parenting and the playground

The heat and humidity has finally subsided a bit around here so we've been stopping at the park pretty much every day after work and school.

Yesterday was absolutely the most perfect day: blue skies; very little humidity; temperature cool enough for pants, warm enough to have to sit in the shade after a bit.

Just perfect.

The park we went to yesterday was one that freaked me out at first time we went because Lovie had no fear, but I sure did. Nowadays, I let her do her thing... but now she's become more hesitant and fearful. The slides she used to flock to and slide down with such glee now cause her to hesitate.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I mean, on one hand I want her to pause to think before she just jumps into things but on the other hand, at just 3.5, do I really want her afraid of so many things? It's bad enough any little (and I do mean little) bug freaks her out, but now she's afraid of sliding?

For now, I've just been trying to encourage her to do her thing but if she's fearful, that's okay too. She can try again another time, I tell her. And that other time is generally when a "friend" she's just met and is playing with does something she was, just moments earlier, afraid of.


Speaking of friends, she played with two little girls yesterday at two separate times. I try to encourage her to talk more to kids, to tell them her name and ask if they want to play, but as of yesterday, she still waits to be approached. She loves playing with other kids and gets so super excited when someone asks if she wants to play, but, for some reason (and I'm praying she's not picking this up from anti-social me), she won't do the approaching.

Anyhow, the second little girl she was playing with before we left the park saddened me. She leached onto Lovie so hard, I thought Lovie might freak a bit. I know I would've. As soon as Lovie agreed to play with her, the girl (the same size as Lovie), took Lovie's hand.

I thought it was cute at first until I realized that it was also very awkward... especially when I saw the apprehension in Lovie. But I pushed my feelings aside and smiled and watched them from afar.

The little girl wouldn't let Lovie out of her sight and grasp. At one point, I thought the little girl had hurt her arm when she slid down a side-by-side slide and Lovie didn't--even though their hands were joined. (A year ago, Lovie loved this slide.)

As I watched them play, I continued to note how the little girl dominated their play time. Lovie was fine and she's got to learn when to say No if she doesn't want to do something with a "friend" so I just sat by and watched, while wondering "Who does this child belong to?" I saw not one person watching her. Did someone just drop this child off and go? Is that why she leached on to Lovie so hard?

I began to feel a bit uneasy. And sad.

After about 20 minutes (we had been there at least an hour at this point), I finally had to tell Lovie that it would be time to go when the alarm on my phone sounded. And when that time came, Lovie said goodbye to her friend and we walked toward the car where I noticed, for the first time, that there was another car next to it (the cars are in plain sight, this car must've just pulled in moments prior to us leaving).

"Daddy! Daddy!!" the little girl whom Lovie was playing with shouted.

A man in his 20s at most, stepped out of the car next to mine and annoyingly said, "What?"

The little girl said something else and the dad seemed even more annoyed as he started walking toward the little girl.

I loaded Lovie into the car and kept my eye on the girl and her dad and a woman (mother? girlfriend? cousin?). He was pushing her on the swings and she was covered in a big smile.

I closed Lovie's door and walked around my car (facing the playground) and sat down, and in that time, the dad was gone... yet the girl still sat on the swings trying to swing and looking in back of her and screaming for her dad to play with her.

Her dad was no longer on the playground; rather, he was in the grass area throwing a football to someone.

He looked at the girl but ignored her.

And with that, I had to pull away and leave.


No, I have no clue what the deal is with that little girl and her dad. Maybe they had just spent hours playing together and he just needed a little break.

But I get the feeling that is not the case.

And I drove away feeling quite sad for that little girl.

And a bit angry at that "dad".

trying not to laugh

Yesterday we stopped off at the park again. It was about 70 out and just gorgeous and the rest of the week and weekend they're calling for rain so why not?

Lovie enjoyed herself once again. She can now climb the little kid's rock climbing piece (not real rock climbing- no clue how to describe it though... I'll snap a pic one of these days) to get up to the slide and she'll spend half an hour climbing it, stopping to "drive da cahde [car], room rooooom [vroom vroom]," before sliding down ["weeee"] and running back to the rock climbing thing after giving me a high five. : )

Some sort of after-school program came to the playground about 20 minutes after we got there and about twenty 10 year olds took over- running everywhere. Screaming. Laughing. Yelling.

I wanted to scoop Lovie up and get out of there but she was still having fun so I just kept a close eye on her to make sure nobody ran her over or stepped on her.

When she finally grew tired of the slide, she made her way over the spinning thing she absolute loves.

this is an older video, but it's the spinning thing

A girl, about 4, was on it. Lovie moved closer toward it.

"Honey you have to wait your turn," I said from a good 5 steps away.

Lovie looked at me like WTF and whined. She moved closer to the girl who was sitting and spinning on the thing with her legs out.

"Honey, you have to move..." Bam, the girl's legs ram right into Lovie who falls over.  "...out of the way," I continued, making my way over to pick up Lovie and assure her she was fine.

Through her tears, I told her that she has to wait her turn and share.

Lovie cried louder. Three seconds later she stopped and started to make her way toward the other slides until a couple big kids zoomed by right in front of her, stopping her dead in her tracks.

Then she turned to look at me and came back toward the spinning thing. The girl was still on it- and I could tell she wasn't planning to budge anytime soon. In fact, I'm pretty sure she wanted to stick out her tongue to Lovie and say, "Na - na!" ;D

Lovie moved closer and closer.

"You have to wait," I said.

"Mine!" Lovie exclaimed and whined at the same time while pointing at it and trying to get on- with the girl still on it!

"We have to wait," I said again, picking her up and moving her out of the way.

Lovie. lost. her. shit.

She let out a loud scream and started wailing, dropping her knees to the ground, throwing her upper body over so that she was in the fetal position. And she cried. And screamed.

And I tried not laughing.

The two teachers- or after-school attendants (not sure what they're called), both looked at Lovie and smiled and looked at me and smiled.

I smiled back and shrugged my shoulder.

I said nothing and did nothing other than tried REALLY HARD not to laugh.

I know that's awful but it was so ridiculous, I couldn't help but want to laugh.

Twenty seconds later (no lie- 20 SECONDS- if that!), Lovie stopped crying and screaming, stood up, and ran to the slides to play. "Weeeeeee," she exclaimed with a huge smile on her face as she slid down the slide.


I love this stage. I know a lot of people have a hard time with the tantrums and I know ... I KNOW ... we have it gooooooood with Lovie (right now), but I really really love this stage.

It's just super entertaining to me.

We stopped off at the park again yesterday. It was like 60 degrees out (holla), cloudy, and it had rained at some point during the day as the slides had some water on them. To me, it was a perfect time to stop at the park- it was all ours.

Lovie immediately started doing her own thing. She's come quite a long way since we first started going to the parks earlier in the year when the weather started to cooperate. Back then, she basically just stood around surveying everything and everyone, and only got in a couple minutes of actual playtime as a result. Now, she just gets right to the playing. No hesitations. It's like a job for her now.

About 10 minutes after we were there, she came over to me (sitting on the bench) and asked to eat a snack. I dug out some goldfish crackers I keep on hand at all times (along with raisins, a fruit pouch, and a granola bar) and she chowed down for a bit. Then a white haired boy showed up with his mom who carried a notebook and pencil.

The boy started playing right away, the mom took a seat on a bench and started writing. Lovie took notice of all this and decided she was done eating and went over to join the boy. I watched on from my seat and smiled.

They weren't close enough for me to hear, but I'm pretty sure they were conversing as I could see them pointing to things. Then they started playing by the big swings and it looked like Lovie wanted to swing (I let her get on the big swing the day before by herself for the first time) so I got up and asked if that's what she wanted.

"No!" she said and motioned for me to leave. (Much like an annoyed 10 year old would do. Oh boy I'm in for it, huh?!?)

I apologized (haha- seriously!) and went back to my seat. Clearly they were fine by themselves. These two little mini's- my little mini at 20 months old and the other a head taller and I'm guessing older than 2.

It was so awesome to see these two strangers playing so fabulously well with one another- and on their own. Sure I was there watching from a bench, sure the other mom was there on the other bench lifting her head up every so often. But they were doing their own thing without either of us hovering or stepping in or calling out to them.

My girl is growing by leaps and bounds every single day. Right before my eyes. And yesterday was just one more example of just how far she's already come.

I'm in awe at who and what this little girl is turning into, too.

slide slide slippity slide

just about to the top

It's been a couple months now of stopping off at the park on the way home from work and school. Basically anytime the weather's been above 40 and not rainy, we've stopped. I've lost track of the exact number of times... maybe two dozen?

There was the time a dog pissed the shit out of me- well the owner of the dog, actually. Then there was the realization that my kid was a weirdo. And then there was the time when I wasn't sure if I handled things the right way and wondered if there was such a thing as playground etiquette.

I've learned a lot over the past couple of months in regards to what type of mom I want to be when we go the playground... and what type of kid mine will be. And Lovie? She's learned a lot, too.

She now actually enjoys swinging- though she doesn't care to swing for very long and primarily only wants to swing if others are swinging.

But more than the swing triumph, my girl... well, she's conquered something she's been wanting to do since the first time she was introduced to a slide. She's learned how to climb up the slide using the slide instead of the stairs.

She did it the other day (Wednesday) for the first time and she did so without any coaxing from me. I was actually very proud of her. She slid down the slide, smiled, turned around, and started trying to climb the slide. She flopped down and slid back down several times and each time, she smiled and immediately started trying to climb. Then by her fifth or sixth try, she made it all the way to the top. (The only reason I let her continue trying is because A. this was all natural instinct to her, B. she wasn't harming herself or anyone else, C. there was only one other child in the park and he was more interested in watching her try to climb than going down the slide himself {i asked him!}.) 

So now whenever she goes down the slide with glee...

excuse the pants she's wearing- they're part of her daycare clothes if needed and she needed them yesterday

...she turns right back around and tries climbing it again. The only problem now is that when there are other kids, I have to grab her to allow them to have a turn or she'll monopolize the damn slide like she owns it or something. Which she kinda does at only (not quite yet) 17 months old.

That's my girl. She's badass like that. ; )

(second photo being submitted for the PM's Blue challenge)

Playground etiquette?

We live in the city. A very big city. The third largest city in the US. In this city we live in an apartment. A big, roomy, awesome apartment we absolutely love... but an apartment nonetheless. It's the top floor unit of a 2 flat with a finished basement turned into a 3rd apartment.

That said, the outside of the apartment is pretty nonexistent... Iron fences define many houses and apartment buildings, keeping weirdos away and little ones in as they try to find some freedom; concrete walkways with crumbling rocks from years of abuse mark the way to the door and street and alley; a lonely dandelion next to the little greenery square belonging to the building; vehicles, newspapers, paper cups littering the street.

Such is (life) Spring in the big city.

It's because of our city living that Lovie and I (and sometimes dad when he can) frequent the park and playground as often as we can... and because she's older and more active than she was a year ago, I can't help but wonder if I'm handling things right.

I try not to hover. I try to let her do her own thing and explore her world. I try to let her discover ways to get up the apparatus and down... but I watch closely so she does this in a safe manner. And my girl... she, like many littles, has no fear so instead of letting her climb up the slide on the slide, we're working on climbing up the stairs first. Instead of walking in front of someone swinging, we're working on walking to an empty swing.

It's all a work in progress as we perfect our Playground Etiquette- if there is such a thing.

But are we the only ones? Or once that etiquette is perfected do the parents just go sit on the bench and completely zone out until absolutely necessary?

Friday when we stopped at the park, it was sunny and in the 60s so it was packed with the kiddos small and large.  At one point Lovie was on top of one of the playgrounds that has a tunnel going to another area on one side and a tunnel slide going in another direction. Those were your two options along with a third- a rail staircase.

Lovie was on the platform on her hands and knees. And she was trapped. One big kid was laying on TOP of the tunnel slide screaming down into the slide. Another big kid was perfecting his monkey swing from the rail that was over the slide and tunnel. A third big kid (by big, I mean about 10-12) climbed up the rail staircase and stood on the platform.

I tried to get Lovie out of the madness of the screaming kids, but she just looked up at the crazies. I don't know how they didn't crush her to be honest. I kept reaching in for her but she was out of my grasp and couldn't hear me calling for her over the big kids screaming.

After what seemed like half an hour (but was probably more like 2 minutes), I finally let out a very loud and stern, "OKAY THIS IS GETTING A LITTLE OUT OF HAND."

Finally, as I continue to reach for Lovie, I hear an adult female voice calling out, "You guys need to get down now. That's enough. There are babies in there you have to look out for."

And with that, the big kids vanished.

While it all worked out fine and nobody was hurt, I'm afraid of how I would've reacted had one of them stepped on Lovie's fingers or body or head. Should I have climbed up onto the platform and towered over the big kids as I scooped Lovie away? Should I have just let Lovie fend for herself?

Then yesterday on our way home, we stopped again at the same park (it's a nice park in a nice area on our way home and very conveniently located with off street parking). Only this time there weren't many kids- maybe a total of five. And everything was peachy until one of the kids started being a bully to Lovie and it was on the same piece of playground!

With my assistance, Lovie climbed up the rail staircase to the platform of the two tunnels except that when she got to the top, just before the platform, this white haired boy with his mouth ajar and very sad eyes just stared at her and me. I laughed trying to make it seem like I thought he was being funny when I really knew that he was being a bully and he was doing so for attention (those eyes- I won't forget them... they were sad and almost empty, somehow, at such a young age of 3, I'm guessing). He just sat on the platform with both arms on either side of the platform as to block someone from entering.

Lovie looked at him and he glared back. She made a move to go under one arm and in my head I was applauding her effort but the boy dropped his arm so, again, she was blocked. She looked at him and whined.

"Hold on, honey" I said, not really knowing what to do or say. "You have to wait your turn," I said, hoping the boy would just fucking move already. I mean why does he have to pick on my kid? Why not pick on someone his own size? Oh that's right... because he's a bully. At age fucking 3.

Finally the kid moved and just like that he was gone. Lovie got up into the platform and her face lit up as she was about to slide down the tunnel slide. I ran to the end of it to coax her down and the bully was sitting in it.

Fuck me, kid.

I didn't want Lovie sliding down in to him as he started climbing up the slide via the slide cuz I figured he'd be an asshat to her... so I ran back to the platform and grabbed her jacket to prevent her from sliding.

"Hold on," I said again. "You have to make sure nobody else is in it before you slide." I'm totally OK with telling her this as she does need to learn that she may have to take turns, but at 16 months I know she doesn't get it.

The bully made his way back up to the entrance of the tunnel slide and now he and Lovie were face to face again. He towered over her and, with his mouth open, his sad empty eyes just glared at her again as his hands reached out to either side of the tunnel slide blocking her from entering.

Lovie started let out a little WTF whimper.

"Hang on, darling," I said, trying my best not to get pissed, trying my best to sound like I thought what was happening was funny.  "You have to wait until it's empty."

The bully just glared at her, mouth ajar, as she looked back at him, mouth closed, before she inched toward him and the slide trying to get around him.  He moved his arm down and off the slide and while his hands didn't touch her, he nudged her with his shoulder.

How I didn't flip out, I don't know but I know that I can't always be there to protect her and the fact was that she was OK. And really what could I do to get this fucking kid to stop?

With the nudge, Lovie moved back and whined more and more.

"Hang on," I said again grabbing her jacket.

The bully took his place back on the entrance to the slide just glaring at Lovie and she finally had enough and started to cry.

Fucking jerk of a kid.

Finally the crying brought about the bully's mother who was standing 10 feet behind me talking to her fucking mom friends and she said, "Ian, buddy, what's going on?"

I was biting my tongue at her fucking sickening sweet tone. Bitch you're standing right there and you're gonna tell me you don't know what the fuck this shit of a kid is doing?

"Did you make the girl cry?"

No answer, just empty sad eyes and mouth open stare.

"Are you blocking the slide? I know your brothers do that to you, but you need to go down so the girl can go."

Lovie just looked at the mom studying her and I swear Lovie's face read what my head was thinking, "What the fuck."

The bully kid, mouth still fucking open, looks at his mother with the same empty sad eyes, looks at Lovie, turns around and vanishes in the tube slide. Lovie quickly moves to the slide's entrance and I run to the bottom and, with a huge smile on her face, Lovie slides down face first.

It was the last time she slid down the slide yesterday. She had no more interest in getting on that piece of playground equipment. I'm sure it was just a coincidence and I'm sure she'll experience worse, which is why I'm posting this.

What should I have done? What should I do in the future, if anything? Do you have certain guidelines or something you follow? Or is it all just trusting your gut and crossing bridges when you get to them?

Also, was that mom on a playdate? Is that how those go? You meet up with other mom(s) and the kids run wild while the moms shoot the shit, ignoring the kids?

If so, it's one more reason I'm glad not to feel the need to do Playdates with anyone other than just my Lovie. Blech.

Weirdo

My sweet girl. I love her so stinkin' much. I don't understand how that love can grow every day, but it does. I swear, sometimes I feel like I could just burst with the love I have for this child. My child. My everything. My life.

She's such an awesome little girl but there's one thing that I haven't quite figured out yet... one thing that really leaves me dumbfounded a bit...

When will she like the swings?

I've never known a child not to enjoy swinging. She loves the slide and the teeter totter (or anything like a teeter totter). Heck, she'll even climb up the slide part to slide down again (though I try to get her to climb the stairs part!). But the swing?!  Won't have any part of it (she just whines the whole time while reaching for me)! I've tried getting her to swing with me, getting her to push the swing, etc. Nothing's working- She just clings to me like velcro anytime I try getting her in one.

Weirdo.

My weirdo. : D

Is there something your kid doesn't like to do that most other seem to love??

! Post 300: People suck sometimes.

We went to the park yesterday. Second time in a week.


Sunday (38 degrees) looked like this:

Yesterday (64 degrees) looked like this:

I couldn’t really take a picture of her because my cell phone takes forever to load, she was constantly on the move, and there were SO many people. Gross. I hate people. Yeah I really do. Especially crowds of people. Fortunately most of the people at the park were of the little variety so it wasn’t so bad. The teenagers and bigger variety played soccer or basketball or sat at the picnic tables while the little variety slid the slides (or walked/ran them), swung on the swings, climbed the bars, etc.

As soon as we stepped foot in the park, Lovie was drawn to a big plastic pink ball- the size of her- that two kids, around 6 and 10 were kicking around. She kept pointing to the ball and walking her way over to them/the ball. A very pregnant woman watched and smiled from nearby. I gathered she was their mom. At one point, the ball ended up hitting Lovie. I chuckled while apologizing to the kids for being in their way. They smiled and seemed OK with Lovie’s interest. Phew. I don’t want her to be a burden, but I know not everyone is enamored by her adorableness the way I am.

After a minute I scooped her up so that they could continue kicking their ball around, and made our way over to the swings. Last spring, summer, and fall, we stopped at the park a good dozen times or so. And every time we did, I tried getting Lovie to swing- but she just wasn’t too interested unless I was holding her. I was hoping that maybe she’d be more into swinging this time around, but I was wrong. Like on Sunday, she crinkled her face and wanted no part of the swings.

Do I have the weirdest kid or what? Who doesn’t love to swing?!?


I like to think that I’m not a helicopter parent… but I kinda was yesterday. I felt I needed to because there was just too many people. Normally, like on Sunday, I just kinda follow from a distance in public places (at home she can go wherever). But no matter how my back ached (I really NEED to lose weight) and my eye wandered to an empty bench, I couldn’t leave her be yesterday: she wanted the soccer ball, the huge pink ball, and then she wanted the dog.

“Ki-Ka’,” Lovie exclaimed, pointing to the small dog.

I smiled (everything small and furry is a Kitty Cat- cats, squirrels, dogs, raccoons…) and said, “Doggie, yes, but we can’t go there.”

She started running to the small dog, with her little finger pointing.

I don’t mind running after her when she’s about to get into trouble with a ball, but when there’s a dog and there are signs that say NO DOGS… I started to get pissed. I was super close to telling the dog’s walker to read the sign and leave. The dog’s walker kept the small yippity dog away from others, but still: NO DOGS means NO DOGS for a reason. There are kids everywhere and … I just don’t give a shit if the dog is small and leashed. My kid is attracted to anything that moves that is smaller than her- as most kids are- and your fucking dog needs to leave. But nooo. She just kept pulling at the leash anytime the yippity thing started bouncing up and down trying to get toward the kids. And as Lovie made her way closer and closer to the damn thing, the woman just stood there.

“No,” I said trying to pull at Lovie. “No, we don’t go to doggies.”

Bitch, take your fucking dog and leave already, I wanted to scream.

“Ki-Ka’!”

“Yes, that’s a doggie,” I said trying to gear Lovie away, “’woof! Woof!’ but we can’t play with it. Let's go slide!”

Lovie started to make sounds that would soon escalate into a crying fit if something didn’t change soon. I scooped her up, softly talking about how we should slide or some shit while glaring at the damn dog and its walker. The woman just stood there with her yippity dog boucing around. Lovie wasn’t too pleased about being held and I quickly made my way over to the slides. She slid down and wanted to go back to the fucking dog so I picked her up and asked if she was hungry and quickly gave her a fruit pouch.

All in all by this point we had been there for 20 minutes or so. I was OK with leaving- especially since the dog was still there and I knew once Lovie remembered about the dog, there would be another mad race to get to it and I didn’t think that (almost) 15 months was a good time for a kid to see their parent be interrogated by the police. I’m kidding about the police thing!

I’m overreacting about the dumb dog, right? (it's ok if you're nodding your head, yes)

It just steams me is all. I live in a huge fucking city… the third largest in the United States! And yet this damn woman and her dog had to go and ruin a perfectly fine afternoon because she couldn’t adhere to the sign or respect the people around her. And some wonder why I really dislike people.