We read the different techniques and decided that we weren’t really interested in “training” our baby to do anything (and, to be frank, neither one of us were keen on letting our sweet little baby cry for any amount of time without trying to find out why she was crying) and thereby we weren’t, at the time, going to be buying any sleep training books. But we also made the very conscious decision before the baby arrived (because how conscious are newbie parents with a 1 week old baby?!?) that we wanted baby to sleep in her crib in her room as soon as possible. And by the time she was 2 weeks old, that’s exactly what happened- she was sleeping in her crib in her room. (At the time, we had a small, 2 bedroom apartment that enabled us to get to any room immediately.)
After baby arrived, we decided that swaddling was a good thing so we swaddled her for her naps and for bedtime. During the day, I kept everything bright- the shades were open at all times, and if needed, the lights were on. It was important to us that she learn the difference between night and day because I had to return back to work after only 8 weeks off. I also had the television on at a normal level and just tried to keep things as normal and loud as possible during the day, while nighttime was dark and quiet. I do think this helped transitioning her to sleep for longer periods at night (you know, 4 hours instead of 2- early on). Plus naps were often spent in her swing.
Once we established that she would be sleeping in her crib in her room and that we would swaddle before bed, a bedtime routine came in to play pretty naturally and immediately (and today, at nearly 14 months old, we still follow the same routine except she is no longer swaddled and we now read books before I sing to her): Baby would be fed, diaper would get changed, she would be swaddled, we’d smother in hugs and kisses, I would sing a song I made up to the tune of a Christmas song, white noise would be turned on, we would say good night and smother in more kisses before laying her down in the crib like a burrito with a binky. Then my husband or I would play her Seahorse (another gift I give for baby showers) and lay it down next to her.
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| roughly 3 months old |
In the very early days of bedtime, she would oftentimes cry after a minute or two of being laid down. Sometimes she would be crying until we laid her down. Regardless, we always made sure that one of us was always right there by her side (wasn’t too difficult to do as her bedroom also doubled as our office at the time so there was chairs in there for us big people) because we realized that she was a baby and all of this stuff was still so brand new to her.
If she cried, we would gently shush her and give her binky back which, inevitably, would fly out of her mouth upon crying and screaming. We always talked super calmly and gently, keeping things at a whisper level. It was bedtime, after all, and at bedtime people are generally quiet so it was important that we both behaved the same way. Sometimes baby would fall asleep and start crying 20 minutes later, sometimes an hour later, occasionally 3 hours later. If it was early on in the night, we’d soothe and try calming her down which sometimes involved sitting beside the crib with a hand on her belly. Sometimes we even held her for a bit if she really seemed inconsolable. Basically, we did everything possible to let her know we were right there, always, and that it was OK to sleep.
If it was hours after her initial lay down, we figured something needed a change- a diaper, a feeding, etc. We would pick her up and change her diaper and I would feed her, being careful to keep things as dark and quiet as possible. After she was fed, she would get swaddled and be laid down again. In the early days, she would cry a lot and we would have to sometimes stay with her for a good hour before she fell back to sleep. Sometimes after I fed her, I would just let her lay on me for a bit before I laid her back down. Always swaddled, always in a dark room, always whispering, always with the noise machine left on (the entire night), always playing her Seahorse.
By the time she was 6 weeks old, things went pretty smoothly. We would lay her down and she would go to sleep. Sometimes we’d have to give her binky again (and again), sometimes we’d have to turn on the Seahorse again (and again), but as long as we knew she was JUST recently fed and changed, we stopped picking her up. We still had to sit with her at times with a hand under her head or on her belly, but we both stopped holding her. This was very difficult because who doesn’t want to snuggle with their little lovebug? But, I would be returning to work in a couple weeks and she needed to learn to go to sleep without us picking her up.
By the time she was 8 weeks old, we were able to lay her down for the night and only give a binky once or twice and start the Seahorse once or twice before she would fall asleep for 4-6 hours. She would wake, I would feed and change her, re-swaddle and put her back down and she’d pretty much go right back to sleep until morning. (Some night she would wake for two feedings but after about 3 months old, it was generally only once a night. Generally.)
At about 5 months, we ditched the swaddle. This was scary for us, but we did it because she was rolling from front to back and back to front again. Oddly, there wasn’t much of an issue when we got rid of the swaddle! In fact, it allowed for an even easier bedtime because we weren’t having to give a binky if it popped out of her mouth because she was able to get it herself. So by 5 months, we would lay her down for the night and only have to go back in if she woke in the middle of the night. We would try to soothe back to sleep but she generally wouldn’t go back to sleep without a middle of the night feeding. And once that feeding was over, she would immediately go back to sleep till morning.
At 11 months old, we decided we had to stop the middle of the night feedings. She was eating and drinking more than enough during the day to get her through the night; we were pretty certain she was waking out of habit. So we decided to break the habit. This was hard. Very hard. Because this involved lots of screaming and crying. But we both agreed it was for the best and we both agreed how it would be handled: when and if she woke, we would tend to her and give her a binky, say good night, lay her down, and leave the room and leave her be for 5 minutes. If she continued crying (which she did on night 1, 2, 3), we would go in after the 5 minutes, give her a binky, say good night, lay her down, leave the room. If she continued crying (which she did on night 1, 2), we would go back in after 10 minutes, give her a binky, lay her down (saying nothing), leave the room. If she continued crying (which she did day 1), repeat last step going in after 15 minutes.
We did this for three long days and nights and ever since then, she sleeps thru the night. We keep 3 or 4 pacifiers in her crib at all times so she can find one in the middle of the night if needed. (Not sure when we’ll break the pacifier habit as she only has one for bed/naptime and in the car.)
The key to bedtimes is consistency, in my humble opinion. And if you aren’t consistent, if you waver just once, it’s all a game to them and they know they can win the game by crying or screaming enough. And I think this is where the training part of “sleep training” comes into play. At first, we were so against it, but in hindsight, it’s exactly what we ended up doing (without reading any books): we trained her to go to sleep awake and on her own, we trained her to nap in the swing, we trained her to nap in the crib, we trained her to stop waking in the middle of the night to be fed…
