickel in the back seat of the car and it fell. She started whining. I told her I'd get her another, it wasn't a big deal. I give her one and she starts screaming in hysterics: I DON'T WANT ONE COIN! I DON'T WANT ONE!!! "Would you like a couple more coins?" I calmly asked remembering that just yesterday she was enamored over holding three nickels. YES! I hand a couple over, and all was good in the world again.

But then there are other times when she's just ... she just kind of blows me away.

She's a sponge this one. She loves learning and is constantly asking what things are that she sees for the first time or hears about for the first time. We've never really hit a "Why" stage with her, though. She seems pretty content with our answers most of the time. And she absorbs it all and it sticks like glue in that head of hers.

Currently she can spell her first name, Dad, Mama, Stop (that was the first one thanks to the stop signs), Cat. She knows her birthday is December 29. And as of just yesterday, she now knows her address! She's known for a while that we live in Chicago but now she knows the damn street number and name too! (I'd like to teach her our phone number but am unsure which to teach her: my cell, Taye's cell, home/land line??)

She's a sponge!

I mean yeah it's all from memorizing it, but still. Sweet, right?! And if you ask her how she knows all that she'll tell you, "Cuz I'm smart."

Heh, that's my girl.

My girly girl who screams, cries, and runs away at the sight of bugs... but who's also enamored with all things Poop lately.

June 14, 2013

Summer: it's just not for me

Sweaty boobs smooshed together. 
Air condition on full blast.
Mama’s cranky. 
Lovie’s energy’s infinite.
"It’s closed."
“I have to pee first.”

It's been a while (again), but I couldn't resist participating in this one from Trifecta.

TILTW: 6.8-6.14


I suck at being sick and not being able to breathe and not being able to control my cough.

Lovie and I now use the same hair product in our hair: Kinky-Curly Curling Custard. Stuff is awesome. Too bad it's not cheaper.

Did I mention I hate having summer colds?

Still looking for Father's Day gift ideas? Check out THIS easy, memorable one.

June 10, 2013

Father's Day gift idea!

tell me this isn't adorable. i dare you!

i can't wait to get this printed and put into a frame. this was not hard to do at all and was totally free. simply create a collage on picmonkey.com. don't upload anything but make the color all the same (i made it all gray).  save. then start editing a new photo and upload what you saved (the gray collage), then upload YOUR OWN overlay (the pic you want) and fade it a bit. save. then enter whatever text you want (i like the different size text) after interviewing your child.  boom.

June 7, 2013

TILTW: 6.1-6.7.13

june 1 to june 7, twenty-thirteen

No matter how hard I try (which, I admit, isn't too hard), I just don't understand people who don't enjoy a good steak every now and again.

Double rainbow!

Playing in the sand beside your near 3.5 year old at the beach kicks ass even if it is barely 50 degrees and wind tries knocking you over.

Playing in the sand when it's sunny out and a 20 degrees warmer is even more fun. (Thank you for no 90 degrees!)

Watching your child take to something with such glee is beyond awesome. Lovie is a big big fan of swimming (whilst being inside a small inner tube).

Vacationing with a near 3.5 year old is so SO much fun! Looks like next time we have to extend our stay or maybe go again in the fall.

Take Lovie to the bathroom before you go anywhere no matter what. Don't ask, just take her... or she may end up pissing herself and the sand she's standing on before you get to the water's edge. Or something.

This portable potty thing is absolutely invaluable. (But you still need to sit your kid on the toilet before going anywhere or after a long drive.)

I still don't care for kid tattoos.