Keep breathing

2.) Amy Winehouse died. Another name amidst a growing list of talented celebrities lost to addiction. Your reaction.

Dear Lovie,

I’m writing this to you in the hopes that one day in the future, you can have something to look back onto that will let you see how incredibly wonderful you are and how you are my absolute everything.  I’m not sure how I breathed before you came along, but I can now say with confidence that I’m so incredibly grateful that I’ve continued breathing for as long as I have. And I pray every single day that I get to continue breathing for as long as possible so that I continue to be here right by your side with every new milestone you reach, every adventure you take.

I also pray every single day that you will not end up like Amy Winehouse or the swarm of others who stop breathing early in life.

By the time you read this, the name Amy Winehouse probably won’t mean much (not like Elvis or Jim Morrison or Kurt Cobain do today- years and years after their passing).  See Amy Winehouse passed away several days ago at the very young age of 27. And while lots and lots of people die each and every day, the reason her name is mentioned and newsworthy is because Amy Winehouse was known for some pretty awesome songs and singing, as well as for her incredible submersion into drugs and alcohol. She was so immersed in drugs and alcohol that I’m guessing some people were surprised that she was still alive when they heard of her passing!  I’m not making fun of her death, my sweet girl; I’m just trying to explain to a much older you how drastically bad Amy’s life seemed to just about anyone (I imagine) who ever heard of her.  

When she first became more mainstream popular with her music, a couple years after her first album in 2003, she was noted for her strong voice and edgy tunes. She looked healthy, too. And then, just like that, her appearance changed drastically. She went from being of an average sized girl to a super thin shell of a woman who just looked ill at all times. Very ill. Like a walking skeleton at times.

via google images

It was actually pretty sad to see and some people started wondering when she would die.

And it was all a result of the drugs and alcohol.

She was in too deep.

Maybe she thought she wouldn’t be one of the ones to get sucked in as fiercely as she did. Maybe she started the drugs because of peer pressure. I haven’t a clue what happened but I do know the whole situation, and hearing of her death, was incredibly sad to me.

It doesn’t matter that she was a rock star and was known around the world. That's not what makes the story sad to me. It’s the fact that at 27 years old she died. It’s the fact that she got sucked into a black hole of drugs and alcohol because something inside of her couldn’t fight the demons in her head. It’s the fact that she couldn’t find the strength to Just Say No to the drugs and alcohol in the first place. That’s what is so sad to me.

Parents aren’t supposed to watch their children die.

She was 27 years old. An age that seems old to you now at nearly 19 months old and probably still in 10 years, but sincerely is not old. Not at all. She had her whole life in front of her! I mean, when I was 27, I hadn’t even met your daddy yet!

So I pray today and every day that you, my sweet baby girl, find the peace within to overcome the obstacles that will come your way. (As much as I want to protect you and shield you from some of life’s ugliness, it’s impossible for me to do so.) I pray that you will always believe in the love that your dad and I have for you and pray that it will help carry you through your life. I pray that your life is a very long one full of much peace and happiness.  And I pray you learn to love yourself the way we love you, because that love will give you the strength to be the best you possible and live life to the fullest.

Just keep breathing, sweet baby girl. Keep breathing.

xoxo

17 months

It's crazy to me that in one month, you're gonna be a year and a half. 

It's also crazy to me how fiercely my love grows for you each and every day. There's just nothing in this world that can describe it- of this, I'm certain.

 taken on 5/28, one day before turning 17 months after insisting we Go-De (go outside... duh!)

You can easily be described by a new song I made up yesterday:  

"My name is..." sung by me like Kid Rock, yo. "[Loooooo-oooooo-ooooooooooo-vie!] Talk, talk, jibber jibber, jabber jabber, jibber!"

Repeat singchantrapping over and over again whilst bobbing head and moving arms along with the beat.

Bummed

So this is my third post for the day. How is this even possible? Or, more importantly, WHY?

Ugh. Well my first post is a rant of sorts and my second post was quick and easy and now this one is because I'm bummed. I miss my baby doll!!!

While this isn't a picture from today, right now, it's what she's doing. She napped for a whopping hour again at daycare. So she's been up since 5am with one tiny nap. If I can barely function on that little sleep, how is a 7.5 month supposed to?

So she's napping. Like she did yesterday when we got home. And most likely she'll sleep until closer to midnight whereupon she'll wake to eat something and then go back to sleep again.

I miss my baby so much!!

Ugh. Anyway. Since I started the youtube thing (see my last post), here's the very first video I have of my sweet darling- just a couple days after learning to crawl (the video below is from yesterday):



I know, it just doesn't get much cuter than that! Now do you see why I miss her so much?!??

1st Youtube experience

I really need to wash those floors, eh. Good thing we're moving in a week. ;)

7 months

Dear Lovie,

Seven short months ago, my life, thankfully, was forever changed the moment I heard your first holler out to the world. And the moment I finally got to see what you looked like, my heart filled with so much more love to give to you. I had no doubts I wanted to be your mommy, I had no doubts I would love you the way a child is meant to be loved, but I just never knew how much that love could grow- and on a daily basis! And it’s sincerely all because of you, my sweet girl.

Life with you these past seven months have been so incredibly rich and an absolute dream come true. You’re a healthy, thriving child whose smile and laughter can brighten the darkest of days. You love to sit back and observe absolute everything around you. And once you’ve grown accustomed to some one or some thing, you love to interact and be involved. Your favorite things are: 

• the Seahorse (still)
• stuffed animals (this has been a recent discovery but you get so much delight whenever you play with a stuffed animal: you love squeezing and nomming on them)
• sitting and playing
• nomming on the mesh feeder with frozen fruit
• drinking water from the sippy cup (though you can get easily frustrated when the sprout thing pushes in- particularly if it’s almost nap or bedtime)
• the “dining room” light fixture (you will actually smile at it sometimes)
• Zoe the kitty cat, which I think you’ve actually said (Kitty cat)! I’ve let you pet her a couple times and you get so excited when you see her now though I’m terrified that she’ll be mean to you or scratch you with her deadly claws.
• rolling onto your tummy at bedtime
• sleeping on your tummy
• scooting around the crib
• getting into the crawling position (this is a very recent activity and you’re super close to crawling)
• locking your legs into the standing position whenever we go to put you down or get you into the high chair
• playing with the toys on your high chair
• nomming on books
• playing with your toys in the play pen
• playing with toys out in the open and trying to crawl (until you get frustrated)
• eating fruits
• playing/trying to eat your little ducky in the bathtub
• saying dadadada
• squealing, screeching, screaming in delight
• grabbing and touching ev.er.y.thing
• yanking off my glasses
• being the best, most awesomest, most sweetest, most cutest baby in the world

As tired as I am by the end of every day, I’ve never felt so rejuvenated, so alive in my life.

 

Happy 7 Months, my love!!

 

xoxo

4 months old!

This is taken from my Lovie's blog - a private blog documenting Lovie's life and my love for her, a blog which will be turned into a book and given to Lovie one day.

My dear [Lovie],

Today marks your 4th month here with us and for some reason today’s milestone leaves me quite emotional. Let’s be honest here, I’m generally a pretty emotional person to begin with – especially when it comes to you; but there’s just something about 4 months that’s hitting me kind of hard.

Maybe it’s that you’re officially no longer a Newborn… maybe it’s that you’re really growing into this amazing little person instead of just the cutest baby in the world… maybe it’s that I waited so long to have you and now that you’re here, time just seems to slip through my hands and I just want to cherish every single moment – yet here you are 4 months old already! Whatever the reasons for my emotional ride today, they are fantastic reasons because they all revolve around you, my love.

You’re really becoming such an amazing little person, [Lovie]. Every day we have these little chats and I swear you understand what I’m saying at times, and boy can’t I wait to start really understanding what you’re saying, too…Because you’re definitely saying a lot. And singing, too!

It’s really incredible to be witness of all this amazing growth of yours, to see all the wonderment in your world every single day – and not only to witness it but be such an integral part of it.

Your latest fascination is with your hands (still) and feet. You’ve been using your hands more and more with every passing day and lately you’re getting super close to really learning how to manipulate things with your hands. Often when you’re eating, your hands help hold the bottle. And if they’re not holding the bottle, they’re holding onto my hand (or a finger). The same thing is happening with toys and it couldn’t come at a better time because we’re pretty sure you’ve been teething and it will come in great convenience once you learn that your hands can help bring stuff you grasp to your mouth. I think my favorite thing you’ve been doing with your hands lately, is resting them onto my hand as if to hold my hand – particularly in the middle of the night when I’m saying goodnight or trying to soothe you. That, and when you bring your hands to my face. They are such incredibly sweet and tender moments and ones that really make me realize just how incredibly blessed I am to be YOUR mommy!

Your hands are also grabbing your feet and toes a lot lately, too. When laying on your back, you’re constantly throwing your legs up in the air to grab at and hold onto your feet and toes. It’s so stinkin’ cute! Soon, those feet will be in your mouth, I’m sure of it! And when we’re playing and “I’ve got your feet!” you giggle so much – especially when I pretend to eat your little piggies! :) So much fun we have!!

Another thing that you’re learning to master lately is sitting. Any time we’re playing or I’m reading to you or whatnot, you’re always trying to sit up straight which is why we got the Bumbo chair for you several weeks back. And boy do you like sitting in that… it turns you into a big girl and gives you a whole new perspective on your surroundings.

On the contrary, you also LOVE to stand. Of course we have to hold you up, but boy oh boy does your face light up with the biggest smiles when we hold you up and your feet hit the ground or our lap. “Look at the big girl!” I exclaim and it’s like we won the lottery!

And that’s exactly how I feel about you, my love bug. Like I’ve won the lottery. Life simply couldn’t be any better and it’s all because of you… and some days, I start to believe that you actually get that – how incredibly loved and cherished you are: You’re always looking for me when I’m not holding you and whenever our eyes meet, your face just lights up with a big smile. And my heart just swells and I just can’t help but to think, Yup, I won the lottery; after 37 years, I finally won the lottery and it comes in the shape of a 4 month old named [Lovie].

Happy 4 months, sweetheart.