October 18, 2013

very random and emotional

I sit at my desk at work and look at pictures of Lovie-- from her birth announcement to a black and white printout of a shot from the other week's tea party.

I can't help but see how most of the photos are from photo cards with Lovie plastered on them: Easter/Spring, Christmas, Mother's Day, New Year's, Valentine's Day. And then it dawns on me that I haven't done a photo card in quite some time.

It's mid-October. I believe the last photo card I sent was last Christmas.

It's a symbol of the year I've had, I think.

Oma's passing in late March occupied so much of me-- both physically and emotionally, of course. It's been some time since I've last reflected on her (here on the blog). I've shed so many tears, felt so much heartbreak and poured it all out here.

Right now I'm crying... the tears flow once again.

I miss my Oma.

She loved getting the photo cards of Lovie. Any time I would visit her (and my mom), I would see the latest card displayed and I'd always find the others tucked in other places around the house as well.

My Oma and My Lovie: the two most important females in my life.

Wow, I'm incredibly sad right now. I'm not sure why to be honest, but the tears are making it quite difficult to compose this post. The tears and the shaking from trying to hold back the tears.

It's been a while... a long while since I've last reflected on Oma. I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. Just odd that it's happening on such a random fall day.

I guess that's life though, huh?


  1. My Mom is gone 2 years late December and I still often have to cry, too.
    We used to talk each Wednesday and at times I find it very hard to understand we won´t ever again do this.
    My Dad is gone 11 1/2 years on my Birthday and it still hurts sometimes, too.
    The good thing is, I think... as long as we still cry for them, they´re not really dead, at least not fogotten... It´s Ok to be sad and cry. Hugs...

  2. THis is always how it happens. The weirdest thing will set it off - something you never imagined would affect you. I was watching Orange is the New Black the other day, and in the Christmas episode, someone sings Amazing Grace. I'm not religious, you know, but that song was sang at my mom's funeral. I cried my eyes out.

    Hang in there sister. Grief changes you.


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