Confession

I have THE cutest baby ever.

I'd prove it by posting a recent picture of her but I don't wanna. This blog is Public and I just don't wanna expose the perfection that she is because of the many whackos that exist out there.

But trust me on this one. She's THE cutest, THE most perfect baby EVER.

And I get to see her in one our and fifteen minutes!! I cannot wait!

annnnnd now...

The cramps have become more severe and now flows the blood.

What a month! :(

• Get my first post-partum period - only two months after giving birth!
• Start bringing Lovie to daycare while I start back to work.
• Lovie gets her first stuffy nose.
• I get the cold from hell with horrendous coughing fits that last more than a week long - am put on antibiotics as a result.
• Get diarrhea as a result of the antibiotics.
• Get a hemorrhoid flare-up as a result of all the shitting (OUCH!).
• My cooch starts itching for like a week as a result of the antibiotics.
• And now I have my period. Again.

Fuck.
this.
month.

3 months

Happy 3 months, Lovie!!

Even though I'm sitting here at work doing everything possible to Not fall asleep and you're at daycare probably napping - or eating, or pooping, or playing, or swinging - I'd much rather be with you at home celebrating like we did the last two months... with a photo shoot! We had a fun weekend though and I guess that's what matters - that when we do spend time together, it's fabulous. And it was. Even though we didn't do anything, really. Other than hang. And I soooo love hanging with you. 24/7 if I could!!
________________________________________
Last night was rough. Not because of anything baby related. Well, not really but kind of: I have the yeast infection from hell...which was the dessert to the cold from hell two weeks ago! By god, I can't catch a break - and oddly enough, it's all only since going back to work!! Go figure!

Yeah so last night was very rough. I've basically been awake since 1AM because I just couldn't stop scratching my crotch. Oy. It hurts. And it itches. What a friggin conundrum, eh?! Argh. I finally went to the doc a bit ago and got a prescription by way of one little pill (had a bad experience with Monistat a couple years ago that made it seem like the sun was in my up my who-ha- Modern Family anyone??). Somethings gotta give.

2 hours and 15 minutes, Lovie...

For the love of...

I can't take much more of this.

I was really sick last week with a ridiculous cough that left my entire body aching every day. As a result I went to the doctor and started taking antibiotics.

Well... what happens when you take antibiotics? Hmmm? Not sure about you, but I generally get diarrhea when I take antibiotics. And if that's not fun enough, I also tend to get fucking yeast infections.

So not only does my butthole hurt from constantly shitting, but I could just sit here scratching my crotch all fucking day long.


DEAR GOD WHY WON'T THIS SHIT WORK ALREADY?!!

Bitter Bitch

I'm really hating the moms I know who get to stay at home with their babies everyday.

One hour and fifteen minutes Lovie...

Ridiculous

So far today, I've had *only* six coughing fits at work and two before coming to work.

Sorry but that's fucking ridiculous. Enough already. My body is so incredibly sore from these coughing fits. I feel like I'm going to be asked to leave work soon.. and am actually surprised it hasn't happened.

The inhaler I was prescribed isn't really happening either. It says to take two "hits" every six hours as needed but after an hour or two I'm left with these coughing fits. Ridiculous!

Something else that's ridiculous is the fact that the cute, comfy, blue gray shirt I have on today ... matches my hair!

Are you kidding me?!

Well, well, well. Guess who feels as if she got hit by a big ol Semi? That would be me. Since last Friday, I've gone through FIVE boxes of tissues and and I don't know how many rolls of toilet paper. Honestly, if I could've I would've worn the damn tissue on my head if I could've.

It's been hell, to be honest. I don't recall the last time I was *this* sick. I mean, fuck. The coughing fits are incredible. It probably wouldn't bother me so much if I was actually coughing something up but there's nothing. Just a dry hacking that leaves me gasping for air and/or on the verge of vomiting. And oh.dear.god. how sore my mid-section is from all this motherfucking coughing.

And so help me if my baby girl gets this!! I know I got it from that fucking daycare. And when I dropped off Lovie yesterday before going to the doctor, they pretty much confirmed I got it from them because when I described what was happening, how I was feeling, the head teacher (who I really do like) said she had the same thing that lasted for about a month and finally ended the week prior... Yeah, um, Lovie started daycare that week prior.

Well fuck. Whatever. What can you do? It'll be good for her to build up her immune system. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatthefuckever. I mean, Lovie's two and half months old. 11 weeks old. She's still so little goddamnit! Is it wrong of me to try to guard her from the sicknesses this world has? Is it wrong of me to get upset that after two fucking days in daycare she had a hard time breathing through her nose and my throat was hurting... which turned into the cold from hell?!

Argh.

Anyway... maybe this is why I was feeling SO incredibly tired last week? So maybe this working mom thing might eventually be OK? Yeah, not likely.

At least Lovie's dad and I were the first to hear her first giggle!

Hot damn was that an awesome moment. One that will be forever tattooed in my memory bank, I promise (and if not, it's in her blog). I know she's going to have firsts with Them (daycare) but, like a working mom friend of mine told me, it'll still be a first when we witness it (because it'll be the first time we witness it you see?).

How tired?

Last night I fell asleep on the couch.

(heh, I love this picture. thank you google images)

This was after Lovie had her bottle and was taking a snooze in her swing - and before dinner arrived.

That's how tired I've been.

How tired?

So tired that I fell asleep on the couch waiting for dinner to come. I have so little energy that I not only don't cook these days but I also nap between Lovie's naps and dinner time.

I'm a sad Momma. (And by sad I mean pathetic)

I hope I can get used to all of this soon... though I reckon missing her whilst I'm at work will be one of those things I never get used to.

Money

One look into my checking account - and I "get" why I'm sitting here back at work as opposed to at home with Lovie. I is poor. Really. My account hasn't been this depleted since it was opened...and that was when I was like 20 or something! Scaaar-y!

It still doesn't make things any better or any easier. I miss my Lovie so much. So today instead of reading pathetic ramblings by ungrateful new moms, I actually worked a bit. May as well since I'm getting paid to sit here, right?

One more hour, Lovie. Momma's gonna see you in one more hour. Maybe you can be nice and awake like you were yesterday? And give me lots of smiles again?? I'm so excited to be seeing you again!!

What's the rush?

I need to stay off the baby message boards. I really, really do. And when I was home with Lovie, I very rarely entered that world... but now that I'm back at work, I'm sucked back in again. Gross.

The thing that's getting on my last nerve these days are the complaints. I just don't get it...and yet I kind of do because it just proves to me that many people just think they want a baby want a baby want a baby and don't really think much past the wanting. Like WHY they want a baby. Or, what happens AFTER the baby?!

Think people. Think!

Today on one of the boards I stupidly frequent, someone asked if she was the only one that was bored with the 0-3 month stage and if she was the only one wanting to fast forward a bit to when the baby gets more active.

This wasn't the first time I'd seen this type of message posted either. And no matter how many women chime in their reasons for feeling the same, I just don't get it. They grow SO incredibly fast. My babe, for example, is 10 weeks old already. The next thing I know, she'll be 10 Years old! Why not enjoy today while it's here?!

So I responded:

No, I get the feeling that a lot of girls on this board feel the same as
you... which I, for one, don't understand. Sure I love that my LO is getting
more and more of a personality and doing more, but I just love every single
moment with her so much - and for me, it's just flying by. I will never
wish that time go faster than it already is.

To which the original poster responded that she didn't see things that way and that I make a good point.

Um, Okay. I'm so glad that I, a complete stranger, could change your mind so easily about wanting to enjoy the moment today.

UGH. Like I said: I really need to stay off the damn baby message boards.

Tired

I'm fucking tired today. Exhausted.

I hate being back to work. It probably wouldn't be so bad if I was impacting lives or, I dunno, busy. You'd think after two months off, I'd be busy. But noo. Not me. And I know I shouldn't complain. I know I'm "lucky" to have a job. This job. And it's not horrible or anything like that. I like the company for the most part. I like the building and my environment (except for the shrilly voiced, annoying as fuck woman that sits next to me). I like that I can face my computer in such a way that nosey passersby can't see what's on my screen. I like that I can accrue my vacation and sick time if I want.

But I don't like that I'm here and my baby is in daycare. I don't like that at all. I've waited so long to be a mom, to be blessed with the most amazing gift ever imaginable. And after only two months with her... just as she started to really become this little person with a smile and a giggle and a personality... I have to ship her off to someone else while I sit here blogging.

WTF?!

Whatever. It is what it is. I need to buck up and get a hold of myself and accept it already.

But that doesn't mean I have to stop complaining does it?

I need another cup of coffee right now.

I don't really have the energy at this time to complain anymore anyway... not after wasting the morning so far on creating yet another blog (you know, to add to the recipe blog, the pregnancy blog, the miscarriage blog, the 2nd pregnancy blog, the baby blog) with another free template.

Coffee. That's my mission right now. Find some and drink some. Now.