the park at 4

Lovie and I stopped off at a park yesterday after I picked her up from school and conned her into leaving by way of Slurpee's from 7-11 prior to the park stop. The park we stopped at was one closer to home to avoid horrendous traffic. I just have zero patience for the traffic: the waiting, the foot on the brake pedal oh but wait, here we go let's clutch it and gas it ... nope, brake.

Spring has finally sprung around here and it was quite lovely so why not?

As soon as we got out of the car, Lovie ran off to find some friends to play with and quickly darted toward an adorable puppy. She started petting it, after asking its owners if she could, and started following the two older girls who were near the dog as well.

"I'm four!" she proclaimed to them in such a way as if to say "I'm badass and you WANT to play with me, yo."

They both kind of looked at her like, "Give me a freaking break, twerp," but then their eyes found mine. I smiled trying not to be too intimidating but truth is, the whole time I pretended to be on my phone, I watched and thought to myself, "Break her heart, I'll break your face."

Yeah, I hover a bit, I know. But guess what? She's 4 and she's my baby. Actually, I generally don't get too close unless she comes to me or calls for me--or unless I feel like something fishy may be going on. I know she's got to figure it all out on our own-- that some kids suck (let's be honest) and can be mean.

The girls played together for about two minutes before the older one went off to join some other kids. Fortunately "A", the 6-year-old, kept letting Lovie hang with her even though I could tell she wasn't too thrilled about it. Lovie and A hung around for nearly an hour (it seemed) by the swings before they made their way over to the slides. That's when they spotted... BUBBLES.

A mom was blowing bubbles to her 3 year-old boy, "N". Lovie gravitated toward them and started blowing bubbles and chasing them with N. She spent the next hour playing with him and it was super cute watching them interact because they were both having fun and not caring how old the other one was, etc. The mom and I talked the whole time, too-- something that never happens. I usually hover from a distance and avoid much contact with anyone.

I need Lovie to learn to fend for herself, yes, but she's 4 not 14 (oh Christ that scares me even more). She does so good on her own--asks kids if they want to play or if she can play with them, tells them her name and age, communicates about whatever--but she's my baby... and not for much longer!

We were there for over two hours and it was pretty fascinating watching her the whole time. She's growing so fast. And she's become this really really awesome person. I'm just glad others are seeing it too.

a gorgeous Sunday in Fall

There's so many things I love about this photo below:

As you can see, it's not a gorgeous image or anything. There's nothing special about it, really. Not to the average person. But to me, there's so much I love: the colors from the trees, the fact that the sun is getting ready to slumber, the awesome playground structure, and, of course, the people jumping into action.

I took the photo with my cell phone this past Sunday. We had just gotten done eating a late lunch after a little photo shoot by a lake. It was quite chilly out, but beautiful. Gorgeous, really. A gorgeous Sunday in Fall. Lovie asked if we could stop at the park and we obliged. Why not, right?

Turns out we were the only ones there, which was fine by me. Lovie generally only wants to play with other littles when we go to the park these days, but she was quite content with just hanging with us for some reason. Which we ate up. Taye especially.


We've been together for 13 years now-- Taye and me. There have been hot moments and some downright bitter cold moments. The first year after Lovie was born, things were a little rough. I was so damn tired. I still am but it's different now. Life is different. Lovie is different. I'm different. Watching the two loves of my life interact... it just truly warms my entire soul. And that's what I got to do Sunday during our park visit. I got to sit and watch and take photos and laugh. Man, did I laugh. Because these two are like two peas in a pod. Neither of them needs much sleep, both of them are super damn funny and chatty and outgoing. And they both adore one another.


Lovie and Taye are leaping from the sidewalk on the playgrounds' edge, steps from where I was sitting on a bench. They were being superheroes. I had called for help -- my Kitties were in danger because they made their way to the Monster under the bridge (per Lovie) -- and Superdaddy and Superbaby (I can't believe she still lets us call her Baby. We don't tell her she's a baby because she's not, but we do call her Baby instead of her name most of the time and I'm just really surprised she hasn't yet put the kibosh on that. I hope she never does.) were off to rescue them! Over and over again and again. Poor Taye was exhausted, but kept up with Lovie quite well. I was pretty impressed.



These are them. These are the moments I cherish with all my heart. This is life right here. This is living. I never dreamed it could be this damn beautiful. Stunning, really.

parenting and the playground

The heat and humidity has finally subsided a bit around here so we've been stopping at the park pretty much every day after work and school.

Yesterday was absolutely the most perfect day: blue skies; very little humidity; temperature cool enough for pants, warm enough to have to sit in the shade after a bit.

Just perfect.

The park we went to yesterday was one that freaked me out at first time we went because Lovie had no fear, but I sure did. Nowadays, I let her do her thing... but now she's become more hesitant and fearful. The slides she used to flock to and slide down with such glee now cause her to hesitate.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I mean, on one hand I want her to pause to think before she just jumps into things but on the other hand, at just 3.5, do I really want her afraid of so many things? It's bad enough any little (and I do mean little) bug freaks her out, but now she's afraid of sliding?

For now, I've just been trying to encourage her to do her thing but if she's fearful, that's okay too. She can try again another time, I tell her. And that other time is generally when a "friend" she's just met and is playing with does something she was, just moments earlier, afraid of.


Speaking of friends, she played with two little girls yesterday at two separate times. I try to encourage her to talk more to kids, to tell them her name and ask if they want to play, but as of yesterday, she still waits to be approached. She loves playing with other kids and gets so super excited when someone asks if she wants to play, but, for some reason (and I'm praying she's not picking this up from anti-social me), she won't do the approaching.

Anyhow, the second little girl she was playing with before we left the park saddened me. She leached onto Lovie so hard, I thought Lovie might freak a bit. I know I would've. As soon as Lovie agreed to play with her, the girl (the same size as Lovie), took Lovie's hand.

I thought it was cute at first until I realized that it was also very awkward... especially when I saw the apprehension in Lovie. But I pushed my feelings aside and smiled and watched them from afar.

The little girl wouldn't let Lovie out of her sight and grasp. At one point, I thought the little girl had hurt her arm when she slid down a side-by-side slide and Lovie didn't--even though their hands were joined. (A year ago, Lovie loved this slide.)

As I watched them play, I continued to note how the little girl dominated their play time. Lovie was fine and she's got to learn when to say No if she doesn't want to do something with a "friend" so I just sat by and watched, while wondering "Who does this child belong to?" I saw not one person watching her. Did someone just drop this child off and go? Is that why she leached on to Lovie so hard?

I began to feel a bit uneasy. And sad.

After about 20 minutes (we had been there at least an hour at this point), I finally had to tell Lovie that it would be time to go when the alarm on my phone sounded. And when that time came, Lovie said goodbye to her friend and we walked toward the car where I noticed, for the first time, that there was another car next to it (the cars are in plain sight, this car must've just pulled in moments prior to us leaving).

"Daddy! Daddy!!" the little girl whom Lovie was playing with shouted.

A man in his 20s at most, stepped out of the car next to mine and annoyingly said, "What?"

The little girl said something else and the dad seemed even more annoyed as he started walking toward the little girl.

I loaded Lovie into the car and kept my eye on the girl and her dad and a woman (mother? girlfriend? cousin?). He was pushing her on the swings and she was covered in a big smile.

I closed Lovie's door and walked around my car (facing the playground) and sat down, and in that time, the dad was gone... yet the girl still sat on the swings trying to swing and looking in back of her and screaming for her dad to play with her.

Her dad was no longer on the playground; rather, he was in the grass area throwing a football to someone.

He looked at the girl but ignored her.

And with that, I had to pull away and leave.


No, I have no clue what the deal is with that little girl and her dad. Maybe they had just spent hours playing together and he just needed a little break.

But I get the feeling that is not the case.

And I drove away feeling quite sad for that little girl.

And a bit angry at that "dad".

WW: Saturday at the park

the Stick incident

Kids- even toddlers- can be mean. It's unfortunate, but it's life.

Having a baby a toddler who is so smart and incredibly sweet, I want to preserve it all- the kindness, the sweetness, the innocence. I want to bottle it all up into little pills I can empty into my hand and give to her when she needs it. Because. She will need it. We all need it.

We stopped off at the park yesterday and surprisingly, it was pretty empty save for a mom, dad, 4 year old boy, and about 2 year old girl and their baby sibling tucked into an infant carrier. They sat at the entrance to the playground equipment: Mom was working on something in her lap, Dad was helping the Girl with some bubbles, Boy was whining to Mom that he wanted one of them to play with him.

"You have to learn to play by yourself," Mom snapped and Boy went running off toward Lovie and me.

"Can you play?" he asked Lovie, who, in turn, just looked at him smiling. "Do you wanna play with me?" he asked again before turning away from us and quickly zipping away.

Lovie looked at me and smiled and headed toward the big kitty litter box sand box. I took a seat at one of the picnic tables and watched.

A minute later the Boy was back and wanting to play in the sand with Lovie. When Mom caught wind, she barked, "Get out of the sand! I told you not to play in it!" before Dad came over to whisk him away. Lovie just looked at them all like they were from Mars and continued shoveling the sand.

Soon Mom was taking the kids out to the middle of the open grassy area of the park to fly a kite and Lovie tried following.

"I go wit my friends," she told me. 

The family wasn't interested in Lovie and she can't just up and go off anytime she pleases so I got her to start playing back in the playground. A few minutes later the Boy came back asking if we were leaving. After I told him that we weren't, he asked if Lovie wanted to play.

"She does want to play with you but she's not as fast as you are."

"Well how old is she?" he asked. "I'm 4. And I'm going to be 5, then 6, then 7-8-9-10!"

I chuckled and told him that she was 2.

And just like that, the Boy was off running and I tried getting Lovie to follow him but it didn't last long before she lost track of him and found interest in a stick. 

So Lovie was off playing with a stick, minding her own business, while the Boy was off playing by the water fountains when all of a sudden the Girl appeared. I was sitting on a bench watching, but I wasn't very close: The Girl walked right up to Lovie, smacked the stick out of her hand (but never touched Lovie), and yelled, "NO!" along with something else I couldn't make out.

Lovie immediately tucked her chin into her chest and just stood there. Frozen.

The Girl kept glaring at Lovie, even tilting her head to get a more direct, evil, taunting glare.

My heart raced and I, too, froze. Do I swoop in and tell the little brat that there was absolutely no fucking reason to do that? Do I shout from where I am? Do I let Lovie fend for herself?

The Girl didn't actually touch Lovie. I think that's what I was waiting for- a push or something. From the Girl, not Lovie because Lovie just isn't a fighter. At all. 

A year ago, Lovie would've started crying; I have no doubt. And while I wasn't sure what to expect her to do, how she would react, seeing her frozen there like that? Hurt. Bad. And I could feel the tears well in my eyes because my baby was hurting and because I just sat there, allowing it to happen. 

The whole exchange took all of one minute, tops, and soon the Girl took off running back out to both of her kite-flying parents who seemed to forget they had small children in a very open park setting. Lovie just remained frozen. She didn't cry, she didn't get her stick back, she didn't sit down, she didn't look for me. She just stood there. Completely defeated.

Slowly, I made my way over to her and asked if she was OK. She just looked at me and I could see it in her face- the emotional hurt she was feeling.

Lovie's a talker and doesn't have a problem expressing herself normally. But she said nothing about what happened. Nothing. I hate that she just took this "abuse." I don't want her physically pushing back, necessarily, but I do. not. want. her. taking. abuse. from. anyone.

"You're OK, honey," I said. "You want help building a castle?" I asked, placing her bucket nearby.

I wanted to tell her more, but I wasn't sure what else to say: People suck? People are assholes? Not everyone wants to play with you? She's 2. She thinks that everyone is her friend. Yes, some people DO suck. But until I can bottle up her pureness, she doesn't need to come to terms with the reality that people suck just yet.

taken within minutes of Stick incident

So instead, I sat right there by her side as she filled her bucket up with wood chips before running around the playground and making her way to a ladder and slide. And I smiled oh so proudly when she blew past the Girl on the ladder (without pushing or anything) and up the platform then down the slide, all while the Girl tried getting up the ladder.

"How old is she?" the Dad finally asked me.

"She's 2; end of December," I replied keeping my eyes on her feet in case one slipped from the thick metal rung.

"Oh," he said, trying to help his Girl figure out how to climb the ladder on her own.

2.) I thought my child was going to _______, but instead he/she _______.

a weekend listicle

10 things from the Weekend: a Listicle

linking this photo up with The Paper Mama

* Lovie and I stopped off at the park on Friday; we were the only people there. It was cold so I put a pair of baby legwarmers on her arms and hands so her hands wouldn't get so cold (hence the robotic look in the photo).  While she was climbing one of the ladders, she lost her foot and landed- crotch first- onto one of the bars. Oh dear MY crotch was hurting after that. I felt so bad for her but she wanted to keep playing and went ahead and climbed the same ladder again. Rock star kiddo.

* Saturday morning, the hubs took Lovie to gymnastics while I stayed home to clean and wait for the gas company which never showed. After they got back home, Lovie asked to take a nap (seriously) so she took one and shortly after she woke, my mom came over. While she was napping, the hubs told me how it had been one of the best days of his life. "She was so happy!" he said. Turns out they were early to gymnastics so they stopped at the park near the gymnastics place since it was so beautiful out.  When it was time to leave for gymnastics, Lovie asked to stay at the park so they did. And they played and climbed and swung and slided.  "She was just so happy," he said. "She would do something and laugh about it and she was just so happy. It was the greatest day of my life." It was awesome listening to him gush. "That's why we stop off at the park so much," I commented. "Because it really does make her so happy."

* After "Gamma" came, we talked about going back to the park. Friday's cold temperatures turned upward. It was beautiful out. We never made it out, though. Instead we all played Tea Party until a pizza arrived. Then we ate and watched a little TV before putting Lovie to bed and rushing out the door. Gamma was spending the night so the hubs and I went to a movie- Project X. Lovie will never be leaving the house without us.

* Yesterday was incredible. The temperature reached 70, there were no clouds in the sky, the birds were chirping like crazy. An absolute picture perfect day. Lovie, Gamma, and I headed out to the park pretty early. I wanted to bottle the day it was so perfect. When we got home, fresh, homemade waffles were waiting for us- thanks the hubs.

Gamma got Lovie this Tea Set for Easter- this photo is from February when she was playing with it at her cousin's house

* We chatted for a bit, Lovie poured everyone tea. The sun beamed in, the cats stretched in the sun puddles. My mom and I played Words with Friends even though we sat across the table from one another and could've just played Scrabble.

* I made ham and egg cups (so damn easy and good) and potatoes for lunch. We all chowed down despite just having had waffles a couple hours prior.

* Lovie went down for a nap. Gamma left to go home. I took a nap.

* I woke, then Lovie woke and we had some Doritos.

* We thought about going back outside, out to the park. The weather was just so unbelievably perfect. I'm generally not an outdoorsy type of person; I don't mind sitting my fat ass inside. But there was just something about this weekend, about yesterday that made me want to be outside. At one point, I even commented to the hubs how I kind of wished we had a deck or a backyard; I wanted to go out, but I didn't want to walk 6 blocks to the park. So Lovie and I watched Bubble Guppies while Daddy made some sugar cookies.

* I gave Lovie a bath and washed her hair and fell even more in love with the Mixed Chicks hair products we got the other week. Man, does the shampoo smell good. Man, does the conditioner kick ass and make it easier to comb through her hair. Man, does the leave-in conditioner work nicely. And man oh MAN do I LOVE the tangle-tamer spray for the next day. This line of products is sincerely worth every single penny. It's not cheap but a little of each goes a long way and Lovie's hair is just way more manageable.

How was your weekend?

Wordfull Wednesday: Hi

I can't believe I managed to get this shot with no other kids in it; the park was packed yesterday. I guess 70 degree temps in early March in Chicago will do that. ;)

We had another great visit yesterday. Lovie adores playing with kids. "Hi, da kid!" she exclaimed to a girl, about 6, who stopped to tell me how excited she was that Lovie was wearing the same jacket she has. I would really have a dozen kids if I could; I really do adore kids.

That all said, I was disturbed by something I saw. And I still can't shake it. Very early on in our visit, Lovie had gone off near the biggest slide which is near the regular swings (this park has the regular ones on one side and the baby swings totally opposite). As I hurried after her to stop her from getting pummeled by the big swings, I saw a small gang of kids near the exit of the big slide. They were all on the ground. It confused me for a second (why were they all on the ground? was someone hurt? was there a fight?) but I was trying to stop Lovie so I wasn't quite sure what I was seeing.

By the time I got Lovie and turned back toward the slide exit, I saw more clearly three boys, around 4 or 5 maybe, all on top of another child with long hair. The long haired child was taller than them, but he was under them and as I looked more closely and my heart beated a little faster, the 3 boys got up and the long haired one wiped his face clear of mulch and took off running. I couldn't make out what anyone said; it all happened in the matter of 30 seconds.

I think the three boys were trying to beat up the long haired one. But I'm not sure.

And even so, I should've said something. Even if they weren't beating him up, it seemed rather curious as to why they'd be on the ground like that... and the fact is, I really do think they were beating him up. And it really pisses me off that I didn't say anything. And where the hell were the adults in this situation?? I looked around while spotting Lovie up the platform to the big slide and saw only one or two adults sitting a ways away and there were a good 15-20 kids all over the place.

Next time I'm saying something, dammit.

Just be

We stopped off at the park yesterday, again, after work and school. It was sunny out, but cold- never reaching the 40s. Still, I thought why not take advantage of it being dry and sunny out?

The park we stopped at is on the way home; it's actually just off the expressway exit I take most days. It's a bit of a run down park, especially compared to the others we frequent, but I love how big it is. And empty. Especially when it's colder out.

This is about the third time we've stopped at this one. The first time was last year some time and I quickly discovered that it wasn't the best park for Lovie. But that was then and this is now. It's been a year and my kid rocks the playground these days. She's not intimidated by much of anything as far as playground equipment is concerned. And since this park has mulch down and not a lot of teenagers (shakes cane up in the air) around, I'm OK with letting her do own thing.

Nevertheless it was pretty kick ass to be witness to her making her way around yesterday. She climbed the metal (and cooooooold) curvy ladder thing up to a bridge with NO problems; she hesitated the first time a little and I did spot her but after that first climb, it was like she had done it forever. She walked up and down the bouncy bridge and sturdy bridge. She slid down every slide there- the one meant for littles like her (in photo), the medium sized one for kids a bit older, and the largest one meant for "big kids". The only thing I had to do was help her get up to the platform of the "big kid" slide because she doesn't have the upper body strength yet to hoist herself up- and the metal was DAMN cold. (You can see in that photo above that her hands are very red- bad mama!- because of how cold it was.)

When I was a kid (older than Lovie as I don't remember jack from when I was her age), I LOVED going to the park... I mean, what kid doesn't, right? Even so I loved it and think back fondly of my childhood park visits. But none of those memories include my mom. She just didn't really do much with me.

I hope that's different for Lovie. I hope I'm always in a place (free from work, physically capable, etc) to take her to the park if she wants....To see her face light up when she exclaims, "Ready? Goooo!" as she slides down the slides.... To watch her explore and climb and just be.

My goodness do I love watching this child just be.

 

trying not to laugh

Yesterday we stopped off at the park again. It was about 70 out and just gorgeous and the rest of the week and weekend they're calling for rain so why not?

Lovie enjoyed herself once again. She can now climb the little kid's rock climbing piece (not real rock climbing- no clue how to describe it though... I'll snap a pic one of these days) to get up to the slide and she'll spend half an hour climbing it, stopping to "drive da cahde [car], room rooooom [vroom vroom]," before sliding down ["weeee"] and running back to the rock climbing thing after giving me a high five. : )

Some sort of after-school program came to the playground about 20 minutes after we got there and about twenty 10 year olds took over- running everywhere. Screaming. Laughing. Yelling.

I wanted to scoop Lovie up and get out of there but she was still having fun so I just kept a close eye on her to make sure nobody ran her over or stepped on her.

When she finally grew tired of the slide, she made her way over the spinning thing she absolute loves.

this is an older video, but it's the spinning thing

A girl, about 4, was on it. Lovie moved closer toward it.

"Honey you have to wait your turn," I said from a good 5 steps away.

Lovie looked at me like WTF and whined. She moved closer to the girl who was sitting and spinning on the thing with her legs out.

"Honey, you have to move..." Bam, the girl's legs ram right into Lovie who falls over.  "...out of the way," I continued, making my way over to pick up Lovie and assure her she was fine.

Through her tears, I told her that she has to wait her turn and share.

Lovie cried louder. Three seconds later she stopped and started to make her way toward the other slides until a couple big kids zoomed by right in front of her, stopping her dead in her tracks.

Then she turned to look at me and came back toward the spinning thing. The girl was still on it- and I could tell she wasn't planning to budge anytime soon. In fact, I'm pretty sure she wanted to stick out her tongue to Lovie and say, "Na - na!" ;D

Lovie moved closer and closer.

"You have to wait," I said.

"Mine!" Lovie exclaimed and whined at the same time while pointing at it and trying to get on- with the girl still on it!

"We have to wait," I said again, picking her up and moving her out of the way.

Lovie. lost. her. shit.

She let out a loud scream and started wailing, dropping her knees to the ground, throwing her upper body over so that she was in the fetal position. And she cried. And screamed.

And I tried not laughing.

The two teachers- or after-school attendants (not sure what they're called), both looked at Lovie and smiled and looked at me and smiled.

I smiled back and shrugged my shoulder.

I said nothing and did nothing other than tried REALLY HARD not to laugh.

I know that's awful but it was so ridiculous, I couldn't help but want to laugh.

Twenty seconds later (no lie- 20 SECONDS- if that!), Lovie stopped crying and screaming, stood up, and ran to the slides to play. "Weeeeeee," she exclaimed with a huge smile on her face as she slid down the slide.


I love this stage. I know a lot of people have a hard time with the tantrums and I know ... I KNOW ... we have it gooooooood with Lovie (right now), but I really really love this stage.

It's just super entertaining to me.

We stopped off at the park again yesterday. It was like 60 degrees out (holla), cloudy, and it had rained at some point during the day as the slides had some water on them. To me, it was a perfect time to stop at the park- it was all ours.

Lovie immediately started doing her own thing. She's come quite a long way since we first started going to the parks earlier in the year when the weather started to cooperate. Back then, she basically just stood around surveying everything and everyone, and only got in a couple minutes of actual playtime as a result. Now, she just gets right to the playing. No hesitations. It's like a job for her now.

About 10 minutes after we were there, she came over to me (sitting on the bench) and asked to eat a snack. I dug out some goldfish crackers I keep on hand at all times (along with raisins, a fruit pouch, and a granola bar) and she chowed down for a bit. Then a white haired boy showed up with his mom who carried a notebook and pencil.

The boy started playing right away, the mom took a seat on a bench and started writing. Lovie took notice of all this and decided she was done eating and went over to join the boy. I watched on from my seat and smiled.

They weren't close enough for me to hear, but I'm pretty sure they were conversing as I could see them pointing to things. Then they started playing by the big swings and it looked like Lovie wanted to swing (I let her get on the big swing the day before by herself for the first time) so I got up and asked if that's what she wanted.

"No!" she said and motioned for me to leave. (Much like an annoyed 10 year old would do. Oh boy I'm in for it, huh?!?)

I apologized (haha- seriously!) and went back to my seat. Clearly they were fine by themselves. These two little mini's- my little mini at 20 months old and the other a head taller and I'm guessing older than 2.

It was so awesome to see these two strangers playing so fabulously well with one another- and on their own. Sure I was there watching from a bench, sure the other mom was there on the other bench lifting her head up every so often. But they were doing their own thing without either of us hovering or stepping in or calling out to them.

My girl is growing by leaps and bounds every single day. Right before my eyes. And yesterday was just one more example of just how far she's already come.

I'm in awe at who and what this little girl is turning into, too.

so high it touched the sky

Friday after picking up Lovie from school, we headed to the park. But instead of going to the one we normally stop at, we stopped at one very near her school. We've never been there but I knew there was no water shooting out anywhere nearby and enticing Lovie, much like the park we normally stop at which has a little water area right next to the playground. (And Lovie's been loving the water lately- actually will laugh with glee when she sees water shooting out from anything. This is fine and dandy and fun when we're in the tub but when we're stopping at the park on the way home during the workday, I'm not in any kind of shape or mood to take her in to the water area and it's really not fair to either of us that she see this fun water park.)

This new park was huge and spacious and not very busy. I was very much happy with the decision to stop. There was a smaller playground area for the smaller kids like Lovie and then a much larger, more involved playground for the bigger kids like Lovie will be in 10 years.

Well, guess who wanted nothing to do with the Little's playground and eveyrthing to do with the Bigger's playground?

Yeah, not me. I just wanted shade and sight of Lovie... who wanted nothing to do with the Little's area.

This big playground was like nothing I'd ever seen. Every piece of apparatus was attached to the next. It was really pretty freaking rad, truth be told. But NOT for my almost 18 month old.

But she didn't care.

She wanted to play with the big kids so off she went and climbed, looking to me when she needed help.

And because I'm not in a parenting place yet where I'm OK with her doing her thing completely without me very nearby (particularly in a new open setting), I let her climb (unless a Bigger was nearby in which case, I made her wait till they flew/climbed/monkeyed over us) and helped her if needed and the next thing I knew, my normal observer (I think it took her 10 minutes of her standing just outside the car and scoping out the playground before she even attempted to go to either the Little's side or the Bigger's) climbed up one set of stairs and another and another. And then?

Then she was about to dive down a freaking slide that was so high (how high was it?) that my stomach turned when I looked up at it.

If *I* wouldn't slide down it 100 pounds ago, how on earth could I let Lovie slide down it? By herself!

Holy crap, did I freak out.

I mean, this thing had like four twists and turns it was so high- and I couldn't help but envision her flying over one of the edges instead of turning!

"No!" I shouted up at Lovie as I darted up the steps and scooped her up.

Tears. Screaming. Heart pounding so hard...so loud.


Yeah, guess we won't be going back there for a while.

Parkscapades

This past Sunday was the definition of perfection: low 60s, not a cloud in the sky. Not too hot, not too cold. Absolute dreamlike- and on a Sunday, too.

Perfection.

Lovie took a nap in the late morning and after she got up and we ate lunch, we all got dressed and headed on out to the park near our house (about 6 blocks away). We've been to this park several times before but the last time I was there, about a month or so ago, I was with my mom and it was about 8 in the morning and I deemed the park unfriendly to Toddlers. The playground is pretty new and marked with the ages appropriate for playing. There's a small playground for 2-5 year olds, and a larger playground for 5-12 year olds. The smaller one just isn't worth the walk to the park which is why I deemed it unfriendly to Toddlers... well, to MY toddler, at least.

This past Sunday proved me wrong though.

We spent nearly three hours at the playground.

Lovie just did her thing.

And it was really beautiful to watch.

She's grown so much. She's changing every single day. (This all makes me sad and super proud at the same time!)

Normally when we go to the park it's just her and me on our way home from school and work. But Sunday, the H... Dada... came along. And I purposely took a backseat and allowed him to keep a steady eye on her while I sat back with a more relaxed eye. (Neither of our helicopter parents but we're not lax enough to just let her totally go free in a city park with 50 other people running around. Not at 17.5 months old.)

The result was something of pure beauty.

She has never looked that happy on the swings before... or in the park before. She's never been miserable in the park, but she's normally so ... cautious and/or observant when we go that she doesn't seem to really get to enjoy playing.

But Sunday... something happened Sunday. I'm not sure if it happened before Sunday and Sunday was the first time I've seen it; regardless, there was a significant change in Lovie on Sunday. She seemed to be full of so much joy and happiness. She was squealing with such delight and maniacally laughing as she played. And the sounds and images were simply magical to me.

It really was just a perfect Sunday.

Yesterday, Lovie and I stopped at the park we normally stop at on our way home and again, the changes that I saw Sunday carried over into yesterday's visit. She seems more confident in her play. And again, the squeals and laughter... just magical.


Have you noticed any changes in your babies lately?

Perfect Sunday

lesson learned

May 11, 2011: Yesterday after I picked up Lovie from school, we made the mistake in stopping at the park.


No, we didn't run into any Billy's or anything like that. In fact, we had little problem with any of the kids or parents yesterday.

No, yesterday's problem was with the weather.

Specifically... the heat!

My word it was hot out there and when the sun beamed down after taking a break from hiding behind the clouds, we could've baked out there.

Not even Lovie's cute little sun hat could keep either of us out there for too long.

When we arrived, we were completely alone. Shortly after a nice mom and her two kids, a boy around 4 and a girl 19 months (and smaller than Lovie) joined us.

They didn't last long and left before we did.

Then a grandma looking type came with her two, a girl around 3 and a boy around 20 months. The white haired children and their caregiver didn't seem too phased by the sun and happily played on the playground.

Lovie, on the other hand, was going from park bench to park bench and slide to swing saying "Ha!" (hot) as she touched everything. Hehe, I guess she doesn't care for the heat much like her momma.

In fact I was ready to go as soon as the first drop of sweat fell from my forehead about 5 minutes after arriving. Seriously. It was that friggin hot out.

Needless to say, we learned our lesson yesterday. Although it's only the start of Spring, we most definitely will not be stopping at the park anytime it's about 85 (hell, 80s pushing it for me but we'll try it out). No thank you.

Monday a no-go

May 10, 2011: we skipped going to the park yesterday.


Turns out Lovie spent some time outside whilst at daycare so I let the impending possibility of rain sway me into driving straight home instead of stopping like we did every day last week.

Of course when we got home the sun started to come out.

I was going to bring her back down to the front "yard" with some sidewalk chalk after I peed but I needed to do some laundry, clean the kitchen, and she wanted to watch Pop Pop (Wiggles videos) as soon as we walked in the door.

So yesterday after work/school was spent indoors.

Today it's like 80 and humid (blech do I hate the humidity), but with a threat of rain. Hopefully the rain will stay away enough for us to make a stop and see what kind of adventure we can get into today!

Billy

May 6, 2011: Apparently I can pick 'em. Or they just flock to us. Or something.


Today when we stopped at the park, there were a handful of others already playing. Lovie, once again, took her sweet ass time scoping everyone else out before deciding to actually start playing. And when she did start playing, she chose to stand by the steering wheel where another girl, about 4, stood towering over Lovie.

Before Lovie even got both feet on the platform to stand, the girl started whining, "Noo! this is Mine!!"

I bit my tongue but I had a feeling this was going to get interesting.

I think the whining from someone twice her size startled Lovie a bit because she didn't move from her all fours position. She just looked up at this girl who moved the steering wheel with the ugliest sneer on her face. And when Lovie finally tried to stand up, the girl backed up into Lovie so that she basically stood on Lovie.

My blood boiled and my hand clenched on to the railing of the playground as I talked myself out of grabbing the girl by the hair and throwing her to the ground. Lovie looked down and started to cry.

She definitely stepped on her hand. Stupid little fucking bitch.

The girl's father was trying to watch the younger sister and commented something to the older girl, the Billy (bitch+bully), while I tried reaching to get Lovie away from the little twit. I could see this girl was a brat, plain a simple.

(Before I continue I would like to state that yesterday's visit went much smoother and Lovie actually played NICELY with the other kids that were there. Nobody whined, nobody fought over who would climb what. They all got along splendidly so I do have hope that not all kids suck ass at this park.)

Lovie must've sensed the Billy wouldn't budge so she got up and started making her way over to the bridge. Once I saw this I encouraged her on by going to the end of the playground of this bridge and playing peek a boo with Lovie, whose face lit up. While Lovie tried getting over the bridge, Billy decides she wants to go over the bridge and make her way to where I am and sure as shit, as Lovie stops moving to watch Billy huff and puff, Billy step right on Lovie's foot.

Before Lovie could even muster a tear, I snapped, "Do NOT step on her. She's much smaller than you are." I looked Billy dead in the eyes and did not waver my nasty glare. She looked down and continued on her way. I was sincerely ready to kick some ass at that point. The first time she stepped on Lovie, I wasn't 100% sure; this time, the Billy looked right down at Lovie's foot, then looked me dead in the eyes as she stomped on her.

I sincerely couldn't believe what I was seeing.

After Billy went down the rail slide (no clue what the hell it's called but it's a slide made of a shitton of cylindrical tube rails), her little sister came barreling over the bridge and stepped on Lovie in the process as well. She was smaller and was just trying to catch up to her big Billy so I didn't let it get to me as much... but how annoying was dad to say, "Watch out for the little guy in there. Or I mean girl. Sorry."

Douchebag, the girl's wearing pigtails. Sorry she's WAY cuter than your Billys but that's what happens when two fugs meet and fuck and procreate.

When Lovie made her way off the playground, she made her way over to the teeter totter where Billy was standing on one of the seats. Lovie wanted to get on it as she always loves "riding" on it. I couldn't believe she wanted to go near Billy, and while I just wanted to backhand Billy, I helped Lovie on one of the seats while the girl jumped on the opposite end.

Lovie's a fan of the thing so she enjoyed the jumping cuz it brought her up and down. Then Billy's little sister wanted to sit... and the look she gave me!! Wow.

What truly ugly kids. Not only on the outside but already on the inside, too.

How sad and unfortunate.

I'm not sure if they left or what, but Lovie and I finally made our way over to the swings where we befriended (for that visit at least) a girl seemingly in her 20s who was babysitting or nannying a 4 year old boy and a little girl a month older than Lovie. The girls swung while we chatted and the boy played in the sand box.

Not sure what happened with Billy and her clan. Good riddance, though.